pursue or play it safe? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

gorilla · 06-13-2004, 09:22 PM

What would you do if you were in love with your best friend? Would you pursue a relationship with them and put your friendship on the line, or would you play it safe to make sure you dont lose that friend?

This is what goes through my mind for 23 hours a day. I live in a little emotional bubble and I dont let anyone in. The only person that I have ever let in is my current best friend, I'll call her Tiffany because, well, thats her name. She has been either a very close friend or my best friend for the past 5 years or so. She used to have the same problem, she was in love with me for so long but I didnt want to risk the friendship so I didnt go forward with anything. Yeah, I wanted to but I would have been lost without her as a friend. We did date for awhile and she broke up with me about 6 months ago. I was crushed because she was my best friend and my girlfriend. I still cant even look at another girl. She told me that she still wanted to be friends, and we are very close again. I get really upset when she is with other guys or even mentions other guys because I dont think that any of them can offer what I can. As far as I know, she hasnt been on a date in a while and she seems to be sendin me those vibes, yknow? For instance, she has called me up the last 3 nights because she wanted to hang out. We dont hang out just us two, I bring some friends and she brings friends and we hang out as a group. But we are alone sometimes, she calls me when she is sick or had a bad day and I will try to cheer her up or go to her house and spend time with her. She does walk all over me, but I love every minute of it so its okay. Now, its been about 4 months since Ive said anything to her about "us." I'm pretty sure that she thinks I am over her because when Im around her I dont act like stuff bothers me and I will comment about girls walking on the streets... normal things a guy friend would do. Its been 6 months since we've broken up and I havent gotten over her an ounce. I think that I am pickin up on vibes from her, but it might just be my hopeful imagination. She hasnt been on a date in a while, and all the guys she has gone out with since me weren't worthy or something because they have either faded into oblivion or she wants to tie them to a tree and play a good game of pinata with them. I dont know if I should try yet again to take our friendship to the next level or if I should sit tight and wait for more definative vibes. What would you do, given this situation?

I think I've made up my mind to talk to her about it sometime later this week, but that gives me 3 - 5 days to get some other opinions.

I say I live in a bubble and then I vent online for anybody to read... oh, well.

gorilla · 06-13-2004, 09:24 PM

also if you have any ideas on how I should start the conversation or anything, please share. I would like to be able to see if shes feeling the same way without going out on a limb to far.

blizzak · 06-13-2004, 10:10 PM

hmm
you say she walks all over you, but you love every minute of it so it's okay? Don't get me wrong, if you think it's ok that's fine, but I can tell you it's probably not. i've never seen any relationship like that work, whether it's been the girl or the guy doing it.

In fact, one of my friends in in a relationship with another good friend of mine, and i've spoke to her many a time. Turns out she was in a relationship for about 1 and a half years in which she walked all over the guy, before she realized that it would never work out like that. The guy was so attached to her by that point that he was threatening suicide over the phone to her (like he was gonna cut his wrists right then and there) if she broke up with him. It took a very long time for her to convince him to let go, and he still talks to her and wants to hang out with her, etc...but she really trys to keep her distance, cause i've also seen them msn and he gets really mad really fast.

Okay, maybe i'm going a little extreme here lol. But the fact is, my friend that she is with now doesn't let that happen, and the relatioship is working great, and I can't see them breaking up anytime soon. If a relationship is meant to be mutual, then don't let her walk all over you.

Now that that rant is done, with your girl, it is all in the body language. Organize a get together of some sort, and pick up on her body language, etc. Just keep it casual, it's your best bet. And remember, always look out for #1 (yourself that is). You're the most important person in your world, so if you're not happy, then there's no point.

Good Luck!

gorilla · 06-13-2004, 10:37 PM

when I said walk all over me, I dont mean anything too rediculous, she will just have me do little favors for her. Nothing thats really out of my way, and Im a nice guy and I would do them anyway. example, if we are together in a group and she is wearing shorts with no pockets she will ask me hold her cell and money, stuff like that. Its not like she controls what I do, but she'll ask me for little things like that and I never say no.

06-13-2004, 09:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
gorilla Insane Location: USA	pursue or play it safe? What would you do if you were in love with your best friend? Would you pursue a relationship with them and put your friendship on the line, or would you play it safe to make sure you dont lose that friend? This is what goes through my mind for 23 hours a day. I live in a little emotional bubble and I dont let anyone in. The only person that I have ever let in is my current best friend, I'll call her Tiffany because, well, thats her name. She has been either a very close friend or my best friend for the past 5 years or so. She used to have the same problem, she was in love with me for so long but I didnt want to risk the friendship so I didnt go forward with anything. Yeah, I wanted to but I would have been lost without her as a friend. We did date for awhile and she broke up with me about 6 months ago. I was crushed because she was my best friend and my girlfriend. I still cant even look at another girl. She told me that she still wanted to be friends, and we are very close again. I get really upset when she is with other guys or even mentions other guys because I dont think that any of them can offer what I can. As far as I know, she hasnt been on a date in a while and she seems to be sendin me those vibes, yknow? For instance, she has called me up the last 3 nights because she wanted to hang out. We dont hang out just us two, I bring some friends and she brings friends and we hang out as a group. But we are alone sometimes, she calls me when she is sick or had a bad day and I will try to cheer her up or go to her house and spend time with her. She does walk all over me, but I love every minute of it so its okay. Now, its been about 4 months since Ive said anything to her about "us." I'm pretty sure that she thinks I am over her because when Im around her I dont act like stuff bothers me and I will comment about girls walking on the streets... normal things a guy friend would do. Its been 6 months since we've broken up and I havent gotten over her an ounce. I think that I am pickin up on vibes from her, but it might just be my hopeful imagination. She hasnt been on a date in a while, and all the guys she has gone out with since me weren't worthy or something because they have either faded into oblivion or she wants to tie them to a tree and play a good game of pinata with them. I dont know if I should try yet again to take our friendship to the next level or if I should sit tight and wait for more definative vibes. What would you do, given this situation? I think I've made up my mind to talk to her about it sometime later this week, but that gives me 3 - 5 days to get some other opinions. I say I live in a bubble and then I vent online for anybody to read... oh, well.

06-13-2004, 09:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
gorilla Insane Location: USA	also if you have any ideas on how I should start the conversation or anything, please share. I would like to be able to see if shes feeling the same way without going out on a limb to far. __________________ I'll bet you $5 that you read the previous word...

06-13-2004, 10:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
blizzak Crazy	hmm you say she walks all over you, but you love every minute of it so it's okay? Don't get me wrong, if you think it's ok that's fine, but I can tell you it's probably not. i've never seen any relationship like that work, whether it's been the girl or the guy doing it. In fact, one of my friends in in a relationship with another good friend of mine, and i've spoke to her many a time. Turns out she was in a relationship for about 1 and a half years in which she walked all over the guy, before she realized that it would never work out like that. The guy was so attached to her by that point that he was threatening suicide over the phone to her (like he was gonna cut his wrists right then and there) if she broke up with him. It took a very long time for her to convince him to let go, and he still talks to her and wants to hang out with her, etc...but she really trys to keep her distance, cause i've also seen them msn and he gets really mad really fast. Okay, maybe i'm going a little extreme here lol. But the fact is, my friend that she is with now doesn't let that happen, and the relatioship is working great, and I can't see them breaking up anytime soon. If a relationship is meant to be mutual, then don't let her walk all over you. Now that that rant is done, with your girl, it is all in the body language. Organize a get together of some sort, and pick up on her body language, etc. Just keep it casual, it's your best bet. And remember, always look out for #1 (yourself that is). You're the most important person in your world, so if you're not happy, then there's no point. Good Luck! __________________ Fueled by oxytocin!

06-13-2004, 10:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
gorilla Insane Location: USA	when I said walk all over me, I dont mean anything too rediculous, she will just have me do little favors for her. Nothing thats really out of my way, and Im a nice guy and I would do them anyway. example, if we are together in a group and she is wearing shorts with no pockets she will ask me hold her cell and money, stuff like that. Its not like she controls what I do, but she'll ask me for little things like that and I never say no. __________________ I'll bet you $5 that you read the previous word...