I need your opinion/advice... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Xothan · 07-06-2004, 07:20 PM

I was sitting around, doing nothing and thinking the other day, when I came to the realization that I am in love. Problem is, the girl I am in love with is a good friend, PLUS she has a boyfriend who is like a brother to me. Now, this wouldn't be so much of a problem for me normally, as I would just ignore my feelings so as not to hurt anyone, but the other day she called me out of the blue, "Just to say Hi." I've been out of town almost all summer, and haven't had the chance to see ANY of my close friends; I'm also known for a minor telephone phobia...

I guess what I'm really asking you, my fellow TFPers, is what do y'all think she meant, and what you would do in my situation...All I really desire is some advice, maybe a woman's opinion or two...

Anything at all would be really appreciated. It just feels better attempting to talk to someone about it.

Thanks in advance.

Flyguy · 07-06-2004, 07:42 PM

Mabye it was just that. She called to say hi. Nothing more. Does she go out of her way to contact you? Is she showing you lots of attention? Thouse could be signs that she has it for you.

Xothan · 07-06-2004, 08:03 PM

Not exactly out of her way, but let me put it this way...when my phone rings, it's like a once-a-month occurence...I'm always the one calling people to find out what is going on, because I live 40 minutes away from the town I went to school in...I'm kind of an "out of sight, out of mind" friend, except to those closest to me...

jRuntlets · 07-06-2004, 08:16 PM

It seems to me, as a girl with lots of male friends, sort of like you're making a bit more of the situation than it is. I call up my guy friends just to say "hi", and nothing more than that. If you've been out of town she may have just caught wind that you were back and wanted to see what's up.

I don't want to bring you down here but like you said her boyfriend is like a brother to you. Do you really want to hurt that friendship? Are you in love... for sure?! If you don't hang out much you may just be missing the companionship of a friend that is female and mistaking it for love.

I've expirenced this with my best friend (male - I'm a girl) who was overseas for the millitary. I thought I was in love with him all the time he was gone. When we phoned and wrote I would get all cheesy and sappy, reading more into it than I should have. He came back, and now we hang out on a regular basis and I realize that I just missed him a whole lot and that my feelings have nothing to do with love as anything more than just a friend.

Key · 07-06-2004, 09:04 PM

your emotions are probably clouding your judgement. it's incredibly easy to start shaping things into a pre-defined notion in your mind.

from the sounds of it i would agree that she just called to say hi. i know it's hard to draw the line at what signs are real and what are probably wishful thinking, but this seems to be way closer to wishful thinking. unless she asked what you were wearing or something.

exploring your feelings like jRuntlets mentioned is a good idea. i mean, the falling-in-love-with-the-friend scenario is tricky because you're threatening one friendship, but this is threatening two very close ones. before you make any sort of move, you owe it to yourself to make absolutely certain what your feelings are. if it's just a crush or you just miss her as a friend- that's not something to go nuts about. but if this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime-and-full-of-regret-otherwise moments, you might have more cause for concern.

i know what it's like to like a girl and have your mind warp all sorts of reality around any interaction with her. "oh man she called." "wait she touched my arm, what does that mean?" "she got me a card, hmmm does she care as a friend or as more" "is she flirting with me right now, or are we just comfortable friends?" "she invited me over!! what does it mean!!"

the point is your mind WILL play tricks on you, so just be careful.

Prince · 07-07-2004, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jRuntlets
It seems to me, as a girl with lots of male friends, sort of like you're making a bit more of the situation than it is. I call up my guy friends just to say "hi", and nothing more than that. If you've been out of town she may have just caught wind that you were back and wanted to see what's up.

I don't want to bring you down here but like you said her boyfriend is like a brother to you. Do you really want to hurt that friendship? Are you in love... for sure?! If you don't hang out much you may just be missing the companionship of a friend that is female and mistaking it for love.

I've expirenced this with my best friend (male - I'm a girl) who was overseas for the millitary. I thought I was in love with him all the time he was gone. When we phoned and wrote I would get all cheesy and sappy, reading more into it than I should have. He came back, and now we hang out on a regular basis and I realize that I just missed him a whole lot and that my feelings have nothing to do with love as anything more than just a friend.

Brilliant advice, right there.

Xothan · 07-07-2004, 04:08 AM

Quote:

exploring your feelings like jRuntlets mentioned is a good idea. i mean, the falling-in-love-with-the-friend scenario is tricky because you're threatening one friendship, but this is threatening two very close ones. before you make any sort of move, you owe it to yourself to make absolutely certain what your feelings are.

My main issue is that I've always put friendships before, well, anything else; however, I'm always a third wheel when I go out with my friends, because they all have a SO. I guess what is really tearing me up is whether or not to tell her how I feel. But I DO agree with y'all on the issue that I'm probably reading something where there is nothing to be read...damn wishful thinking screws me over every time.

Key · 07-07-2004, 07:42 AM

sounds like you could just use some lovin'

ain't no shame in that.

whether you tell her or not is obviously something only you should decide. but here's a couple things to think about, other perspectives you might want to take into consideration.

on one hand, it would relieve the burden off your shoulders of carryng this unproclaimed adoration (notice i didn't say love).

from her perspective though, what can she do about it? now she's in a relationship, with someone else proclaiming their deep feelings for her. what exactly do you expect her to do?

i think we all have the hollywood fantasy of proclaiming our eternal love to someone and having them drop everything, running towards arms outstretched at us and things will be happily ever after. from my experience, life isn't so optimistic. heh, that just suddenly reminded me of a line i heard somewhere. "Shit in one hand, wish in the other. See which one feels more real."

ask yourself how deep are these feelings really? could it be a crush, or is this something that dramatically influences the dynamics of your relationship?

pig · 07-07-2004, 07:56 AM

Really quickly, I would highly advise against telling this girl you think you're in love with her. Telling her something along the lines of how special she is or how much her friendship means, sure. If they ever break up, and after a comfortable period of time you're both single, then maybe something comes out. In your present situation, I have a really hard time seeing anything positive come out of that. Unless your friends are kind of free-love types?

Xothan · 07-08-2004, 08:11 PM

Just in case any of you were wondering, I've decided NOT to tell her my feelings...I value both of the friendships WAY too much. However, I will reconsider my decision if she drops any really blatant signals into my lap...

Anyways, thanks for all your advice, it's been a really big help

I <3 the TFP gang!

07-06-2004, 07:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Xothan Tilted Location: Athens, GA	I need your opinion/advice... I was sitting around, doing nothing and thinking the other day, when I came to the realization that I am in love. Problem is, the girl I am in love with is a good friend, PLUS she has a boyfriend who is like a brother to me. Now, this wouldn't be so much of a problem for me normally, as I would just ignore my feelings so as not to hurt anyone, but the other day she called me out of the blue, "Just to say Hi." I've been out of town almost all summer, and haven't had the chance to see ANY of my close friends; I'm also known for a minor telephone phobia... I guess what I'm really asking you, my fellow TFPers, is what do y'all think she meant, and what you would do in my situation...All I really desire is some advice, maybe a woman's opinion or two... Anything at all would be really appreciated. It just feels better attempting to talk to someone about it. Thanks in advance. __________________ Xothan AIM - icarlson75

07-06-2004, 08:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
Xothan Tilted Location: Athens, GA	Not exactly out of her way, but let me put it this way...when my phone rings, it's like a once-a-month occurence...I'm always the one calling people to find out what is going on, because I live 40 minutes away from the town I went to school in...I'm kind of an "out of sight, out of mind" friend, except to those closest to me... __________________ Xothan AIM - icarlson75

07-06-2004, 08:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
jRuntlets Crazy	It seems to me, as a girl with lots of male friends, sort of like you're making a bit more of the situation than it is. I call up my guy friends just to say "hi", and nothing more than that. If you've been out of town she may have just caught wind that you were back and wanted to see what's up. I don't want to bring you down here but like you said her boyfriend is like a brother to you. Do you really want to hurt that friendship? Are you in love... for sure?! If you don't hang out much you may just be missing the companionship of a friend that is female and mistaking it for love. I've expirenced this with my best friend (male - I'm a girl) who was overseas for the millitary. I thought I was in love with him all the time he was gone. When we phoned and wrote I would get all cheesy and sappy, reading more into it than I should have. He came back, and now we hang out on a regular basis and I realize that I just missed him a whole lot and that my feelings have nothing to do with love as anything more than just a friend. __________________ Horses come and go, but some leave permanent hoof prints on your life.

07-07-2004, 07:56 AM	#9 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	Really quickly, I would highly advise against telling this girl you think you're in love with her. Telling her something along the lines of how special she is or how much her friendship means, sure. If they ever break up, and after a comfortable period of time you're both single, then maybe something comes out. In your present situation, I have a really hard time seeing anything positive come out of that. Unless your friends are kind of free-love types? __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

07-08-2004, 08:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
Xothan Tilted Location: Athens, GA	Just in case any of you were wondering, I've decided NOT to tell her my feelings...I value both of the friendships WAY too much. However, I will reconsider my decision if she drops any really blatant signals into my lap... Anyways, thanks for all your advice, it's been a really big help I <3 the TFP gang! __________________ Xothan AIM - icarlson75

07-06-2004, 07:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Flyguy Banned Location: Swooping down on you from above....	Mabye it was just that. She called to say hi. Nothing more. Does she go out of her way to contact you? Is she showing you lots of attention? Thouse could be signs that she has it for you.

07-06-2004, 09:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
Key Crazy	your emotions are probably clouding your judgement. it's incredibly easy to start shaping things into a pre-defined notion in your mind. from the sounds of it i would agree that she just called to say hi. i know it's hard to draw the line at what signs are real and what are probably wishful thinking, but this seems to be way closer to wishful thinking. unless she asked what you were wearing or something. exploring your feelings like jRuntlets mentioned is a good idea. i mean, the falling-in-love-with-the-friend scenario is tricky because you're threatening one friendship, but this is threatening two very close ones. before you make any sort of move, you owe it to yourself to make absolutely certain what your feelings are. if it's just a crush or you just miss her as a friend- that's not something to go nuts about. but if this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime-and-full-of-regret-otherwise moments, you might have more cause for concern. i know what it's like to like a girl and have your mind warp all sorts of reality around any interaction with her. "oh man she called." "wait she touched my arm, what does that mean?" "she got me a card, hmmm does she care as a friend or as more" "is she flirting with me right now, or are we just comfortable friends?" "she invited me over!! what does it mean!!" the point is your mind WILL play tricks on you, so just be careful.

07-07-2004, 07:42 AM	#8 (permalink)
Key Crazy	sounds like you could just use some lovin' ain't no shame in that. whether you tell her or not is obviously something only you should decide. but here's a couple things to think about, other perspectives you might want to take into consideration. on one hand, it would relieve the burden off your shoulders of carryng this unproclaimed adoration (notice i didn't say love). from her perspective though, what can she do about it? now she's in a relationship, with someone else proclaiming their deep feelings for her. what exactly do you expect her to do? i think we all have the hollywood fantasy of proclaiming our eternal love to someone and having them drop everything, running towards arms outstretched at us and things will be happily ever after. from my experience, life isn't so optimistic. heh, that just suddenly reminded me of a line i heard somewhere. "Shit in one hand, wish in the other. See which one feels more real." ask yourself how deep are these feelings really? could it be a crush, or is this something that dramatically influences the dynamics of your relationship?