Y2KDREAD

I have a friend (who I feel that I am in love with) that is older than me (she is 25 I am 19), I have asked her if she wants to date and she is still in love with her ex and he seems really bad for her and she is thinking about getting together with him.

So being in the situation that she knows (for the most part) how I feel about her, and after hearing about her ex I feel that she can do so much better and make her life much easier by not having all that drama with him.

I would love for her to be into a relationship with me and to just see how that goes, but I don’t know what more that I can do. I am not the type who goes around asking lots of girls out (including her I have asked out two girls) and I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to loose her friendship.

What in the hell should I do? Oh and if you guys want any more info just ask me whatever.

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Y2KDREAD

To add more, what do you guys think of just telling her this....

"you know how i feel about you, and i just wanted to let you know I can't stand seeing like this, is their anything at all i can do to help?"

She is on one of those funks where she is just fed up with life in general and not sure what to do.

Is asking her/telling her that good/bad? I think it is decent, just don't know if i will get the results i would like

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Signatures are for chumps.

sblime42

Ok, I'll take a stab at this.

From what you've told me, I don't think you should involve yourself in her lovelife unless she asks you to. You have already told her how you feel about her and she has made it clear that she is not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you at this time.

Also, as for trying to force her out of her relationship by means of an offer to help, you will only hurt yourself (trust me on this one). I highly doubt that you understand the complete dynamics of their relationship and are thus in no position to give advice.

From what you've told us, it seems to me as though she has already placed you in the friend category, but you haven't given us enough info for me to decide whether there's any hope, but I'll play devil's advocate and assume that there is some hope. Your best course of action now would be to continue your friendship with her and just be a nice guy. Also, and this is very important, don't speak ill of her ex in front of her (it makes you look like an asshole). Just be nice and sit tight. There's really nothing else you can do. You've planted the seed, now see if it grows.

Y2KDREAD

Me talking to the ex is not a problem, he around two hours away and she is in the same town as me.

Also, I was wondering what other information do you guys need to know, I did not want to write out the whole huge story, but just let me know whatever you think is necessary and i'll let you know.

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Signatures are for chumps.

maleficent

People really dont choose who they love and who they don't love. You can't make a person love you, just because you want it to be so.

There's a pretty big age difference between the two of you. In 10 years, that won't make a difference, right now 19 and 25 is a big gap.

Be her friend if that's what you want, but don't expect anything romantic to come of it, because it just might not. As for the ex... just because you think someone is wrong for her, and she can do a lot better, until she sees that for herself, there is NOTHING you can do... She wants someone to support her and her choices -- not tell her that the guy she loves is bad for her... Be a friend...

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bbrown4

Run. Fast.

She is not the last woman you will ever want.

Scarlette

well, as much as she may be able to do better, she's going to have to want to do better for herself! Besides, if she's still completely into her ex, then she's not ready to be involved with anyone else. Rushing a recovery period and jumping into another relationship can be dangerous, and the chances of you getting hurt are greater.

I doubt you'll loose your friendship with her. If you truly love her, you'll be there for her no matter what. It might hurt, and you may have to distance yourself from her a bit at times, but you can still be there for her.

Bottom line, she's got to realize and believe that you are the one for her, if the relationship is to be as great as you want it to be. Hope all works out for you.

Bill O'Rights

Worded a little harshly ...but underneath all of that ice is some good advice. Albeit, not what you wanted to hear. Let her know you're interested....then back off. She has to sort this all out on her own.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

bbrown4

The reason I am so "icy" with my advice is simple.

Y2K, you are 19. The next ten years of your life are precious. These are the years of personal growth and exploration. I don't know the girl you're after and I am sure there are times when you actually ache for her touch.

Understand, right now, how crucial it is for you to grow profesionally, academically, financially, personally, and hell- even spiritually- over the next 10 years. This is the time for you to explode into life. Do those things that you long to do and do them for yourself. If you are half of the great man that I hope you are this woman will find you. If it is not her I promise you another one will. I promise that if you take advantage of this time to grow and to dare to be great - you will enjoy all of those things that men enjoy at some point in the future. Moths are drawn to flames. Make sure you burn as bright as you can.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some ice to scrape off.

Y2KDREAD

thanks for all the advice and i guess i figured as much (though i hate to admit it), best thing to do is wait, and see what works out. Maybe she will come to relize something in my benifit maybe not, I will just continue treating her like she deserves and see what comes around from it.

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Signatures are for chumps.

doncalypso

No offense intended, son.... but I think you ought to just forget about this woman and move on.

If at age 25 she still has "feelings" for a guy that treats her like shit and isn't worth it then she'll probably do you wrong and cheat on you. Hell... she's probably using you just as a shoulder to cry on.

Toss her aside and go for a woman who is emotionally more stable.

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Bill O'Rights

Much better.
Very sound advice, and not so blunt and cutting. Oh...and I really wasn't critisizing before. It just sounded...cold. The advice itself was good, but...damn.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Strange Famous

all I can tell you is threatening to beat the shit out of her ex, however much of an asshole he is, never impresses girls - or at least it doesnt impress nice girls who are worth impressing.

Not that I've ever actually done it (threatened to a couple of times) I did once break a guys arm in a fight over a girl, but only cos I fell on top of him and Im so fat! Anyway. thats nothing to do with your question.

If it was me I would prolly just let her know I'd be there if she needed me, but since she is dating some other guy, she's kinda off limits.

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for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
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doncalypso

I am Doncalypso and I approve of this message.

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Jizz-Fritter

If there is a lot of drama between that girl and her ex-, then maybe that's what she wants. She might be one of those girls that prefer rollercoaster relationships, because when you're at the apogee, it's so much more sweet than the nadir from a few days ago.

Move on and don't talk to her. Make her miss you, and the more you make it seem like you don't need her, the more she'll want you (if she wants you at all).

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"Principle is okay up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose." Dick Cheney

martinguerre

growing up, making a life is tough enough. don't try to do it for you, and this girl.

i dated someone like that...who had this gravitational attraction to a man who fucked up her life. she's a good soul, and i'll love her 'til i die. But i'll never be close with her again...

i'd advise the same for you...

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