A short rant about Myspace in the news - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

MSD · 05-29-2006, 11:12 AM

Once again, there's a collge student murdered (of course it's an attractive white female, but that's for another rant,) and the preview on the news is, "Did pictures posted on two websites, including the popular site Myspace, help to lead her killer to her?"

Here's an open statement to the news writers who come up with this crap:

No shit she had a Myspace account, 90% of the Goddamn college age population has a fucking Myspace account. She had pictures posted on it? No shit, 90% of people with Myspace profiles have pictures posted. You're picking up on a fearmongering trend, and it's fuckign stupid. Anyone with the intelligence to get into college knows tha basics of dealing with strangers anywhere, we learned that shit in kindergarten. Don't give your personal info out to peiople you don't know and don't meet them unless it's a public place with easy escape routes and people aronud to notice if anything happens. If you can't follow these basic rules then it's not a freak occurance, it's natural fucking selection. Myspace isn't the problem, it's people who grow up not caring about taking basic safety precautions.

Just because someone has a Myspace account does not mean it had something to do with their death. I'm giong to go to a barbaque for the holiday, and that has nothing to do with my Myspace account, but if I'm brutally murderd and sodomized wiht salad tongs while I'm there, I guarantee the media would make a connection somehow. You might as well say that all of these people were wearing pants when they were killed, it's just as common as having a Myspace profile. Myspace isn't the problem, it's just an easy scapegoat. Murderers will find people and kill them with or without some networking site. Shut the fuck up about the dangers of Myspace.

Dilbert1234567 · 05-29-2006, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct

...but if I'm brutally murderd and sodomized wiht salad tongs while I'm there...

You just made my day

Anyways I totally agree, not just about myspace, but about the media in general. I used to watch CNN in the morning when i got ready for my day, over the past few years, its gotten worse and worse, so much fear mongering going on, its pathetic, all they want is for you to stay watching, and much of America is so consumed with fear that they do. Look at the MAD COW story, there have been 176 human deaths from MAD COW to date, that puts the chances of dying from MAD COW at about 176 out of 6 Billion, you have a higher chance of slipping in the shower and killing your self than contracting MAD COW, but how much press did MAD COW get, tons. It’s all to scare you into not turning off the TV and watching their hyped up stories.

Destrox · 05-29-2006, 04:53 PM

Thus why I simply do not watch TV anymore unless its a baseball game.

I read my news, and from select sources.

AquaFox · 05-29-2006, 05:01 PM

i totally agree, it's crazy! i hate watching the news about it.

i gave up watching news on tv afew years ago, if i must watch, i'll turn on fox news or a selected local station....

given that such a large amount of people use myspace, if they say they are coming up wtih a story about myspace, instantly the youth population and parents with kids who use myspace will stay glued to the tv untill they hear what they have to say...

shakran · 05-29-2006, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AquaFox

i totally agree, it's crazy! i hate watching the news about it.

I agree as well. And believe it or not, a lot of the TV journalists (well. . those of us who have a clue anyway) agree as well. I'd frankly much rather devote that 30 minutes of airtime at 6pm to exploring issues rather than reporting on the latest drek that the consultants tell us viewers want to see.

Quote:

i gave up watching news on tv afew years ago, if i must watch, i'll turn on fox news

Quote:

given that such a large amount of people use myspace, if they say they are coming up wtih a story about myspace, instantly the youth population and parents with kids who use myspace will stay glued to the tv untill they hear what they have to say...

That's the going theory alright. And it works. My station did a myspace story awhile back and our daily ratings for that newscast did spike. My ratings with my newsdirector plummeted as I made a big fuss about the way we were initially telling the story (typical doomsday your kids are in danger crap.) We did finally tell it right (yes you can get hurt on myspace, but myspace as a community is statistically no more (and often less) dangerous than many real-world communities), but it took a LOT of fighting.

I think we came out ahead in the end though, because while the other 3 stations were busy screaming danger at the top of their collective lungs, we were the only station that looked levelheaded.

The frustrating part is that it took serious convincing to get them to cover it that way. I was trained as a journalist to believe that a journalist finds all sides of a story and then reports the truth. I was not trained to find only the juciest side of the story.

maleficent · 05-30-2006, 05:37 AM

Sometimes it's just easier to blame something tangilble, like myspace, rather than she wasa just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or she made a bad choice and trusted the wrong person... Dead is still dead and blaming something else doesn't make her any less dead... (one more myspace page for the myspace page graveyard?)

Charlatan · 05-30-2006, 05:52 AM

You know what I hear? It's that damned Rock 'n' Roll music that is corrupting youth today... It puts our kids in danger and opens them up to licentiousness. Before you know it they will be thinking for themselves!!!

Ample · 05-30-2006, 06:29 AM

This sort of reminded me of a segment I saw on HBO's Real Sports about the Rape thing down at Duke. From what they gathered there really isnt a race issue, except that the guys whom supposedly did the raping were white and the girl whom was raped was black. The mass media wants to make you think that the town is on the brink of a race war, when that is not the case at all.

This myspace story is just another case of the media taking some insignificant edge of a story and sensationalizing it to make it sound more glamorous than it really is.

Bill O'Rights · 05-30-2006, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakran

I was trained as a journalist to believe that a journalist finds all sides of a story and then reports the truth. I was not trained to find only the juciest side of the story.

[James Earl Jones voice]Your training is not yet complete. [/James Earl Jones voice]

Derwood · 05-30-2006, 08:24 AM

I think it's Marilyn Manson's fault

maleficent · 05-30-2006, 08:47 AM

Bread is to blame - seriously - you don't beleive me? Statistics don't lie...

Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

snowy · 05-30-2006, 10:14 AM

But I love toast...

Redlemon · 05-30-2006, 10:21 AM

Well, tomatoes are even worse...

----------------------

The Dread Tomato Addiction
by Mark Clifton

Ninety-two point four percent of juvenile delinquents have eaten tomatoes.

Eighty-seven point one percent of the adult criminals in penitentiaries throughout the United States have eaten tomatoes.

Informers reliably inform that of all known American communists, ninety-two point three percent have eaten tomatoes.

Eighty-four percent of all people killed in automobile accidents during the year 2000 had eaten tomatoes.

Those who object to singling out specific groups for statistical proofs require measurements within a total. Of those people born before the year 1850, regardless of race, color, creed or caste, and known to have eaten tomatoes, there has been one hundred percent mortality!

In spite of their dread addiction, a few tomato eaters born between 1850 and 1900 still manage to survive, but the clinical picture is poor -- their bones are brittle, their movements feeble, their skin seamed and wrinkled, their eyesight failing, hair falling, and frequently they have lost all their teeth.

Those born between 1900 and 1950 number somewhat more survivors, but the overt signs of the addiction's dread effects differ not in kind but only in degree of deterioration. Prognostication is not hopeful.

Exhaustive experiment shows that when tomatoes are withheld from an addict, invariably his cravings will cause him to turn to substitutes -- such as oranges, or steak and potatoes. If both tomatoes and all substitutes are persistently withheld -- death invariably results within a short time!

The skeptic of apocryphal statistics, or the stubborn nonconformist who will not accept the clearly proved conclusions of others, may conduct his own experiment. Obtain two dozen tomatoes -- they may actually be purchased within a block of some high schools, or discovered growing in a respected neighbor's back yard! -- crush them to a pulp in exactly the state they would have if introduced into the stomach, pour the vile juice and pulp into a bowl, and place a goldfish therein. Within minutes the goldfish will be dead!

Those who argue that what affects a goldfish might not apply to a human being may, at their own choice, wish to conduct a direct experiment by fully immersing a live human head* into the mixture for a full five minutes.

* It is suggested that best results will be obtained by using an experimental subject who is thoroughly familiar with and frequently uses the logic methods demonstrated herein, such as:

(a) The average politician. Extremely unavailable to the average citizen except during the short open season before election.

(b) The advertising copyrighter. Extremely wary and hard to catch due to his experience with many lawsuits for fraudulent claims.

(c) The dedicated moralist. Extremely plentiful in supply, and the experimenter might even obtain a bounty on each from a grateful community.

Giant Hamburger · 05-30-2006, 10:45 AM

That's it, no more salad tongs, pants of any length, music, bread or tomatoes are permitted in my house.

We shall live forever!

Toaster126 · 05-30-2006, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

But I love toast...

I love you too.

This fearmongering isn't a recent trend in media; it just seems to be getting worse and worse due to the sheer amount of media coverage.

laconic1 · 05-30-2006, 03:48 PM

Dang mal, that could have been a brochure for the Atkins diet a couple years ago.

ObieX · 05-30-2006, 04:54 PM

There was a story on the news here a few weeks ago abot how schools are now kicking students out who put "suggestive" pictures online. This includes myspace (had the myspace logo flyin on the screen.) They say they don't go out actively searchnig but if someone reports you to the school you can get expelled.

How 'bout dem apples?

I guess most of the students in every school across the country are now not going to have an education because they took a picture of themselves and put it online.

Lady Sage · 05-30-2006, 05:25 PM

Ahhhh MrSelfDestruct, you have made my evil evening much better! It is a pleasure to see that other people feel my angst and also seem to believe in one of my favorite sayings... Brain cells are not required for life on planet earth! Gods forbid someone saw her walking somewhere and just went on a murderous rampage eh? (I hope they catch the sick *insert expletive here* and *insert the most vile punnishments you can think of here*) I am going back to my corner now...

xepherys · 05-30-2006, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

That's it, no more salad tongs, pants of any length, music, bread or tomatoes are permitted in my house.

We shall live forever!

Actually, GH, as king of all burgerness here on Earth, tongs, bread and tomatoes DO seem like items you might have to worry about... pants and music just to be safe...

Dilbert1234567 · 05-30-2006, 07:15 PM

its Air that is the problem

99.9999% of all humans exposed to Air DIE with in a century, of initial exposure. Billions upon Billions have already died. WAKE UP PEOPLE STOP BREATHING AND SAVE YOUR SELVES!

KellyC · 05-30-2006, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dilbert1234567

its Air that is the problem

99.9999% of all humans exposed to Air DIE with in a century, of initial exposure. Billions upon Billions have already died. WAKE UP PEOPLE STOP BREATHING AND SAVE YOUR SELVES!

This had me laughing so hard.

Thanks.

Common sense and prudence seems to be in short supply nowadays, I think they stop making them since they're so low in demand. Who the hell needs to think when you got the TV thinkin' for ya?

Lady Sage · 05-31-2006, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dilbert1234567

its Air that is the problem

99.9999% of all humans exposed to Air DIE with in a century, of initial exposure. Billions upon Billions have already died. WAKE UP PEOPLE STOP BREATHING AND SAVE YOUR SELVES!

Alas to get rid of the ones who waste the air we breathe we too must die... OH the huamity!

legolas · 05-31-2006, 09:01 PM

um i don't have a myspace account so does that mean i am less likely to be sodomized with salad tongs?

Dilbert1234567 · 05-31-2006, 09:43 PM

Thanks KellyC and Lady Sage, I’m glad someone got a kick out of my sense of humor.

Quote:

Originally Posted by legolas

um i don't have a myspace account so does that mean i am less likely to be sodomized with salad tongs?

No it actually makes you more likely, I’d show you the facts, but we all know we don’t need facts; let’s have a viewer poll because the viewers know best.

Ok people does legolas have a higher chance of getting sodomized with a salad tongs if he got a my space account? Because who needs facts when we have a viewer poll. And can we please get 2 to 4 experts who will interrupt each other while bickering over semantics while not really answering the question posed? Don’t forget to raise your voice, he who shouts loudest wins! Oh yeah, if there are 3 or more experts, one must be a token minority.

xepherys · 05-31-2006, 09:46 PM

I'll be your key expert in this matter... and I say no! If he had a myspace account, his tong sodomization opportunities would diminish by 6.22% for each month he went without. However, having a TFP account INCREASES said odds by 1.45% each week, so it nearly balances in the end.

Lady Sage · 06-02-2006, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dilbert1234567

Thanks KellyC and Lady Sage, I’m glad someone got a kick out of my sense of humor.
Ok people does legolas have a higher chance of getting sodomized with a salad tongs if he got a my space account? Because who needs facts when we have a viewer poll.

In my personal opinion, chances depend on;
1) the company he/she keeps
2) how fast he/she can run
3) how much pepper spray is left in that canister
4) how accurate his/her aim is with an object that would inflict pain
5) what he/she had on hand for home defense in the rare case that some sinpletonistic snotwad should attempt to become a stalker
and MOST importantly
6) if he/she chose to meet someone alone rather than in public with friends

So many variables so little time...
(The preceeding post was for laugh value, please make sure not to take anything the insane woman says seriously.)

shalafi · 06-02-2006, 06:28 AM

Actually just having the myspace account doesn't affect your likelyhood of salad tong sodomization in any measurable amount. However for each autoplaying piece of media on your profile page your odds go up by 17.439%.

genuinegirly · 06-02-2006, 07:31 AM

This is friggen hilarious.

Time to rip out the tomato plants and stop baking bread.

Ok... yeah. I've see this incredible stream of anti-myspace propaganda. In fact, I have sat through an hour-and-a-half long Mormon church meeting in which the ecclesiastical leaders advised non-stop that Myspace is evil, entreating each person in the audience to cancel their myspace accounts that day if they had not done so already. I didn't walk out because I was in shock. Why does such a topic merit preaching when one could be discussing how to better love others and serve humanity. I just don't get it.

Dilbert1234567 · 06-02-2006, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genuinegirly

In fact, I have sat through an hour-and-a-half long Mormon church meeting in which the ecclesiastical leaders advised non-stop that Myspace is evil, entreating each person in the audience to cancel their myspace accounts that day if they had not done so already.

saying myspace is evil is like saying my fridge is evil because i stubbed my toe on it... Damn fride i friggin hate stubbing my toe.

Lady Sage · 06-02-2006, 11:46 AM

Hang on a sec Mr. Dilbert... I am on my way to preform an exorcism on your evil fridge!!!
*Holds chair and bull whip while facing said fridge*
I cast ye out ye foul demon!
Ye are posessed by MySpace.com!
sorry... they wouldnt let me out of my padded room this morning so I gnawed my way out of the leather straps...

Willravel · 06-02-2006, 11:51 AM

MySpace has reunited me with old highschool friends I may have never seen again. I love me some MySpace. I call the problems natural selection. I'm sorry some people were hurt or killed. It has nothing to do with MySpace.

Dilbert1234567 · 06-03-2006, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Sage

Hang on a sec Mr. Dilbert... I am on my way to preform an exorcism on your evil fridge!!!
*Holds chair and bull whip while facing said fridge*
I cast ye out ye foul demon!
Ye are posessed by MySpace.com!
sorry... they wouldnt let me out of my padded room this morning so I gnawed my way out of the leather straps...

Thanks for coming all the way out here to fix my fridge.

And just a tip, if you can sneak some steak sauce out of the cafeteria, it makes the straps taste a whole lot better, if nothing else, a little salt and pepper makes for some good eating.

CaliLivChick · 06-03-2006, 11:54 AM

Glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't like to watch TV news anymore... it's too depressing. I listen to the news on morning radio, or I'll watch the local Fox syndicate in the morning (they're the only local ones after 7am), and both sources focus on traffic, weather, and community events more than actual depressing news.

*CaliLivChick now goes to her fridge, and gets rid of all her bread and tomatoes, melts down her salad tongs (so they can't be taken from the trash and used in sadistic ways), removes all music and air from her apartment, and cancels her MySpace account.

<gasps> There... now I'll live forever... <dies>

Dilbert1234567 · 06-03-2006, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaliLivChick

melts down her salad tongs (so they can't be taken from the trash and used in sadistic ways)

Be careful, they may be reformed into even more insidious ways, attach lead weights and dump in the deepest part of the ocean, it’s the only way to be sure.

Lady Sage · 06-05-2006, 12:28 AM

Mr. Willravel... amen on the natural selection kinda thing... me likie population control! You are correct it is sad that some people are hurt and killed but I bet less would be if they could find and use a simple thing called common sense...

Mr. Dilbert... you are more than welcome for having your fridge set to rights (just wait til you get my bill) and ty for the steak sauce tip...
Oy why am I up at 4:30? (go back to bed sage like a good mental patient) (ok sage ni ni) (ni ni)

Ch'i · 08-09-2006, 02:13 AM

What happens when Avian Flu carrying Africanized Killer Bee terrorists find out about Myspace? What the hell do we do then?!

Eweser · 08-09-2006, 11:22 AM

I too have stopped watching news on tv. What happened to people thinking for themselves and common sense? Is that one of the side effects of eating bread and tomatos? Oh crap! I had a sandwich yesterday with a tomato on it! I'M DOOMED!!!!!!! And it came out of a fridge!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!

05-29-2006, 11:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	A short rant about Myspace in the news Once again, there's a collge student murdered (of course it's an attractive white female, but that's for another rant,) and the preview on the news is, "Did pictures posted on two websites, including the popular site Myspace, help to lead her killer to her?" Here's an open statement to the news writers who come up with this crap: No shit she had a Myspace account, 90% of the Goddamn college age population has a fucking Myspace account. She had pictures posted on it? No shit, 90% of people with Myspace profiles have pictures posted. You're picking up on a fearmongering trend, and it's fuckign stupid. Anyone with the intelligence to get into college knows tha basics of dealing with strangers anywhere, we learned that shit in kindergarten. Don't give your personal info out to peiople you don't know and don't meet them unless it's a public place with easy escape routes and people aronud to notice if anything happens. If you can't follow these basic rules then it's not a freak occurance, it's natural fucking selection. Myspace isn't the problem, it's people who grow up not caring about taking basic safety precautions. Just because someone has a Myspace account does not mean it had something to do with their death. I'm giong to go to a barbaque for the holiday, and that has nothing to do with my Myspace account, but if I'm brutally murderd and sodomized wiht salad tongs while I'm there, I guarantee the media would make a connection somehow. You might as well say that all of these people were wearing pants when they were killed, it's just as common as having a Myspace profile. Myspace isn't the problem, it's just an easy scapegoat. Murderers will find people and kill them with or without some networking site. Shut the fuck up about the dangers of Myspace.

05-29-2006, 04:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
Destrox Metal and Rock 4 Life Location: Phoenix	Thus why I simply do not watch TV anymore unless its a baseball game. I read my news, and from select sources. __________________ You bore me.... next.

05-29-2006, 05:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
AquaFox WaterDog	i totally agree, it's crazy! i hate watching the news about it. i gave up watching news on tv afew years ago, if i must watch, i'll turn on fox news or a selected local station.... given that such a large amount of people use myspace, if they say they are coming up wtih a story about myspace, instantly the youth population and parents with kids who use myspace will stay glued to the tv untill they hear what they have to say... __________________ ...AquaFox...

05-30-2006, 05:37 AM	#6 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Sometimes it's just easier to blame something tangilble, like myspace, rather than she wasa just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or she made a bad choice and trusted the wrong person... Dead is still dead and blaming something else doesn't make her any less dead... (one more myspace page for the myspace page graveyard?) __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-30-2006, 05:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	You know what I hear? It's that damned Rock 'n' Roll music that is corrupting youth today... It puts our kids in danger and opens them up to licentiousness. Before you know it they will be thinking for themselves!!! __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

05-30-2006, 06:29 AM	#8 (permalink)
Ample Psycho Location: In your closet	This sort of reminded me of a segment I saw on HBO's Real Sports about the Rape thing down at Duke. From what they gathered there really isnt a race issue, except that the guys whom supposedly did the raping were white and the girl whom was raped was black. The mass media wants to make you think that the town is on the brink of a race war, when that is not the case at all. This myspace story is just another case of the media taking some insignificant edge of a story and sensationalizing it to make it sound more glamorous than it really is.

05-30-2006, 08:24 AM	#10 (permalink)
Derwood Who You Crappin? Location: Everywhere and Nowhere	I think it's Marilyn Manson's fault __________________ "You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel

05-30-2006, 08:47 AM	#11 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Bread is to blame - seriously - you don't beleive me? Statistics don't lie... Research on bread indicates that: 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis. 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days. 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts. 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made: 1. No sale of bread to minors. 2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers. 3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. 5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-30-2006, 10:14 AM	#12 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	But I love toast... __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

05-30-2006, 10:21 AM	#13 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Well, tomatoes are even worse... ---------------------- The Dread Tomato Addiction by Mark Clifton Ninety-two point four percent of juvenile delinquents have eaten tomatoes. Eighty-seven point one percent of the adult criminals in penitentiaries throughout the United States have eaten tomatoes. Informers reliably inform that of all known American communists, ninety-two point three percent have eaten tomatoes. Eighty-four percent of all people killed in automobile accidents during the year 2000 had eaten tomatoes. Those who object to singling out specific groups for statistical proofs require measurements within a total. Of those people born before the year 1850, regardless of race, color, creed or caste, and known to have eaten tomatoes, there has been one hundred percent mortality! In spite of their dread addiction, a few tomato eaters born between 1850 and 1900 still manage to survive, but the clinical picture is poor -- their bones are brittle, their movements feeble, their skin seamed and wrinkled, their eyesight failing, hair falling, and frequently they have lost all their teeth. Those born between 1900 and 1950 number somewhat more survivors, but the overt signs of the addiction's dread effects differ not in kind but only in degree of deterioration. Prognostication is not hopeful. Exhaustive experiment shows that when tomatoes are withheld from an addict, invariably his cravings will cause him to turn to substitutes -- such as oranges, or steak and potatoes. If both tomatoes and all substitutes are persistently withheld -- death invariably results within a short time! The skeptic of apocryphal statistics, or the stubborn nonconformist who will not accept the clearly proved conclusions of others, may conduct his own experiment. Obtain two dozen tomatoes -- they may actually be purchased within a block of some high schools, or discovered growing in a respected neighbor's back yard! -- crush them to a pulp in exactly the state they would have if introduced into the stomach, pour the vile juice and pulp into a bowl, and place a goldfish therein. Within minutes the goldfish will be dead! Those who argue that what affects a goldfish might not apply to a human being may, at their own choice, wish to conduct a direct experiment by fully immersing a live human head* into the mixture for a full five minutes. * It is suggested that best results will be obtained by using an experimental subject who is thoroughly familiar with and frequently uses the logic methods demonstrated herein, such as: (a) The average politician. Extremely unavailable to the average citizen except during the short open season before election. (b) The advertising copyrighter. Extremely wary and hard to catch due to his experience with many lawsuits for fraudulent claims. (c) The dedicated moralist. Extremely plentiful in supply, and the experimenter might even obtain a bounty on each from a grateful community. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

05-30-2006, 10:45 AM	#14 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	That's it, no more salad tongs, pants of any length, music, bread or tomatoes are permitted in my house. We shall live forever!

05-30-2006, 03:48 PM	#16 (permalink)
laconic1 Junkie	Dang mal, that could have been a brochure for the Atkins diet a couple years ago.

05-30-2006, 04:54 PM	#17 (permalink)
ObieX Pickles Location: Shirt and Pants (NJ)	There was a story on the news here a few weeks ago abot how schools are now kicking students out who put "suggestive" pictures online. This includes myspace (had the myspace logo flyin on the screen.) They say they don't go out actively searchnig but if someone reports you to the school you can get expelled. How 'bout dem apples? I guess most of the students in every school across the country are now not going to have an education because they took a picture of themselves and put it online. __________________ We Must Dissent.

05-30-2006, 05:25 PM	#18 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	Ahhhh MrSelfDestruct, you have made my evil evening much better! It is a pleasure to see that other people feel my angst and also seem to believe in one of my favorite sayings... Brain cells are not required for life on planet earth! Gods forbid someone saw her walking somewhere and just went on a murderous rampage eh? (I hope they catch the sick insert expletive here and insert the most vile punnishments you can think of here) I am going back to my corner now...

05-30-2006, 07:15 PM	#20 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	its Air that is the problem 99.9999% of all humans exposed to Air DIE with in a century, of initial exposure. Billions upon Billions have already died. WAKE UP PEOPLE STOP BREATHING AND SAVE YOUR SELVES! __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

05-31-2006, 09:01 PM	#23 (permalink)
legolas shit faced cockmaster Location: CT	um i don't have a myspace account so does that mean i am less likely to be sodomized with salad tongs? __________________ "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

05-31-2006, 09:46 PM	#25 (permalink)
xepherys <3 TFP Location: 17TLH2445607250	I'll be your key expert in this matter... and I say no! If he had a myspace account, his tong sodomization opportunities would diminish by 6.22% for each month he went without. However, having a TFP account INCREASES said odds by 1.45% each week, so it nearly balances in the end.

06-02-2006, 06:28 AM	#27 (permalink)
shalafi ARRRRRRRRRR Location: Stuart, Florida	Actually just having the myspace account doesn't affect your likelyhood of salad tong sodomization in any measurable amount. However for each autoplaying piece of media on your profile page your odds go up by 17.439%.

06-02-2006, 07:31 AM	#28 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	This is friggen hilarious. Time to rip out the tomato plants and stop baking bread. Ok... yeah. I've see this incredible stream of anti-myspace propaganda. In fact, I have sat through an hour-and-a-half long Mormon church meeting in which the ecclesiastical leaders advised non-stop that Myspace is evil, entreating each person in the audience to cancel their myspace accounts that day if they had not done so already. I didn't walk out because I was in shock. Why does such a topic merit preaching when one could be discussing how to better love others and serve humanity. I just don't get it. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

06-02-2006, 11:46 AM	#30 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	Hang on a sec Mr. Dilbert... I am on my way to preform an exorcism on your evil fridge!!! Holds chair and bull whip while facing said fridge I cast ye out ye foul demon! Ye are posessed by MySpace.com! sorry... they wouldnt let me out of my padded room this morning so I gnawed my way out of the leather straps...

06-02-2006, 11:51 AM	#31 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	MySpace has reunited me with old highschool friends I may have never seen again. I love me some MySpace. I call the problems natural selection. I'm sorry some people were hurt or killed. It has nothing to do with MySpace.

06-03-2006, 11:54 AM	#33 (permalink)
CaliLivChick In Transition Location: Sanford, FL (between Daytona and Orlando)	Glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't like to watch TV news anymore... it's too depressing. I listen to the news on morning radio, or I'll watch the local Fox syndicate in the morning (they're the only local ones after 7am), and both sources focus on traffic, weather, and community events more than actual depressing news. *CaliLivChick now goes to her fridge, and gets rid of all her bread and tomatoes, melts down her salad tongs (so they can't be taken from the trash and used in sadistic ways), removes all music and air from her apartment, and cancels her MySpace account. <gasps> There... now I'll live forever... <dies> __________________ Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

06-05-2006, 12:28 AM	#35 (permalink)
Lady Sage Mistress of Mayhem Location: Canton, Ohio	Mr. Willravel... amen on the natural selection kinda thing... me likie population control! You are correct it is sad that some people are hurt and killed but I bet less would be if they could find and use a simple thing called common sense... Mr. Dilbert... you are more than welcome for having your fridge set to rights (just wait til you get my bill) and ty for the steak sauce tip... Oy why am I up at 4:30? (go back to bed sage like a good mental patient) (ok sage ni ni) (ni ni)

08-09-2006, 02:13 AM	#36 (permalink)
Ch'i Artist of Life	What happens when Avian Flu carrying Africanized Killer Bee terrorists find out about Myspace? What the hell do we do then?!

08-09-2006, 11:22 AM	#37 (permalink)
Eweser Psycho Location: O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A	I too have stopped watching news on tv. What happened to people thinking for themselves and common sense? Is that one of the side effects of eating bread and tomatos? Oh crap! I had a sandwich yesterday with a tomato on it! I'M DOOMED!!!!!!! And it came out of a fridge!!!!! NOOOOOO!!! __________________ "Whoever wrote this episode should die!"