One Date - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Temporary_User · 12-06-2005, 09:17 PM

I met a girl about 1 month ago, and due to conflicting schedules we never actually went out on a date.
When I first met her we were supposed to that week, then she couldnt. i just though i got stood up
I then ran into her randomly and I told her I would call her again.
When the day I was supposed to meet her, a thing came up and I couldnt

Anyways finally I went out w/ her and I dont know, we didnt seem to really click. She does seem a little needy to me aswell.
she wanted me to call when I got home after the date, told me to call her tomorrow when I did.
basic line is I dont want to see her again. Do I have to call her and tell her this? She did call me today, but I didnt answer?
Will she get the idea?
what should I do?

joemc91 · 12-06-2005, 09:47 PM

Call her, explain it. Do NOT just not answer your phone. It is rude and how would you like it?

healer · 12-07-2005, 04:48 AM

Man-up dude. If she doesn't do it for you, just tell her. You don't need to be rude or anything, just talk straight and respect her feelings. I'm sure she'll appreciate that rather than an unanswered phone call or avoidance.

Next time she calls, pick up the phone, grab your balls and tell her what's up.

maleficent · 12-07-2005, 05:00 AM

One date. No sex involved. No need for further contact.

joemc91 · 12-07-2005, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

One date. No sex involved. No need for further contact.

Why not give an honest reply? At least in that case he could have gained a friend. In any case I feel that to just not call is the easy way out, but not the right one. How hard is it to just tell someone you're not interested any more, especially after only one date?

Temporary_User · 12-07-2005, 12:40 PM

Thanks mal! that is kind of what I was hoping to hear....
I do like redheads!

hambone · 12-07-2005, 12:54 PM

just be nice and call back or answer your phone. Ignoring is just being a jerk.

Though it looks like you just wanted someone to tell you it was ok to ignore her calls so you would feel better about doing it...

maleficent · 12-07-2005, 01:00 PM

I guess i've been not called so often that it honestly doesn't bother me if someone doesn't call after a first date... i don't think it's rude nor do i think the person is a jerk - i get it after one phone call not returned...

Is it supposed to make me feel better that he tells me to my face that I sucked.. he hated me.. I had no personality.. i was ugly... whatever reason? Nope-i'd rather go with the knowlege that he was so in love with me - that he got distracted - -walked into traffic and with me on his mind - he got hit by a semi and died... and THAT's why i never heard from him again...

I'm ok with that...

calling her and telling her you have no interest in her only leads to more questions -and the person insisting they'll change or trying to refute everything that was said for his reasons... especially if she's the needy sort.

Mantus · 12-07-2005, 04:26 PM

If she you think she has the same vibe as you, just don't call. Better for both of ya.

If she does have a thing you then either way she ain't gona feel any better.

rebeldog · 12-08-2005, 12:46 PM

I'm not sure that one date deserves a formal conversation and/or break-up unless she corners you. I wouldn't lie to her, but I also would go out of my way (or pick up the phone) just to tell her you're not interested. After not talking for a while she'll get the message.

SERPENT7 · 12-08-2005, 08:46 PM

I wouldn't call her, or pick up the phone. She'll get the idea and move on.

longbough · 12-08-2005, 08:58 PM

If you're not interested - DON'T CALL HER and DON'T RETURN HER CALLS.
That's the only fair thing to do.

I know it's hard because we all want to still be the "nice guy" and not "some jerk" - but you can't do that without stringing the whole thing along pointlessly.

Trying to explain things at this stage is completely useless, pointless and makes things more difficult for both of you in the end.

SiN · 12-08-2005, 09:54 PM

+1 for don't worry about it, if she calls you again, you can tell her that it's not going to work out (as bluntly as necessary) ... but beyond that, don't worry about it.
her 'needyness' is not your responsibility.

rlynnm · 12-09-2005, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mantus

If she you think she has the same vibe as you, just don't call. Better for both of ya.

If she does have a thing you then either way she ain't gona feel any better.

It isn't safe to just assume that there isn't a vibe on her end though. A lot of times people go on dates and are able to keep a conversation that seems interesting for politeness.

I guess calling and letting her know clears the air for both of you and at least the cards are laid out on the table --regardless of what is said, it's still said.

Guinevere · 01-06-2006, 06:25 PM

It is so freaking unkind to blow people off. No one, no matter how jaded, likes to be dismissed. Just be kind. Say, 'no thanks.'

dlish · 01-06-2006, 06:32 PM

just think about the awkwardness ure gonna feel the next time u accdentally bump into her in the street if you just ignore her phone calls.. expect the work JERK from under her breath.

dont say i didnt warn ya

Brewmaniac · 01-06-2006, 08:08 PM

Treat people how you would like to be treated. Besides maybe she's got a beautiful sister that gives great...

777 · 01-18-2006, 09:50 PM

Interesting... On one hand, by not calling, sends the message that he's not interested. On the other hand, it might be best that you do call her and let her know that you think the both of you should be just friends. But what I really recomend is that the two of you go out again. The both of you'll be less nervous. Then, maybe you'll click, and maybe you won't. I'm going through something similar at the moment, and I'm giving her another chance with me. Hopefully, my hands won't be shaking.

If at the end of the date, you're not feeling it, then say so. Good luck.

william · 01-19-2006, 02:25 PM

Don't be a puss - cowboy up.

Temporary_User · 01-19-2006, 02:34 PM

Okay well this thread keeps getting brought back up. I havent posted in here since Dec. 7th so Ill give a little update.
Basically I made this thread to get an okay not to call this girl.

It really got awkward at times, and me thinking that I should almost call this girl so she gets the hint.

She would insanely call me, probably 2-3 times a week and never leave me a message. Although sometimes she would text message me.
ON CHRISTMAS DAY I GOT A TEXT SAYING "MERRY CHRISTMAS" - so that is like a month after the date.
the next day I got another text saying "what the hell is going on? I would like an answer pls!"
This is when I thought that this girl was psycho! Goes back to my original post, about me thinking this girl was a little needy.
I never mentioned that I met one of her friends the first night I met her, and found out later by run in, (before date) that the friend goes to my school.
I also got a call and message from her friend on Dec 27 (day after "what the hell" text above). the message told me when said dates B-day was and what they were doing, and that I should come.
I think I was reading into the crazyness of this a little too much, thinking "is this girl lying to her friends and pretending that we actually are going out"
"why is this friend calling me?"
etc...

Then I I ran into this friend at schol on the day of date's B-day. Jan 4th I think this was. This was the first time I have since the date. She asked me what was going on. I didnt really feel it was a good Idea at the time to tell her friend that I didnt think it would of worked out. So I just said I was out of town (truth)
she asked if I was coming out for the B-day. I told her I was busy and couldnt (truth)
so she just told me to call her friend and wish her a happy b day. (which I didnt)
the next day I get a text from the date saying "hey whats up? long time no talk" (to which I didnt reply).

I havent heard from either of them since, and hope that I dont for a really long time.

In the end I figure in future instances I will just call and get things over with right away.
But I stand on my issue that I know this wouldnt of worked out and that this girl is needy and now also physco to me.
I asked some of my girlfriends in RL that after one date do you have to call and let them know it didnt work out? they told me no. So I dunno.

Sorry I know this is sorta long of a post.

Biscuit Buns · 01-19-2006, 04:15 PM

That could have been sorted out far more quickly if you'd just let her know upfront.

To add an additional two cents, I have far more respect for anyone who is upfront with ME. I tend to view guys who "tuck and run" as immature and not worth any more than an eyeroll. Respect goes both ways. Please don't take this as a personal attack; I'm just stating my general opinion of situations like this.

kangaeru · 01-19-2006, 08:34 PM

I don't agree with you BB.

Dude, it wasn't there. If she calls you a million times like a weirdo, then you can pick up and be like, 'sorry, no thanks'...but otherwise, she'll get the clue.

Blown off? You people feel bad about being blown off after one date? Come on, you didn't even know this person, what's their fucked up opinion worth to you anyways? It's not a big deal.

Don't call, don't answer phone, move on and forget about it. On to better things.

Temporary_User · 01-23-2006, 01:49 PM

again Update:
I ran into her and a friend @ a nightclub again.
I was with another girl (kinda double date) so @ the beginning i just of just ignored her.
Luckily when both girls that I was with were on the dance floor the friend came and talked to me asked me what was up etc...
I figured best to explain now and get it over with.... then the girl came over aswell so I explained to her what I was thinking. I could tell she was a little upset, because she was said "you met me once outside of a bar....." basically saying I dont really know her... I just said sorry... and she just accepted it.
Her friend said its alright I still love you and gave me a hug.
So I guess its all right and good now. and probably next time I run into them Ill just give either one a casual "Hello".

Suave · 01-23-2006, 02:28 PM

You have amazing persistence. I'd give up after far less than a month. :P

match000 · 01-26-2006, 05:37 PM

Its probably better to just ignore their calls and if you do answer them do not do anything that would make them feel like you are interested, such as agreeing to go out to anything.

I think its meaner to specifically call someone up and then tell them "Hi I'm not interested in you." What's the point after just one date.

But its even worse to string people along, like you would do if you are just trying to be nice and agreed to go out more.

12-06-2005, 09:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	One Date I met a girl about 1 month ago, and due to conflicting schedules we never actually went out on a date. When I first met her we were supposed to that week, then she couldnt. i just though i got stood up I then ran into her randomly and I told her I would call her again. When the day I was supposed to meet her, a thing came up and I couldnt Anyways finally I went out w/ her and I dont know, we didnt seem to really click. She does seem a little needy to me aswell. she wanted me to call when I got home after the date, told me to call her tomorrow when I did. basic line is I dont want to see her again. Do I have to call her and tell her this? She did call me today, but I didnt answer? Will she get the idea? what should I do?

12-07-2005, 05:00 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	One date. No sex involved. No need for further contact. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

12-07-2005, 12:54 PM	#7 (permalink)
hambone Zeroed In Location: CA	just be nice and call back or answer your phone. Ignoring is just being a jerk. Though it looks like you just wanted someone to tell you it was ok to ignore her calls so you would feel better about doing it... __________________ "Like liquid white from fallen glass, Nothing to cry over"

12-07-2005, 01:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	I guess i've been not called so often that it honestly doesn't bother me if someone doesn't call after a first date... i don't think it's rude nor do i think the person is a jerk - i get it after one phone call not returned... Is it supposed to make me feel better that he tells me to my face that I sucked.. he hated me.. I had no personality.. i was ugly... whatever reason? Nope-i'd rather go with the knowlege that he was so in love with me - that he got distracted - -walked into traffic and with me on his mind - he got hit by a semi and died... and THAT's why i never heard from him again... I'm ok with that... calling her and telling her you have no interest in her only leads to more questions -and the person insisting they'll change or trying to refute everything that was said for his reasons... especially if she's the needy sort. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less. Last edited by maleficent; 12-07-2005 at 01:04 PM..

12-08-2005, 09:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	+1 for don't worry about it, if she calls you again, you can tell her that it's not going to work out (as bluntly as necessary) ... but beyond that, don't worry about it. her 'needyness' is not your responsibility. __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

12-06-2005, 09:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
joemc91 Insane Location: Chicago	Call her, explain it. Do NOT just not answer your phone. It is rude and how would you like it?

12-07-2005, 12:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	Thanks mal! that is kind of what I was hoping to hear.... I do like redheads!

12-07-2005, 04:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	If she you think she has the same vibe as you, just don't call. Better for both of ya. If she does have a thing you then either way she ain't gona feel any better.

12-08-2005, 12:46 PM	#10 (permalink)
rebeldog Upright	I'm not sure that one date deserves a formal conversation and/or break-up unless she corners you. I wouldn't lie to her, but I also would go out of my way (or pick up the phone) just to tell her you're not interested. After not talking for a while she'll get the message.

12-08-2005, 08:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
SERPENT7 Crazy Location: Gold country!	I wouldn't call her, or pick up the phone. She'll get the idea and move on.

12-08-2005, 08:58 PM	#12 (permalink)
longbough Soylent Green is people. Location: Northern California	If you're not interested - DON'T CALL HER and DON'T RETURN HER CALLS. That's the only fair thing to do. I know it's hard because we all want to still be the "nice guy" and not "some jerk" - but you can't do that without stringing the whole thing along pointlessly. Trying to explain things at this stage is completely useless, pointless and makes things more difficult for both of you in the end.

01-06-2006, 06:25 PM	#15 (permalink)
Guinevere Upright Location: in a lovely place	It is so freaking unkind to blow people off. No one, no matter how jaded, likes to be dismissed. Just be kind. Say, 'no thanks.'

01-06-2006, 06:32 PM	#16 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	just think about the awkwardness ure gonna feel the next time u accdentally bump into her in the street if you just ignore her phone calls.. expect the work JERK from under her breath. dont say i didnt warn ya __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

01-06-2006, 08:08 PM	#17 (permalink)
Brewmaniac Searching for the perfect brew!	Treat people how you would like to be treated. Besides maybe she's got a beautiful sister that gives great... __________________ "That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

01-18-2006, 09:50 PM	#18 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	Interesting... On one hand, by not calling, sends the message that he's not interested. On the other hand, it might be best that you do call her and let her know that you think the both of you should be just friends. But what I really recomend is that the two of you go out again. The both of you'll be less nervous. Then, maybe you'll click, and maybe you won't. I'm going through something similar at the moment, and I'm giving her another chance with me. Hopefully, my hands won't be shaking. If at the end of the date, you're not feeling it, then say so. Good luck. __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny

01-19-2006, 02:25 PM	#19 (permalink)
william Psycho	Don't be a puss - cowboy up.

01-19-2006, 02:34 PM	#20 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	Okay well this thread keeps getting brought back up. I havent posted in here since Dec. 7th so Ill give a little update. Basically I made this thread to get an okay not to call this girl. It really got awkward at times, and me thinking that I should almost call this girl so she gets the hint. She would insanely call me, probably 2-3 times a week and never leave me a message. Although sometimes she would text message me. ON CHRISTMAS DAY I GOT A TEXT SAYING "MERRY CHRISTMAS" - so that is like a month after the date. the next day I got another text saying "what the hell is going on? I would like an answer pls!" This is when I thought that this girl was psycho! Goes back to my original post, about me thinking this girl was a little needy. I never mentioned that I met one of her friends the first night I met her, and found out later by run in, (before date) that the friend goes to my school. I also got a call and message from her friend on Dec 27 (day after "what the hell" text above). the message told me when said dates B-day was and what they were doing, and that I should come. I think I was reading into the crazyness of this a little too much, thinking "is this girl lying to her friends and pretending that we actually are going out" "why is this friend calling me?" etc... Then I I ran into this friend at schol on the day of date's B-day. Jan 4th I think this was. This was the first time I have since the date. She asked me what was going on. I didnt really feel it was a good Idea at the time to tell her friend that I didnt think it would of worked out. So I just said I was out of town (truth) she asked if I was coming out for the B-day. I told her I was busy and couldnt (truth) so she just told me to call her friend and wish her a happy b day. (which I didnt) the next day I get a text from the date saying "hey whats up? long time no talk" (to which I didnt reply). I havent heard from either of them since, and hope that I dont for a really long time. In the end I figure in future instances I will just call and get things over with right away. But I stand on my issue that I know this wouldnt of worked out and that this girl is needy and now also physco to me. I asked some of my girlfriends in RL that after one date do you have to call and let them know it didnt work out? they told me no. So I dunno. Sorry I know this is sorta long of a post.

01-19-2006, 04:15 PM	#21 (permalink)
Biscuit Buns Four of Wands Location: Somewhere entirely too hot.	That could have been sorted out far more quickly if you'd just let her know upfront. To add an additional two cents, I have far more respect for anyone who is upfront with ME. I tend to view guys who "tuck and run" as immature and not worth any more than an eyeroll. Respect goes both ways. Please don't take this as a personal attack; I'm just stating my general opinion of situations like this. __________________ A hard man is good to find. ~Mae West

01-19-2006, 08:34 PM	#22 (permalink)
kangaeru Crazy Location: on the road to where I want to be...	I don't agree with you BB. Dude, it wasn't there. If she calls you a million times like a weirdo, then you can pick up and be like, 'sorry, no thanks'...but otherwise, she'll get the clue. Blown off? You people feel bad about being blown off after one date? Come on, you didn't even know this person, what's their fucked up opinion worth to you anyways? It's not a big deal. Don't call, don't answer phone, move on and forget about it. On to better things. __________________ Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become

01-23-2006, 01:49 PM	#23 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	again Update: I ran into her and a friend @ a nightclub again. I was with another girl (kinda double date) so @ the beginning i just of just ignored her. Luckily when both girls that I was with were on the dance floor the friend came and talked to me asked me what was up etc... I figured best to explain now and get it over with.... then the girl came over aswell so I explained to her what I was thinking. I could tell she was a little upset, because she was said "you met me once outside of a bar....." basically saying I dont really know her... I just said sorry... and she just accepted it. Her friend said its alright I still love you and gave me a hug. So I guess its all right and good now. and probably next time I run into them Ill just give either one a casual "Hello".

01-23-2006, 02:28 PM	#24 (permalink)
Suave Twitterpated Location: My own little world (also Canada)	You have amazing persistence. I'd give up after far less than a month. :P __________________ "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

01-26-2006, 05:37 PM	#25 (permalink)
match000 Psycho	Its probably better to just ignore their calls and if you do answer them do not do anything that would make them feel like you are interested, such as agreeing to go out to anything. I think its meaner to specifically call someone up and then tell them "Hi I'm not interested in you." What's the point after just one date. But its even worse to string people along, like you would do if you are just trying to be nice and agreed to go out more.