Strange Famous

edited, deleted

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Baron Opal

I take it to mean "A meaningful relationship between two people at such great distances is highly improbable, and until we have some other, more personal interaction beyond this electronic artifice any kind of close relationship is mere pretense."

Not that I'm a girl, but my impression anyway.

Strange Famous

edited, deleted

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

The Prophet

That is a fact. What you love is the intrigue and the suspense. What you really know of her is half illusion, built on your fantasy. Don't take it serious.

__________________
"The death-knell of the republic had rung as soon as the active power became lodged in the hands of those who sought, not to do justice to all citizens, rich and poor alike, but to stand for one special class and for its interests as opposed to the interests of others. " - Theodore Roosevelt

slimshaydee

Trust me mate girls don't like it when you talk that like. Think before you say anything, if it sounds even remotely jealous, don't say at all. You're not winning any points in here eyes by talking like that

Averett

Well, I am a girl, and that's my impression

Can you have deep feelings for somebody you've only met online? Of course. Does that equal a relationship? No. Does it mean a relationship could exist once you take away the keyboards? Maybe, maybe not.

One thing... please stop with the self-pity thing! You're so much better than that! I don't know you very well, but from what I've seen of you here, you are a very sweet guy. A girl would be lucky to have you. You'd make a fantastic boyfriend.

But here's the thing... you like this girl, right? She seems to like you, but she's also said to you in so many ways that she's not looking for a relationship with you (not to say that you are with her necessarly). She said she loves you....as a friend. You have to take that and put it in your pocket for what it is.

Who knows what could be if you two were face to face. Maybe you'd fall deeply in love. Maybe youd realize that you're good friends. If you want to persue something, one of you needs to pony up and make it happen. Get on the plane. Is that an easy choice to make? Of course not. But it needs to be done. And it not.... well, you just need to hold onto the fact that you have a great friend out there in California and leave it at that.

I know how easy it is to get attached to people who you talk to online for hours at a time. I've been there. But eventually you realize that it's not going anywhere. Or you take the chance and see if it will.

Wow I'm writing a lot. Sorry. Anyway, you have so much to offer. I think you're just offering it to the wrong girl

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Trisk

Just some advice: If you want to start up a relationship with a girl online (or in person for that matter) it doesn't even matter if you bring up the other guys going after her. What DOES matter is when you start saying "nobody loves me" and "nobody understands me". I don't know how often you talk to this girl online, but it's not a good impression....and if you do it often, she'll just think you're whiney and be totally turned off. Believe me. I've known people like that in person. If you're always whining and angsty, using token phrases like "nobody understands/loves me" (how typical and 13-year-old can you get?), that might be the reason people don't love you. Oh sure, they understand you, but they want to keep their distance and stay away from the constant self-pitying.
I know that not talking about it to these people isn't going to make things better for you. Maybe you're unhappy. But even if you are, use those opportunities when you're talking to her to think about the better parts of life. And...if you do feel the need to talk about your feelings, maybe you can elaborate more. Instead of "nobody understands me", maybe you could tell a story about why you feel that way and insert "sometimes I feel like nobody understands me" into it. But at least with a story you sound more like an adult than a 13-year-old angst-ridden teen.


As for that thing about loving you as a friend...she probably does like you as a friend, but I would tend to agree with you that you can't love someone you have never met. You may be right - she may have just been saying that because she felt bad with all your self-pitying.

Strange Famous

edited, deleted

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Cynthetiq

GU = geographically undesireable

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

bad jane

i fell in love online, meeting in person did change the perspective some--but it definitely started online. and my brother and his wife fell in love over the net as well...so it happens. (his wife actually moved 12 hours to be with him after two weekend visits) my bf and i were just friends online--at least, that is what we told each other. but we both had romantic feelings that started long before we actually met. so our initial "i love you" exchanges were said as friends, but we both meant something more when we said them (the other just didn't know it).

as for how well things like that work...depends on the people. if you both represent yourselves accurately then it can work. if you lie about the type of person you are, when you actually meet in person the truth will come out.

Trisk

Ok, sorry for the late response.
Strange...I still stand by what I said last time. You still need to try not to let yourself wallow in self pity so much...
But I had no idea you had such a hard childhood/past, and I'm really sorry if I was overly harsh. I know how much that can screw you up, and I had abusive parents who threw me out at 16 too, so I definately can relate on some level...although yours seem much worse.

It's really hard to see yourself in a good light after your parents and those around you have dragged you down and made you feel like crap for such a long time. I, luckily, had people who rescued me from my crappy situation, and it only took me a few years to sort of make myself see my own worth. But basically, you just have to start doing good things for yourself and don't let yourself give up, because if you don't give up, one day you'll wake up and feel really good - not only for doing that good thing but because you did it and didn't stop. And each thing you do for yourself, however little, will make you happier as a whole. As you accomplish each thing, you will be a bit happier and more able to tackle the next thing. That's why setting small goals is good.
And focus on the good aspects of yourself rather than the bad.

Seriously, Famous. It's easy to get carried away with the bad stuff and blow them out of proportion in your mind. It's so easy to spot and pinpoint the bad stuff.
But as for your looks - I've seen pictures of you (including the ones in Titled Exhibition) and you're really NOT that bad. Yeah, you do have extra meat on you. You're not some built studly man. But you're nowhere near "fat pig" status either. Fat pigs are disgusting. You're not disgusting. At all. Being fat doesn't necessarily mean disgusting. And the fact that it bothers you is a good thing, because it means you can: a) take steps to change it and b) make sure you don't actually turn into "fat pig" status.
That girl is right. Attractive people come in all shapes and sizes. Not all girls like lean men. Some girls even like meatier men...and as for the rest - if you're a sweet, cool guy, they'll like you. But it's that much harder to find a girl who likes you if you can't even like and appreciate yourself. Your girl will get tired of having to constantly reassure you that you're not that ugly and things are okay.
And you'll find it much easier to meet people if you feel worthy of them in some way.

I really don't think there's anything wrong with you Famous. Even how you look...while you might want to change it, it's not that bad. The biggest thing you need to do is to try to appreciate yourself, and things will get so much easier. Trust me.

Parents can be crap. Just because they got horny with no condoms around doesn't mean they are all-knowing and caring. Obviously, your parents didn't take the time to get to know you or care. You seem like a very sweet, caring guy in a lot of ways, and your parents couldn't see that. Instead, they desensitised you and made you feel bad about yourself because of their own issues.
Your father had no right to do any of those things to you. You were just a child. Don't let what he said or did back then get to you now. You've changed, for one thing, so whatever he said definately doesn't apply anymore. And second of all, everyone else can see that what he said is not the case.
Just because you don't react to things right now doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You yourself...the real you...is not an insensitive person wtih no feelings. The problem is that you have been desensitised. You've been through so much (and still are going through a lot with your emotions) that you've become numb.
When I was going through severe depression (when I lived with my parents and after getting kicked out), I had that a lot too. Just a complete indifference to everything happening in the world around me....even to other things that happened *to* me. But it's not you. It's just the reaction of your mind to so much horrible stuff at once. Because sometimes it's better to feel nothing than to feel what you would otherwise be feeling.
But if you start to deal with the things that are bothering you and figure out a way to make yourself happy and come to terms with your past, I believe you can feel things again. The numbness isn't a life-time thing. It's a defense mechanism.
I know that's a lot of tasks right there, and you don't have to get them all out of the way before a relationship (the relationship could even help you with some of them), but you do need to get them out of the way at some point in your life because you'll be sooo much happier once you do. YOu'll feel like a whole new person, and others will probably see you as such too .

I think you've probably built up walls because you're afraid of getting hurt again, but you're lonely inside those walls. You want someone to love you, and to be there for you, but you're too afraid of being hurt again to let anyone get too close.
I used to be like that and as a result, everyone I met saw me as an angry person.
But really, I was afraid of being alone and I thought that I'd rather be alone by choice than alone because I was rejected. So I molded my outward persona to be something different than what I was on the inside.
I don't know if you do this as well, but again, you can't think like that, and this also changed for me when I started to become a more happy person.
This part, though, is going to be more important once you're actually in a relationship....because once you're in one, you have to be able to let down some of your barriers when the time is right. And you can't do that if you're still afraid of being abandoned again.


Okay this post is pretty disjointed but I'm going to post it and maybe edit it later. I'm pretty exhausted right now and I'm having trouble being articulate. I hope that everything makes sense.

Cimarron29414

If you are from Ipswich England, then I am going to assume that you were born in England and have a British accent. This is really simple:

Step 1: Move to the U.S.
Step 2: Talk

You will have a girlfriend within 2 weeks, guaranteed. Girls over here are INSANE for accents. I am dead serious, any girl in this forum will back me up on that.

Oh, and Step 3: Quit feeling so goddamn sorry for yourself! Regardless of your past, you don't have to own it and you don't have to enslave yourself to a victim's mentality. Your future is entirely up to you - so sieze it, my friend!

macmanmike6100

another two cents: chicks dig it when you let them (or get them to) talk far more than you do :-) plus, I already know what's in my head, so I like to hear others talk. of course you shouldn't be a mute, but err on the side of listening