Suave

I think that it is statistically inevitable that one will end up being directly involved with cheating eventually, whether it is they who are cheating, their partner who is cheating on them, or the person they are currently involved with is cheating on their partner (whether they've been told or not). This isn't a total inevitability, as there are always people who fall outside of these things, but I'd presume it's accurate 95% of the time.

Hirare

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A

Note: Only had one serious relationship. So, it may be that I just got lucky.

cowgirl02

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? YES
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1


It hurts having someone that you are in a serious relationship with cheat on you, and i know how it feels.. not to good, so thats why i will never cheat on ANYONE!

heccubusiv

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? nope
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? NA
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship-1

Nancy

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? - No
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? -
3) Have you ever cheated? Yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1.

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

bing bing

Take the number of times you've been cheated on and multiply it by about four for an accurate number. If you reported that you've never been cheated on (that you're aware of), it’s probably statistically significant to suggest that it’s happened at least once outside of your awareness.

StanT

1) not to my knowledge
2) N/A
3) no
4) N/A
5) N/A

StephenSa

1. Ever been cheated on? Yes
2. If so by how many different people? Too many times to recall, many years and many times.
3. Have you ever cheated? No, Never.
4. If so how many did you cheat on? N/A
5. How many occured in a serious relationship? 4

I'm thirty seven years old, started dating at fifteen and just got married last September so I've had many relationships during my life. I've dated a lot and been cheated on a lot. When I was younger it happened more often. Girls in their teens up to mid twenties seemed more likely to cheat. As I got older and dated older women the incidents of cheating decreased a great deal. With girls in shorter term relationships the cheating didn't hurt as much. I'd get mad and be a little hurt but I knew I wasn't going to marry the girl so I thought at least I wasn't losing much. A cheater isn't worth having as a partner anyway. The more serious relationships that involved cheating left me more hurt and mystified as well. In a serious relationship you at least at one time cared deeply for the other person so why risk hurting them by cheating? If you want out at least be honorable and break up before fooling around with someone else. I've never cheated because I see no honor in it and respect the people I choose as my partners too much to disrespect them in this way. I have grown disenchanted with relationships and broken up with women but there is never a reason to cheat. Succumbing to temptation and cheating is just selfish and indicitive of a weak character. I have no patience for such weakness.

martinguerre

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes.
2) If so, by how many different people? - 1.
3) Have you ever cheated? - No.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - None

__________________
For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16

pinkie

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - 2
3) Have you ever cheated? - Sorta
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 1

sapiens

Why did you get these ideas from? Do you have any data to back up your assertions? Even if these relationships exist, I seriously doubt they are as strong as you suggest. Even if you did find significant effects, those effects would allow you to make conclusions about groups, not individuals. Finally, regarding the whole thread, NOTHING is a statistical inevitability- not even your own death.

EDIT: My comments are not meant as an attack. I just see a lot of people throwing around "statistics" without any evidence and sometimes without an understanding of what statistics mean. CityOfAngels, if you are interested in empirical studies examining sexual and emotional infidelity, PM me and I can send you a few references.

Amnesia620

1. Yes. A few times, sadly.
2. 1 definitely; 4 + suspected with or without reason, no proof.
3. Yes. Are you sure you want to read the answers to #4 and #5??
4. Um, the last 5-6 relationships have been Cheat Free!
5. I cheated on every relationship I had until I was 19 years old - total: 9 - 12 +

Thank you, Thefictionweliv, for that very ignorant statement. Do you actually try to think before you speak or have you always been happy to open your mouth and spray your share of ignorance everywhere? I happen to be a former cheater - who could still possibly cheat again in the future! - and I'm also the victim or "receiving party" in two abusive relationships.

I know that you didn't mean that those who cheat ARE abusive, however, some who cheat are not cheating to harm their SO and death isn't a concern with a cheating partner as it is with an abusive one. The feeling that a person gets when they see, or find out, that their SO has been unfaithful is a very horrible one (one I care NEVER to feel again) - I absolutely refuse to be in abusive one EVER again. There is a different...they are both horrible in their own catagory...some may say that they aren't even on the same level. I'm not here to argue this.

If I'm come across aggressively or annoyed, it's because I am. However, in a calmer manner, I will say that I do believe in Karma. When I was younger, I didn't think about things. It was easier to be blind to what I was doing to the "guy of the moment". I had long-term relationships but, over a time, grew bored with them or "opportunity knocked" during them, and in the end - I moved on with little thought about my actions. I was a hopeless romantic, addicted to total infatuation (butterflies, first kisses, first experiences), and was on a constant search for "Mr. Right" (i.e. the love of my life, my husband, my best match) and was fearful that I would miss him while I was in another relationship or that he would pass me by...and it got bad.

One time, I was with my boyfriend, cheating on him by dating another and having sex with a third - each guy didn't know about the other two. I was eventually honest with my boyfriend. Now that I think of it - Yuck. But back then, what the hell did I know?

I was young, narcissistic, naive and yes, selfish, even spoiled. Karma kicked my ass - believe me. I don't cheat anymore, and don't plan to ever again...I don't even wish it on my enemies.

However, SO's make mistakes - some realize and are truly sorry and worthy of forgiveness, and some aren't, continuously blind to what they are doing - remember we are only human.

Just because I've cheated A LOT before DOESN'T mean I will cheat again.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

ironmaiden7o7

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A



What a good thread, but I've never cheated, nor would I like to. I think cheating takes too much effort, and besides, I am truly in awe with the person that I am with and I find it difficult to be with someone else.

777

1) no
2) n/a
3) no
4) n/a
5) n/a

But then again, I was never in a serious, long-term relationship. I hear they're nice.

And here's an essay on cheating: http://www.catb.org/~esr/writings/promiscuity.html The statistics are some what alarming, and I'm not sure what they mean by "low-status" males and females. Could it mean poor people? Ugly people?

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

little_tippler

I think it would be interesting to get even a basic understanding of why people cheat...personally I don't understand at all. It's so lame. But its alarming that so many people cheat so often...

Also I think a poll on what people think is cheating would be interesting. I consider any occasion where you have an "intimate" moment (meaning not between friends or such, but a romantically intimate moment) with someone else (other than your current SO - someone you have a commitment of some sort with), then you may be cheating.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Jesus Pimp

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 0
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

__________________
Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

xepherys

1) No
2) N/A
3) No
4) N/A
5) N/A

irateplatypus

1) NO
2) n/a
3) NO
4) n/a
5) n/a

__________________
If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

~ Winston Churchill

Lockjaw

1)No(that I know of and I'm fairly certain I have not been)
2)N/A
3)No and I never will
4)Do not apply
5) Do not apply

What makes me wonder is do some people feel justified in cheating after they've been cheated upon? Upon reading just this few replies and knowing about certain relationships of people close to me this seems to be a common and very childish trend.
Akin to the 4th grade thinking of you hit me first so I get a free punch.

Oh and about the cheaters being akin to abusiveness...I have to agree. Cheating is possibly one of the lowest most evil things you could do to somebody. Not saying it's worse but in my book it's as bad. I'm not afraid that any woman I'm with would be physically abusive towards me unless she is she's a psycho, as I tend to easily be close to a foot taller and over a hundred lbs heavier, and if she tried she wouldn't get far in succeeding in the goal. But violating the trust between us would be the one way she could strike me and that is one bruise or cut that will never heal. I could never ever trust anybody who cheated on me. To know that I meant that little to you that you could put somebody else before me would be worse than any punch or kick I could get. And saying death can't be a direct result from a cheating loved one I've witnessed no fewer than 3 people turn suicidal over the stuff. Thank God they didn't go through with it(or succeed in one case)but cheating most DEFINATELY can be ultimately as damagingl or more so than physical abuse.

Amnesia620

Lockjaw -
Yeah, some people do feel "justified" by cheating on the person who has cheated on them...Maybe only on a subconscious level...they still do it, regardless.

Granted, an abuser and a cheater both destroy trust and show a great lack of respect for the person that they are hurting.

However, Lockjaw, if you are taller by almost a foot with over 100 lbs in weight on them, you don't fear your SO - you haven't been trapped in a relationship with someone you love very deeply who CAN overtake you and literally beat it into (and out of) you why you are to stay in the relationship, do exactly as you are told and find happiness (even though you can't) within it.

You haven't had the experience - in neither an abusive relationship nor one of unfaithfulness. Therefore, with all due respect, your statements about the subject are ones based on imagination; an uneducated imagination and opinion on the comparison of the pain cheating vs. abuse.

People have become suicidal from infidelity AND abusive relationships. You mean little to the person in both types of relationships.
- A person who cheats usually feels something is missing or there is something wrong in the relationship and cannot or chooses to not express it vocally/talk it out or is unable/unwilling to end the relationship.
- A person who is abusive is insecure, possessive and, in some cases, insane. Victims in these types of relationships become a statistic: murder victim, suicide victim; many don't live to talk about what the abusive person did to them.

Pain is pain. I agree with that. However, you're able to move on with your life when someone is unfaithful - giving yourself time to heal, and grow. When you are in an abusive one - you're not sure if tomorrow will come.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

Lockjaw

I'll respond to this as briefly as possible as to not send this thread even further down an unintended tangent.
But my experiences with people who have been in those relationships are real and my opinions are not based on "imaginary" things. You are saying they can't be compared based upon your experiences and that's fine but based on my experiences and based upon my values they are on the same level of vileness. You wouldn't think to kindly if I came on here and say "Yeah I was abusive at one point in my life and I might be abusive in the future, and I've been cheated on and the cheaters are worse. They can't even be compared."

At the end of the day death is death and violated trust is violated trust. I know people who were abused who were then later cheated upon and that haunted them longer than any abuser. When they talked about their regrets in life they didn't talk about the abuse. They talked about the cheating. Not saying this is going to be the case for everybody as different people will have different reactions and different opinions, but just because you yourself cheated in the past and were in turn abused has no bearing on others opinions and views on who they think are dastardly human beings. As there are some people who abuse and are abused who do not think abuse is that "big of a deal".

Feel free to start another thread or PM if you want to continue discussing the matter but I just ask that if you do that you try to reign in that undertone of insulting and confrontationalism in your posts. It's coming across as kind of hostile for little reason.

CityOfAngels

I'm very happy with the responses to this thread. Thank you all so much for your participation. While I agree that discussion within' this survey is inevitable, let's do our best not to get too personal with each other. It is agreed that many of us disagree, but please don't get this thread locked by fighting. I understand that you're not fighting yet, but I felt that I needed to say this in order to prevent it. Thanks!

Keep up the good work, people! This is just another step toward human understanding.

__________________
The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

Apache

1-No
2-N/A
3-No
4-N/A
5-N/A

kel

No. I need to put in at least ten characters or the board won't let me post.

__________________
"It better be funny"