CityOfAngels

Ok, I'm not asking you to tell me what to do, but rather what you would do in my situation.

When I was in high school, I met two young, beautiful asian girls (one Chinese, one Filipino). These girls considered each other to be best friends. They were both a year behind me, so I lost contact with both of them after I graduated. I re-met the Chinese girl at a gas station, and we started what became a year-long relationship. Throughout that year, I was also re-introduced to my (then) girlfriend's best friend (the Filipino girl).

Everything was fine and dandy, until my girlfriend started doing some really shady things. Although I should've just broken up with her right away, I was in love with her and had the attitude that, "I don't want to break up with her unless I'm absolutely sure the relationship is not salvageable" (I must tell you that this attitude is not the wisest one to have). Well anyways, with the doubts and speculations came my lack of trust for her (another indication to just break it off), so I started talking to her best friend. I woul ask her things like, "Was she really at your house at such and such time," and "What type of things did she tell you to keep secret from me?"

Well, I must tell you that this girl has one of the kindest hearts anyone could have. She was reluctant to tell me anything, because she didn't want to lose her best friend, but due to the fact that what my girlfriend was doing was not only hurting me, but also making our whole relationship one big lie, she spilled the beans. She told me everything. I then went through this 3-month period, trying to save the relationship by giving my girlfriend second chances left and right (another non-wise thing to do), but also becoming more and more unhappy in the relationship.

Now comes the juicy part: My girlfriend's friend started telling me how bored she was of her boyfriend, and how in high school she wished I would talk to her all the time rather than just the Chinese girl (I hardly knew the Filipino girl in high school, but was good friends with the Chinese girl). She then went on, saying how she's attracted to me, and how if we were alone in a room together, she wouldn't be able to resist me.

After FINALLY breaking up with my girlfriend, I would still talk to her best friend every night. One topic we would always talk about is sex; you know, "How many times; With who; spit or swallow; etc." We would both get pretty excited whenever we would talk to each other, so she invited me over to her house one day. I, being a moral-less horn-dog, don't think twice about heading over to her pad.

I get there, and everything just clicks. We're kickin' it like homies (homies who're attracted to each other), and it's like we've known each other forever. After a few hours, she needs to "change" so we go to her room. Sitting on the bed, we talk for awhile, and while she's talking about how artistic her boyfriend is, she pulls out this locket he made for her. I opened it, and it contained a beautiful colored drawing of the both of them hugging, and it said, "I love you."

I looked at that, and I just said, "He really loves you, doesn't he?" She said, "Without a doubt." I couldn't bring myself to do it. I mean, I know how it feels to be cheated on...it makes you feel like the whole world is lying to you. It's the worst feeling anyone could experience, and I'd be damned if I was going to cause it to happen to someone else. So instead of doing what I intended (grabbing her, planting a big wet one on her, and then the porno music starts), I spent the rest of the day convincing her that she already has something good in her man, and that, unless she doesn't love him (she openly claims that she does), she shouldn't be looking elsewhere.

We've been pretty good friends, and eventually she and my ex girlfriend "broke up" over the fact that she ratted her out for me. But now, after I really know her, I'm developing feelings for her. You see, before, it was just *BOING!*. Now it's that, AND I'm starting to really like her. She still comes on to me once in awhile, but I always cut her off by reminding her that she has a boyfriend who loves her very much.

Then there's this other side of me that says, "Hey, if he's not right for her, he's not right for her and you should just GO for it buddy!" So my views on this pretty much go in a circle from "Don't do it! You know how it feels!" to "HIT THAT SHIT MAN! What the heck do you think you're doing, saying no to sex with a beautiful woman!?" and all the way back again.

So, I repeat the question: What would you do if you were in this situation?

MageB420666

I would personally tell her that if she wants to be with me she needs to break it off with her boyfriend, cause I too am against cheating and helping others cheat. If she wasn't willing to break it off, then I guess that I would have to get over "liking" her and either just be friends or stop seeing/talking to her at all.

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RoboBlaster

Out of respect for the other guy, I would withold from getting with her. However, I would stop encouraging her from sticking with a guy who she shouldn't be with in the first place. She is respecting him less than you are; you are the one keeping the relationship together in the first place, and that should be their job. I'd tell her, if you want to get with me, you gotta break it off with your current boyfriend first. And then we wait a while for safety's sake.

Dane Bramage

On the one hand... "All is fair in love and war."

On the other hand... if she will do it to him with you, then most likely, she will do it to you with someone else.

I too have been the victim of a cheating woman, and I agree that it is the single worst thing you can do to someone (besides killing them slowly). It is for that reason that I could never be the creator of such pain in someone else.

Your first reaction is the right one. Stick to your guns and hold out.

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bookerV

Tell her to break it off with the dude.

Sounds to me like she wants to have you both. That isn't fair to anyone. Make her pick...

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Willravel

Well I dated this girl for a while. I don't know if it was this exact girl, but you know, basically the same person. She is confused as heck. If fact, shye is so confused that she is willing to ruin her relationship to be with you. Whether this is wrong or right is open to interpretation, but the fact of the matter is that they love each other. Ask her to intorduce you two. He's probably just some basically good guy like you, that loves this girl. Then let your conscience do the driving.

Flyguy

At first, I said HIT IT, HIT IT, but then I thought about it. I was cheated on too and it fucking sucks. So make her chose between the two of you. DOn't help her cheat. She will do it to you with someone else if she does. That's a fact.

CityOfAngels

See, that's the thing. Her boyfriend is very good friends with one of my ex girfriends. This ex girlfriend just so happens to have started an "I hate CityOfAngels" Club. You see, I left this girl to be with the Chinese girl. As of now, the "club" only consists of her, her close friends, and now my Chinese ex girlfriend (ex girlfriends seem to team up against you when they break up with you, even if they've stolen you from each other). Right now I'm seen as "The guy who leaves women for other women' (which I can understand; I did leave one for the other), and "The insanely jealous guy" (which the Chinese girl oft accused me of being, when in fact it was just my instincts telling me to break up with her). If I tell this girl to break up with her boyfriend, you can go ahead and tack on "The guy who'll still your girlfriend."

I know it doesn't matter what other people think of me, but it just sucks to be thought of as a scumbag when there's more to the story. I left that girl because I was in love with the Chinese girl; I chose love over a blossoming relationship. I thought the Chinese girl was cheating on me because in fact she WAS cheating on me. What excuse would I have here? I'd be blatantly stealing his girlfriend.

I totally agree with you. My job isn't to encourage her to be with someone, but to encourage her NOT to be with me and someone else at the same time. It's not my fault if she breaks his heart; I would only be at fault if I started sleeping with her while she was still with him.

Yeah...to be cheated on...the pain is unexplainable. Who knows, maybe the reason I had to experience being cheated on so I could learn from it; not only to tell me what type of women I should avoid, but to know how it feels so I don't do it to anyone else.

After thinking about it, I might just want to be patient and tell her, "I'm not doing anything with you while you're taken. Call me if you're ever single again." To make her choose then and there would just kill our friendship, plus I don't even know if I want to start anything serious with her just yet. Sure, I like her, but there are so many other women I can be having fun with. I'll just have my fun while she's taken. Trying to avoid "oneitis" here, hehe (reference from the guide posted somewhere on TFP).

LOL you dated her? Well, you are in Frisco, so if you've moved there in the past few years for school from the L.A. area, you might've. Also, I've met the guy, and I must say that knowing who he is definitely adds on to the "Don't want him to feel the same way" feeling.

CityOfAngels

Yeah, but then again if I don't start anything serious with her, I won't have to worry about being cheated on, hehe. But yeah, I know what you mean.

Also I'd like to say thank you all for your wonderful responses.

ismark

I'd just stay friends and wait a while.....

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