soma

Last night at a party, I, for the first time in my life, asked a girl out on a date. She accepted my proposal to dinner and gave me her number. I felt quite happy to see things go so well, but I also felt overwhelmed with the task ahead of me. I have a bunch of questions I was hoping to get help with.

1. Although we met for the first time last night, I think she is someone I would really like to persue a long term relationship with. I'm quite aware of the fact that my infatuation is at least partly due to my ... well, desparation. Like I said before I have never been with a girl before. How can I make it seem like I'm not as desparate as I am? I'd like as much as possible to ease into this and scare her away.

2. For a first date, I was thinking of taking a simple little picnic with some semi fancy food and a dessert to top off the night. Would this be appropriate? If we were eating outside, it would be much more relaxed, and the views would me much better. Tell me what you think.

3. Are there any not too tacky ice breaker games/activities to do, or is just plain conversation the best way to go?

4. I've heard thousands of times: "wait a couple of days before calling her". Now, I don't want to fool around and play games, but is there really any truth to this?

5. Am I taking this all too seriously? I do understand that a first date hardly means anything sometimes.

Well, feel free to post whatever first date advice, or any other sort of dating advice that comes to mind. Anything, and I mean anything would help. Also, maybe even hearing some first date experiences might make this easier for me.

Thanks a lot TFPers.

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Jimellow

1) Just be yourself and prevent yourself from already having a house and family in your mind. Just be realistic and let things develop naturally. Also, make sure you really like the girl and aren't just interested because she is the first.. There can be other girls if she isn't ideal for you.

2) Sounds good to me. A picnic should be a lot of fun, and a good opportunity to talk to one another.

3) I'd recommend mini-golf and advise against a movie.

4) There may be truth to it, but I would just do what "you" would do, and not worry about sayings, recommendations, and such. If you feel like calling her, then call her. If not, wait. Don't let other people dictate your relationship unnecessarily.

5) You might be, or she might be something special. Just because it's a first date doesn't guarantee that she will be a winner, or conversely that she will be forgettable. What's important is that you be yourself, and let her get to know the real you right away, so that any decision that she (or you) makes regarding the relationship, will be the correct on.

Lastly, I'd recommend you make sure you know if you are entering a friendship or a relationship. If you asked her on a date, it seems you are entering a relationship, which is fine. The only reason I mention that is because in the past, I've become friends with girls first, and we then hit a wall, one that never advanced to relationship status. So just know what you both are getting into, and ideally you both are looking for the same things.

Good luck.

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Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.

LoganSnake

I only got one advise for you and it is not to use the movie theater as one of the points of interest on the first couple of dates. You can't talk in a movie theater and that's one of the main factors in a blossoming relationship.

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bad jane

i don't think movies are always a bad idea--provided you do dinner after the movie. by the time it is over, you aren't so nervous since you just spent a couple of hours next to her (plus you find out if she's the annoying type of person who talks through the whole movie!). and it gives you something to talk about if you are worried there will be a lot of awkward silences.

i think your picnic sounds fabulous. it's not as standard as the movie--which is always a nice change!

if you don't want to come off as desperate, well, i don't think i'd start mentioning anything about a long term relationship to her on the first date and i also wouldn't mention that this is your first first date--you shouldn't pretend to have more experience than you do, but there's no reason to make her wonder why you've never dated before. if things progress, bring it up later in the relationship

waiting a couple of days does nothing. if i am anxiously awaiting a call from a guy because i'm excited about seeing him, when he doesn't call for a few days it leads me to believe he's not as interested. that doesn't make me more interested, only less. at the same time, no one wants a stalker--so unless you got a very strong vibe that it was an amazing connection from her side as well--i'd suggest waiting till at least the following day.

i'd stay away from icebreaker type games. it's a date, not a game show. play mini golf as someone else suggested, or take a frisbee or ball to kick around if you'll be in a park like area. but regular old conversation is the best way to go. if you know some of her interests, looking into them a bit might make for a more interesting conversation. plus, it's flattering a guy took the time to know a little something about what matters to you. (and the questions you ask are going to be much more intelligent as well)

for me, a first-date has always been enough that i knew if i wanted to get involved with the guy or not. some people need more than that, but in my experience one is enough. from then on i know if 1) i have no interest in seeing this person ever again, 2) they aren't someone i'd get involved with, but we had fun so going out with only that expectation is a possibility, or 3) there's definite potential for a relationship.

good luck, have fun and be yourself

onesandzeroes

Can you take a short walk to the picnic site? I always find that talking to someone is easier if we're doing something at the same time. It makes it more casual, as your attention can be divided at the task at hand(walking) and not ENTIRELY on staring at each other and talking.

How would you do an ice breaker? would you just say.. let's play a game? that would seem strange....On the ohter hand, if your date was a game, say... mini golf. or you played a game while out(frisbee as others have mentioned) that can help break the ice.

Lastly.. yes you can just be yourself... but just as people dress nicer than usual on dates, show her the better part of yourself. leave out the desperation, leave out the fact that you've not dated.. etc.. don't lie, but you needn't bring it up.

soma

Thanks for all of the replies. I'm learning!

My next question is this. How do I ask her if she would be interested in going on a second date? Would I just say something like: "I had a great time and hope you did to. Would you like to do this again some time?" Also, what would be the appropriate time in the date to ask this question?

Thank you all so much.

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Glory's Sun

my advise.. take her to a carnival/amusement park. yeah it's cliche but it is a great way to open up and have fun at the same time..


as far as asking her for a second date.. just ask her. The more you try to script things the worse off you'll be.

Good luck and be yourself

StanT

Just go out and do something fun. I you have a good time and enjoy her company, tell her so. If not, be polite. Skip all the "rules" and for god's sake don't discuss anything long term on the first date.

Acetylene

Carnivals are awfully loud and not everyone likes rides and junk food.

Picnic sounds like a great idea. So does Frisbee, mini-golf, or any other physical activity that won't completely destroy her hair (she might feel shy about participating fully if she thinks she'll look like a troll afterwards). If you take her roller skating you might get the chance to hold her hand so she doesn't fall! (that might be better for a second date.)

I agree that movies are a good idea only later on the in the relationship. Men who only take their girls to dinner and movies are totally boring and you want to seem as interesting and exciting as possible.

If you have a good time, then at the end of the date, say "I had a lot of fun today. Could we do this again sometime?" or something along those lines. Girls like to know they are fun and desirable and you would have to really blow it to make her refuse after only one date!

PS. If you DO do someting horrible like spill your coke down her front, DON'T PANIC. React calmly and laugh about it afterwards--she will respect you a lot more than if you fall all over yourself apologizing (although you should still say you're sorry...just don't overdo it).

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Mr Honest

only ask for a 2nd date at the end and only if it's gone well (like she's not crying or running away, then it's too late)

don't get your cock out until at least the 3rd date. Sneak it into her hand in the dark saying 'hand is good but your mouth is better, your pussy will be magnificent but save your ass until the 4th date so I can still respect you

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c172g

1. First mistake....you DON'T want to scare her away. Forget the long term relationship, believe me, you don't know a thing about this girl yet. In my humble opinion, let her know you don't date much (you don't have to say EVER!). If you get into a relationship with her, she'll find out anyway.

2. I'd go to a restaraunt that has outside dining before I'd pack up a picnic. Might be a little too much on the first date. If she thinks you spent all day preparing a dinner, packed it away, went online & got all kinds of advice on how to handle date #1, she might think it's a little too much too soon. I say make her dinner for date #2 if it happens. Just my 2 cents.

3. Lots of talk, but it can be over a game of mini golf or a hundred other things. When you call her, ask her what her hobbies are. Find something mutual you both like to do & go do it (I agree the movie is a bad place to start a date, but it worked for me, now 13 years later. If you do the movie, go eat first then go to the movie. If things are progressing nicely, grab the hand!).

4. I call bullshit. If she said she'd go out with you, it's because she's interested. People don't go out to dinner with people they don't have an interest in unless they can't afford food & are starving.

5. See above. You are in if she said she'd go out with you. She probably is not infatuated with you yet, that's what the dating part is for.

Good luck!

bad jane

end of the date is the best time to ask for a second. if you offer a chance for feedback during the date, you can generally tell if she'll be up for another. (if you say mid-date you are having a great time or are really enjoying her conversation--if she responds "me too" then she's receptive, if she smiles and says "i'm glad you are having fun" she likely isn't.)

and while it varies by person--i really like hearing from a guy that he would like to see me again rather than just asking me if i'd like to see him.

soma

I'll make sure to post how things went even if I crash and burn.

And if you feel the need to add to the wisdom in this thread, feel free to do so.

P.S. Mr Honest, I should kill you for making me laugh so hard .

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Poppinjay

The picnic sounds nice. I only had one girlfriend I ever picniced with and ended up marrying her.

I'd offer advice, but I heard it all when I was first dating and there's nothing you can do but tough it out until you get to know each other, then the conversations will flow.

I liked dating people I already knew. Much easier.

Sugarmouse

I liked dating people I already knew. Much easier.[/QUOTE]

me too i always always have!!

How can I make it seem like I'm not as desparate as I am? I'd like as much as possible to ease into this and scare her away. ?think of her as a friend you havent seen for ages..dont be nervous! ask her loads of qursions about herself aswell!

2. For a first date, I was thinking of taking a simple little picnic with some semi fancy food and a dessert to top off the night. Would this be appropriate? yes some women would love that...but some wouldnt.its a risk..but i tink the nicer tyoe of gurl would lvoe it.so it is a good test to see what type she is!

3. Are there any not too tacky ice breaker games/activities to do, or is just plain conversation the best way to go?
id say conversation
4. I've heard thousands of times: "wait a couple of days before calling her". Now, I don't want to fool around and play games, but is there really any truth to this?no truth what so ever..ppl who think ths need to grow uplol

5. Am I taking this all too seriously? I do understand that a first date hardly means anything sometimes.? no !!! but then u should relax and have fun...it is mean tto be about that after all! let us knw how it goes!!

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Sugarmouse=Festered

eotlemac

please, for the love of god dont overthink this.......the best advise i have for you is to act as if you were going to hang out with an old friend.....ask some questions but not too many....listen to what she says and provide a good response....let the time pass as usual.... dont try and force it if is kinda slowing down but dont let it slow to a hault.

best of luck, and remember she agreed to go on a date with you, be you.

Catdaddy33

I agree picnic can come if you start dating...a lot can go wrong...mother nature is a bitch...

I always had problems getting conversations going so I would try and go someplace like a local amusement park or *gasp* the mall. That way you can have many topics of discussion ranging from the surroundings to "people-watching". If you do go to a movie, dinner after the date is the ticket, you can discuss the movie.

Go with your gut and try to enjoy yourself. It's important to be yourself and it's even more important to listen to her, and if she's interested you'll be golden..

Good Luck!

soma

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