How-to guide on dating. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

777 · 01-03-2005, 02:23 AM

Because I could use one

I've never been on a date, and I've got a lifetime of shyness to work through. But, in short, what's a good place to meet young women around 19 to 27? I live near the Los Angeles area, if that's helpful.

Thanks.

Trisk · 01-03-2005, 02:36 AM

Most people will just say "anywhere."
Wherever there are girls, you can meet them.
There is no magic place where everyone finds their perfect match.
You just have to supress your nerves, take a deep breath, and start chatting with the cute girl you're checking out.

I would suggest not doing it as they walk by though

...do it when you and the said girl are near each other, standing still for some reason (looking for books/products in a bookstore/pharmacy/whatever...in an elevator...in a line in a store...)

And a good opener/conversation starter is always good.

But there are lots of posts about this, I think.

Vincentt · 01-03-2005, 04:07 AM

It does depend on what you want.
If you just want to hookup with lots of women for random sex. You should try to follow advice and pretend to be things your not. Read those guides that tell you to be an asshole etc.

If you want real relationships though, you just need to be yourself, with only a little added fluff. Take some time, and write some essays about yourself. That sounds silly I know, but hear me out.

Dating is like a interview, the questions are "do I want to spend more time with this person." You will have lots of things to talk about. If you respond to a question about your goals and say "I dunno.." its a real downer.

So now that you know about yourself and can tell her, you also need to ask her questions about her life. Don't make it like a game show, but your going to want to know about her as well. Don't get desprate and stick to women who aren't good for you, just because they are girls.

As far as dates? Live band bar, I love these kind of places. Make sure the music will not be too loud though.

maleficent · 01-03-2005, 06:22 AM

Find something you enjoy doing, and you will undoubtedly meet some women who share your interests and will be suitable for a relationship.

The idea of small talk by the checkout counter is OK, but in my personal opinion, I'm often in a rush, so I don't really want to be chatted up at that point ( not that it ever happens to me) I also would not give my phone number to someone I've met for all of 2 1/2 seconds.

Volunteering is something I reccommend to people to meet others, not only do you get a good feeling from being a do-gooder, but you also can meet some interesting people who share your interests. Find an opportunity in your area that would allow you do something that interests you -- (www.volunteermatch.com - has a lot of excellent opportunities, some one time only committments, some a lot longer)

Take a course that interests you, and there will probably be some women in the class that interest you.

Strange Famous · 01-03-2005, 07:07 AM

plan9's dating thread was pretty cool - you should check it out man! I dont know if it all works, but there was a lot of advice in it!

Cimarron29414 · 01-03-2005, 08:17 AM

This will be the last thing you will try probably, but it should be the first. My wife and I took up swing dancing - Lindy Hop, East Cost, Jitterbug, Charleston, Balboa.

We have a dance club that gives a lesson every week and then a dance party for 3 hours after that. The etiquette is to always say "Yes" if someone asks you to dance. There are single guys and girls there - many have become couples right before our eyes because they came to learn to dance. Also, there are guys that are completely plain, but they can dance and the girls LINE up to dance with them. That is my recommendation.

ratbastid · 01-03-2005, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cimarron29414

This will be the last thing you will try probably, but it should be the first. My wife and I took up swing dancing - Lindy Hop, East Cost, Jitterbug, Charleston, Balboa.

AND it's fun, fun, FUN!! lurkette and I are starting an intermediate Lindy Hop class tomorrow evening!

777 · 01-03-2005, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cimarron29414

This will be the last thing you will try probably, but it should be the first. My wife and I took up swing dancing - Lindy Hop, East Cost, Jitterbug, Charleston, Balboa. That is my recommendation.

Hey, this could work. And if I don't meet anyone, at least I'll be able to dance (can't dance now). Should I go to a studio or just take a class at the local comunity college?

There are 3 little problems that I've beening having lately. First, I'm not sure at what point to ask for their number after first meet her. Second, should I ask if they have a boyfriend? I've had mixed results asking, and when not asking, it winds up being the last thing she says to me. And third, I guess this is just bad luck on my part, but the last 8 gals I've either been interested in and/or hit on have already had boyfriends. I remember one gal said the times she's hit on the most is wwen she's already taken.

Oh well, I guess I'll keep at it. And any more info would be great.

Thanks.

xim · 01-03-2005, 02:21 PM

Thats funny, Ive only had one girlfreind, but when I was taken it seemed like girls flirted with me like crazy..... Now that I'm single, its stopped again

Willravel · 01-03-2005, 02:42 PM

You're shy? Try Borders or Barnes & Nobles. Put on some nice clothes (casual) and shave. Go over and grab a book on love. Smile every once in a while and just read. After you get comfortable, start a conversation with a nearby person about what they are reading. If the conversation goes well, eat something. Ask the person to coffee or tea. DO NOT GO TO STARBUCKS FOR A DATE UNLESS YOU'RE DIRT POOR (and a closet metrosexual)! Go to a well established coffe shoppe.

Flirting and dating is just basically talking. Try to be as honest as possible and be friendly. Fro more advise, go to my "The Sex You Deserve" thread.

maleficent · 01-03-2005, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 777

First, I'm not sure at what point to ask for their number after first meet her.

Pay attention, you'll get a sign, that she wants to continue the conversation and get to know you better -- a lot of times, she'll play with her hair, or lean into you a little more when she's talking to you, the laugh changes. Building off of Will's idea -- pick up a book on Body Language-- and for starters, watch people and pay attention to what they are doing -- it's really quite fascinating... soon you will be able to see how people are reacting to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 777

Second, should I ask if they have a boyfriend? I've had mixed results asking, and when not asking, it winds up being the last thing she says to me. And third, I guess this is just bad luck on my part, but the last 8 gals I've either been interested in and/or hit on have already had boyfriends. I remember one gal said the times she's hit on the most is wwen she's already taken.

Here's a potential problem... We're assuming you are in a bookstore, because that's a cool people meeting, people watching place... Not all girls are there to be "picked up" you have to watch the signals. Not all girls want to be hit on, they want an easy conversation and see where it goes from there (but that could be an age thing - sometimes I just want conversation) but conversation isn't bad - if you are enjoying talking to someone -- nothing wrong with gaining a new friend - Desperateness to get laid or desperateness for a girlfriend is easy to spot and is a huge turn off...

Just relax and take it easy...

Eviltree · 01-03-2005, 07:13 PM

ya, I would suggest plan9's guide, maybe modify it a bit. thats what I've been doing. It seems to work and I've got the same shyness deal as well. Plan9's plan is at - actualy can't seem to find it. I've been looking for the past 20 min. I thought it was in sexuality.

maleficent · 01-03-2005, 07:16 PM

here it be:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=31052

777 · 01-04-2005, 02:40 AM

Getting Girls 101 is interesting stuff. Sort of "Tao of Steve"'-ish. I guess, in a perfect world, I'd want a gal who doesn't fall for this routine, but one good way to find her would be to use it. Catch 22. And the 30 min date wil really help my budget

And I'll need to get over the 1-itis (crush) I have for the girl next door, she has a boyfriend too.

Thanks everyone for posting. I was hoping to hear Averett's take on all this. I believe I have enough to go out there and start meeting a few gals. I think I'll use Plan 9's lessons until I find someone... special. It's definetly going to be a trial and error process. I hope I don't go to trial for my errors

And check out my journal for details.

01-03-2005, 02:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	How-to guide on dating. Because I could use one I've never been on a date, and I've got a lifetime of shyness to work through. But, in short, what's a good place to meet young women around 19 to 27? I live near the Los Angeles area, if that's helpful. Thanks. __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny

01-03-2005, 06:22 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Find something you enjoy doing, and you will undoubtedly meet some women who share your interests and will be suitable for a relationship. The idea of small talk by the checkout counter is OK, but in my personal opinion, I'm often in a rush, so I don't really want to be chatted up at that point ( not that it ever happens to me) I also would not give my phone number to someone I've met for all of 2 1/2 seconds. Volunteering is something I reccommend to people to meet others, not only do you get a good feeling from being a do-gooder, but you also can meet some interesting people who share your interests. Find an opportunity in your area that would allow you do something that interests you -- (www.volunteermatch.com - has a lot of excellent opportunities, some one time only committments, some a lot longer) Take a course that interests you, and there will probably be some women in the class that interest you. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-03-2005, 07:07 AM	#5 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	plan9's dating thread was pretty cool - you should check it out man! I dont know if it all works, but there was a lot of advice in it! __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-03-2005, 02:21 PM	#9 (permalink)
xim Insane Location: One with the Universe	Thats funny, Ive only had one girlfreind, but when I was taken it seemed like girls flirted with me like crazy..... Now that I'm single, its stopped again __________________ If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com

01-03-2005, 07:16 PM	#13 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	here it be: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=31052 __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-03-2005, 02:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
Trisk Insane	Most people will just say "anywhere." Wherever there are girls, you can meet them. There is no magic place where everyone finds their perfect match. You just have to supress your nerves, take a deep breath, and start chatting with the cute girl you're checking out. I would suggest not doing it as they walk by though ...do it when you and the said girl are near each other, standing still for some reason (looking for books/products in a bookstore/pharmacy/whatever...in an elevator...in a line in a store...) And a good opener/conversation starter is always good. But there are lots of posts about this, I think.

01-03-2005, 04:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
Vincentt Addict Location: Tokyo, Japan	It does depend on what you want. If you just want to hookup with lots of women for random sex. You should try to follow advice and pretend to be things your not. Read those guides that tell you to be an asshole etc. If you want real relationships though, you just need to be yourself, with only a little added fluff. Take some time, and write some essays about yourself. That sounds silly I know, but hear me out. Dating is like a interview, the questions are "do I want to spend more time with this person." You will have lots of things to talk about. If you respond to a question about your goals and say "I dunno.." its a real downer. So now that you know about yourself and can tell her, you also need to ask her questions about her life. Don't make it like a game show, but your going to want to know about her as well. Don't get desprate and stick to women who aren't good for you, just because they are girls. As far as dates? Live band bar, I love these kind of places. Make sure the music will not be too loud though.

01-03-2005, 08:17 AM	#6 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	This will be the last thing you will try probably, but it should be the first. My wife and I took up swing dancing - Lindy Hop, East Cost, Jitterbug, Charleston, Balboa. We have a dance club that gives a lesson every week and then a dance party for 3 hours after that. The etiquette is to always say "Yes" if someone asks you to dance. There are single guys and girls there - many have become couples right before our eyes because they came to learn to dance. Also, there are guys that are completely plain, but they can dance and the girls LINE up to dance with them. That is my recommendation.

01-03-2005, 02:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	You're shy? Try Borders or Barnes & Nobles. Put on some nice clothes (casual) and shave. Go over and grab a book on love. Smile every once in a while and just read. After you get comfortable, start a conversation with a nearby person about what they are reading. If the conversation goes well, eat something. Ask the person to coffee or tea. DO NOT GO TO STARBUCKS FOR A DATE UNLESS YOU'RE DIRT POOR (and a closet metrosexual)! Go to a well established coffe shoppe. Flirting and dating is just basically talking. Try to be as honest as possible and be friendly. Fro more advise, go to my "The Sex You Deserve" thread.

01-03-2005, 07:13 PM	#12 (permalink)
Eviltree Psycho Location: British Columbia	ya, I would suggest plan9's guide, maybe modify it a bit. thats what I've been doing. It seems to work and I've got the same shyness deal as well. Plan9's plan is at - actualy can't seem to find it. I've been looking for the past 20 min. I thought it was in sexuality.

01-04-2005, 02:40 AM	#14 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	Getting Girls 101 is interesting stuff. Sort of "Tao of Steve"'-ish. I guess, in a perfect world, I'd want a gal who doesn't fall for this routine, but one good way to find her would be to use it. Catch 22. And the 30 min date wil really help my budget And I'll need to get over the 1-itis (crush) I have for the girl next door, she has a boyfriend too. Thanks everyone for posting. I was hoping to hear Averett's take on all this. I believe I have enough to go out there and start meeting a few gals. I think I'll use Plan 9's lessons until I find someone... special. It's definetly going to be a trial and error process. I hope I don't go to trial for my errors And check out my journal for details. __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny Last edited by 777; 01-04-2005 at 01:53 PM..