Powderedmaggot

Assuming you got married and divorced or common law equivalent, why did it happen?

Hardknock

No responses yet....

People would probably be more willing to respond if you include your own story.....

spindles

Because the signs were there before I got married the first time that she was not the right person for me to marry. Once we had decided to do it, I think I was caught up in the excitement of doing it, that I lost sight of my own happiness. Ah, the beautiful world of hindsight.

Thankfully, it was a short marriage, with little negative consequences for either of us, and I am now happily married with child. Where my ex wife is, I neither know or care.

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doncalypso

Seeing that I've never been married and don't plan on ever getting divorced if I ever do get married, I don't think I'm in a good position to answer this question.

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Cimarron29414

FYI, 70% of failed marriages are attributed to money issues.

The rest of the list is short and in no particular order:
Infidelity
Substance Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual dysfunction

I will bet that everyone who answers here will answer to one of these categories. I am married and have never divorced.

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liquidlight

Cimarron is right. I got divorced because I got married way to young and it led to a slew of problems that fall into a couple of those categories. Mostly centering around money, my ex thought it grew on trees, and now with the kids she still thinks that I can just pull it out of my ass whenever I feel like it.

Sexual dysfunction was also another big one for us, even married the most I could hope for was once about every 2 weeks, she wouldn't even cuddle with me. I still care about her sadly, and I'm bitter about a lot of the things that she put me through after the divorce, but life goes on!

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Powderedmaggot

OK hardknock - I'm not divorced. I've had thoughts of it over my 14 years of marriage. At about 2-3 years, again at about 9-10 years and again recently. Recently it has been due to a lack of sex. I know that may sound shallow but sex and intamacy are important. If I were to leave initiation up to my wife I would get laid every time I hired a hooker. To date I haven't. I recently decided to stop initating sex; I went 1 1/2 months before I broke down and initiated. I've talked to her about it and she seems to think our sex life is fine. She is inflexible in her sexual activities. She willnot touch my spincter, have anal sex, sleep naked, have a threesome, she does not like to give blowjobs (but will occasionally when I go down on her and stick it in her face). She seems to have absolutely no lust or desire. Her mind never joins mine in the gutter.

So there you have it. This is why I am curious as to why some couples divoce.

StephenSa

Hasn't happened to me yet but I have some fears for the future. I love my wife but her thirteen year old daughter makes me crazy. I thought I could handle it when I got married but reality has been quite a disturbing slap in the face. The girl is a bit of a problem child which really effects her mom and puts a lot of stress on the household. She should be out and in college in five years and I thought that would be a cake-walk but sometimes I'm afraid I won't make it. Basically in five years somebody is leaving the house, me or her. I've made MAJOR lifestyle changes to accomodate her and those combined with her behavior and her mother's reaction to it could someday be too much for this frail old man to handle. No plans for now though, but thats the one reason other than infidelity on my wifes part that I would one day divorce. My wife on the other hand could possibly grow frustrated with my minimal sex drive and consider leaving. I could see sexual compatibility as a valid reason to split up though I love my wife and hope it never comes to that for any reason.

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Acetylene

I've never been married, but I left a long-term (5 year) relationship because of lack of interest or caring. My boyfriend wouldn't call, wouldn't visit, wouldn't spend money. He was cold and manipulative, both emotionally and sexually. He wanted me to come visit him (long expensive train ride) 2-3 times a week, have sex, and then watch TV. That got BORING, not to mention I felt unloved and unlovable (plus he only liked the history channel--jk)! I'm not sure if I would have divorced him if I were married, though, because I put up with him for a very long time because I had never known any other man and didn't know things ought to be different; I thought my girlfriends who were telling me he was a loser were just being bitchy (they couldn't find a boyfriend of their own). I also felt very strongly that one should be loyal to one's mate, and that eveyone had their flaws, we're all equal, blah blah blah. I decided to get rid of him because I would be better off alone, but I kept dating him and agonizing about the decision, feeling helpless and scared, for another couple months before I met Kel and was convinced to dump the creep. Soon after I got over the stress of that, I was finally able to get off Prozac; that proved to me that I had made the right decision. If we were married and I had not met Kel, I think I would have stayed with him anyway, though, because I was such a coward and in so much pain from my depression that I wouldn't have had the guts to do it. I would either have had to make a relationship where we were basically just roommates and not lovers, so I could have my own life, or probably I would have started looking for jobs with high mortality rates. (Oh wait, I already was...)

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radioguy

she didn't love me anymore, simple as that

Val_1

Mostly I'm divorved because my wife left me and nothing I did could convince her to come back. It was pretty confusing to me at the time, but now that we've been apart for a time I realize that I am happier without her. We had gotten married young and had grown apart.

We got along fine when it came to all the issues that are typically labeled as the major reasons for divorce: money, fidelity, alchol or drugs. None of those things caused problems. But, day to day issues became much more work than they should have been. Just having a conversation became work.

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cj2112

Well, part of the reason I married my wife was because sexually there wasn't to many things she wouldn't do...Ironically, I divorced her for the same reason. That and the fact that she had decided she "didn't want to be a wife or a mother anymore" (yes those were her exact words)

Martel

Standard questions: birth control? What is she taking (if any)? Has it recently changed?

General stress level? Has it recently changed?

Does she ever masturbate? Even when you're not there? Have you been to see a sex therapist or anything?

Divorce is a huge step, especially since it sounds like you two have had a great (or at least good) 10+ years of being together.

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Anamnesis

abaya

Wow, this has me curious. What do you mean about "I divorced her for the same reason"... did she use her uninhibitedness against you, in the end?

Also, did you marry young? I'm wondering what pushed her to say that stuff about being a wife and mother... I picture some of my friends saying that, the ones who married right out of college and never took time to become their own selves (esp. women), though of course that's just my observation.

I'm also noticing that every responder so far has been male. Where are the ladies??

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Demeter

My husband became drug-addicted & totally self absorbed. He acted like we (his wife & kids) didn't exist, and if I needed anything from him (rent, a hand around the house, someone to talk to) he felt overwhemled & would take off with his friends for days.

Basically my spouse no longer existed.

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Acetylene

Abaya, I am a lady!

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There's no justice. There's just us.

cj2112

she decided that she needed to "do" a guy I worked with, the drug dealer down the street and her best friends boyfriend...hence the "doing anything"

As far as marrying young, she was 27 I was 25. We had one child together, and had lived together for 3 years when we got married. She then decided she wanted another child (and I happily agreed) when the kids were 4yrs old, and 21 months old when she left.

abaya

Oops, sorry Acetylene!! I'm running on not-enough-sleep right now, I prob would have noticed otherwise.

Wow, yeah, that would do the trick... damn. Sorry to hear this, the whole story doesn't sound good.

Someone else said they looked back when it was done and could see the signs they missed at the beginning... anyone else feel that way?

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

PDOUBLEOP

I couldn't deal with all of the competition.

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tecoyah

to retain my sanity.....and because I met the one who could make my life complete.

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sillygirl

Because he thought he could own me, abuse me emotionally, hit me, and basically dictate everything I did, said, or felt. If dinner wasn't on the table when he got home (even though I was either at work or in class every day at that time) there would be a huge problem when I got home. I didn't keep the house spotless, due to having two jobs and going to school, and the sex? Well, it SUCKED.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

joofoo

Well, mine happened because I lied about a few really stupid (I never cheated, drank, did drugs or abused her or the kids in anyway shape or form) things over the years and she couldn't forgive or forget that happening. I still love her deeply and always will.. we did marry young, I was 19 and she was 18. We lasted ten years and if not for me not being able to be competly honest with my wife, we would still be married. That was our only problem.

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joofoo

Sweetpea

I haven't been divorced but i WOULD divorce if:

our connection was no longer apparent
We didn't help make each other better people
our sexual/erotic connection wasn't existent

Life is too short to stay with someone who doesn't bring as much to your life as you bring to theirs. everyone deserves to be happy. I'm happy right now and have been during our marriage and 9 years together, but if that were to change, i wouldn't think twice about getting a divorce.

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KMA-628

Would you believe....

I am getting a divorce so my soon-to-be ex-wife can go hook up with some guy she met playing MMORPG's?

Yep, I found out tonight (but, ssshhhh, she doesn't know I am aware of the "real" reason for her divorce). Her little "business trip" she has planned has nothing to do with business at all.

Now....what do I do with the info? I gotta be careful because I am a vindictive sonofabitch--I don't like being fucked with nor do I like being played the fool.

Figures, goddam online gaming.......

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Before you criticize someone, you need to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry at you.......you're a mile away.......and they're barefoot.

doncalypso

MMORPGs???

What's that?

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

KMA-628

I think: Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game

specifically, Dark Age of Camelot.

Definition of irony? I bought her the game as a Christmas Present (the original and the latest expansion) and she plays on the computer I custom-built for her Valentine's present.

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Before you criticize someone, you need to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry at you.......you're a mile away.......and they're barefoot.

*Nikki*

It is funny how sometimes we give our SO the vessels with which to cheat on us. When my ex cheated on me it was using the phone I gave him for Christmas. He never had a cell phone up until that point and I didn't have access to it, so girls were calling it and I never knew. I trusted him, so I didn't think to check it out.
We were not married but being together six years and living together, it sure felt like it.
Leaving him was the best thing that ever happened to me, not to mention it allowed me to meet the man I was really supposed to spend my life with.

doncalypso

Good thing you got out of that mess before the relationship had progressed to marriage.

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Ovenall

this is why i come back to tfp. great insightful, honest responses to real topics. thank you all for responding.

i love my wife, been married two and a half years, been together 13. i cannot ever imagine leaving her. but the whole ride is scary sometimes. anything can happen. reality sucks. my wife and i give eachother strength to get through it all.

ShaniFaye

because after 1st hubby and I seperated, he got addicted to crack, became a non human and I met the true love of my life....who I will be marrying in 201 days

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Ovenall

wow, good luck ShaniFaye.