Baraka_Guru

A thought popped into my head when reading this article covering Canada's Prime Minister apologizing to the Opposition Leader for misattributing a quotation on the international stage.

As a leader of a nation, an apology is never something issued lightly. There are consequences to not apologizing when you are clearly in the wrong. However, sometimes apologies aren't given even when they are due. Why is that?

Do you think apologizing is a show of weakness? Do you think admitting you were wrong only attracts people to your missteps or bad judgements rather than to you ability to move on and do other things well?

Or do you think apologizing is a show of strength...that it takes courage to admit you're wrong and to take responsibility for it. Making amends with the injured party takes energy and effort. Saying "I'm sorry" is never easy, is it?

What are the drawbacks of not apologizing, as a world leader or anybody for that matter? What are the drawbacks of apologizing?

What's the best way to handle issues where you were wrong about something? Does it matter if people know about it? If they don't know you were wrong, what do you do then?

Share your experiences with giving and receiving apologies. Let us know if you think they are generally the right thing to do or if they have little or no effect at all.

I generally think apologizing is a sign of strength. I think taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to them by first admitting you were wrong takes a lot of courage. Nobody likes to be wrong, and so hiding it is the path of least resistance. It should follow, however, that your future actions should indicate that you have learned and moved on from whatever circumstances surrounded the error. An apology should not be an empty gesture, especially in long-term relationships with family, friends, and other acquaintances.

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Psycho Dad

IMHO it is entirely situational.

If one is wrong and they can apologize as well as admit it, it may very well be a show of strength in character.

If one is right and it is a matter of enough importance yet they still give in and apologize, not only could it be weak, but dangerous.

Yet at times, it really doesn't matter and may be the best to end a situation that has no other good way out.

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Martian

Well, in personal realtionships apologizing can be meaningful as long as it's sincere. When I realize I've made an error I apologize and do my best to correct it, as well as prevent it from happening again in the future.

Politics, as usual, complicates things. An apology is also a de facto admission of culpability. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes the implications involved there make issuing a formal apology unfeasible.

EDIT due to the cross-post:

I'm assuming here that the party issuing the apology is always in the wrong. The idea that Psycho Dad presents, that one might apologize for being right, is... interesting. I don't know that I've ever encountered that.

Note: I also say 'I'm sorry' to Magpie (for example) when I know she's down or not feeling her best, even if I'm clearly not responsible. This is a kind of apology I guess, but is more intended as a show of empathy.

Language is fun, but difficult. So many little intricacies.

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I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
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Baraka_Guru

It's not an apology in this case. This kind of "I'm sorry" is more of an "I'm sorry you feel that way." It means you are sympathizing. It's not that you'd say, "Magpie, I see you're feeling down. Now, I know it's not my fault, but I apologize anyway."

And I don't think one should apologize when they aren't wrong. That could do damage, and it's at the very least insincere.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

DaniGirl

I vote sign of strength, even if it is not your fault, it shows that you can be the bigger person.

Punk.of.Ages

It can go either way, I think. It really depends on the apology offered. Sometimes people make big mistakes and it's hard to admit being wrong. That kind of apology takes strength and integrity to deliver. A lot of times, though, people apologize for things that aren't their fault and/or they're not really sorry for. This annoys me in the best case, and shows weakness and belittles the apology in the worst case.

It takes a big person to admit they're wrong, but it becomes a bit of a mockery if a person apologizes for everything that goes wrong...

EDIT, also a crosspost. I'm a slow typer:

This is the kind of "apology" I was referring to on the low end that annoys the sin out of me. I can't stand when people apologize for things that aren't their fault and they have no control over, but I didn't click the edit button to call you annoying. I've never thought of it as something other than an apology. I've never thought about it as just showing empathy and caring...

This is an interesting concept.

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Halx

If a comedian has to apologize for a joke, it is a sign of weakness.

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squeeeb

politically, i think apologizing comes across as strength of character, it shows responsibility for actions, even though i don't believe the politicians are truly contrite for what they do and it actually comes across as a waste of time.

on an everyday human level, to oversimplify things, if you are wrong and you know it, you should apologize. it's not weak or strong, it's saying "i understand what i did was not right and i regret doing it because of the harm it caused." again, it shows you take responsibility for your actions.

that said, i think it depends on the situation. in some instances, apologizing seems to make it worse, because it re-opens the wound, the other person might take it as some kind of manipulative gesture, the other person might just want to forget it and move on.

that said, in most situations, i think if you are wrong and you don't apologize, it comes across as arrogance and a "you are beneath me" sort of feeling.

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LoganSnake

I can't bring myself to apologize for anything I do in 98% of situations that would normally warrant an apology. I can't do it if I don't sincerely mean it and I more often than not don't. I see it as a weakness.

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ratbastid

An apology all by itself makes no difference, and can be worse than nothing. It's like communicating, "That thing I did? I feel bad about it. So, that makes it all better."

Action to resolve the situation and steps to prevent it happening again is what makes a real difference. And I'm not usually all that excited about people taking blame. Taking responsibility--like, saying they caused it without the drama and bad-feelings that usually accompany "blame"... That, I'm real interested in.

Martian

An interesting point from the bastid.

It took me a long time to grasp the difference between taking blame and taking responsibility.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Meditrina

Before I read all the replies, I want to type my own. I chose other.

I think it depends on the motive behind the apology. If a person is apologizing just because they don't want a confrontation, or because they think that is what the other person wants to hear, but they are not truly sorry for whatever they did (or didn't do) - to me, this shows weakness, they are taking the easy way out of a situation.
Example: Sometimes when arguing with my son, he will not let go of the issue, he keeps talking and talking (usually yelling)... I say "sorry" in hopes to end the argument, not because I was wrong. I always feel crappy after that.

On the other hand, if the apology was heartfelt, not brought out because of fear of confrontation or avoiding the issue, then this shows strength. Admitting you were wrong and taking responsibility for it shows strength.
Example: Sometimes when my daughter and I fight, I don't always think about what I am saying, or how I am saying it, and I hurt her feelings when I didn't intend to. We walk away from each other, angry, and later, after thinking about what was said, I go back, hug her and apologize, trying to explain to her that I don't always think before I speak.

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Sue

If I'm in the wrong, I will apologize and admit it. I can be stubborn sometimes, but I will.

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jewels

I chose "other". In general, I see it as a sign of strength, i.e. ability to admit imperfection and live with integrity.

But when it's overused, it loses meaning and become a sign of weakness.

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SirLance

None stand so tall as those willing to stand corrected.

--William Safire

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Zeraph

Nice thread. Assuming its warranted of course, I think it's a sign of strength. One's ego is the hardest enemy to overcome. Unless of course youre one of those people that apologizes for every little thing and then some.