Cheating; is it statistically inevitable?
 

I've known about cheating ever since I was little. I wasn't even in kindergarten when I first heard that my father had cheated on my mother multiple times, and I was in 3rd grade, about four years after their divorce, when my mother unveiled that she had previously cheated on him with one of his best friends. All throughout my life, I've seen way too many movies that show someone cheating on their significant other. I was in high school when I heard about my brother's girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) cheating on him.

Every time I heard these stories, I felt a heart-wrenching feeling and always thought to myself: "If that ever happened to me, I'd be so devastated that I'd give up on love." I always thought that if you were good enough, or if you treated your significant other with enough respect, or if you simply just didn't deserve to be cheated on, then you could avoid it. Boy, was I wrong.

I had my first kiss in high school (I was a big prude all throughout my young'n days), and two weeks after we started going out, she cheated on me. Sure, I was devastated, but given our relationship wasn't serious at all, I was able to brush it off in due time. I fell in love for the first time in college with a girl I knew from high school. We were together for over a year, and throughout the time we were together, she had cheated on me multiple times. My love for her was (is) so serious that I stupidly gave her multiple chances, and she took advantage of each and every one. I've been broken up with her for quite some time, but even to this day it stings whenever I think about what she did.

I realized that no one deserves to be cheated on, and that there's no way to avoid it. You can't be super-boyfriend or super-husband and expect that your significant other won't cheat on you. It can happen at any time. And from the society I live in today, it seems that it happens more often than not.

Is this true? Is your significant other statistically bound to cheat on you some time or another? Also, if this is true, does that mean that YOU are statistically bound to cheat on your significant other? Well, let's find out.

Post here if you have ever been cheated on. Let's try not to discuss specific events in this thread, but rather concentrate on the numbers. Please, if you will, answer the following questions:
1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)?
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)?
3) Have you ever cheated?
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on?
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship?

I HOPE that I'm wrong. I HOPE that I'm just thinking negatively based upon my own experiences. But if I am correct; if people really are statistically bound to cheat on their significant others, then something REALLY needs to be done about our social integrity when it comes to relationships.

P.S. Please participate even if you would answer "No" and "N/A" to every question, as your addition to the statistics count towards the overall result.

Oh yeah, I'll start:
1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - 2
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 1

Edit: Added "(that you know of)" to #'s 1 and 2 for a more accurate survey.

Wow, what a heart wrenching thread. Can you include another category - "Don't know". I mean, I would answer "I don't know", theres no way for me to tell.

#1 - ?
#2 - ?
#3 - No
#4 - N/A
#5 - N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes.
2) If so, by how many different people? - 2.
3) Have you ever cheated? - No.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - Both.

I don't understand this at all. Just because a lot of assholes cheat on their SO's, that means it's inevitable that I will also cheat on someone?

I know plenty of people who never never cheated on anyone or had anyone cheat on them.. It's possible to not be an asshole and not cheat.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? ---- No
2) If so, by how many different people? ---- N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? ---- No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? ---- N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? ---- N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - 3 that I know of
3) Have you ever cheated? - Sure have
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 0

Please note the word, "statistically."
In other words, you're right: Numbers don't mean crap when it comes to an individual person. But for society as a whole, well, that's a different story.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? YES
2) If so, by how many different people? Two
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? NA
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? In one instance, when I was cheated on, he was more serious than I was, and that was his excuse for cheating, that since I wasn't able to commit, then it was ok for him to cheat on me. It wasn't.

Yeah, there are tons of cheating assholes out there.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? YES
2) If so, by how many different people? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? YES
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship?

This is in a former marriage, she multiple times with many different partners, myself - twice, same girl each time (we are now 8-years married, while my ex anbd her husband are fucking around on each other.)

Cheating on a loved one is a nasty business and everyone loses, especially if it is a serious or a long term relationship.

It usually occurs for one of two reasons.
1) The love, feelings or caring is gone from your relationship, in which case get the hell out with some dignity and leave your partner his/her dignity also.
2) It is a selfish, one time, "no will know" attempt to try something new. Bullshit. It will never be as good as what you have at home. This is messing with the most base and primitive of human emotions. If a person does this they can be considered, plain and simple, a pig.

It can happen at any time, and it may happen more often than not in this society. But the trick is to build the trust and communication to sustain a good relationship. Make sure you're both on the same page as to how you value the relationship and where you'd like to go with it. It also helps that you don't seek out women that are predisposed to cheating or have a history of it.

I wouldn't say this is true for all people yet, even in our society. I have not been with anyone who has cheated on me, although I hate to admit that I have cheated on an ex. I would never cheat on my current boyfriend because I value our relationship more than anything else I've ever been in. I trust him. In fact, he's right here with me looking at this as I type. I'm much happier, whereas I was never happy in my previous relationship and never really wanted to be in it in the first place. Cheating was a consequence of alcohol, which is the worse excuse (you are still accountable for your choices to take alcohol), but many people use it as such.


1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? not that I know of
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? n/a
3) Have you ever cheated? yes, I kissed a friend.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? just one. I had another chance to cheat again but didn't.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? I wouldn't say the relationship was serious at the time.

You are just thinking negatively based on your own experiences. It seems like you've acquired a negative, perhaps cynical, viewpoint of relationships at an early age from your parents. This might have contributed to the cycles you find yourself in with girls that have cheated on you. Finding the same type of girls becomes a pattern.

cheating is just a symptom of other things that are wrong in a relationship. When a person thinks they have to search outward in a relationship, that means something isn't satisfying them.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A

Don\'t let any dark past haunt you, and don\'t give up trust and hope. Maybe something and someone honest and pure do exist. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, even if you think you might be in the gutter, you still gotta look at the stars.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

#1 - no
#2 - n/a
#3 - no
#4 - n/a
#5 - n/a

However, I have been the "other guy" before. Once was with one of my friends Girlfriends, he was actually okay with it though, and we remained friends.

A few months later the same friend had a new girlfriend and we were all living together in a house...well, she cheated on him with me.

To this day me and him are still friends, he just doesn't intorduce any of his GF's to me.

i dont know exactly what you are trying to prove to yourself here? as long as MY wife doesnt cheat on ME, why should i be concerned about the rest of the world?

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? - Many when just dating/ exclusive relationship. Never by my wife.
3) Have you ever cheated? - No, never. Not even when I knew my partner was doing it. Cheaters have no honor. They are walking wastes of skin.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - Its been a while, but too often.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? yep
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? I was cheated on by my 'first love.' we were dating for about six months already she she decided to get down with a senior in high school (we were freshmen). I really thought I loved her, it turned out different after I looked at the situation when it was long since over with. and my cheating experience was from one bad situation to another. I had a girlfriend I pretty much didn't care about because I was just with her because I wanted companionship and I ended up cheating on her and eventually leaving her for another girl who I didn't care about either.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? - YES
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? - 1
3) Have you ever cheated? - YES
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - 1 (THE SAME PERSON AS IN #1)
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - 0

This took place in a high school relationship. I cheated first -- but what really constitutes cheating? I kissed another girl -- and felt like complete & utter shit about it. I told her, and she broke up with me.

We got back together after much goveling on my part, and then she went & cheated (SEX) on me...on purpose.

Since that time, I've never cheated.

I think that cheating is a sign of either immaturity or abject unhappiness. It doesn't necessarily follow that it is a statistical certainty that you'll be cheated on...but I think that chances are good when we're younger. Part of that is due to the inclination to date just ONE person. I don't think this is necessarily a good thing for teenagers, and even in college! It creates a false sense of intimacy - especially sexual intimacy - that most teens aren't ready for.

In my opinion, dating just one person should probably be reserved for the step before engagement. Date many, date one, propose to one, marry one.

*shrug* But what do *I* know?

Some of the things that come into my mind is what is "cheating"? By cheating do you mean having sex with someone else, kissing someone else, touching someone else, etc? Do you mean been cheated on in a marriage or has your SO cheated on you whether or not you were married.

IMO, dating someone, going steady with them, whatever you wanna call it doesn't count. The reason being is that when you take marriage vows, I'm sure they vary, but in there it says forsaking all others. I know in non-marriage type relationships there are no vows taken, only a "common understanding" that you are supposed to be with each other. Nevertheless, there is no commitment that says you cannot be with someone else.

So to me cheating mostly counts only in marriage and when sex with another person other than your spouse is involved.

Now as to the questions:

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? No
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? NA
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? NA
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? NA

1) Yes
2) 1
3) No
4) N/A
5) 1

edit: for #5 the relationship was semi-serious. We weren't getting married or anything but we had been dating for about 2 years or so.

Sorry this can't work, too many confounding variables. If you want inferential stats then you need a random sampling of the population you want to study.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 0
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1

Unless you marry the first person you date, I think it is almost inevitable that you'll experience cheating. Think about it, if we each date 5 people before we get married, then only one in 5 has to be a cheater for the experience to be universal (assuming that cheating is a habitual action, which my observation supports). It sucks, but it makes trust a deliberate choice - and it is very wonderful when you can feel confidant in that choice.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? ---- No
2) If so, by how many different people? ---- N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? ---- No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? ---- N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? ---- N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? Not quite...one was up to some questionable business with a few of my friends involving some lack of clothes, but not cheating in the technical sense.
2) If so, by how many different people? just that instance I mentioned above (0?)
3) Have you ever cheated? No, but I have been the "other guy" once
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 0
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 0 (first thing I mentioned wasn't very serious...though I did get pretty mad at my friend)

...

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? NO
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? - No
2) If so, by how many different people? - N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? - No/NEVER will
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? - N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? - N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people? 2
3) Have you ever cheated? I kissed a guy while we were on a break..does that count?
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 1
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 1..we were sort of in a downward spiral heading nowhere..I know that is not an excuse.

Holy crap, that read like a really sad novel, City. Rough start, bud.

1) Have you ever been cheated on? I don't believe so.
2) If so, by how many different people? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? No.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? N/A

1) Yes.
2) 1
3) Nope
4) N/A
5) 1

How you're going to develop meaningful data out of this is a mystery to me. How many other relationships have I had? How many of those were "serious"? What [I]exactly[?i] is meant by "serious relationship" and "cheating"?

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes, my first 'real' boyfriend in high school.
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? Just one.
3) Have you ever cheated? Yes, but I'll never do it again. It's not really a nice feeling.
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? One.
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? See above.

not been cheated on... but she did have sex with other people.
agreed during long distance relationship to date other people.
I have never cheated on my SO, and don't plan on it.

1) kinda, yeah. Sorta hard to explain w/o going into serious detail
2) see above, 1
3) no
4) n/a
5) see #1 for difficulty in explaining

Gee, that's helpful of me, isn't it?

I disagree with this wholeheartedly. If you love and respect someone, and they love and respect you, cheating won't happen, period. I would posit that when cheating does happen some ingredient in that formula is missing.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? One
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? -
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? One

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? One
3) Have you ever cheated? No
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? One

I could never cheat on someone knowing how much it hurt me and how much it fucks with your mind. Of course, that's just a personal preference, I'm not judging anyone else.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? NO
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? NO
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? N/A

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Not that I know of.
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? N/A
3) Have you ever cheated? Never
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? N/A
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 0

Just like everyone, I definately suspect it with a few people that i've gone out with, but I guess i will never know.

What I had to say had nothing to do with the other person loving and respecting you. It had soley to do with you loving and respecting that person.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? Yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 3
3) Have you ever cheated? Yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 4
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 3

I agree that this can't be taken seriously for statistics. You must also consider how many people I dated but did not cheat on, and how many of those that I did go out with that did not cheat on me. Then maybe, you can infer that maybe I have only cheated 20% of the time. :P

How that makes it better, I dont know.

1) Have you ever been cheated on (that you know of)? yes
2) If so, by how many different people (that you know of)? 1
3) Have you ever cheated? yes
4) If so (for #4), how many different people did you cheat on? 2
5) How many of these occured in a serious relationship? 2

Hence the missing ingredient.

Of course if you only look at a sample excluding mutually loving, respectful relationships cheating will occur. What else would you expect? That should be obvious. And on the flip side you could just as easily put forth that monogamy is statistically inevitable when you only look at loving, respectful relationships. Both are loaded questions.