04-05-2008, 07:12 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Psycho
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Why won't she just tell me off :(
I had a friend who's a girl except then I overestimated our friendship and called her way too much, so she got angry and we are basically not talking. What's weird is that when I apologized and asked her if we are still friends she would never answer (she wouldn't say she doesn't want to talk with me anymore or that we are friends), so I stopped caring.
So then I decided to just fool around and I sent a few sms messages to her telling her I won't talk to her or call etc if she would just send me a sms saying she doesn't want to talk with me, but she still doesn't do that..It's pretty weird, so after a few annoying sms's of getting her to tell me off she she still doesn't! I asked a friend about this and he says she's just playing games with me...What do you guys think?
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smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away |
04-05-2008, 07:16 PM | #2 (permalink) |
has all her shots.
Location: Florida
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I think she's playing games and is avoiding you. Sucks, but what can you do. Move on.
oh, and she's avoiding you because she doesn't want to deal with conflict, as I suspect is on par with about 75% of the population...last time I took a totally subjective consensus, that is
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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce Last edited by mixedmedia; 04-05-2008 at 07:18 PM.. |
04-05-2008, 07:18 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Psycho
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I think you're playing games. You stopped caring? Then why follow up with messages telling her you won't msg her? You already realized you overstepped your boundaries, so I think you have your answer. Why not just let her go ?
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He who is void of virtuous attachments in private life is, or very soon will be, void of all regard for his country. There is seldom an instance of a man guilty of betraying his country, who had not before lost the feeling of moral obligations in his private connections. -Samuel Adams |
04-05-2008, 07:19 PM | #4 (permalink) | |
has all her shots.
Location: Florida
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Quote:
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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce |
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04-05-2008, 07:19 PM | #5 (permalink) | |
Psycho
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What is she trying to do by not telling me to stop bothering her when I myself tell her to say that so I would stop bothering her. It's sort of weird since it makes me want to bother her more.
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smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away Last edited by AfterBurn; 04-05-2008 at 07:22 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost |
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04-05-2008, 07:21 PM | #6 (permalink) | |
has all her shots.
Location: Florida
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Quote:
__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce |
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04-05-2008, 07:22 PM | #7 (permalink) |
Psycho
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It's the same principle as letting someone make you angry. You choose your reaction. You chose to "play around" by letting her know you didn't care any more. When it's obvious you do. Frankly, it doesn't matter. From the few details you provided, she's done with it. You should be too.
__________________
He who is void of virtuous attachments in private life is, or very soon will be, void of all regard for his country. There is seldom an instance of a man guilty of betraying his country, who had not before lost the feeling of moral obligations in his private connections. -Samuel Adams |
04-05-2008, 07:23 PM | #8 (permalink) |
Psycho
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Yeah I realize this, the best solution would be fore her to just finally say 'dude I don't want to talk with you" so then I could finally totally ignore her when she says hi to me at school for some reason.
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smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away Last edited by mixedmedia; 04-05-2008 at 07:35 PM.. |
04-05-2008, 07:33 PM | #9 (permalink) |
Psycho
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You seem pretty passive aggressive. I may be led to think that you let her become comfortable with you, assuming that you all could be friends etc. You wanted to take it further, she doesn't. She could just be upset, and she feels betrayed. Women are like that. Men see opportunity in conflict, women see pain and anguish. Which in a way, is really backwards. Anyway, that's the way I see this... Take it for what it's worth.
__________________
He who is void of virtuous attachments in private life is, or very soon will be, void of all regard for his country. There is seldom an instance of a man guilty of betraying his country, who had not before lost the feeling of moral obligations in his private connections. -Samuel Adams |
04-05-2008, 07:36 PM | #10 (permalink) | |
has all her shots.
Location: Florida
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No, this would make the 'best solution' something you are not in control of. Best solution is to move on and retain your pride, or god, I hate that word...self-respect you might want to call it, the high-road...whatever, doesn't matter what you call it as long as you end up without needless regrets...that you bring onto yourself...know what I mean?
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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce |
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04-05-2008, 07:38 PM | #11 (permalink) | |
Psycho
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Should I maybe mention that to her? How do I fix this?
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smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away Last edited by AfterBurn; 04-05-2008 at 10:36 PM.. |
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04-05-2008, 10:57 PM | #12 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: here&there
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I'm not real sure, but isn't this a prime example of not being able to see the forest for the trees? Or is that a different scenario?anyway, I read the whole post, your questions and their answers, and you don't seem to be hearing what they are saying.
You can't fix it. I am what a lot of people would call , "too nice". and I find it extremely difficult to tell someone I don't want to talk to them any longer, unless they have done something very bad to me. But just to tell someone you don't want them around or you don't want them to talk to you, is hard to do. especially if they haven't really done anything, it's just that you don't want anything to do with them. Turn it around, and see how you would handle it if it were you ,that no longer wanted her talking to you, or hanging around, how would you handle it? I do see your point though about it being somewhat confusing by her silence. She should get off the fence post and tell you .
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Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about. ~ |
04-06-2008, 12:11 AM | #13 (permalink) |
Psycho
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If someone wanted to talk to me and I didn't for whatever reason I would just tell them, I've done it before and it saved a lot of time. I'm telling her to just tell me she doesn't want to talk to me, via sms. She doesn't say ANYTHING but still says hi to me at school and all, but due to the complex situation it's sort of hard to get her alone at school to talk to her about this.
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smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away |
04-06-2008, 12:14 AM | #14 (permalink) |
Upright
Location: Australia
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Try to see it from her perspective.
You were calling her more than was comfortable for her. That's what started this. She seemed to pull back, then you started to do things just to be annoying. At this point she may have felt a bit stalked. She probably thinks that to respond in any way would to encourage that further, but says "Hi" at school because she doesn't want to be nasty. Leave her in peace. Find other friends. |
04-06-2008, 12:35 AM | #15 (permalink) |
Psycho
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Yea I understand that...But I said just tell me this and that and I'll leave you alone, but she says NOTHING. If someone was being bothered by someone and would like them to stop why not just say stop? I'm not asking her to meet me at some coffee shop so we could talk this over, I simply said tell me to stop bothering you and I will, she still doesn't though.
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smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away |
04-06-2008, 12:49 AM | #16 (permalink) | |
Eat your vegetables
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
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2) They don't feel they owe it to you to speak with you. 3) They are busy. 4) They dislike confrontation. 5) Saying nothing has worked for them in the past. Honestly, your behavior is intimidating. Just let this one go, realize this is how some people deal with things. Don't try to change her. It's not worth it.
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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy |
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04-06-2008, 01:55 AM | #17 (permalink) |
Young Crumudgeon
Location: Canada
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Everyone is being so polite. I'm not going to be.
You're being a dick. Stop it. If she's not talking to you, it means she wants you to leave her alone and you should do it.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame |
04-06-2008, 02:33 AM | #18 (permalink) |
Location: Iceland
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Just an observation: You seem to get into the same kinds of complicated situations with girls every few months or so... at least from the posts from you here on TFP. What's the pattern all about?
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
04-06-2008, 05:37 AM | #20 (permalink) | |
Knight of the Old Republic
Location: Winston-Salem, NC
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BIIIIIIIIIINGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO |
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04-06-2008, 07:26 AM | #21 (permalink) |
President Rick
Location: location location
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Maybe her lawyer told her not to respond.
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04-06-2008, 09:26 AM | #22 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: here&there
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That's it! I was thinking about this while doing something else, and it hit me...she doesn't tell you, because she is afraid of your reaction. Maybe she is afraid you will get violent about it.
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Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about. ~ |
04-06-2008, 09:33 AM | #23 (permalink) |
Eponymous
Location: Central Central Florida
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I'm not sure I 'get' why you want her to tell you off? She's smart enough to know that she's not going to gain anything by satisfying your needs.
Tell yourself she did what you wanted and move on, if that's what it takes.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain |
04-06-2008, 09:36 AM | #24 (permalink) | |
Kick Ass Kunoichi
Location: Oregon
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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau |
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04-06-2008, 11:05 AM | #25 (permalink) |
Addict
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This thread irks me to no end. It just seems so... high school? If she is ignoring you, she obviously wants nothing to do with you. Why do you need her to tell you that to reiterate it? It won't help the situation, and it seems like it would probably just piss you off more.
Just let her be, seriously. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she'll be smart (in my opinion) and stay away. |
04-06-2008, 11:18 AM | #26 (permalink) |
follower of the child's crusade?
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I think the best thing to do is just leave it be. The fact she is ignoring your messages should be enough of a hint she doesnt want to be mates anymore.
__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas |
04-06-2008, 11:20 AM | #27 (permalink) | |
Addict
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04-06-2008, 02:05 PM | #28 (permalink) |
Wehret Den Anfängen!
Location: Ontario, Canada
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She does not owe you more interaction.
You do not have the right to demand that she say something, even "go away". She has the right to delete every single message sent by you, and filter her communication so that she never has to hear from you again. This does not give you the right to continue to attempt to contact her. Your last communication from her indicated she was angry, right? So now you have spammed someone who does not want to talk to you with a bunch of harrassing messages. Back off. Do not start communication ever again.
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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest. |
04-06-2008, 07:33 PM | #30 (permalink) |
Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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man up and leave her alone.
it's your responsibility to stop communication with her if you want to stop communicating with her.
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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. |
04-10-2008, 08:24 PM | #32 (permalink) |
Psycho
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ok so today i told her i was drunk when I called so much and I said I do stupid crap when drunk..She asked what stupid crap and I said call her so much for example..then I said i feel bad that I ruined the friendship and i like her as a friend..was this a good move?
__________________
smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away |
04-10-2008, 08:29 PM | #33 (permalink) |
Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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what are you 5?
seriously man up here... you've been asking us for guidance about talking to girls, you've asked about fixing a situation you created yourself and keep creating yourself. maybe you should also lay off the alcohol and drugs until you can be yourself and get a grip on how to act appropriately around others.
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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. |
04-10-2008, 09:04 PM | #34 (permalink) | |
Living in a Warmer Insanity
Super Moderator
Location: Yucatan, Mexico
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I think you're freaking/creeping her out. Leave her be and move on.
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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club |
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04-11-2008, 04:23 AM | #35 (permalink) | |
Asshole
Administrator
Location: Chicago
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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo |
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04-11-2008, 07:04 AM | #37 (permalink) | |
Upright
Location: reykjavík, iceland
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same situation opposite perspective. i´ll save the full story for another thread but me and my ex had an argument and in a moment of clarity i saw exactly was happening, stood up, said "this conversation is over" in a clear, flat voice and left the room. a week later i moved out. she was to scared to talk to me in person but a day or 2 later i get a message accusing me of being immature (a bit rich a 20 year old telling a 28 year old that...) i didn´t respond. 3 days later i started getting text messages which i didn´t even bother reading. after about 4 days these died away. i just realised that dialogue was futile and made every attempt to completely extinguish. about a month later i got a threatening sms from her current b/f and i did the obvious: went straight to the police. i know they would have done nothing but i think this proved the be-all and end-all. we have mutual friends and i know she´s still keen to kick uo a fuss next time she sees me but i´ll have no problem completely derailing her. perhaps i *am* getting a small kick out of knowing she´s a control freak and all her waving her arms in the air has achieved her nothing. dude, there is no winner in this game because i lost a friend and she chose to fret about it.
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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor. she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron. physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable? |
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04-11-2008, 07:33 AM | #38 (permalink) | |
Living in a Warmer Insanity
Super Moderator
Location: Yucatan, Mexico
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Quote:
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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club |
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04-11-2008, 07:47 AM | #39 (permalink) |
Upright
Location: reykjavík, iceland
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my brother went through the same thing about 2 years before i did yet i didn´t learn from his mistake. i guess it strated out without the drama and the sex was, well, i was sexing a teenager (she was 19 when we met.) need i say more?
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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor. she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron. physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable? |
04-11-2008, 12:59 PM | #40 (permalink) |
follower of the child's crusade?
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The best move really would be to just forget about it.
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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas |
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