Another question about compliments, this time the other way around... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ruggerp11 · 06-16-2005, 09:51 AM

I am a guy who compliments, a lot. In fact I think that I do it enough that it might be looked at as insincere. My question to you all is, if someone tells you that you're beautiful, amazing, georgous, sweet, etc. everyday, a few times a day, then does it lose its meaning to you? Should I not do that as much and hold out so it might count for more? I always mean what I say, and even if I say it 50 times a day I mean it every time. I just don't want it to look like A) I"m trying to hard and B) that its insincere.

My second question goes along with this. This time however it has to do with terms of enderment. I use them with every woman I know. Its a habit, to the point that I've started to notice it a lot. What do you guys (both sexes) think of these terms of enderement (honey, babe, darling, sweetheart, etc.)? can they be overused (and if so whats the consequences?). How do you react to them when heard, and what do you think of the person saying them? I know it varies depending, but a general overview would be nice.

Any comments are encouraged and welcome. Thank you
Rugger

Sage · 06-16-2005, 10:06 AM

Firstly, I LOVE hearing compliments- As long as you are sincere in saying them, and make sure your body language backs up what you're saying, keep on telling women how fabulous they are!!

Secondly, if some guy that I'm not dating, married, or related to calls me honey, babe, darling, sweetheart, etc, I'd think it was really wierd unless he was eighty years old or so... and only then if he was the nice grandfatherly type

amonkie · 06-16-2005, 05:37 PM

For the first part - I don't mind hearing compliments when I know they are sincere, and they're coming from someone who is giving them respectfully. Some of us women are a little thick headed, and may not believe you 100% of the time

For the second... terms of endearment change from person to person, but maybe what might be helpful is to have something that you use uniquely for those REALLY close special people in your life - it will differentiate what is not the norm for YOU to say. Being aware that your words may come across as too familiar to some is the first step to avoiding or resolving any issues.

Neogigas667 · 06-16-2005, 05:50 PM

I agree with amonkie, If it is someone you care about you should atleast use an original pet name, not honey baby, babe, ect. I try to avoid doing that for special people, but sometimes sweet sinciere names are ok, just avoid the cliches.

eMOTIONal20 · 06-16-2005, 06:05 PM

I think being told 50 times a day that i'm beautiful, sweet, etc. would get a little old, and irritating. I'd be thinking, "ok, ok I get it. Shush." I think it's much more special when compliments are used only every once in a while. I am also one who believes that showing is much more effective then just telling.

I am also one who only prefers a few "pet names" and I am one who prefers to only hear them from my SO or someone I'm extremely close to and care about. If a guy I just met starts calling me "babe" or "sweetheart" I'm not going to take it very well. I have a name. Use it.

Pip · 06-17-2005, 03:19 AM

I know a few men who compliment women a lot, and I do believe they are sincere. But they overdo it, this one guy can't walk into a room where there is a woman without complimenting her. It gets annoying real fast, and pathetic, and creepy. You just don't go around telling people how you feel about them every day, it's weird. Like eMOTIONal20, I think showing is better than telling in these cases.

If your compliments are pointedly ignored you are probably overdoing it.

ShaniFaye · 06-17-2005, 03:28 AM

sincerity is the key.....the words aint gonna get you in my pants (well....if I were single) its the way its said

apolian · 06-17-2005, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eMOTIONal20

I am also one who believes that showing is much more effective then just telling.

I concur. Actions speak louder than words.
Nothing worse than someone that drowns you with words but never delivers with actions (all talk, no action syndrome).

*Nikki* · 06-17-2005, 08:09 AM

My husband has always complimented me a ton. He still does it now, even after we are married, a time when I thought it would slow down

I love it. I can tell that he means everything he says and that is the most importent part of the compliment.

As far as pet names go...I don't really care for that. He has one he calls me and that is about it. I have heard him use the same term when talking to other female friends of ours though. It's almost as if it is his generic term for females. I think it is cute

ruggerp11 · 06-17-2005, 08:10 AM

O, I am always sincere and I only compliment people this much when we'er involved. Actions do speak louder than words but unfortuantly my girlfriend is in another timezone.

Thanks for the advice about the special term for a loved one. *starts racking brain*

MEAD · 06-17-2005, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruggerp11

O, I am always sincere and I only compliment people this much when we'er involved. Actions do speak louder than words but unfortuantly my girlfriend is in another timezone.

Thanks for the advice about the special term for a loved one. *starts racking brain*

I know how that is man. I had a long distance relationship too and I was always one to give compliments, I never really got them as much as I would have liked, but guys arnt supposed to need that stuff anyway, right? I had problems with her thinking I wasnt sincere at first, it's harder to convey that sincerity when you are not in person, however after a while she leanred that I meant it everytime I said it, and although she probably didnt need to hear it as much as I said it, there's no way you are always going to be right on time with a compliment when they need or want one, so I just said them whenever I felt them. She seemed to always have a hard time taking a compliment though, she always told me that she believed that I meant it but that it wasnt explictly true, I don't know if she was extremely humble and down to earth, or very insecure, she always had me guessing.

Gamer90 · 06-17-2005, 10:07 AM

Is it wrong for a random guy to walk up to you women on the street and say something like "Wow you are very beautiful or You have lovely eyes"? Then procede to say Hi my name is ________ what's yours?

MEAD · 06-17-2005, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamer90

Is it wrong for a random guy to walk up to you women on the street and say something like "Wow you are very beautiful or You have lovely eyes"? Then procede to say Hi my name is ________ what's yours?

Nope. Some women might not feel as comfortable with that kind of introduction as others, but I don't see the harm in giving someone an honest compliment and introducing yourself, as long as the following conversaton isn't creepy and weird than I dont think the introduction is creepy or weird. However, there is a bit of a flaw in this introduction and that is that you are very upfront with the reason you became interested in that person, their phsysical attractiveness, and while it really is the only way you can judge someone you have never met, some women may not appreciate being thought of solely in that manner, that is why you have to lay off the comments on her beauty after you have gotten your foot in the door. Try and find deeper qualities as soon as you can. Like perhaps she has an intersting name, or piece of clothing, or carrying something that you are interested in, like a magazine you read.

eMOTIONal20 · 06-17-2005, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gamer90

Is it wrong for a random guy to walk up to you women on the street and say something like "Wow you are very beautiful or You have lovely eyes"? Then procede to say Hi my name is ________ what's yours?

Oh my... I'd definitely think it was creepy and lame from the beginning. I don't want a man to come up to me saying, "wow you're beautiful. You have lovely eyes." Sheesh, start the conversation some other way to show you're more interested in getting to know me. You can even talk about the damn weather for all I care.. I don't need nor want to know you like how I look right when I first meet you. It's the least important when it comes to me thinking of the reason why a guy would like me. Sorry but I'd simply roll my eyes at such a line.

MEAD · 06-17-2005, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eMOTIONal20

Oh my... I'd definitely think it was creepy and lame from the beginning. I don't want a man to come up to me saying, "wow you're beautiful. You have lovely eyes." Sheesh, start the conversation some other way to show you're more interested in getting to know me. You can even talk about the damn weather for all I care.. I don't need nor want to know you like how I look right when I first meet you. It's the least important when it comes to me thinking of the reason why a guy would like me. Sorry but I'd simply roll my eyes at such a line.

What about complete honesty right from the start? Say something like, "The reason I am introducing myself to you is because I think that you are a beautiful person. I am hoping there is much more to you than that, but right now I only know that you are beautiful. Hello I'm [Bob?]."

Most people say they appreciate honesty, I wonder if that is complete bullshit or not.

eMOTIONal20 · 06-17-2005, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MEAD

What about complete honesty right from the start? Say something like, "The reason I am introducing myself to you is because I think that you are a beautiful person. I am hoping there is much more to you than that, but right now I only know that you are beautiful. Hello I'm [Bob?]."

Most people say they appreciate honesty, I wonder if that is complete bullshit or not.

I do appreciate honesty, and I suppose something like that wouldn't bother me as much.

I'd just rather be shown from the start that a man can start a conversation with me on something other than, "You're beautiful." I like it when men are more creative than that. And yes, I have high standards for such things.

Elegant Holmes · 06-22-2005, 08:28 AM

If I recall my sexual harrassment training correctly, compliments are ok until the person says it makes them feel uncomfortable. At that point everyone in the office will be subjected to a sexual harrassment training video and will be required to perform a scripted skit. I got to play the sleazy guy who liked to touch women. So compliment away my friend!

JustDoll · 06-22-2005, 09:25 AM

Compliments are a necessity..

men to women and vice versa.

Just makes each other's day so much more brighter and brings up the mood even on a rainy day :P
hehe..

06-16-2005, 09:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	Another question about compliments, this time the other way around... I am a guy who compliments, a lot. In fact I think that I do it enough that it might be looked at as insincere. My question to you all is, if someone tells you that you're beautiful, amazing, georgous, sweet, etc. everyday, a few times a day, then does it lose its meaning to you? Should I not do that as much and hold out so it might count for more? I always mean what I say, and even if I say it 50 times a day I mean it every time. I just don't want it to look like A) I"m trying to hard and B) that its insincere. My second question goes along with this. This time however it has to do with terms of enderment. I use them with every woman I know. Its a habit, to the point that I've started to notice it a lot. What do you guys (both sexes) think of these terms of enderement (honey, babe, darling, sweetheart, etc.)? can they be overused (and if so whats the consequences?). How do you react to them when heard, and what do you think of the person saying them? I know it varies depending, but a general overview would be nice. Any comments are encouraged and welcome. Thank you Rugger __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

06-16-2005, 10:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	Firstly, I LOVE hearing compliments- As long as you are sincere in saying them, and make sure your body language backs up what you're saying, keep on telling women how fabulous they are!! Secondly, if some guy that I'm not dating, married, or related to calls me honey, babe, darling, sweetheart, etc, I'd think it was really wierd unless he was eighty years old or so... and only then if he was the nice grandfatherly type __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

06-16-2005, 05:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	For the first part - I don't mind hearing compliments when I know they are sincere, and they're coming from someone who is giving them respectfully. Some of us women are a little thick headed, and may not believe you 100% of the time For the second... terms of endearment change from person to person, but maybe what might be helpful is to have something that you use uniquely for those REALLY close special people in your life - it will differentiate what is not the norm for YOU to say. Being aware that your words may come across as too familiar to some is the first step to avoiding or resolving any issues. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

06-16-2005, 06:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
eMOTIONal20 Crazy Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado	I think being told 50 times a day that i'm beautiful, sweet, etc. would get a little old, and irritating. I'd be thinking, "ok, ok I get it. Shush." I think it's much more special when compliments are used only every once in a while. I am also one who believes that showing is much more effective then just telling. I am also one who only prefers a few "pet names" and I am one who prefers to only hear them from my SO or someone I'm extremely close to and care about. If a guy I just met starts calling me "babe" or "sweetheart" I'm not going to take it very well. I have a name. Use it. __________________ "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

06-17-2005, 03:28 AM	#7 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	sincerity is the key.....the words aint gonna get you in my pants (well....if I were single) its the way its said __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

06-16-2005, 05:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
Neogigas667 Upright Location: Tennessee, thats all you need to know.	I agree with amonkie, If it is someone you care about you should atleast use an original pet name, not honey baby, babe, ect. I try to avoid doing that for special people, but sometimes sweet sinciere names are ok, just avoid the cliches.

06-17-2005, 03:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
Pip Likes Hats Location: Stockholm, Sweden	I know a few men who compliment women a lot, and I do believe they are sincere. But they overdo it, this one guy can't walk into a room where there is a woman without complimenting her. It gets annoying real fast, and pathetic, and creepy. You just don't go around telling people how you feel about them every day, it's weird. Like eMOTIONal20, I think showing is better than telling in these cases. If your compliments are pointedly ignored you are probably overdoing it.

06-17-2005, 08:09 AM	#9 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	My husband has always complimented me a ton. He still does it now, even after we are married, a time when I thought it would slow down I love it. I can tell that he means everything he says and that is the most importent part of the compliment. As far as pet names go...I don't really care for that. He has one he calls me and that is about it. I have heard him use the same term when talking to other female friends of ours though. It's almost as if it is his generic term for females. I think it is cute

06-17-2005, 08:10 AM	#10 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	O, I am always sincere and I only compliment people this much when we'er involved. Actions do speak louder than words but unfortuantly my girlfriend is in another timezone. Thanks for the advice about the special term for a loved one. starts racking brain __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

06-17-2005, 10:07 AM	#12 (permalink)
Gamer90 Tilted	Is it wrong for a random guy to walk up to you women on the street and say something like "Wow you are very beautiful or You have lovely eyes"? Then procede to say Hi my name is ________ what's yours? __________________ *This posting is provided "as is" with no warranties, and confers no rights*

06-22-2005, 08:28 AM	#17 (permalink)
Elegant Holmes Crazy Location: "TX"	If I recall my sexual harrassment training correctly, compliments are ok until the person says it makes them feel uncomfortable. At that point everyone in the office will be subjected to a sexual harrassment training video and will be required to perform a scripted skit. I got to play the sleazy guy who liked to touch women. So compliment away my friend!

06-22-2005, 09:25 AM	#18 (permalink)
JustDoll Upright Location: T.dot	Compliments are a necessity.. men to women and vice versa. Just makes each other's day so much more brighter and brings up the mood even on a rainy day :P hehe.. __________________ It's like you slit my throat, watched me bleed to death, and asked my dead body why I was screaming in so much pain.