rlynnm

You seem to react to the situation very maturely, I commend you for that.

Your concerns are fair, and for that, your SO should at the very least address them instead of getting into bitchfits about 'em.

Ngdawg's suggestion on videotaping might be a good reality check for her.

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

pan6467

Again, before I start I want to say that this is my opinion, and not a true diagnosis in anyway. I am only trying to help by offering an opinion, based on the situation given and treating it as a hypothetical. Advice given should be taken as advice only and in no way a professional diagnosis or assessment.

If the blackout was a one time affair it may not be serious but it is something to definately pay attention to and somewhat look at why she had to drink so much.


Binge drinkers are just that. When they drink they drink intil they get sick, pass out, drink as much and as fast as they can, and so on.

Her vacation stories could be her bragging, thinking it would impress you. If that is how she drinks while on vacation, then there maybe a problem and yes, I would definately look into the binge drinking and talk to her about it.



Could be she didn't know until you showed her the problem. Again any time one truly has a blackout, it is a sign of something serious, could be the drinking, could be medical, could be both and the drinking added to it.



I didn't necessarily mean illegal drugs. As we live in a drug culture where doctors are more than willing to prescribe, and are paid to prescribe drugs for anything and everything, that was a possibility that should be checked. Many drugs on the market affect the liver in a negative way and alcohol, especially in short fast quantities could cause a reaction.

A great example is acetominophen, 1 acetominophen (Tylenol) and a drink can shut your liver down, it's very rare in that limited quantity, but, the 2 can have very adverse effects on the liver when in the system at the same time, regardless of amount.



Not reall much of a difference, alcohol is a poison the act of throwing it up is a way of the body to expel it, however, you also get double the effect of alcohol as some of it gets back into the system as it is coming up and out. (Not to sound gross.)



I think maybe couples counseling to work on the relationship, perhaps just her for the self esteem issues you say she has. Both of those would most likely expose a drinking issue. Or if you talk and she decides to look into the drinking a SASSI, MAST or similar tests could also suggest whether there is a true problem. (I would recommend the SASSI, it is a pretty good indicator and is the one most used in the profession. The MAST is pretty basic and is open for a lot more interprtation. But that's just me, I like the SASSI, TWEAK and Burns Depression/Anxiety tests, some people swear by MAST, AUDIT, URICA and CAGE and then there's the SOCRATES and RTCQ.... those 3 are usually used for people who are later into assessment)

Actually the MAST, CAGE, URICA, TWEAK and AUDIT is online and can be printed and taken at home. The SASSI because it is copyrighted can't be.

I'll edit for links to the tests.....

URICA = http://www.uri.edu/research/cprc/Measures/urica.htm

MAST = http://www.projectcork.org/clinical_...html/MAST.html

CAGE = http://www.projectcork.org/clinical_...html/CAGE.html

AUDIT = http://www.projectcork.org/clinical_...tml/AUDIT.html

TWEAK = http://www.projectcork.org/clinical_...tml/TWEAK.html

For a quick idea the CAGE and TWEAK would probably help. There isn't much to them and they can show if more in depth tests like SASSI and MAST are needed.

A period without alcohol and sticking to it, even if neither has a problem, is a good thing. It is also very telling if either of you cannot make it the set time.



No problem, I just hope I helped. If you have anything that you want to talk about or ask feel free to IM me, it's not just my job, but my life, I live to help people, whether addicted, just problemed or just curious.

Good luck, it looks like you truly care about her and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

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I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

shadowfiend

Exactly what I was thinking. I would suggest choice number 3 in this place, as you've been repeatedly commenting that you and her are very much in love with each other. I'm sure she would listen to you and oblige.

Hope to see things work out anyway. Good luck.

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Have you ever looked into a mirror and just said... damn... I'm one sexy f**ker!!! Yeah... me neither.

SAM821

Yep! I agree with some people that said the same thing... She doesnt have a drinking problem with respect to alcoholism. She has a problem with being inconsiderate and frankly not giving a shit...

This is a scary scary situation you are in. Problem is, you cant force her to stop because it will make her do it behind your back, and worse, you cant continue to put up with it. I mean the easiest thing to do is run, run very fast, but it must be difficult because love is in the air.

If I was in the situation, I would basically warn her that if it happens again then you are gone, but that still wont solve the drinking with her friends... So if I had to choose between the 3 choices, then I would go with choice #3...

Good luck bro! you definitly need it. I hope everyone's advice helps you!

The.Lunatic

You need to chill out. And introduce me to you girlfriend

Shurgg your just the jelouse type and she's a lush.

Don't go out with her!!!

Go out with your buddies ( and get rediculous drunk man its fun ) and don't worry about it. If she cheats on you make her feel like shit and then dump her she'll learn and become a bigger person for it.

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Proud memeber of the Insomniac Club.

BigGov

Jesseboy, it's obvious that you love this girl so I'm not going to tell you to break up with her over this. But this is a problem that she does have to realize.

I am a binge drinker. I have gone so far as to purchase a breathalyzer for recreational purposes. I view drinking as a fun time to have with friends. However, the behavior she seems to be exhibiting I can relate to many others I have seen throughout my life, and many of those people I have seen have a problem. In some of them it's not so bad, you can notice a behavioral change, but I've been able to follow their reasoning and actually understand why they acted in such a way while drunk. Others I have seen become absolutely destroyed by drinking and I know in a few years if changes aren't made their lives will be completely ruined and dug in a gigantic hole. Many of them do not realize how big of an effect it can have on their lives, but living in a college dorm, I see them in their daily life, some I rarely talk to but rather end up just observing because of living right next door to them.

Luckily, from what you say she doesn't fall into the catagory of being destroyed, but there is a problem there. These statements really caught my eye:

To me, these statements signal a problem.

Remember, I am a binge drinker, I am the first to admit it. At my peak it wasn't "how many" it was just "the bottle." However, I understood how I acted the whole time, and the next day could look back and reflect. I have heard from friends how I acted the night before and compared to my view of the events of the night and they are very close, if not spot on. I purchased the breathalyzer for a reason, and I have learned through my own experience that different alcohols can affect you in surprisingly different ways at the same BAC.

Sit down and tell her how you feel about her drinking. Don't bring up the clothes, what she does with other guys, that's just too much for one conversation; the drinking is the problem here. It really seems like you're holding a lot back and she really needs to hear your feelings. This has been said repeatedly, but it's what has to be done.

One thing that I'm not sure has been said is this, and I cannot stress this enough: She needs to understand how she acts while drunk. If she does not now, then she needs to learn, if she refuses to learn, then she has a very big problem.

What I mean by understanding is being able to go through and remember how she acted such a way, why she acted such a way, and how she felt about it both then and now. Alcohol is a drug, drinking is drug use, and in my opinion someone should be able to answer that question during/after ANY recreational drug use, drinking included.

If she needs you to almost carry her back home at the end of the night it seems like she does not understand how taxing it is on you. This is one way to make her see how she acts when she's drunk. Just get her drunk at home. Have her drink a usual amount have some fun while doing it but make sure she remembers she's doing this for what is coming up, and that is to test her basic motor skill tests. Have her write down exactly how much she has had to drink, names of the beverages included, in complete sentences. Why? Because most people just don't understand how they act. For some falling while walking in a straight line heel-to-toe can be enough, for others, they need more physical proof, which is why I say she should write something. For this to work you obviously need to know how to administer the motor skill tests (it'll take about 5 minutes if you don't already know), and for the writing part have her write at a normal speed for it to work. The writing part is optional, but it provides a piece of physical proof of showing how drunk she can be.

Once she understands how she acts while drunk, then explain to her that you have to deal with her outside in bars, the streets, etc. when she's like this. Hopefully her understanding of what a problem it can be for you and how she physically acts while drunk can be enough for her to realize how bad she can be.

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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"