Turbotom

Well, it's more like love points...

One girl, two guys.

She has been my friend for a few years. She had a crush on me, and to make a long story short, it wasn't until she was with the other guy that I suddenly "fell in love" with her.
She's flip-flopped a couple times, and is very confused...a previous relationship with a misogynist doesn't help (to be fair, I didn't know the guy. So, who knows.)
The other guy would like to murder me, if there weren't dire consequences. But I don't really have a problem with him; except that I hope the girl doesn't fall back with him (I have my biases.) If that happens again, I know we're done forever.
Anyway, She's working things out pretty well. She wants to remain single and avoid sex, while she tries to figure things out. I think it's a great idea; I'm not sure the other guy would honor this proposition (hasn't in the past.)
I miss her a whole lot when she isn't around (which is pretty much why I'm writing this. I haven't seen here, or heard from her in only one day, and I already miss her like crazy and can't sleep.)

(I haven't felt this way sinse high school.)

So, let's here some random thoughts. What do you think is the best way to proceed? Not just for my benifit, but everyone's (even the guy who wants to kill me.) I know there's so much involved that none of you know about...so you'll be sure to miss the finer points.

Thanks!

Jinn

I don't think Coming Together is really the appropriate forum for this, but I can't exactly move it, so--

Watch yourself. Girls that flip-flop are attractive becuase they seem like they're there for you and yet.. they're unattainable. It's the bipolar hard-to-get and in-love-with-me flipflop, and it's dangerous to your emotional health. Let her have her space, and if you're missing her this much while she's single.. you might need to back off some more. It's clear she doesn't want an intimate relationship with you at the moment, so keep that in mind and heed her wishes. Trying to make her jumpstart that progress is a sketchy proposition at best.

Best luck to ya..

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Turbotom

Sorry, I'm a newbie. I didn't really look through the list well enough to pick the right forum (I'm sure there's a mod somewhere that could handle this.)

Anyway, I do my best to head her wishes, and it wouldn't be a problem if there wasn't another guy after her--it's tough.

(EDIT: Thanks, Mr/s. Mod!)

Martel

Just because there's another guy after her doesn't mean that she's just not going to be able to help herself and suddenly start having sex with him even though she doesn't want to. Women have brains. Don't approach this like a competition, where the guy who puts the most effort into things automatically gets the girl at the end.

If she said she wants to stay single for a while and not have sex, then thats what you should do. If she says that but then gets with this other guy, then maybe she just wasn't as into you as you thought.

Either way, I don't think you need to "do" anything. Let her figure out what she wants, and just go with it.

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Anamnesis

The.Lunatic

True.

Your situation is fuct. I say make a strong move at her, tell her you've gotten strong feelings for her in the last couple months or so but the situation with the other guy has complicated things. You want to lay it on the line now before things get more complicated and aqward. Then tell her to take some time with it, but don't leave you hanging you got to let me know if you'd want to persue a relationship with me or already have feelings for me too or if i'm just spinning my wheels.

If she likes you. You win
If she doesn't like you. You were set up to lose from the begining and you'll be heart broken. But its a hell of a lot better than sitting around being all mopey because some girl is screwing w/ you

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Turbotom

Well, it's more complicated than that. She loves both of us, and she's very emotionally unstable. If either of us were assholes enough, we could get her into bed even if she didn't want to (and this has happened.) The problem is that the other guy is pretty emotionally unstable at the moment as well...so I always get nervous when they are together (and I definitely don't want to discourage them doing things together.)
I'd like to think that I'm pretty stable and that I know what I'm doing, but I have to not let pride get a hold of me.
I do want what is best for all of us.
This is the first time in a long time that I have felt so selfish...

Turbotom

We've already been through that! But she doesn't think she's in a good enough state of mind to make decisions.