Need Serious Advice (family situation) - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

AfterBurn · 04-12-2007, 08:17 PM

Last year when I attended school I sort of got lazy and messed up my GPA pretty severly. However not wanting to upset my parents I faked the ''report card'' that we get at the end of the term. I however was foolish enough to leave the original paper in my bag and they have found it when looking for something. For now I have denied everything saying the school has made a mistake, but they don't actually believe me and now my dad wants to come by with me to the school which will definatly prove that I've been lying to both my parents and the staff as well as making me look bad overall.

The only way to escape this is to do something to stop my dad going into the school. No idea how however, or to tell the truth..Which could have some pretty bad results since the lie has been going on for over a year now.

The reason I've done all this is because I want to be in control of what I'm doing and I want to make my own choices for my education, I know I shouldn't have been lazy but I believe that the GPA fall won't really affect my graduation that much, I will only have to take maybe 1 semester extra. However, my parents believe that everything should be done as fast as possible and with amazing results, talking to them about this is useless though, I just want it to somehow fix itself up and continue with what I'm doing now. Any suggestions?

hiredgun · 04-12-2007, 08:21 PM

You're going to have to own up to what you've done. There is no way to convince your father not to go to the school. When he goes to the school, he will find the truth. It's that simple.

You have two choices now: the bad and the worse. The bad is to confess to your family, explain your feelings and your situation, and start taking school seriously. The worse is to let your father find out from the school, let your school now you've been misrepresenting your grades, and still have to deal with the family situation.

AfterBurn · 04-12-2007, 08:23 PM

Or I can somehow get him to not go to the school, and just do what I'm doing now which is dealing with my school situation myself without the annoying family drama which always happens unless I get nearly perfect grades (impossible).

hiredgun · 04-12-2007, 08:28 PM

As far as I can see, the only way to prevent him from going to your school is to tell him the truth. Otherwise he'll want to reconcile the two report cards somehow.

Ballzor · 04-12-2007, 08:34 PM

Most people would probably tell you to own up, but I know where your coming from and for them to know the truth is just going to cause more pain for your family. I honestly wish I could think of a way to manage this situation other than biting the bullet, but honestly at this point that may be your only option. It's not that its 'the right thing to do' but hired gun is right, you have to chose between a bad situation and a worse one.

Maybe it would be better if you approached only one parent with the truth. I know in my family my father would react far worse than my mother, and sometimes if I approach her with an issue she will block the issue from getting to him. I don't know how your family is but maybe thats an option.

Other than that, if you do decide to tell them the bad news, try to bring something positive to the table. like, I know I fucked up ,but see I have straight A's now, or something that would take a little bit of the sting out of the whole thing.

I dont think you're going to find any solutions to this problem short of some mass scheme to keep your father from finding out.

Cynthetiq · 04-12-2007, 08:38 PM

tell the truth.

Willravel · 04-12-2007, 08:42 PM

Are they paying for your school?

If yes, then come clean immediately. I mean either way you screwed up royally, but if they're paying for school you haven't earned the right to feel you can be responsible for your grades. You're wasting their money, so it's their problem as much as it is yours. I wouldn't pay for my daughter's school if she had poor grades and lied about them.

If no, then it's really none of their business. Yeah, you shouldn't have faked the grades, and you might want to consider what an adult would do when they got a bad report card, but it's your problem to address.

AfterBurn · 04-12-2007, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

Most people would probably tell you to own up, but I know where your coming from and for them to know the truth is just going to cause more pain for your family. I honestly wish I could think of a way to manage this situation other than biting the bullet, but honestly at this point that may be your only option. It's not that its 'the right thing to do' but hired gun is right, you have to chose between a bad situation and a worse one.

Maybe it would be better if you approached only one parent with the truth. I know in my family my father would react far worse than my mother, and sometimes if I approach her with an issue she will block the issue from getting to him. I don't know how your family is but maybe thats an option.

Other than that, if you do decide to tell them the bad news, try to bring something positive to the table. like, I know I fucked up ,but see I have straight A's now, or something that would take a little bit of the sting out of the whole thing.

I dont think you're going to find any solutions to this problem short of some mass scheme to keep your father from finding out.

A mass scheme would be a good solution. Thanks for the suggestion about approaching 1 parent, but the bad thing is that I really don't have anything ''positive'' to add on, I'm just working at my pace and accomplishing what I need at my own pace with the results I find satisfactory. But yeah, I guess I'll just tell my dad and hopefully leave my crazy mom out of it.

ngdawg · 04-12-2007, 08:42 PM

Lies beget lies beget lies...you're digging yourself a nice hole. Be a man-own up and fix things.

AfterBurn · 04-12-2007, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel

Are they paying for your school?

If yes, then come clean immediately. I mean either way you screwed up royally, but if they're paying for school you haven't earned the right to feel you can be responsible for your grades. You're wasting their money, so it's their problem as much as it is yours. I wouldn't pay for my daughter's school if she had poor grades and lied about them.

If no, then it's really none of their business. Yeah, you shouldn't have faked the grades, and you might want to consider what an adult would do when they got a bad report card, but it's your problem to address.

It's not really about the money, it's more of them wanting me to ''get far ahead'' which is a good thing but I just want to work at my own pace and in my own way, not 24/7 studying and trying to get 99% at everything. My mom thinks she knows whats best and tries to pretty much force me to do what she wants, which is ridicules but since her intentions are good nothing will stop her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ngdawg

Lies beget lies beget lies...you're digging yourself a nice hole. Be a man-own up and fix things.

I don't want to fix things though, I want to go on the way its going now..Except without this incident.

shakran · 04-12-2007, 09:11 PM

I'm known pretty well around here as a guy who's blunt. And I'm going to reinforce that reputation here.

Dude, you're being stupid. They're going to find out. There is no way, short of shooting them, that you are going to stop them from finding out the truth about your grades unless you are financing your education 100% yourself.

This is an adult community. You're not going to find any punk kids who are going to give you a Ferris Bueller solution to your screwup. Stop lying. Stop trying to get out of trouble by creating more trouble. Own up to what you've done. Grow up.

Ballzor · 04-12-2007, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakran

I'm known pretty well around here as a guy who's blunt. And I'm going to reinforce that reputation here.

Dude, you're being stupid. They're going to find out. There is no way, short of shooting them, that you are going to stop them from finding out the truth about your grades unless you are financing your education 100% yourself.

This is an adult community. You're not going to find any punk kids who are going to give you a Ferris Bueller solution to your screwup. Stop lying. Stop trying to get out of trouble by creating more trouble. Own up to what you've done. Grow up.

the consensus is that he should own up, this has already been established, repeating what others have said only being more of a dick about it is only helping "your reputation". shit isnt always so black and white and family matters are always extremely complicated. You are right Shakran, theres no denying it, but there are ways to minimize the consequences, not only for him, but for his family.

shakran · 04-12-2007, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

the consensus is that he should own up, this has already been established, repeating what others have said only being more of a dick about it is only helping "your reputation". shit isnt always so black and white and family matters are always extremely complicated. You are right Shakran, theres no denying it, but there are ways to minimize the consequences, not only for him, but for his family.

OK, if you're going to tell me I'm being a dick, and then spend an entire paragraph dressing me down about it, and finish up by saying that there are ways to "minimize the consequences," how about you actually elaborate on those ways?

For myself, you're right. He can minimize the consequences, by telling the truth now. The longer he waits, the more lies he tells, the more pissed his parents are gonna be.

Oh, and the consensus didn't seem to be getting through to the kid. I figured maybe a little bluntness might sneak through the defenses.

Ballzor · 04-12-2007, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Me

Maybe it would be better if you approached only one parent with the truth. I know in my family my father would react far worse than my mother, and sometimes if I approach her with an issue she will block the issue from getting to him. I don't know how your family is but maybe thats an option.

Other than that, if you do decide to tell them the bad news, try to bring something positive to the table. like, I know I fucked up ,but see I have straight A's now, or something that would take a little bit of the sting out of the whole thing.

I dont think you're going to find any solutions to this problem short of some mass scheme to keep your father from finding out.

Those were the best I could come up with..

And yes you're right, nobody ever wants to accept the cold hard truth initially. If his parents aren't the type to take drastic measures (take him out of school), then hopefully they'll understand that he's trying to make right evne though he made a bad decision in hiding it from them, but I mean if it did mean getting kicked out I would probably try to hide it too. I mean nothing good could come from them finding out in that case, it just turns out that the situation has escalated and the calculated risk turned against him.

as they say, "this too shall pass" (........ now would be good..)

Dilbert1234567 · 04-12-2007, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

tell the truth.

quoted for truth.

seriously, just come clean, it's better inm the long run. you may get away with the lie, but the longer you go the worse it will be if they find out.

Jinn · 04-12-2007, 11:29 PM

be a fucking man.

Nisses · 04-12-2007, 11:44 PM

Wait it out till your father's in a good mood, and then suddenly announce that the presidents coming to school and nobody gets into the premises all month unless they're enrolled.

Of course, he might get suspicious if he neither reads or sees anything about it on TV, making you come out all the worse.

You could hire somebody to break his legs, effectively stopping him from doing pretty much anything.

Of course, he might still simply call school and still find out, making your situation worse still because in the meantime, you keep lying to him.

You could also take him along someplace else, where you decorated a couple of rooms in a house to look like they are part of campus, fill it up with lots of files, a PC, intercom, desk clerk, some other people who are all in on it, to back up your story in front of your dad.

Of course, at the end of your education, you're still gonna have to somehow explain why you have to take that extra semester of catching up, meaning he might go check it out then and demand they put you through that for free because "the school screwed up". Making your fabrications come to light again.

Either way, no matter what you do, this will come to light.

So how about you grow a pair of those reputed manly lumps.

It won't be easy to tell the truth, you can be scared to tell em, but in the end they *will* find out, don't doubt that. So at least have the courtesy of telling them yourself. Don't you owe them at least that much for footing the bill for you all these years?

Ballzor · 04-12-2007, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nisses

Wait it out till your father's in a good mood, and then suddenly announce that the presidents coming to school and nobody gets into the premises all month unless they're enrolled.

Of course, he might get suspicious if he neither reads or sees anything about it on TV, making you come out all the worse.

You could hire somebody to break his legs, effectively stopping him from doing pretty much anything.

Of course, he might still simply call school and still find out, making your situation worse still because in the meantime, you keep lying to him.

You could also take him along someplace else, where you decorated a couple of rooms in a house to look like they are part of campus, fill it up with lots of files, a PC, intercom, desk clerk, some other people who are all in on it, to back up your story in front of your dad.

Of course, at the end of your education, you're still gonna have to somehow explain why you have to take that extra semester of catching up, meaning he might go check it out then and demand they put you through that for free because "the school screwed up". Making your fabrications come to light again.

Either way, no matter what you do, this will come to light.

So how about you grow a pair of those reputed manly lumps.

It won't be easy to tell the truth, you can be scared to tell em, but in the end they *will* find out, don't doubt that. So at least have the courtesy of telling them yourself. Don't you owe them at least that much for footing the bill for you all these years?

I think this is the best advice I've heard yet. it simply sums it up perfectly.

Menoman · 04-13-2007, 12:10 AM

All I really get from this is that you fucked up and want an easy way out, so you can keep fucking up.

I'm not gonna be one to give advice to someone who isn't willing to reap their own consequences.

mixedmedia · 04-13-2007, 01:51 AM

Often, when the truth is out, it's not nearly as consequential as you imagined it to be. Even though there might be some initial drama around it, it's usually more comfortable and a relief to have it out. We make so much of things in our head, you know?

SecretMethod70 · 04-13-2007, 02:21 AM

While I can see why you initially faked the grades (the fact he feels the need to go into the school himself rather than trust you to address the perceived problem with the administration speaks volumes), I don't think there's much you can do at this point but come clean.

The_Jazz · 04-13-2007, 05:10 AM

Another vote for coming clean...

cj2112 · 04-13-2007, 05:43 AM

Dude, your Dad already knows. You screwed up, and he wants you to man up and admit it. If he is anything like me he won't drop it until you do, and he will go as far as taking you to the school and embarrassing the shit out of you. You are not going to get the magic solution, because there isn't one. You screwed up, your Dad knows you made a stupid mistake, and now it's time to admit you screwed up, and deal with the ass chewing, and get it over with. I know you have 15 million reasons why this is a bad idea, and why your Dad doesn't know, but those reasons are simply lies that you have convinced yourself are the truth. Welcome to adulthood, the sooner you embrace it, the less drama you will create for yourself.

tecoyah · 04-13-2007, 05:43 AM

....just 2 options at this point:

1) Dwell in the guilt of desceit, and suffer until you deal with it.

2) Face the temporary consequences of a mistake and learn from the lesson.

There really are no other choices here....you decide which way to go.

BlackKittyKat · 04-13-2007, 06:22 AM

Deal with the problem and don't make more. Tell the truth.

guthmund · 04-13-2007, 06:41 AM

Obviously the solution to your problem is just to man up and tell the truth and grow a pair and....

You dug yourself a bit of a hole and now you want to climb out of it with as little to-do as possible. You've realized the mistake and you want to course correct sans "the drama." Kudos.

I'm all for telling the truth without reservation, but I understand that sometimes situations require a few little white lies to keep things running smoothly. No need to shoot yourself in the foot, if things can be handled quietly.

Unfortunately, the only way I see out of this short of some "National Lampoon" type interjection is to just convince your dad to let you handle it...you know, as a sign of your burgeoning manhood...or something.

If you're not close with your dad, then it'll probably be ok. However, and to affirm some of the good advice in this thread, if you are close, then chances are it is going to get out anyway and then it's going to be phenomenally worse.

I hope it works it out for you.

highthief · 04-13-2007, 10:23 AM

Good God, be a man, tell the truth and face up to the consequences.

ratbastid · 04-13-2007, 11:26 AM

You've got to start by acknowledging that YOU'RE the one who has them not trust you. They didn't just one day decide, Hey, I know what'll be fun. Let's not trust AfterBurn!! Sweet!

No, they've watched your behavior and they've concluded that the only way to ensure that you have a successful life (which is really all any parent wants for their children) is to take matters into their own hands.

Once you confront that it's your behavior that caused that, you can start to dig out of this hole you've gotten yourself into.

Ourcrazymodern? · 04-13-2007, 01:57 PM

AfterBurn, there's a lot of wisdom here, and a more than equivalent quantity of foolishness. I'm not sure why you'd pose such an embarassing question in a public forum, except that I think you know what's right. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked, right? I'd name names but redundancy doesn't repeat itself. Good luck with your soul-searching and eventual decision!

debaser · 04-13-2007, 02:34 PM

Hire a russian prostitute with a heart of gold, introduce her to your father as your fiance on the day of the school visit and announce that she will accompany you to the deans office. On the way pay a guy in a gorilla suit to attack you and throw her in a Stanley Steamer van before driving away. You could then pretend to be inconsolable and drink yourself into a stupor, only to wake up realizing there was a real soul-bond betwixt you and poor Svetlana. The only thing to do at that point would be to take a road trip in an old rusty 1971 Plymouth Satellite with a few of your best pals and a midget to Austin, TX where she has been imprisoned by a mob boss for turning states evidence. In the end you would have found your true love, and probably lost a toe (and all of your dignity) in the climactic action that would result from your meeting.

That might distract your parents for a while...

But seriously, why didn't you burn the original?

abaya · 04-13-2007, 03:09 PM

Be a mature human being and take responsibility for what you've done. I don't care if you are a man or woman or have balls or not... gender doesn't matter if you are acting like a child.

From my own experience, lies SUCK, and the more you tell them, the more you get sucked in... in the end, the lie is never worth it. I think your parents will respect you (eventually) more for coming clean now, rather than cooking up some elaborate scheme that WILL fall through later, with even worse consequences.

Good luck. Believe me, it doesn't feel like it now, but someday you'll look back at this and realize how small of a deal it really is... life goes on.

eribrav · 04-13-2007, 03:32 PM

At some point you're going to grow up and become a man.

You're not there yet, but this is a good time to start practicing.

Tell the truth and stop the childish foolishness.

ktspktsp · 04-13-2007, 03:57 PM

As cj2112 has previously said, your dad already knows. So you don't have to choose between telling the truth and continuing to trick you parents. Instead you have to choose between getting humiliated at school when your dad goes there, or keeping the issue confined at home.

Also:
By admitting the truth, you can still have some control over the flow of events, moreso than if you just react to events by waiting for your dad to have proof of your lies.

Siege · 04-13-2007, 04:57 PM

Speaking as someone who fucked up real bad in school first year (but didn't fake my report card), I can honestly say, "why the fuck would you have the original in your back pack?"

but on a more serious note, i fucked up REAL bad in first year. And you know what? My dad gave me total shit for it. Hell, I still get shit now. It was so bad that my dad honestly didn't know what to do with me. I lost pretty much all my priveleges for a while (and yes, going out, even doing something other than studying *IS* a privilege). but he's the one paying for my tuition, and if he pulled me out of school, that would've been his choice and his right. if your parents are housing you and paying for your stuff then you live by THEIR rules.

if you want to take university/college nice and slow, with a couple extra semesters, and your parents don't agree; then tough luck. pay for all the stuff yourself then you get a say in it.

AfterBurn · 04-13-2007, 07:14 PM

Well I told my dad, he was sort of upset but nothing really happened.

Jetée · 04-13-2007, 07:39 PM

Anticlimactic much

Anexkahn · 04-13-2007, 07:53 PM

Well it is probably good in the long run that you came clean... It definitely makes it easier for you to not get stuck in more lies and more lies. One thing that I think was missed on this whole thread tho, is that you're an adult, and you have privacy rights. Under fepra, if its a federally funded school you're enrolled in they can't release anything, even to your parents without your consent.

I worked in the administration office at my college for a term and we constantly would have to explain to parents about how we couldn't tell them information without first okaying it with their son/daughter when a parent would call to check up on certain things.

Dilbert1234567 · 04-13-2007, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AfterBurn

Well I told my dad, he was sort of upset but nothing really happened.

see that wasn't so bad.

lurkette · 04-14-2007, 05:50 AM

Maybe you should have a talk with a college counselor, about the underlying issue here: you really don't want to be responsible. You didn't want to be responsible for your grades, so you lied to your parents. You didn't want to be responsible for lying, so you look for a way out of telling your parents the truth. You want to take your education a certain way: slow and "good enough" but don't want to be responsible for defending that choice. Or for paying for you education if you do things your way.

You're at a strange, important point in your life. You're independent enough to make some of your own choices, but you're still dependent on your parents for support, and struggling against their expectations and demands. Until you're willing to step up and be responsible for your own actions, you're always going to be struggling to either escape something or repair something. I highly recommend acknowledging and dealing with this tendency of yours before it becomes the pattern of your life.

Ourcrazymodern? · 04-14-2007, 06:05 AM

Well done coming clean, AfterBurn! I hope you plan to buckle down now.

04-12-2007, 08:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	Need Serious Advice (family situation) Last year when I attended school I sort of got lazy and messed up my GPA pretty severly. However not wanting to upset my parents I faked the ''report card'' that we get at the end of the term. I however was foolish enough to leave the original paper in my bag and they have found it when looking for something. For now I have denied everything saying the school has made a mistake, but they don't actually believe me and now my dad wants to come by with me to the school which will definatly prove that I've been lying to both my parents and the staff as well as making me look bad overall. The only way to escape this is to do something to stop my dad going into the school. No idea how however, or to tell the truth..Which could have some pretty bad results since the lie has been going on for over a year now. The reason I've done all this is because I want to be in control of what I'm doing and I want to make my own choices for my education, I know I shouldn't have been lazy but I believe that the GPA fall won't really affect my graduation that much, I will only have to take maybe 1 semester extra. However, my parents believe that everything should be done as fast as possible and with amazing results, talking to them about this is useless though, I just want it to somehow fix itself up and continue with what I'm doing now. Any suggestions? __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

04-12-2007, 08:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	Or I can somehow get him to not go to the school, and just do what I'm doing now which is dealing with my school situation myself without the annoying family drama which always happens unless I get nearly perfect grades (impossible). __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

04-12-2007, 08:38 PM	#6 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	tell the truth. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

04-12-2007, 08:42 PM	#9 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	Lies beget lies beget lies...you're digging yourself a nice hole. Be a man-own up and fix things. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

04-12-2007, 11:29 PM	#16 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	be a fucking man. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

04-12-2007, 08:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
hiredgun Addict	You're going to have to own up to what you've done. There is no way to convince your father not to go to the school. When he goes to the school, he will find the truth. It's that simple. You have two choices now: the bad and the worse. The bad is to confess to your family, explain your feelings and your situation, and start taking school seriously. The worse is to let your father find out from the school, let your school now you've been misrepresenting your grades, and still have to deal with the family situation.

04-12-2007, 08:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
hiredgun Addict	As far as I can see, the only way to prevent him from going to your school is to tell him the truth. Otherwise he'll want to reconcile the two report cards somehow.

04-12-2007, 08:42 PM	#7 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Are they paying for your school? If yes, then come clean immediately. I mean either way you screwed up royally, but if they're paying for school you haven't earned the right to feel you can be responsible for your grades. You're wasting their money, so it's their problem as much as it is yours. I wouldn't pay for my daughter's school if she had poor grades and lied about them. If no, then it's really none of their business. Yeah, you shouldn't have faked the grades, and you might want to consider what an adult would do when they got a bad report card, but it's your problem to address.

04-12-2007, 09:11 PM	#11 (permalink)
shakran Tone.	I'm known pretty well around here as a guy who's blunt. And I'm going to reinforce that reputation here. Dude, you're being stupid. They're going to find out. There is no way, short of shooting them, that you are going to stop them from finding out the truth about your grades unless you are financing your education 100% yourself. This is an adult community. You're not going to find any punk kids who are going to give you a Ferris Bueller solution to your screwup. Stop lying. Stop trying to get out of trouble by creating more trouble. Own up to what you've done. Grow up.

04-12-2007, 11:44 PM	#17 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	Wait it out till your father's in a good mood, and then suddenly announce that the presidents coming to school and nobody gets into the premises all month unless they're enrolled. Of course, he might get suspicious if he neither reads or sees anything about it on TV, making you come out all the worse. You could hire somebody to break his legs, effectively stopping him from doing pretty much anything. Of course, he might still simply call school and still find out, making your situation worse still because in the meantime, you keep lying to him. You could also take him along someplace else, where you decorated a couple of rooms in a house to look like they are part of campus, fill it up with lots of files, a PC, intercom, desk clerk, some other people who are all in on it, to back up your story in front of your dad. Of course, at the end of your education, you're still gonna have to somehow explain why you have to take that extra semester of catching up, meaning he might go check it out then and demand they put you through that for free because "the school screwed up". Making your fabrications come to light again. Either way, no matter what you do, this will come to light. So how about you grow a pair of those reputed manly lumps. It won't be easy to tell the truth, you can be scared to tell em, but in the end they will find out, don't doubt that. So at least have the courtesy of telling them yourself. Don't you owe them at least that much for footing the bill for you all these years? __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated. Last edited by Nisses; 04-12-2007 at 11:49 PM..

04-13-2007, 01:51 AM	#20 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	Often, when the truth is out, it's not nearly as consequential as you imagined it to be. Even though there might be some initial drama around it, it's usually more comfortable and a relief to have it out. We make so much of things in our head, you know? __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

04-13-2007, 02:21 AM	#21 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	While I can see why you initially faked the grades (the fact he feels the need to go into the school himself rather than trust you to address the perceived problem with the administration speaks volumes), I don't think there's much you can do at this point but come clean. __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

04-13-2007, 05:10 AM	#22 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Another vote for coming clean... __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

04-13-2007, 05:43 AM	#23 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	Dude, your Dad already knows. You screwed up, and he wants you to man up and admit it. If he is anything like me he won't drop it until you do, and he will go as far as taking you to the school and embarrassing the shit out of you. You are not going to get the magic solution, because there isn't one. You screwed up, your Dad knows you made a stupid mistake, and now it's time to admit you screwed up, and deal with the ass chewing, and get it over with. I know you have 15 million reasons why this is a bad idea, and why your Dad doesn't know, but those reasons are simply lies that you have convinced yourself are the truth. Welcome to adulthood, the sooner you embrace it, the less drama you will create for yourself.

04-13-2007, 05:43 AM	#24 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Two Options ....just 2 options at this point: 1) Dwell in the guilt of desceit, and suffer until you deal with it. 2) Face the temporary consequences of a mistake and learn from the lesson. There really are no other choices here....you decide which way to go.

04-13-2007, 06:22 AM	#25 (permalink)
BlackKittyKat Upright Location: South Africa, Johannesburg	Deal with the problem and don't make more. Tell the truth.

04-13-2007, 06:41 AM	#26 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	Obviously the solution to your problem is just to man up and tell the truth and grow a pair and.... You dug yourself a bit of a hole and now you want to climb out of it with as little to-do as possible. You've realized the mistake and you want to course correct sans "the drama." Kudos. I'm all for telling the truth without reservation, but I understand that sometimes situations require a few little white lies to keep things running smoothly. No need to shoot yourself in the foot, if things can be handled quietly. Unfortunately, the only way I see out of this short of some "National Lampoon" type interjection is to just convince your dad to let you handle it...you know, as a sign of your burgeoning manhood...or something. If you're not close with your dad, then it'll probably be ok. However, and to affirm some of the good advice in this thread, if you are close, then chances are it is going to get out anyway and then it's going to be phenomenally worse. I hope it works it out for you. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

04-13-2007, 10:23 AM	#27 (permalink)
highthief Junkie Location: Ontario, Canada	Good God, be a man, tell the truth and face up to the consequences. __________________ Si vis pacem parabellum.

04-13-2007, 11:26 AM	#28 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	You've got to start by acknowledging that YOU'RE the one who has them not trust you. They didn't just one day decide, Hey, I know what'll be fun. Let's not trust AfterBurn!! Sweet! No, they've watched your behavior and they've concluded that the only way to ensure that you have a successful life (which is really all any parent wants for their children) is to take matters into their own hands. Once you confront that it's your behavior that caused that, you can start to dig out of this hole you've gotten yourself into.

04-13-2007, 01:57 PM	#29 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	AfterBurn, there's a lot of wisdom here, and a more than equivalent quantity of foolishness. I'm not sure why you'd pose such an embarassing question in a public forum, except that I think you know what's right. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked, right? I'd name names but redundancy doesn't repeat itself. Good luck with your soul-searching and eventual decision! __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

04-13-2007, 02:34 PM	#30 (permalink)
debaser Sir, I have a plan... Location: 38S NC20943324	Hire a russian prostitute with a heart of gold, introduce her to your father as your fiance on the day of the school visit and announce that she will accompany you to the deans office. On the way pay a guy in a gorilla suit to attack you and throw her in a Stanley Steamer van before driving away. You could then pretend to be inconsolable and drink yourself into a stupor, only to wake up realizing there was a real soul-bond betwixt you and poor Svetlana. The only thing to do at that point would be to take a road trip in an old rusty 1971 Plymouth Satellite with a few of your best pals and a midget to Austin, TX where she has been imprisoned by a mob boss for turning states evidence. In the end you would have found your true love, and probably lost a toe (and all of your dignity) in the climactic action that would result from your meeting. That might distract your parents for a while... But seriously, why didn't you burn the original? __________________ Fortunato became immured to the sound of the trowel after a while.

04-13-2007, 03:09 PM	#31 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Be a mature human being and take responsibility for what you've done. I don't care if you are a man or woman or have balls or not... gender doesn't matter if you are acting like a child. From my own experience, lies SUCK, and the more you tell them, the more you get sucked in... in the end, the lie is never worth it. I think your parents will respect you (eventually) more for coming clean now, rather than cooking up some elaborate scheme that WILL fall through later, with even worse consequences. Good luck. Believe me, it doesn't feel like it now, but someday you'll look back at this and realize how small of a deal it really is... life goes on. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

04-13-2007, 03:32 PM	#32 (permalink)
eribrav Junkie Location: upstate NY	At some point you're going to grow up and become a man. You're not there yet, but this is a good time to start practicing. Tell the truth and stop the childish foolishness.

04-13-2007, 03:57 PM	#33 (permalink)
ktspktsp Addict Location: Reykjavik, Iceland	As cj2112 has previously said, your dad already knows. So you don't have to choose between telling the truth and continuing to trick you parents. Instead you have to choose between getting humiliated at school when your dad goes there, or keeping the issue confined at home. Also: By admitting the truth, you can still have some control over the flow of events, moreso than if you just react to events by waiting for your dad to have proof of your lies.

04-13-2007, 04:57 PM	#34 (permalink)
Siege is a tiger Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada	Speaking as someone who fucked up real bad in school first year (but didn't fake my report card), I can honestly say, "why the fuck would you have the original in your back pack?" but on a more serious note, i fucked up REAL bad in first year. And you know what? My dad gave me total shit for it. Hell, I still get shit now. It was so bad that my dad honestly didn't know what to do with me. I lost pretty much all my priveleges for a while (and yes, going out, even doing something other than studying IS a privilege). but he's the one paying for my tuition, and if he pulled me out of school, that would've been his choice and his right. if your parents are housing you and paying for your stuff then you live by THEIR rules. if you want to take university/college nice and slow, with a couple extra semesters, and your parents don't agree; then tough luck. pay for all the stuff yourself then you get a say in it. __________________ "Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek" --Kevin Smith This part just makes my posts easier to find

04-13-2007, 07:14 PM	#35 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	Well I told my dad, he was sort of upset but nothing really happened. __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

04-13-2007, 07:39 PM	#36 (permalink)
Jetée The Reforms Location: Rarely, if ever, here or there, but always in transition	Anticlimactic much __________________ As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves. —Mohandas K. Gandhi

04-13-2007, 07:53 PM	#37 (permalink)
Anexkahn Crazy Location: whOregon	Well it is probably good in the long run that you came clean... It definitely makes it easier for you to not get stuck in more lies and more lies. One thing that I think was missed on this whole thread tho, is that you're an adult, and you have privacy rights. Under fepra, if its a federally funded school you're enrolled in they can't release anything, even to your parents without your consent. I worked in the administration office at my college for a term and we constantly would have to explain to parents about how we couldn't tell them information without first okaying it with their son/daughter when a parent would call to check up on certain things.

04-14-2007, 05:50 AM	#39 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Maybe you should have a talk with a college counselor, about the underlying issue here: you really don't want to be responsible. You didn't want to be responsible for your grades, so you lied to your parents. You didn't want to be responsible for lying, so you look for a way out of telling your parents the truth. You want to take your education a certain way: slow and "good enough" but don't want to be responsible for defending that choice. Or for paying for you education if you do things your way. You're at a strange, important point in your life. You're independent enough to make some of your own choices, but you're still dependent on your parents for support, and struggling against their expectations and demands. Until you're willing to step up and be responsible for your own actions, you're always going to be struggling to either escape something or repair something. I highly recommend acknowledging and dealing with this tendency of yours before it becomes the pattern of your life. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

04-14-2007, 06:05 AM	#40 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	Well done coming clean, AfterBurn! I hope you plan to buckle down now. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT