Question For the Ladies - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

cudaboy · 04-12-2005, 11:37 PM

In your experience whats the best way for your partner and get you in the mood? Why I ask is I have been with my other 1/2 for 12 years and things in the sex dept has been pritty dead. I think Ive tried just about every thing, making extra time for her, langure' shopping and surprise gifts. Even toys if you know what I mean. I know i must be missing something, we've talked about it and all. She said she just isn't in the mood, then later in the conversation its I dont initiate sex. It has me so confused.

ratbastid · 04-13-2005, 05:44 AM

Your signature seems to be consistent with your approach. You want to make her be in the mood? "Get" her in the mood? Good luck. Desperation and force are the not conducive to sex.

Stop needing it so much, is my advice. You stop needing it, and you'll find it coming to you.

You should also talk with her about your confusion. But don't expect anything like a logical explanation from her. Emotions aren't logical, women's emotions especially.

Edit: I just noticed the thread title. Okay, I'm not a lady. But I did just have a breakthrough in this in my marriage, so I feel qualified to speak about it.

Gilda · 04-13-2005, 07:34 AM

Start doing all the nice little things women like, and do them several times a day. Give her casual kisses on the cheek or forehead, leave a little love note in an unexpected place. Sit down with her at the end of the day, hold hands, and ask her how her day was, and actually listen closely to what she has to say. Touch her casually on the arms and shoulders, caress her cheek, give her casual hugs. Give her a foot rub or a back massage.

Think of all the little casually affectionate things you can do for her, and do them without the expectation that you're going to get sex out of it. Don't try to separate the things you do for her into forplay and nonsexual. For most women, everything affectionate and caring you do for her is a form of foreplay. When the purpose is solely to get her in the sack, it feels like a tool. When the purpose is to make her feel good about herself and her relationship with you, she might not feel used as much and might relax and be more affectionate back.

Remember that, for many women, the physical and romantic relationship is everything you do, not just the sexually related things.

Gilda

Lucky Girl · 04-13-2005, 10:09 AM

Amen Ratbastid & Gilda!! Do the little things and don't expect sex everytime. The more you expect it, the less you will get it!

KinkyKiwi · 04-13-2005, 10:51 AM

i second the amen ^

also..using like sensual massage oils with essential oils and candles..and good wine and a lovely dinner...surefire ways to start up a romantic mood

classic..slighty cheesy but its better then the other suggestions that ran thru my head involving whips...good luck

Sage · 04-13-2005, 11:04 AM

(obligatory)

Is she on birth control? This can kill a woman's libido quicker than antifreeze + my downstair's neighbor's dogs. Has she talked to her doctor about her decreased libido? Is she on any meds? Is she stressed? Has she considered thearapy for her stress level? Could she quit her high stress job and take a nice, fun, enjoyable job? Are you two in a lot of debt? Has she gained weight, therefore thinking she's unattractive?

BIRTH CONTROL CAN AND WILL KILL YOUR LIBIDO! Get her to a doctor, if she's got any of the afforementioned stuff going on.

Acetylene · 04-13-2005, 01:37 PM

Gilda says it straight up.

Also, if she's complaining that you don't initiate sex, as your last sentence indicated, maybe what turns her on is you turning her on!

cudaboy · 04-13-2005, 04:32 PM

Thanks for the input. We are going to have a sit down talk tonight. Hopefully so I can understand a little better.

cowgirl02 · 04-13-2005, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

Start doing all the nice little things women like, and do them several times a day. Give her casual kisses on the cheek or forehead, leave a little love note in an unexpected place. Sit down with her at the end of the day, hold hands, and ask her how her day was, and actually listen closely to what she has to say. Touch her casually on the arms and shoulders, caress her cheek, give her casual hugs. Give her a foot rub or a back massage.

Think of all the little casually affectionate things you can do for her, and do them without the expectation that you're going to get sex out of it. Don't try to separate the things you do for her into forplay and nonsexual. For most women, everything affectionate and caring you do for her is a form of foreplay. When the purpose is solely to get her in the sack, it feels like a tool. When the purpose is to make her feel good about herself and her relationship with you, she might not feel used as much and might relax and be more affectionate back.

Remember that, for many women, the physical and romantic relationship is everything you do, not just the sexually related things.

Gilda

Yep pretty much!!!!

Cimarron29414 · 04-15-2005, 09:02 AM

Boy here:

I can not emphasize enough that your problem is intent. If you do all those little things with the intent of getting some action, then your actions will be seen through like a piece of glass and she will resent you for trying to manipulate her. However, if you do those things with the intent of showing your love for her, then sex just *happens*.

Pretend that there is no such thing as sex - how would you show her how you feel about her? Yep, do those things.

simonrex22 · 04-15-2005, 09:34 AM

I may not be a woman, but i think i have some good suggestions. Im not sure if this is what you are doing, but buying a gift and expecting her to get horny when she opens it and have sex is not going to work. In the case of lingerie, you give it to her and maybe tell her or even write on a card, "Surprise me someday". Hopefully your next B-day she'll come out of the bathroom and she'll be wearing it. If not, maybe she's too uncomfortable wearing it. With a toy, you give it to her on her birthday or some other special day, and say "Maybe someday we can experiment with this." Then, put it on your night table and surprise her with it one night while you already started foreplay.

As for initiating romantic sex, the rolling movie credits are the best time. Rent a romance movie, something with a lot of lust. Im sure you'll both be in the mood by the time its over. But let the movie finish, women's emotions run rampant when they see that happy ending. Leave the lights out and cuddle up with her. Take it slow. Rubbing a womans arms is a great show of affection. Then test her to see if she is in the mood. A gentle rub on her stomach or on her leg, and her body language will tell you if she is in the mood. If she gives you the "green light" then you go from there. The best way is to take it slow and be romantic. then things move on from there. Im not sure how you go about it, but i could spend two hours with foreplay before any clothes are removed. It just builds up anticipation and makes the whole experience better.

here is a little something i just learned. Might be good for afterwards. After climax, men and women both have different chemicals that activate in their brain. With men, it is Tryptophan. this is a sedative and makes us wanna sleep. with women, i forget the name of the chemical but it sends them into a heavy emotional state. they need to be taken care of. the best thing to do is to put your arm around her and fall asleep. telling her you love her is good too. i garauntee it will make her more secure and she will be in a really good mood the next day.

The best thing i can tell you is to be spontaneous. dont try to force it when you are horny. And start slow. Trying to get it right away will end in failure.

cudaboy · 04-15-2005, 11:04 AM

Let me clear a fiew things up. Because I didn't word my question properly
I did the langure' shopping because she said she wasn't feeling sexy.
The extra time together was to show her i was not just wanting sex. I could wack it for that.
The toys were because she said that they might be fun to have.
The surprise gifts were just for the hell of it.

sorry for sounding blunt at work must type quickly

simonrex22 · 04-15-2005, 11:54 PM

maybe their are other problems in the relationship

04-12-2005, 11:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
cudaboy Upright Location: NC	Question For the Ladies In your experience whats the best way for your partner and get you in the mood? Why I ask is I have been with my other 1/2 for 12 years and things in the sex dept has been pritty dead. I think Ive tried just about every thing, making extra time for her, langure' shopping and surprise gifts. Even toys if you know what I mean. I know i must be missing something, we've talked about it and all. She said she just isn't in the mood, then later in the conversation its I dont initiate sex. It has me so confused. __________________ Last edited by cudaboy; 04-13-2005 at 09:03 AM..

04-13-2005, 05:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Your signature seems to be consistent with your approach. You want to make her be in the mood? "Get" her in the mood? Good luck. Desperation and force are the not conducive to sex. Stop needing it so much, is my advice. You stop needing it, and you'll find it coming to you. You should also talk with her about your confusion. But don't expect anything like a logical explanation from her. Emotions aren't logical, women's emotions especially. Edit: I just noticed the thread title. Okay, I'm not a lady. But I did just have a breakthrough in this in my marriage, so I feel qualified to speak about it. Last edited by ratbastid; 04-13-2005 at 05:46 AM..

04-13-2005, 10:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
Lucky Girl Upright	Amen Ratbastid & Gilda!! Do the little things and don't expect sex everytime. The more you expect it, the less you will get it! __________________ Lucky Girl

04-13-2005, 10:51 AM	#5 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	i second the amen ^ also..using like sensual massage oils with essential oils and candles..and good wine and a lovely dinner...surefire ways to start up a romantic mood classic..slighty cheesy but its better then the other suggestions that ran thru my head involving whips...good luck __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

04-13-2005, 11:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	(obligatory) Is she on birth control? This can kill a woman's libido quicker than antifreeze + my downstair's neighbor's dogs. Has she talked to her doctor about her decreased libido? Is she on any meds? Is she stressed? Has she considered thearapy for her stress level? Could she quit her high stress job and take a nice, fun, enjoyable job? Are you two in a lot of debt? Has she gained weight, therefore thinking she's unattractive? BIRTH CONTROL CAN AND WILL KILL YOUR LIBIDO! Get her to a doctor, if she's got any of the afforementioned stuff going on. __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

04-13-2005, 07:34 AM	#3 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	Start doing all the nice little things women like, and do them several times a day. Give her casual kisses on the cheek or forehead, leave a little love note in an unexpected place. Sit down with her at the end of the day, hold hands, and ask her how her day was, and actually listen closely to what she has to say. Touch her casually on the arms and shoulders, caress her cheek, give her casual hugs. Give her a foot rub or a back massage. Think of all the little casually affectionate things you can do for her, and do them without the expectation that you're going to get sex out of it. Don't try to separate the things you do for her into forplay and nonsexual. For most women, everything affectionate and caring you do for her is a form of foreplay. When the purpose is solely to get her in the sack, it feels like a tool. When the purpose is to make her feel good about herself and her relationship with you, she might not feel used as much and might relax and be more affectionate back. Remember that, for many women, the physical and romantic relationship is everything you do, not just the sexually related things. Gilda

04-13-2005, 01:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	Gilda says it straight up. Also, if she's complaining that you don't initiate sex, as your last sentence indicated, maybe what turns her on is you turning her on! __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

04-13-2005, 04:32 PM	#8 (permalink)
cudaboy Upright Location: NC	Thanks for the input. We are going to have a sit down talk tonight. Hopefully so I can understand a little better. __________________

04-15-2005, 09:02 AM	#10 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	Boy here: I can not emphasize enough that your problem is intent. If you do all those little things with the intent of getting some action, then your actions will be seen through like a piece of glass and she will resent you for trying to manipulate her. However, if you do those things with the intent of showing your love for her, then sex just happens. Pretend that there is no such thing as sex - how would you show her how you feel about her? Yep, do those things. __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

04-15-2005, 09:34 AM	#11 (permalink)
simonrex22 Insane	I may not be a woman, but i think i have some good suggestions. Im not sure if this is what you are doing, but buying a gift and expecting her to get horny when she opens it and have sex is not going to work. In the case of lingerie, you give it to her and maybe tell her or even write on a card, "Surprise me someday". Hopefully your next B-day she'll come out of the bathroom and she'll be wearing it. If not, maybe she's too uncomfortable wearing it. With a toy, you give it to her on her birthday or some other special day, and say "Maybe someday we can experiment with this." Then, put it on your night table and surprise her with it one night while you already started foreplay. As for initiating romantic sex, the rolling movie credits are the best time. Rent a romance movie, something with a lot of lust. Im sure you'll both be in the mood by the time its over. But let the movie finish, women's emotions run rampant when they see that happy ending. Leave the lights out and cuddle up with her. Take it slow. Rubbing a womans arms is a great show of affection. Then test her to see if she is in the mood. A gentle rub on her stomach or on her leg, and her body language will tell you if she is in the mood. If she gives you the "green light" then you go from there. The best way is to take it slow and be romantic. then things move on from there. Im not sure how you go about it, but i could spend two hours with foreplay before any clothes are removed. It just builds up anticipation and makes the whole experience better. here is a little something i just learned. Might be good for afterwards. After climax, men and women both have different chemicals that activate in their brain. With men, it is Tryptophan. this is a sedative and makes us wanna sleep. with women, i forget the name of the chemical but it sends them into a heavy emotional state. they need to be taken care of. the best thing to do is to put your arm around her and fall asleep. telling her you love her is good too. i garauntee it will make her more secure and she will be in a really good mood the next day. The best thing i can tell you is to be spontaneous. dont try to force it when you are horny. And start slow. Trying to get it right away will end in failure.

04-15-2005, 11:04 AM	#12 (permalink)
cudaboy Upright Location: NC	Let me clear a fiew things up. Because I didn't word my question properly I did the langure' shopping because she said she wasn't feeling sexy. The extra time together was to show her i was not just wanting sex. I could wack it for that. The toys were because she said that they might be fun to have. The surprise gifts were just for the hell of it. sorry for sounding blunt at work must type quickly __________________

04-15-2005, 11:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
simonrex22 Insane	maybe their are other problems in the relationship