"He's just not that into you" - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Rogue · 11-07-2005, 01:25 AM

how do u let go of someone who is clearly not that into you. clearly meaning he has a girlfriend and i'm the other woman,yet again,he's had a girlfriend before this one,and i was the other woman then as well. yes i know "he's just not into me". so someone PLZ bang my head against a wall and hope some sense will be instilled.

analog · 11-07-2005, 02:42 AM

Ah, stuff like this is always tricky- letting go of someone you like but who is obviously not very "in" the relationship.

The best way that I know of is to cut all ties. No more phone calls, no more hookups, just let everything slide... and time will have to heal the wound, not much else will make it better. What I'd try to do, though, is get out and be sociable. You don't have to try and start dating, but just go enjoy the company of other people, have some fun. That should hopefully raise your spirits a little, and open you up to more people- and maybe one of them will appreciate you more and not use you as a second option.

doncalypso · 11-07-2005, 04:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rogue

how do u let go of someone who is clearly not that into you. clearly meaning he has a girlfriend and i'm the other woman,yet again,he's had a girlfriend before this one,and i was the other woman then as well. yes i know "he's just not into me". so someone PLZ bang my head against a wall and hope some sense will be instilled.

**Grab's Rogue's head and smacks it against the nearest wall**

WHACK!!!!

**Rogue remains standing with a very dazed and confused look in her eyes**

There you go... I hope it didn't hurt too much and that the procedure successfully added some sense into you.

**Makes quick exit before the police shows up**

In all seriousness though, I think you should go with what Analog said and cut off contact with that guy and move on to a healthier relationship where you won't be "the other woman" and where you'll be appreciated.

maleficent · 11-07-2005, 04:37 AM

What does being the other woman give you?
How does knowing you aren't his first choice, and knowing that he won't be there when you need him make you feel?
Aren't you worthy of respect -- both from yourself and from the man in your life?

Some women out there, feel that any man, even one who doesn't treat them as they should, is better than no man at all... That's not the case.

Bill O'Rights · 11-07-2005, 05:19 AM

Just ask yourself one simple question; "Don't I deserve better than this?". If the answer is yes, and I believe that it is, then your direction is clear. Yeah, I know, easier said than done, right? Take a moment to reread Analog's post. He actually gave you some very good advice. Time will heal the pain. But, not if he's still "in the wings", so to speak. Find something, anything, to fill your time and occupy your mind. Then, when you least expect it, you can look up and realize that...you're going to be allright.

Sultana · 11-07-2005, 10:22 AM

*Hugs Rogue*
This sucks. I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm sorry you're allowing yourself to go through it.

It's time for *You* to take the power and control in this relationship. Why does he get to call all the shots about how you feel? You take it back, and you walk away with it.

Easier said than done, I know, but we're cheering for ya!

katie_ann1031 · 11-07-2005, 01:53 PM

I've been in a similar situation. With me I was so into him that I didn;t care that he wasn't in to me and ended up making an ass out of myself. You don't want to do that. Best advice is to sever all ties with this guy no matter how much you don't want to. It sucks, but it is the best solution.

Mantus · 11-07-2005, 07:25 PM

Well here is my *bang* against the wall.

Is it possible that you are still attracted to the old him or worse to an idea or a dream you might have had when the two of you first met?

StormBerlin · 11-07-2005, 09:28 PM

Ok, take this from a woman who has been there. There is absolutely nothing anyone can tell you to knock some sense into you. You will just have to ride it out. Soon you will wake up and realize you have had enough and let him go. That's exactly what happened to me. But I am exremely stubborn. It might be easier for you. I don't know how long you have been seeing him, but I was in that situation for ten months. Good luck

bubonico · 11-07-2005, 11:30 PM

Try to convince yourself that he doesn't deserve you. It's probably true, but it can be difficult to realize when you're blinded by love.

Rogue · 11-11-2005, 03:03 AM

Thank You guys, for all your replies and support. i'll try my best to move on with my life without being the other guys. I AM REALLY WORTH MORE IN LIFE.

tecoyah · 11-11-2005, 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rogue

Thank You guys, for all your replies and support. i'll try my best to move on with my life without being the other guys. I AM REALLY WORTH MORE IN LIFE.

Good Job.....now act on it

serlindsipity · 11-11-2005, 07:39 AM

somtimes the hardest thing (and i know this has been said, but its worth repeating) delete his existance from your life. and tell him youre doing that, he'll get the hint that he didnt give you what you need and deserve.

carpe diem and save yourself from inherent misery.

wolf · 11-11-2005, 08:11 AM

WHAM!!!! Did that help?

"He's just not that into you."

remedie75 · 11-12-2005, 06:53 AM

"He's just not that into you." Funny thing is that there is a pretty famous book by this title. My girlfriend is reading it and a few girls I know have read it. There is also a second book somthing along the lines of "its called a break up because its broken". Check them out.

Rogue · 11-15-2005, 12:35 AM

well guys.sorry to say but i was very weak.yes i hooked up with him once again. i guess i'm a sukker for punishment and for him. i'll come around soon...i hope.

healer · 11-15-2005, 02:02 AM

*smacks Rogue upside the head*

Redlemon · 11-15-2005, 07:29 AM

So, Rouge, what are you getting out of this relationship with him? There must be something, or you wouldn't be going back to him.

maleficent · 11-15-2005, 07:34 AM

Don't you deserve more than how this boy treats people?

Sultana · 11-15-2005, 08:09 AM

If you don't see him, you can't hook up. Make your decision, and stick to it. Not easy, I know. But you have to make your choice when you're clear-headed (read: not around him), and then do whatever it takes to stick to it. If that means not talking to him, not seeing him, then *plan* to do that. Visualize yourself doing exactly that in advance. Practice, if you will. I'm a huge believer in positive visualization.

Go out and meet someone else!

Dragonknight · 11-15-2005, 09:26 AM

You are a woman, one of the most beautiful beings (in so many ways) to ever walk the earth. Now can you answer what about you is good enough to be with sometime yet not all the time??? What about you makes you only worthy of being second best???

In case you didn't know, the correct answer is NOTHING. He doesn't deserve you, so don't grace him with you. Grace someone who actually deserves to have a wonderful woman.

Cimarron29414 · 11-15-2005, 02:19 PM

In the past, I have seen this in others and it was a self-esteem issue. You feel like a slug for doing it, so you punish yourself by continuing to do it. Until you improve your self-esteem, the cycle will continue.

You will never find the right person because you are incomplete. The reason you are an incomplete person is because he holds a piece of you. You can't give yourself completely to the new person as long as he holds his piece. In the mean time, that right person will pass you by.

So, be selfish with yourself! It's the most valuable possession you own!

Rogue · 11-16-2005, 12:56 AM

thanks there healer, but you should have smacked me on Saturday.

analog · 11-18-2005, 02:30 AM

heh, people like sex, and mistakes happen. Maybe now that it's happened this extra time, the change can begin to better things.

Rogue · 11-23-2005, 03:14 AM

well guys, you'll be glad to know ..yes its over.it all came crashing down,so hopefully i wont set my standards that low again.thanks for the words guys.

Sultana · 11-24-2005, 07:49 AM

Well Rogue, I'm sure you must be hurting a bit after all that. *hugs* But you take care of *yourself*, and realize now that you have made the necessary arrangements to vastly improve your life. Yay! It's gonna get better from here on out!

Congrats.

rlynnm · 11-27-2005, 12:03 PM

Congratulations on moving on. I'm certain it was difficult, but at least you were able to do it, and I'm sure you'll survive it. Someone who will want you and only you will definitely come your way....It jus takes some time.

11-07-2005, 01:25 AM	#1 (permalink)
Rogue Upright	"He's just not that into you" how do u let go of someone who is clearly not that into you. clearly meaning he has a girlfriend and i'm the other woman,yet again,he's had a girlfriend before this one,and i was the other woman then as well. yes i know "he's just not into me". so someone PLZ bang my head against a wall and hope some sense will be instilled. Last edited by analog; 11-07-2005 at 03:07 AM..

11-07-2005, 04:37 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	What does being the other woman give you? How does knowing you aren't his first choice, and knowing that he won't be there when you need him make you feel? Aren't you worthy of respect -- both from yourself and from the man in your life? Some women out there, feel that any man, even one who doesn't treat them as they should, is better than no man at all... That's not the case. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

11-07-2005, 05:19 AM	#5 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	Just ask yourself one simple question; "Don't I deserve better than this?". If the answer is yes, and I believe that it is, then your direction is clear. Yeah, I know, easier said than done, right? Take a moment to reread Analog's post. He actually gave you some very good advice. Time will heal the pain. But, not if he's still "in the wings", so to speak. Find something, anything, to fill your time and occupy your mind. Then, when you least expect it, you can look up and realize that...you're going to be allright. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

11-07-2005, 10:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	Hugs Rogue This sucks. I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm sorry you're allowing yourself to go through it. It's time for You to take the power and control in this relationship. Why does he get to call all the shots about how you feel? You take it back, and you walk away with it. Easier said than done, I know, but we're cheering for ya! __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

11-07-2005, 09:28 PM	#9 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Ok, take this from a woman who has been there. There is absolutely nothing anyone can tell you to knock some sense into you. You will just have to ride it out. Soon you will wake up and realize you have had enough and let him go. That's exactly what happened to me. But I am exremely stubborn. It might be easier for you. I don't know how long you have been seeing him, but I was in that situation for ten months. Good luck __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

11-07-2005, 02:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
analog Banned	Ah, stuff like this is always tricky- letting go of someone you like but who is obviously not very "in" the relationship. The best way that I know of is to cut all ties. No more phone calls, no more hookups, just let everything slide... and time will have to heal the wound, not much else will make it better. What I'd try to do, though, is get out and be sociable. You don't have to try and start dating, but just go enjoy the company of other people, have some fun. That should hopefully raise your spirits a little, and open you up to more people- and maybe one of them will appreciate you more and not use you as a second option.

11-07-2005, 01:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
katie_ann1031 Tilted Location: New Hampshuh	I've been in a similar situation. With me I was so into him that I didn;t care that he wasn't in to me and ended up making an ass out of myself. You don't want to do that. Best advice is to sever all ties with this guy no matter how much you don't want to. It sucks, but it is the best solution.

11-07-2005, 07:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	Well here is my bang against the wall. Is it possible that you are still attracted to the old him or worse to an idea or a dream you might have had when the two of you first met?

11-07-2005, 11:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
bubonico Upright Location: Iraq :(	Try to convince yourself that he doesn't deserve you. It's probably true, but it can be difficult to realize when you're blinded by love. __________________ "People sleep peacably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" -George Orwell

11-11-2005, 03:03 AM	#11 (permalink)
Rogue Upright	Thank You guys, for all your replies and support. i'll try my best to move on with my life without being the other guys. I AM REALLY WORTH MORE IN LIFE.

11-11-2005, 07:39 AM	#13 (permalink)
serlindsipity Psycho Location: Boulder Baby!	somtimes the hardest thing (and i know this has been said, but its worth repeating) delete his existance from your life. and tell him youre doing that, he'll get the hint that he didnt give you what you need and deserve. carpe diem and save yourself from inherent misery. __________________ My third eye is my camera's lens.

11-11-2005, 08:11 AM	#14 (permalink)
wolf Ravenous Location: Right Behind You	WHAM!!!! Did that help? "He's just not that into you." __________________ Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

11-12-2005, 06:53 AM	#15 (permalink)
remedie75 Upright	"He's just not that into you." Funny thing is that there is a pretty famous book by this title. My girlfriend is reading it and a few girls I know have read it. There is also a second book somthing along the lines of "its called a break up because its broken". Check them out.

11-15-2005, 12:35 AM	#16 (permalink)
Rogue Upright	well guys.sorry to say but i was very weak.yes i hooked up with him once again. i guess i'm a sukker for punishment and for him. i'll come around soon...i hope.

11-15-2005, 07:29 AM	#18 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	So, Rouge, what are you getting out of this relationship with him? There must be something, or you wouldn't be going back to him. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

11-15-2005, 07:34 AM	#19 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Don't you deserve more than how this boy treats people? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

11-15-2005, 08:09 AM	#20 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	If you don't see him, you can't hook up. Make your decision, and stick to it. Not easy, I know. But you have to make your choice when you're clear-headed (read: not around him), and then do whatever it takes to stick to it. If that means not talking to him, not seeing him, then plan to do that. Visualize yourself doing exactly that in advance. Practice, if you will. I'm a huge believer in positive visualization. Go out and meet someone else! __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

11-15-2005, 09:26 AM	#21 (permalink)
Dragonknight Insane Location: Hawaii	You are a woman, one of the most beautiful beings (in so many ways) to ever walk the earth. Now can you answer what about you is good enough to be with sometime yet not all the time??? What about you makes you only worthy of being second best??? In case you didn't know, the correct answer is NOTHING. He doesn't deserve you, so don't grace him with you. Grace someone who actually deserves to have a wonderful woman. __________________ Freedom is NOT Free.

11-15-2005, 02:19 PM	#22 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	In the past, I have seen this in others and it was a self-esteem issue. You feel like a slug for doing it, so you punish yourself by continuing to do it. Until you improve your self-esteem, the cycle will continue. You will never find the right person because you are incomplete. The reason you are an incomplete person is because he holds a piece of you. You can't give yourself completely to the new person as long as he holds his piece. In the mean time, that right person will pass you by. So, be selfish with yourself! It's the most valuable possession you own! __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

11-16-2005, 12:56 AM	#23 (permalink)
Rogue Upright	*smacks Rogue upside the head* thanks there healer, but you should have smacked me on Saturday.

11-18-2005, 02:30 AM	#24 (permalink)
analog Banned	heh, people like sex, and mistakes happen. Maybe now that it's happened this extra time, the change can begin to better things.

11-23-2005, 03:14 AM	#25 (permalink)
Rogue Upright	well guys, you'll be glad to know ..yes its over.it all came crashing down,so hopefully i wont set my standards that low again.thanks for the words guys.

11-24-2005, 07:49 AM	#26 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	Well Rogue, I'm sure you must be hurting a bit after all that. hugs But you take care of yourself, and realize now that you have made the necessary arrangements to vastly improve your life. Yay! It's gonna get better from here on out! Congrats. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

11-27-2005, 12:03 PM	#27 (permalink)
rlynnm Psycho Location: so cal	Congratulations on moving on. I'm certain it was difficult, but at least you were able to do it, and I'm sure you'll survive it. Someone who will want you and only you will definitely come your way....It jus takes some time. __________________ The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know. Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.