uptown

reaching orgasm on a fairly regular basis... is it the woman's fault ?

I've been doing some reading and it seems that "not being physically attracted to his partner" is generally
one of the leading listed causes.

What if the guy denies this ? What is the best way to deal with this issue without it destroying your self-esteem or your relationship ?

Anomaly_

Please don't tell me this is the same guy from older threads. Yes, of course it can be a reason, but it looks like you're going down the same road yet again. I'm not sure whether you're presenting your partner unfairly or if he is actually an abusive guy, but either one means there is a problem that you need to address instead of continually clinging to an unhealthy relationship.

uptown

I am attempting to address problems but even talking about sex is difficult around here, trying to talk about these sorts of problems without it erupting into an argument is even more difficult. I have nobody that I'm comfortable discussing this sort of thing with in real life either so I'm kind of floundering.


It's a weird thing.. if we try to talk about it, the problem just gets bigger and it makes it even more difficult to be sexual.. it increases performance anxiety or something.

Btw, your hostile tone was not appreciated, I see many of the same types of questions repeatedly posted here, if I don't have any sort of helpful imput or if the question bores me, I just skip over the thread. I'd suggest you do the same thing here please, I've got enough problems without the addition of your irritation to them.

Rlyss

Mate it could be any number of a million reasons. If you're too rough when you jerk off then you'll be desensitized. If you're strssed, on medication, take drugs or smoke or drink a lot, or have a bad diet, don't exercise, etc, then you'll have problems with blood flow and sensitivity. If your mind is occupied then you won't be able to relax. If you're really not into your partner, physically or emotionally, it can be difficult to finish. And finally perhaps your partner just aren't so good at sex yet?

The point is that there is no clear 'blame' here. Can you narrow it down to anything that you might think is causing this? Unhealthy lifestyle, stress, new partner, anything like that?

Anomaly_

The hostile tone is your reading into the post--none was meant. I suggest you go back to the threads where you brought up the same general, underlying issue of self-image and relationship problems and heed some of that advice. The TFP is a wonderful source for help (I know I've learned quite a bit), but at a certain point one must look for other avenues of help instead of presenting the same problem in a different form.

uptown

I've tried talking about these issues and it always ends badly so any sort of outside help is pretty much out of the question.At this point I'm just trying to be brave enough
to get outside my own insecurities enough to take a deep breath and investigate possible solutions.

And again,if my thread bores or irritates you, relief is just a mouse click away.

warrrreagl

I think both of you need a nap.

__________________
Living is easy with eyes closed.

Aladdin Sane

Are you the man or the woman in question?

I don't think you can ever blame the other for sexual problems. Maybe it is time to move on...?

__________________
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Redlemon

Uptown: I'm sorry that I'm not answering your question directly, but could you take a moment to list a few positive things about your man? I've followed your posts, and I've seen a lot of you trying to modify yourself to his benefit, but the only things that you have revealed about him are the ways that he makes you feel bad about yourself.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

st33lr4t

its nobody's fault. try talking about it. if you cant then maybe there are other issues.

Rlyss

Sorry uptown, I assumed you were a guy. Any time I wrote 'you' use 'he' and see how it goes.

Cimarron29414

Uptown:

I, for one, have not read any other threads regarding your relationship. Without proper background information, I'm afraid that I am limited to sympathy rather than any specific advice. However, here are some general thoughts from a person that suffers from "andonandon" disease:

What I will say is that sex is always a symptom of another problem, rather than the problem itself. If you recall, when you first started dating this man, the sex was probably fantastic. This fact shows that you are both capable and compatible. Many things can change, over time, that can interfere with a successful sex life:

Health
Self-Esteem
Contempt
Mistrust
Abuse (physical and mental)
Infidelity (again typically a symptom of another problem)
Children
Loss of job/change in financial security

In my relationships, I always focus on fixing the problems that I know that I bring to the relationship. Often, I tease too much, talk too much, and listen too little. I worry too much about money and devalue the things in life that should bring me the most happiness. I worry about my slowly declining physique and my slowly reclining hairline. None of these things are truly important in life. So, I do my best to "reformat" my thoughts and let go of my baggage.

Now, once you have fixed everything that you can fix and you are still unhappy - then it is time to lay down the gauntlet for some counselling. I will assume you are married, and therefore pledged yourselves in a church. This covenant is pretty clear about what is expected of a spouse, and counselling IS NOT optional when you can't resolve your issues by yourselves.

Remember, you are 100% responsible for your own happiness. If you aren't happy and you don't speak up and offer suggestions on how someone could act better - it is your fault, not theirs.