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Why won't she just tell me off :(
I had a friend who's a girl except then I overestimated our friendship and called her way too much, so she got angry and we are basically not talking. What's weird is that when I apologized and asked her if we are still friends she would never answer (she wouldn't say she doesn't want to talk with me anymore or that we are friends), so I stopped caring.
So then I decided to just fool around and I sent a few sms messages to her telling her I won't talk to her or call etc if she would just send me a sms saying she doesn't want to talk with me, but she still doesn't do that..It's pretty weird, so after a few annoying sms's of getting her to tell me off she she still doesn't! I asked a friend about this and he says she's just playing games with me...What do you guys think? |
I think she's playing games and is avoiding you. Sucks, but what can you do. Move on.
oh, and she's avoiding you because she doesn't want to deal with conflict, as I suspect is on par with about 75% of the population...last time I took a totally subjective consensus, that is :p |
I think you're playing games. You stopped caring? Then why follow up with messages telling her you won't msg her? You already realized you overstepped your boundaries, so I think you have your answer. Why not just let her go ?
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What is she trying to do by not telling me to stop bothering her when I myself tell her to say that so I would stop bothering her. It's sort of weird since it makes me want to bother her more.
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It's the same principle as letting someone make you angry. You choose your reaction. You chose to "play around" by letting her know you didn't care any more. When it's obvious you do. Frankly, it doesn't matter. From the few details you provided, she's done with it. You should be too.
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Yeah I realize this, the best solution would be fore her to just finally say 'dude I don't want to talk with you" so then I could finally totally ignore her when she says hi to me at school for some reason.
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You seem pretty passive aggressive. I may be led to think that you let her become comfortable with you, assuming that you all could be friends etc. You wanted to take it further, she doesn't. She could just be upset, and she feels betrayed. Women are like that. Men see opportunity in conflict, women see pain and anguish. Which in a way, is really backwards. Anyway, that's the way I see this... Take it for what it's worth.
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No, this would make the 'best solution' something you are not in control of. Best solution is to move on and retain your pride, or god, I hate that word...self-respect you might want to call it, the high-road...whatever, doesn't matter what you call it as long as you end up without needless regrets...that you bring onto yourself...know what I mean? |
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Should I maybe mention that to her? How do I fix this? |
I'm not real sure, but isn't this a prime example of not being able to see the forest for the trees? Or is that a different scenario?anyway, I read the whole post, your questions and their answers, and you don't seem to be hearing what they are saying.
You can't fix it. I am what a lot of people would call , "too nice". and I find it extremely difficult to tell someone I don't want to talk to them any longer, unless they have done something very bad to me. But just to tell someone you don't want them around or you don't want them to talk to you, is hard to do. especially if they haven't really done anything, it's just that you don't want anything to do with them. Turn it around, and see how you would handle it if it were you ,that no longer wanted her talking to you, or hanging around, how would you handle it? I do see your point though about it being somewhat confusing by her silence. She should get off the fence post and tell you . |
If someone wanted to talk to me and I didn't for whatever reason I would just tell them, I've done it before and it saved a lot of time. I'm telling her to just tell me she doesn't want to talk to me, via sms. She doesn't say ANYTHING but still says hi to me at school and all, but due to the complex situation it's sort of hard to get her alone at school to talk to her about this.
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Try to see it from her perspective.
You were calling her more than was comfortable for her. That's what started this. She seemed to pull back, then you started to do things just to be annoying. At this point she may have felt a bit stalked. She probably thinks that to respond in any way would to encourage that further, but says "Hi" at school because she doesn't want to be nasty. Leave her in peace. Find other friends. |
Yea I understand that...But I said just tell me this and that and I'll leave you alone, but she says NOTHING. If someone was being bothered by someone and would like them to stop why not just say stop? I'm not asking her to meet me at some coffee shop so we could talk this over, I simply said tell me to stop bothering you and I will, she still doesn't though.
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2) They don't feel they owe it to you to speak with you. 3) They are busy. 4) They dislike confrontation. 5) Saying nothing has worked for them in the past. Honestly, your behavior is intimidating. Just let this one go, realize this is how some people deal with things. Don't try to change her. It's not worth it. |
Everyone is being so polite. I'm not going to be.
You're being a dick. Stop it. If she's not talking to you, it means she wants you to leave her alone and you should do it. |
Just an observation: You seem to get into the same kinds of complicated situations with girls every few months or so... at least from the posts from you here on TFP. What's the pattern all about?
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Stalker ... sorry, you're behavious is creepy and maybe she doesn't know how to handle it.
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BIIIIIIIIIINGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO |
Maybe her lawyer told her not to respond.
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That's it! I was thinking about this while doing something else, and it hit me...she doesn't tell you, because she is afraid of your reaction. Maybe she is afraid you will get violent about it.
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I'm not sure I 'get' why you want her to tell you off? She's smart enough to know that she's not going to gain anything by satisfying your needs.
Tell yourself she did what you wanted and move on, if that's what it takes. |
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This thread irks me to no end. It just seems so... high school? If she is ignoring you, she obviously wants nothing to do with you. Why do you need her to tell you that to reiterate it? It won't help the situation, and it seems like it would probably just piss you off more.
Just let her be, seriously. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she'll be smart (in my opinion) and stay away. |
I think the best thing to do is just leave it be. The fact she is ignoring your messages should be enough of a hint she doesnt want to be mates anymore.
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She does not owe you more interaction.
You do not have the right to demand that she say something, even "go away". She has the right to delete every single message sent by you, and filter her communication so that she never has to hear from you again. This does not give you the right to continue to attempt to contact her. Your last communication from her indicated she was angry, right? So now you have spammed someone who does not want to talk to you with a bunch of harrassing messages. Back off. Do not start communication ever again. |
Yeah, still sort of odd, but I'll leave it be.
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man up and leave her alone.
it's your responsibility to stop communication with her if you want to stop communicating with her. |
man u said u were done and dont care but you are def not done and still care so who is playing games?? jus tstop talkin to her man and move on
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ok so today i told her i was drunk when I called so much and I said I do stupid crap when drunk..She asked what stupid crap and I said call her so much for example..then I said i feel bad that I ruined the friendship and i like her as a friend..was this a good move?
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what are you 5?
seriously man up here... you've been asking us for guidance about talking to girls, you've asked about fixing a situation you created yourself and keep creating yourself. maybe you should also lay off the alcohol and drugs until you can be yourself and get a grip on how to act appropriately around others. |
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I think you're freaking/creeping her out. Leave her be and move on. |
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Oy vey!
:eek: |
same situation opposite perspective. iīll save the full story for another thread but me and my ex had an argument and in a moment of clarity i saw exactly was happening, stood up, said "this conversation is over" in a clear, flat voice and left the room. a week later i moved out. she was to scared to talk to me in person but a day or 2 later i get a message accusing me of being immature (a bit rich a 20 year old telling a 28 year old that...) i didnīt respond. 3 days later i started getting text messages which i didnīt even bother reading. after about 4 days these died away. i just realised that dialogue was futile and made every attempt to completely extinguish. about a month later i got a threatening sms from her current b/f and i did the obvious: went straight to the police. i know they would have done nothing but i think this proved the be-all and end-all. we have mutual friends and i know sheīs still keen to kick uo a fuss next time she sees me but iīll have no problem completely derailing her. perhaps i *am* getting a small kick out of knowing sheīs a control freak and all her waving her arms in the air has achieved her nothing. dude, there is no winner in this game because i lost a friend and she chose to fret about it.
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my brother went through the same thing about 2 years before i did yet i didnīt learn from his mistake. i guess it strated out without the drama and the sex was, well, i was sexing a teenager (she was 19 when we met.) need i say more?
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The best move really would be to just forget about it.
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