Strange Famous

Ok, well, here is the story:

I got talking to this girl who works at a store near me, and she gave me her numbr. We went on a couple of dates but noithing intimate happened but we got on pretty well. Then she told me she was going ti get back with her ex, and she was realy sweet about it... I was disappointed cos I liked her, but I didnt feel so bad and we still would stay in touch as friends, and its not like anything was promised, I kind of felt like, ok, we tried a couple of dats and we got on well, but there was no spark but it was cool... but then today I saw her at the store she works at and she told me she was scared of her ex and he treated her like crap and was so aggressive to her, and she wanted to get away from him, but she was scared what he would do...

And so, my instant feeling is that I should go to his house, kick his door in and beat the shit out of him... but it isnt so practical

!) I might just get arrested

2) he might beat me up anyway, I mean, Im a pretty big guy, and at school I won a lot of fights, but I havent like thrown a punch since I was 19. I have this emotional sense that i could just get so mad I could beat him down, but realistically, he might just kick my ass, and what would I achieve then? I'm not so much scared of getting hurt (although I am a little scared if I think about it!) but if I just lose, it will makes things worse for her and then I'd probably go and do something real stupid to try and make it better

3) she wasnt saying that he hit or anything (I mean, iif he did beat her up, I wouldnt be talking on the internet about what to do, I'd be at his house now), just that he scares her and acts aggresive, so anyway what if she likes him again tomorrow, she will just hate me if I do anything... and so if she liked me better than him she wouldnt be getting back with him

4) and I am thinking, why does she tell me this? Does she want me to fight him? Cos if she does, then I wouldnt like that sort of girl anyway, if she was just trying to engineer a fight for her own sake, and I dont think she is that way, but I am self aware to tell that she is the first girl I dated in like 3 years, so I am not likely tp be very objective in how I see her.

She just, well, when she was saying how she was scared I just wanted to protect her, and I feel like... well, Im not so good looking and I may not be anyone's dream guy, but if you need protection, protection is the one thing I can do... I dont know... mayeb I should just call her when her shift is over, or call her at work and tell her to come to my flat and talk it through... I really hate people who bully girls, I suppose its sexist in my way that I just want to be the big strong protective guy, and obv the fact I like her and she acted like she liked me,.. it magnifies my feelings.

I dont think he has actually hit her anyway, if he has or did it'll be over... but I dont know... I just dont know. It doesnt make sense anyway. Why do girls stay with people who treat them bad (and she was almost crying when I talked to her today, so she cant LIKE how he treats her)... for sure I know I am not so good looking, Im very heavy too, but she never would have dated me if my looks were a big issue to her, so why do people prefer people that they say they dont like to people like me who they say are so nice and so sweet and they really wish the best for (but they just want to date)

Ok, I am losing the point now, I just dont know what to do. I think I shall call her or go see her just before 8 when she gets off work and try and find out whats really going on. Even if she doesnt want to date me, I can make this guy leave her alone anyway, if that is what she really wants.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Jackebear

Whew...quite a story. At the moment you don't see any black eyes on the girl or anything like that, so that's good. I wouldn't go about kicking people's asses unless you see them actually doing something...you could get charged...and then everything spirals down from there.

I would offer the girl some support and maybe a place to stay if she is in trouble. If and only if you want to see this idiot boyfriend of hers...don't go by yourself...he could have mates and you might need a mate to witness the shit that goes down if he takes a swing at you.

Be careful dude. I know ya like this chick but you might get in trouble over someone you doesn't feel the same for you.

Think before you act....and good luck.

__________________
Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

ratbastid

Okay, first thing is, she's now officially off limits for dating. She's rebounding from an intense and difficult relationship, and TRUST ME you don't want to be tangled up in that as anything other than a friend. Give her six months minimum before starting back up the dating thing.

Second, you should treat her like a friend--see what support she needs, how you can help her. It sounds like you're already somebody she can talk to about it. Could be that's all she really needs. Could be she needs something more.

I don't really endorse physical violence in any situation.

Strange Famous

Im not a violent person either, I havent been in a fight since I was a kid, but if some dude who hits a girl gets beat up.... who will care?

I guess I just feel protective too much maybe. I think I will try to talk to her again, if she is scared of him, if there is nothing for me and her in the future, i could at least help her get away from him if he is bullying her which would be good. It's all too complicated for me.

And if it comes to it, maybe I would get my ass kicked, but I dont know, we shall see.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Trisk

Don't get involved in her relationship with that guy, especially if you want to stay on good terms with her. As bad as he might treat her...it's up to her to get out of it. Unless he's threatening to kill her or something, it's generally best to give her advice from the sidelines. You should try to feel her out first though - sometimes, no matter how bad someone is being treated, they refuse to have anyone else talk bad about their SO. You don't want to get in a fight with her over that. So try to get a feel for how she'll react to that first.

Second of all...I think she's just telling you because she needs someone to talk to about it and needs someone to comfort her. DON'T start getting in fights with her SO. I know people who have on-off rocky relationships and they'll let you do or say whatever you want about their SO but the second their relationship is good again, if only for a day, they'll turn on you for trying to help them. I can't stress this enough. Don't get involved with her love life. You don't want to be blamed in the end if they break up...and you don't want to end up in the hospital.

OH yeah, and now is the worst possible time to make a move on her. You need to make sure she's over this guy if you want to make her take you seriously. People do things they wouldn't normally do when they're rebounding and you don't want to get attatched and then be left behind feeling like an ass when she's over him.

Redgirl

Everything Trisk said is absolutely right on. You really can't help a person in a situation like this, they have to help themselves and you just offer support.

She was probably just looking for a sympathetic ear to bitch to about her guy. She may tell you tonight that she didn't mean it and was over reacting.

Be very careful here, SF!!

__________________
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Kalnaur

Tread such ground with caution, and do not look before you leap.

This woman seems to want something to 'protect' her, but she needs to understand that you can only be there to support her. Do not fight her battles for her.

__________________
PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

losthellhound

Its a good sign that she trusts you with this information. Proves you mean something to her.. My advice? Just be there for her. Listen when she needs to talk, be the shoulder if she needs to cry, and just generally be there for her

__________________
"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

Strange Famous

Ah, its cool, the logic part of my brain over rided the macho bullshit part.

Im seeing her for her drink tomorrow, just to talk it through, and if she wants help I will try, but you're all right, there's really no point fighting this guy over it, unless he really doe shit her, and then I might.

Its obviously a confused situation, cos on Friday she was getting back with him, then at the weekend she hated him... so I dont feel I can take it all at face value... I mean, if he genuinely threatened her, I wouldnt jump in his house and start something but I would probably talk to him about it, but maybe it isnt all as she says, so I guess for now I will just be there and listen to her.

And really, I think you all were right, fighting over girls is really very childish... and its not like Im some big tough guy anyway!

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas