I think ive found the one but need advice - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

PoteMatic727 · 09-09-2005, 07:38 AM

So I just went on a cruise for my 18th birthday with some friends and our whole plan of the cruise was to get drunk and hook up with some girls... Well i happend to see a girl that i went to high school with and had a HUGE HUGE crush on her in 9th and 10th grade but was to much of a pussy to do anything about it. Well we hung out on the boat and ended up making out and what not, but she told me she has a boyfriend that she is not serious about. Also we where both drunk when we kissed and stuff so i told her the next day that i know we where both drunk but i have the same feelings for her when im sober. She didnt really say how she felt but we kept hanging out and it went well, we watched some movies together and saw some of the shows on the boat. I got her number and was going to call her and see if she wanted to do something this weekend.

Now this is where the advice comes in...
I got her number on Weds and we got off the cruise thurs now all my friends told me not to call her untill saturday but I think im going to call her today. Is it possible to call to soon?
Any ideas of what we could do? I was thinking a movie or something but im not sure.
How should i play this whole thing with her having a boyfriend that she said she isnt serious about?

simivin · 09-09-2005, 07:58 AM

I don't think there's a problem with calling too soon. At least not in most cases; any problem here could just be dependent on the other aspect.

Some would say not to do a movie. In another post they suggested mini-golf or something. You two have seen movies/shows on the boat, so it's definitely just fine to take her to one as part of a regular date. However, the more activity-oriented things might be more fun and a better chance to get to know her. Go mini-golfing, bowling, take a hike, take a walk around a lake, whatever.

I may be biased on my advice ref the boyfriend thing because an ex of mine cheated on me. I've never been one to insert myself into relationships, and even though I've missed out on at least one opportunity in the past, I'm proud I didn't lead someone to cheat. So, that being said, you've told her how you feel; if you want to call her, I think that's ok. But don't pressure her to leave her boyfriend and instead make sure to give her the room to make her own decision. If she really likes you, she may dump him for you; if she still likes him, she might feel badly about this whole thing already. In either case, I think you're treating her with respect, as should be the case.

For whatever it's worth...
Sim

zanda · 09-09-2005, 09:56 AM

I agree with simivin on the date idea, go to mini-golf or if she's into it go go-karting, it's an excellent day/night out and gets the adrenaline going which could be a good thing for later on

Just be careful with the whole boyfriend thing, it could end up messy :\

ShaniFaye · 09-09-2005, 12:08 PM

Im gonna say the same thing I always say when this discussion comes up. I DO NOT give my number to a guy to sit around and wait days for him to call me. When I gave my number I wanted a phone call within 24 hours

Uncle Pony · 09-09-2005, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

Im gonna say the same thing I always say when this discussion comes up. I DO NOT give my number to a guy to sit around and wait days for him to call me. When I gave my number I wanted a phone call within 24 hours

That's what I was going to say. If she gave you a number she wants you to call soon, not in a few days. She'll think you're not that interested, or too busy, or whatever and move on. This is not to be confused with hounding the poor woman to the gates of hell. Once a day is sufficient. More than that and you'll give her ideas that you're a possessive stalker/control freak. If she's busy at the time have her call you back.

Glory's Sun · 09-09-2005, 12:53 PM

hold the boat... the one?? That's.. umm I dunno.. fast don't ya think??

Also the only other thing I saw that caught my eye was the whole "she has a boyfriend that she isn't serious about" That raises a couple questions for me.

1.Why is she with him?
2. Is she just looking for companionship?
3. Does she just want to have fun and not be in a "serious" relationship?

Anywhoo... I wish you the best of luck but I'd put money on it that (unless you defy the odds) that it's not going to end up the way you want it.

Final note.. this doesn't mean you can't try though

Johnny Pyro · 09-09-2005, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guccilvr

hold the boat... the one?? That's.. umm I dunno.. fast don't ya think??

Ya, a little fast to be calling the one I think.

I always call the next day or as soon as I can. All my freinds would tell me to wait. Thats a bullshit cliche. Call her.

PoteMatic727 · 09-09-2005, 03:21 PM

Nah when i say the one i dont mean it like that, but i did have a huge crush on her and im just happy that it worked the way it did. I tried looking her up on myspace like a week or two before the cruise but she wasnt on there. I tried calling her today and she didnt answer, so when you guys say once a day would that be considered my one phone call? Yah i dont know what the whole not serious thing means exactly. If it doesnt work out then it doesnt but at least im friends with her again cause i just like to be with her cause i have so much fun when im with her.

pig · 09-09-2005, 03:58 PM

My advice? Given your cicumstances,

1. Call her when you like. No reason to wait the industry standard.

2. I would initially approach it like you're getting in touch with an old friend, etc. Don't go in all Top Gun, because...

3. She does have a boyfriend. She may not be serious about him, but these things almost always take time to really deal with. How long have they been together, or do you know? And at some point, one way or the other, she may have to deal with it, and finally

4. Talk with her about what you're thinking, get some clarification from her on what she's thinking, and if pertinent I would tell her that you're not going to start dating her until she's single. You can try it other ways, but pulling the whole "moving in while she's still with someone else" move always seems to end up being more of a pain in the ass than it's worth...plus you've started whatever relationship you'll have on seeds of dishonesty.

All that, or

5. Just get all Olivia Newton-John on her ass and make it physical. physical.

edit You leave a message?

cj2112 · 09-09-2005, 04:16 PM

IMO the 48 hour rule is just a crock of shit, if you wanna call her, then call her. I would insist on her being single before I took this any further though. Also if you didn't leave a message, then call her back and if ya she doesn't answer, leave a message then wait a couple days to call if she doesn't call back.

PoteMatic727 · 09-09-2005, 06:40 PM

Nah i didnt leave a message, sounds like im havin a party at my house tonight with a some of the people that where on the cruise with me, i think ima call her up and invite her to come hang out.

shesus · 09-09-2005, 11:24 PM

Alright my drunken 2 cents...
I thought that I found the one at 18. I was totally wrong and wasted a lot of exploration time. I'd call her when you feel like it, but don't get tangled into the "she is the one" thing. Seriously, you're 18, have fun be 'single'.
However, if you truly think she's the one, which obviously I don't believe, do what you feel is right and go with it. No one is in your situation, however, if she is with another guy, she may just want to explore herself and maybe is not ready to settle down. If this is the case and you think that she is the one and she just wants to have fun, well you're going to be the one in for a hurting. Take it lightly and follow your feelings.

PoteMatic727 · 09-10-2005, 08:24 AM

Well when i say the one i dont mean anything more than i want to date her... Lately ive been talking to a lot of girls, but havent found one that id actually like to have a relationship with. Being that she is involved with someone i know this is going to take time but like i said i just want to hang out with her because i have such a good time when im with her. I tried calling her again to see if she wanted to come hang out and party but once again no answer...

pig · 09-10-2005, 09:02 AM

did you, ummm...leave a message this time?

PoteMatic727 · 09-10-2005, 09:58 AM

Takes like a million and a half rings to get to voice mail and when i called about the party it was kinda late so after like 4 or 5 rings i thought she might be sleeping and didnt want to keep it ringing. The one time i let it go to voice mail earlier in the day it was probably like 15 rings which i thought was weird but whatever, and the message wasnt her voice or anything just a bunch of noise. Im goin out with the boys tonight so probably wont call her today and just hit her up tomorrow but i dunno.

pig · 09-10-2005, 10:51 AM

in my experience, 15 rings = she was on the phone when you called. think she's got caller ID? cell phone, etc...? either way, approach it like an old friend and you can't really get too fucked up. things may not turn out like you want, but i don't think you can go wrong making the connection.

PoteMatic727 · 09-10-2005, 02:18 PM

Yah i think its her cell phone, I am approaching it as a friend because as of now i think that whats gonna become of it for now at least. I tried calling her today when i was waiting for my car to get washed and there was no answer again i think her phone might be messed up but i left a message and havent heard back. Im friends with some people she knows and if i dont talk to her by mid week this week i think ill get the house number and give it a ring because i have a feeling her cell is messed up.

bad jane · 09-11-2005, 12:48 PM

ok, i hate to be the one to say it...but is it possible she didn't give you her real number? 15 rings and you get a bunch of noises--that sounds more like a fax machine than voice mail or an answering machine.

i could be wrong, but if she enjoyed your company on the cruise but doesn't actually want to persue anything, a fake number is not out of the question.

pig · 09-11-2005, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bad jane

ok, i hate to be the one to say it...but is it possible she didn't give you her real number?

classic

the cruise was fun, but what happens on the love boat stays on the love boat...

PoteMatic727 · 09-11-2005, 03:08 PM

Nah its not a fax machine its a voice mail but the greeting is fucked up... I know its possible, but id rather find out then just sit back and assume that thats the case.

PoteMatic727 · 09-15-2005, 09:03 AM

Alright well she didnt pilt my head with a fake number cause uh she answered when i called it last night.... We talked for like uh 30-45min and then got disconnected on my end i think but i dont know. Took a shower and tried calling her back like 15min later and she didnt answer but whatever im a happy man now that i know its her number and she finally answered. Im gonna call her tonight and see if she wants to do something this weekend, but im kinda low flow after that cruise and other expenses so im not sure what im gonna do. Any cheap date ideas? I might just drop the cash and do it right but we'll see, shoot she might not even want to do anything.

09-09-2005, 07:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	I think ive found the one but need advice So I just went on a cruise for my 18th birthday with some friends and our whole plan of the cruise was to get drunk and hook up with some girls... Well i happend to see a girl that i went to high school with and had a HUGE HUGE crush on her in 9th and 10th grade but was to much of a pussy to do anything about it. Well we hung out on the boat and ended up making out and what not, but she told me she has a boyfriend that she is not serious about. Also we where both drunk when we kissed and stuff so i told her the next day that i know we where both drunk but i have the same feelings for her when im sober. She didnt really say how she felt but we kept hanging out and it went well, we watched some movies together and saw some of the shows on the boat. I got her number and was going to call her and see if she wanted to do something this weekend. Now this is where the advice comes in... I got her number on Weds and we got off the cruise thurs now all my friends told me not to call her untill saturday but I think im going to call her today. Is it possible to call to soon? Any ideas of what we could do? I was thinking a movie or something but im not sure. How should i play this whole thing with her having a boyfriend that she said she isnt serious about?

09-09-2005, 12:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Im gonna say the same thing I always say when this discussion comes up. I DO NOT give my number to a guy to sit around and wait days for him to call me. When I gave my number I wanted a phone call within 24 hours __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

09-09-2005, 03:58 PM	#9 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	My advice? Given your cicumstances, 1. Call her when you like. No reason to wait the industry standard. 2. I would initially approach it like you're getting in touch with an old friend, etc. Don't go in all Top Gun, because... 3. She does have a boyfriend. She may not be serious about him, but these things almost always take time to really deal with. How long have they been together, or do you know? And at some point, one way or the other, she may have to deal with it, and finally 4. Talk with her about what you're thinking, get some clarification from her on what she's thinking, and if pertinent I would tell her that you're not going to start dating her until she's single. You can try it other ways, but pulling the whole "moving in while she's still with someone else" move always seems to end up being more of a pain in the ass than it's worth...plus you've started whatever relationship you'll have on seeds of dishonesty. All that, or 5. Just get all Olivia Newton-John on her ass and make it physical. physical. edit You leave a message? __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

09-09-2005, 06:40 PM	#11 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	Nah i didnt leave a message, sounds like im havin a party at my house tonight with a some of the people that where on the cruise with me, i think ima call her up and invite her to come hang out. Last edited by PoteMatic727; 09-09-2005 at 06:45 PM..

09-09-2005, 11:24 PM	#12 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	Alright my drunken 2 cents... I thought that I found the one at 18. I was totally wrong and wasted a lot of exploration time. I'd call her when you feel like it, but don't get tangled into the "she is the one" thing. Seriously, you're 18, have fun be 'single'. However, if you truly think she's the one, which obviously I don't believe, do what you feel is right and go with it. No one is in your situation, however, if she is with another guy, she may just want to explore herself and maybe is not ready to settle down. If this is the case and you think that she is the one and she just wants to have fun, well you're going to be the one in for a hurting. Take it lightly and follow your feelings. __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

09-09-2005, 07:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
simivin Banned	I don't think there's a problem with calling too soon. At least not in most cases; any problem here could just be dependent on the other aspect. Some would say not to do a movie. In another post they suggested mini-golf or something. You two have seen movies/shows on the boat, so it's definitely just fine to take her to one as part of a regular date. However, the more activity-oriented things might be more fun and a better chance to get to know her. Go mini-golfing, bowling, take a hike, take a walk around a lake, whatever. I may be biased on my advice ref the boyfriend thing because an ex of mine cheated on me. I've never been one to insert myself into relationships, and even though I've missed out on at least one opportunity in the past, I'm proud I didn't lead someone to cheat. So, that being said, you've told her how you feel; if you want to call her, I think that's ok. But don't pressure her to leave her boyfriend and instead make sure to give her the room to make her own decision. If she really likes you, she may dump him for you; if she still likes him, she might feel badly about this whole thing already. In either case, I think you're treating her with respect, as should be the case. For whatever it's worth... Sim

09-09-2005, 09:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
zanda Upright Location: Aussie	I agree with simivin on the date idea, go to mini-golf or if she's into it go go-karting, it's an excellent day/night out and gets the adrenaline going which could be a good thing for later on Just be careful with the whole boyfriend thing, it could end up messy :\

09-09-2005, 12:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	hold the boat... the one?? That's.. umm I dunno.. fast don't ya think?? Also the only other thing I saw that caught my eye was the whole "she has a boyfriend that she isn't serious about" That raises a couple questions for me. 1.Why is she with him? 2. Is she just looking for companionship? 3. Does she just want to have fun and not be in a "serious" relationship? Anywhoo... I wish you the best of luck but I'd put money on it that (unless you defy the odds) that it's not going to end up the way you want it. Final note.. this doesn't mean you can't try though

09-09-2005, 03:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	Nah when i say the one i dont mean it like that, but i did have a huge crush on her and im just happy that it worked the way it did. I tried looking her up on myspace like a week or two before the cruise but she wasnt on there. I tried calling her today and she didnt answer, so when you guys say once a day would that be considered my one phone call? Yah i dont know what the whole not serious thing means exactly. If it doesnt work out then it doesnt but at least im friends with her again cause i just like to be with her cause i have so much fun when im with her.

09-09-2005, 04:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	IMO the 48 hour rule is just a crock of shit, if you wanna call her, then call her. I would insist on her being single before I took this any further though. Also if you didn't leave a message, then call her back and if ya she doesn't answer, leave a message then wait a couple days to call if she doesn't call back.

09-10-2005, 08:24 AM	#13 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	Well when i say the one i dont mean anything more than i want to date her... Lately ive been talking to a lot of girls, but havent found one that id actually like to have a relationship with. Being that she is involved with someone i know this is going to take time but like i said i just want to hang out with her because i have such a good time when im with her. I tried calling her again to see if she wanted to come hang out and party but once again no answer...

09-10-2005, 09:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	did you, ummm...leave a message this time? __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

09-10-2005, 09:58 AM	#15 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	Takes like a million and a half rings to get to voice mail and when i called about the party it was kinda late so after like 4 or 5 rings i thought she might be sleeping and didnt want to keep it ringing. The one time i let it go to voice mail earlier in the day it was probably like 15 rings which i thought was weird but whatever, and the message wasnt her voice or anything just a bunch of noise. Im goin out with the boys tonight so probably wont call her today and just hit her up tomorrow but i dunno. Last edited by PoteMatic727; 09-10-2005 at 10:04 AM..

09-10-2005, 10:51 AM	#16 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	in my experience, 15 rings = she was on the phone when you called. think she's got caller ID? cell phone, etc...? either way, approach it like an old friend and you can't really get too fucked up. things may not turn out like you want, but i don't think you can go wrong making the connection. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

09-10-2005, 02:18 PM	#17 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	Yah i think its her cell phone, I am approaching it as a friend because as of now i think that whats gonna become of it for now at least. I tried calling her today when i was waiting for my car to get washed and there was no answer again i think her phone might be messed up but i left a message and havent heard back. Im friends with some people she knows and if i dont talk to her by mid week this week i think ill get the house number and give it a ring because i have a feeling her cell is messed up.

09-11-2005, 12:48 PM	#18 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	ok, i hate to be the one to say it...but is it possible she didn't give you her real number? 15 rings and you get a bunch of noises--that sounds more like a fax machine than voice mail or an answering machine. i could be wrong, but if she enjoyed your company on the cruise but doesn't actually want to persue anything, a fake number is not out of the question.

09-11-2005, 03:08 PM	#20 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	Nah its not a fax machine its a voice mail but the greeting is fucked up... I know its possible, but id rather find out then just sit back and assume that thats the case.

09-15-2005, 09:03 AM	#21 (permalink)
PoteMatic727 Upright	Alright well she didnt pilt my head with a fake number cause uh she answered when i called it last night.... We talked for like uh 30-45min and then got disconnected on my end i think but i dont know. Took a shower and tried calling her back like 15min later and she didnt answer but whatever im a happy man now that i know its her number and she finally answered. Im gonna call her tonight and see if she wants to do something this weekend, but im kinda low flow after that cruise and other expenses so im not sure what im gonna do. Any cheap date ideas? I might just drop the cash and do it right but we'll see, shoot she might not even want to do anything.