dalnet22

Ok, here's another thread by the wacko dalnet22, except this one is somewhat decent.

Alright, so I started a week long introductory program for college. The other night I was late to dinner and missed my group, so I sat with some girls. There were three life long friends sitting there while I was shy and didn't say anything. One of the girls introduced herself and asked about me. I really took to her, but she had to leave with her group before we could talk much. I'm not getting my cell phone until tomorrow, so I wasn't able to ask for her number at the time. I was hoping today I could catch her at dinner to ask if she wanted to go out or do something, but I never saw her. I haven't seen her anywhere else either, and I'm afraid that while her dorm is a football field away, I'm not going to see her for a long while. All I know is which dorm she's staying in and her first name, so I'm unsure how I can hook up with her. I can't really remember what her friends look like, although I'm assuming they're going to be with her a lot since they're roommates. I don't want to start asking around and make myself look weird.. what do you guys recommend I do? I'm not looking for anything big, I just want to get to know her.

Carno

Ummm you'll probably run into her in the cafeteria a lot. Maybe not until school starts, but you'll defintely see her there eventually. Try and get to know someone in her dorm and visit them a lot.

EDIT: um I just realized that if you go to a large school, you might never see her. I go to a very small college (~5000 ppl) so finding people at my school is not a problem at all. If you go to a big school, I don't know how to help you...

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dalnet22

The only problem is that there are so many cafeterias and it's possible that she's decided to dump the bad one in her hall for one of the better ones. I'd like to hook up with her soon because I don't want to find out she met someone else before I could find her.

Carno

Yeah that's a bummer dude. I guess the best thing you could do is try and hang around her dorm and hope you run into her.

Sucks...

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dalnet22

Yes, it does.

bermuDa

you should've asked for her number anyways, and written it down a bit outdated but still effective.

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dalnet22

I know but I wasn't thinking about it at the time.. I had nothing to write on anyways since I was in a cafeteria. This is going to really bother me for a long while. The last thing I need is to get depressed again starting college.

bermuDa

ok, hindsight is 20/20 but this is nothing to get depressed over. you'll probably run into her eventually.

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Seaver

Um... dude... you're in college.

You're on what seems to be a large population... there will be MANY girls you will meet within only 2 weeks. Dont fret over this one, learn to ask for numbers when the chance comes, but if you obsess over that lost chance you close your eyes to the beauty of college life.

Key

whoa ! what's the big deal, buddy. first off, it sounds like you want to be a hell of a lot more than just friends with her.

if you really look at it, it's just some random girl you met before college even started- imagine how many more there'll be when it DOES start. did she have a halo over her head? a tatoo with your name and birthdate? alyssa milano's sluttier twin sister? don't let it bug you so much. bermuDa's right, this is far from something to get depressed over. seriously, you had an encounter with like one of a billion fishes in the sea (sounds like you go to a big college, too!).

you'll probably see her around campus, but if you don't, no big deal, right? it's a surprisingly small world, you'll probably meet her at a party or at least someone from the same dorm that knows her. anyway, you just learned one of the most valuable lessons of college right off- ALWAYS carry a pen with you.

bermuDa

well spoken, seaver and key. there's no need to latch onto the first girl who is friendly to you, your college life has just begun!

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roboshark

seaver and key, and bermuDa are right if all dalnet22 is looking for is some sex. Sounds to me though, like, he's quite taken with her, who knows it might be love at first sight (you guys never been there?)

Hang around her dorm, the library, go to popular events. You're bound to run across her if you hang around her dorm. If you know her first name, ask around there. You might feel silly doing this, but why care? It's what you're after that counts.

dalnet22

I'd already been hit on by several other girls before I met this one, so I haven't clinged to the first girl. But this girl was different from the others, and that's why I feel bad. Sure, school hasn't started, but I still wish I could contact her. It's rather difficult to find a cool college woman who doesn't drink or smoke. Hell, for all I know this girl could be just another partier, but I can't know until I ask her about it.

Roboshark, I understand what you're saying about who cares if I feel silly. However, since I'm on a clean slate coming into college, I worry that if I start looking like a stalker people will spread the word. But you are right, sex doesn't matter to me; if it did, I could go out tonight and pick up some loser at a party with ease.

roboshark

Mmmh, I hear you on the stalking thing. I wasn't really implying you should camp outside her dorm house day and night and accost everyone coming out asking them if they knew her. I don't know the layout of the place but if there's a public square, or a park or a fricking bench even, you can hang out there for a few hours and keep an eye out for her. Which is the kind of activity that can come across as silly to other people (friends or whatever), but if you can find her that way, why would you care?

Sitting on the front steps of her dorm house 24/7 will be misconstrued as stalking, I'm sure.

dalnet22

Yeah, I am lucky that our dorms are only separated by a football field. Also, to the right of our dorms is the school's recreational center, so I'm in a good location. It'd be worse if she lived on the opposite side of campus because I'd probably never see her again.

hossified

dude...you're in college and sweating a girl that you sat with for an hour??? Just wait till you hit a keg party or sumthin....you'll fall in love like 20 times in one night!!

dalnet22

Um ok I'm not a drinker pal. I want someone who can be my friend not someone I can score with on a saturday night. This is why I'm upset right now because most good looking girls are just the usual partiers, and I wish I could meet one who was attractive and didn't fuck herself up at night.

Seaver

Haha, I had that during Freshman orientation... talked for 30min, but then had to leave suddenly so didnt get her number. So I regretted it and hoped to run into her during the school year. Lo and behold a week into the semester I started getting phonecalls from the same number (didnt know I had caller-id or something) but from different voices. Apparently she looked up every Adam in the college directory (of 50k students), trying to figure out who I was. Freaky. Anyways she had also managed to figure out I drove a black truck... something that SCREAMS stalker.

So, as I said, there will be pleny of women out there that you will meet. If you see her again just be friendly and just ask if she wants to get a cup of coffee or something. If you dont see her dont build her up to be everything you want, because I'd bet dollars to pennies that she's not.

rukkyg

Something that might actually help you find her:

Find out who the RD is for her dorm and ask him if he knows her. It will work best if you go to the RD's room. If it's a guy, he will probably be willing to help you if you tell him the story. If it's a girl, try to feminize the story. If he doesn't know, try going to the RAs in the girls part of the dorm. Well my dorm had girls and boys in the same hall, but in a school as big as your's, it's probably more segregated. Hopefully it's not a 40k student school with 2000 in a giant apartment complex that you call a dorm

Anyway, RDs and RAs have rosters of all the students, and even if it's a common name, there's probably not more than 5 people with that name in the dorm. Go to all their rooms!

dalnet22

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll try and be casual about it rather than hunting her down, and hopefully I'll catch her when I'm out with friends or something. I need to find the line between stalking and making her aware that I'm interested, you know what I mean?

hossified

how do you know she isn't a partier after your brief encounter?

dalnet22

I have an uncanny ability of detecting whether someone is a partier or not. However, I do not know whether this girl is or not, and I would like to find out. That's why I just want to have another conversation with her to see what she's like. If she is a big partier, then that's that.

robodog

I have a feeling that ability will not do you much good freshman year. Even the most reserved of people often let their hair down big time freshmen year. Hell even BYU has some crazy parties and Mormon's detest fun as a religious principle =)

Johnny Rotten

Ask the front desk at her dorm. Describe her. If they know who it is, leave a message for her there (since they're not likely to just tell you what her room number is, or her phone number). If you run into one of her friends, be honest. Tell them you want to hang out with her but don't know how to contact her.

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dalnet22

Thank you for the advice. I spoke to some female friends of mine at other colleges and they told me the same thing, so I'll do it tomorrow. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

dalnet22

I got the number and called, but she basically told me to go to hell.

Seaver

Ouch. Well just stack this up to experience. As I said in my first reply here, learn from it. Learn to ask for the number when you have a chance, if you miss it just let it go because there's a plethora of women in college.

Rlyss

Good on you for trying, dalnet. No matter what she said, at least you're not going to spend the next few weeks or months searching for that girl and missing out on some awesome experiences with other people.

Johnny Rotten

Yeah, I wouldn't worry. There's lots of girls to go around .

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Great_White

Hehe that wasnt a response I expected.

But yes... Its pretty much just not wasted time now. If you want to find someone whos not much of a partier/drinker... Goto a party and find a girl whos not drinking. Theres generally a few.

dalnet22

Well I'm just upset because there really isn't a plethora of girls for me. I refuse to go to parties because it's all frats and stupid girls who want the company of drunk, funny guys. I'm going into computers, so I will probably not find any decent girls in the nerdy classes. I'm also very shy, and the only reason I spoke with this girl was because she introduced herself. I just don't know where I'm going to find another girl who doesn't drink or party all the time. I wish I could just go back home and run every day because there was no need for women. I guess I just have to wait till I grow into an age where mature, sensible women are available.

She wasn't mean or anything, but here's what she said. She made up an excuse that she had to go to both dinner and lunch with her friend and her family.. and then she didn't even give me her number or ask for mine for future reference.

Johnny Rotten

Pish-posh . In college, there's all kinds of activity groups you can join. Believe me, you want to get yourself out there and enjoy your college years. If you're a coffee drinker, cafes can be a great place to meet people. The more people you meet, the more people you can introduced to, which helps a lot to lessen the awkwardness of approaching people. Still, a little bravery can go a long way. Keep at it! Thank me later .

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dalnet22

Seriously though, how do you go up to somebody at lunch and just start up a conversation that leads them to wanting to go out with you, I mean that just doesn't make sense to me. Secondly, how do you ask for their phone number if they don't offer it? It seems rude to ask for it if they didn't offer. Lunch and dinner are no doubt the only two places I have a shot at meeting anybody, and everyone goes in groups so it's not easy. Forget it, I told myself over and over to ignore girls because there are no good ones, and I screwed up again. This one was just as bad as the rest..

Great_White

I like to go for the ones that are alone mostly...

"Who are you here with?"
If they answer no one then just go with that.
"Would you like some company?" or something to that extent.
Girls in groups... I dont know. The key is just to man up and talk to her. Whats the worst thats gonna happen? The girl you had no prior relationship with never talks to you again?

Seaver

You know the cliche pickup line of "nice shoes"? Well I hate to break it to you but it does work. Just walk up to her and say "hey, do you mind if I sit here?", then pick something of hers that sticks out, and say "hey that's a really nice/cool/pretty (insert item here), did you pick it out?" Just keep asking her open ended questions (NOT yes/no, those are conversation killers). Smile a lot and try not to interrupt her when she's talking, it's been studied and women almost never interrupt others while talking but men do it almost all the time. They'll notice if you let her talk and act interested.

Just say "hey, I'd really like to call you sometime, I know a great (insert activity or location) we can go do/to". They will either be into it or not. Even the Brad Pitt has gotten turned down, dont let it slow you down on the next girl if you do.

Have you tried joining a Volunteer group? religious group?

Try going to a coffee shop, there will be lots of girls there. Just look for the one who looks like she needs a break from studying, and keep the conversation light.

Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Rlyss

Ayee, I cannot believe this. I wrote a bazillion-word post and lost it all

Anyway, I'm rooting for you dalnet, so I'm gonna write it again.

*Golf clap, golf clap* Seaver is 110% correct.

In my first week at university I was sitting in a lecture, and I didn't know anyone. A paper was handed out and I happened to have two copies of it. A girl walked in about 15 minutes late, I took note of where she sat, and snuck over to her and gave her my extra copy. At the end of the lecture as we all filed out she came up to me and thanked me for the paper. We chatted as we went to our next classes, she gave me her phone number, and the next thing you know I dated her for almost a year.

Now, how great would it be if you were sitting, having a coffee, and a girl walked up and introduced herself? Would you think 'Weirdo...', or would you be flattered? And if you were with your friends, just chilling out, and a girl came up and introduced herself, would you think 'Weirdo... I'm hanging with my friends, don't interrupt me', or would you be both flattered and happy that she had the guts?

My point is that everyone likes to have someone make the first move. Even if the girl who comes up to you isn't really your type, wouldn't the main feeling be a good one? Wouldn't that be a nice boost of confidence? And if she is your type, then you're in.

It seems to me that you're a pretty straight-edge guy. Perhaps in high school that was 'uncool', but mate, in college or in university, that's the time to throw all of that out the window. If you thought you didn't fit in, or felt lonely back then, this is the time to throw all of that out and start a clean slate. Straight-edge people weren't cool in my high school, but at university there are millions of them. Alliances, judgement, sticking to only one social group... that's the stuff you want to avoid in college, especially at the start.

As for meeting girls, whether for friendships or relationships, just a few thoughts off the top of my head:

- Find a coffee shop or a bar, and make it your regular place. You'll notice the girls who are regulars there, too, and that's a way to start up a conversation. "Hi, I've seen you here a lot, do you study nearby? Me too, I'm in the dorms! I study journalism, how about you? Really? I've got a few friends who do that actually. Do you want to grab a coffee and sit outside?" It sounds totally lame here, but it's a conversation starter.

- In 'your' coffee shop, or in a busy park, read a book. If you like science fiction and you see a girl sitting on the grass with your favorite sci-fi book next to her, can you see the conversation starter there? "Hi, what part are you up to? Ah, you're still early on, it's gets really good soon. Don't worry, I won't spoil it, but my favorite part is really soon." All of that, and a friendly smile (as long as you don't interrupt her when she's actually reading!), will either get you into a great big long coversation with this girl, or a few yes or no responses. If that's the case, wish her well with the book, and leave it at that. It's not 'She's missing out, it's her loss', it's just that it wasn't going to happen with that girl. Don't go from girl-to-girl at the coffee shop, but don't let one disappointment discourage you.

- Definitely join a few clubs or societies. That's where people with the same interests congregate, right? And I'm sure at the start of the year they'll have lots of 'getting-to-know-each-other'-type activities, because you'll all be in the same boat, not knowing anyone.

I think I've rambled on enough, but basically, don't let the bastards get you down! Just keep at it!

rukkyg

I was friends with my girlfriend for a few months. We lived down the hall from eachother. I started to like her and I told her and she didn't like me but we were still friends. So I just sat on her bed for 3 weeks and eventually she liked me too!

So just go to that chick's room and sit on her bed for 3 weeks. I'm sure it will work.

dalnet22

Thank you for the responses. I've never gone to a cafe because I really hate coffee.. I mean when I go in I feel weird not knowing what I want to get.. I just feel uncomfortable going there, but maybe once classes start I'll try it. The problem with clubs is the only things I like are baseball, other sports, and, well yeah that's about it. I like other things, but I couldn't see myself joining a club about those subjects. Personally, I don't see any women joining baseball clubs, but that's just me. Plus, what's even worse is I haven't been able to talk well all week because I have a canker sore on my tongue. This has been a major issue because it's forced me to speak less and not talk to people I don't know. It hasn't gotten any better, and this is the worst time for it.