Stiltzkin

If this thread needs to be locked immediately and I need to be banned, I understand.
I was looking through this thread:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=78562
and found that flat5 said something that was interesting to me:
The portion of interest is underlined.
Love is not an option for me either.
Why? Because I have *extreme* anxiety when it comes to women.
I posted in "coming together" a while ago about "spineless men". Well I've forced myself to grow a spine, and I've actually made some enemies, but hey, who cares. At least I know what I want now, and I am who I am, instead of bending myself backwards for other people. However, this has not helped my girlfriendless situation in the least, and I still get incredibly anxious around women. Okay, so I get anxious around attractive women. But I mean anxious to the point where I will literally leave the area so that I won't have to look at her. And I've been this way since I was around five years old, that I can remember. I've always found girls to be pretty as far back as I can remember; I never understood that whole "cooties" thing.
I tried talking to this one girl in my English class who is really pretty, and intelligent (why should I not look for a girl who has both?), and we got along fine until it seemed like I was supposed to make some kind of move, you know. It was hard enough as it is for me to not freak out and let my anxiety take over, but as soon as she made the slightest hint that she wanted to go a step further, I utterly freaked out. I changed the subject and then... just didn't talk to her much at all. Needless to say, we didn't talk much afterwards for the rest of the semester. Am I completely alone in this? Am I supopsed to be taking some kind of medication for this? Or do I just need to put some liquid courage (alcohol) into my system?
I really wish I could convey to you all how anxious I get. I get incredibly anxious. No, I've never had a girlfriend in my whole life. I've come close, but never there. This really, really sucks for me, and I can't help but feel bitter and cynical about it.

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The most important thing in this world is love.

denim

Believe it or not, you're not alone. There are others right here on TFP with similar issues. You might want to try a search.

duck0987

I felt similar to you when I was in high school, once I got out and went to college I opened up a lot more and ended up meeting a girl who I dated for a while, being nervous is part of any new relationship and part of the fun, because odds are they are just as nervous and self-conscious as you. Alcohol probably played a role in this, as it does tend to take the edge of your nerve.

Having done some reading I would saw that I suffer from a social anxiety disorder but have never been medicated for this. This may be something to explore especially if you anxiety flows over into other aspects of your life.

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"I've got a lot of friends who don't know how to cook, which I could never understand because not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck." --Robert Rodriguez

gh0ti

Girls make me anxious sometimes when I'm getting to know them. I'm in the process of getting to know a girl that works at the shop I always stop to get coffee in every morning.

After a few weeks (probably months) of flirting (or what I would like to think was flirting) she disappeared. Her co worker said she got pissed off at the GM and quit. I pretty much stopped going to that shop for a while, but I happened to stop in one morning and she was working again. I was so happy to see her again that I just blurted out, "hey give me your number, lets hang out sometime".

Needless to say I got her number, we have hung out a couple of times (I got the first kiss on the second date). But I still don’t feel normal around her really. I'm nervous when I see her or talk to her, or even when I want to call her. Then I see her in the morning flirt a bit with her and I feel great about it. I guess you got to try to separate the bad anxiousness (nervousness) from the good anxiousness (butterflies)

*shrugs*

I was in a 5 year relationship; we broke up a year and a half ago. I'm just now trying to get back into the dating thing (which I was never good at to begin with). I think its like anything else. Practice makes perfect.

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I ain't often right but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way it does in the song
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right

Psycho Dad

You should talk to a professional about the first one if you do indeed have anxiety issues. If medication is needed, a good professional should recognize it. If help in coping skills is needed, they should recognize that too and be able to offer suggestions.

The second one is out of the question. Never try to use alcohol as a tool to cope with any of life's problems. That will simply cause more.

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Don't always trust the opinions of experts.