Unflirtable. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Prince · 06-01-2004, 06:14 AM

I was at this party yesterday, organized by my wife's boss. It was a BBQ sort of thing, and some of the girls there were wearing bikinis and generally just not wearing much. I had a lot of trouble keeping my eyes off of them, especially this 17-year-old with quite the cleavage...

I've always enjoyed checking girls out, especially ones that strike my fancy. Made another fruitless pass at my wife later that night, and eventually woke up in the middle of the night with a load of cum in my briefs.

Delightful.

I'm a person with a pretty strong libido. My wife, I love her with every fiber of my being, but she's happy with getting laid once a week. I feel like my life is missing a significant amount of what I can only describe as a 'sexual stir'.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I am unhappy, or that I want someone on the side. I don't think I could ever do that. Not only does it go against my morals, but I love my wife too much to even consider something of the sort. Besides, it's not what I want, anyway.

I just wish...I could have that sensual stir in my life that countless others seem to experience. Something that makes you feel like a sensual, desireable, attractive person. I'm 27 now, and excluding my wife, I have never, ever been flirted with or hit on. Ever. And seeing as I've only ever been so much as kissed by only one person - my wife - I have ended up feeling like I am completely unattractive to the rest of the world.

Which, I suppose, should not matter since I don't want to engage in anything with anyone but her anyway....

But it does matter. I don't know why I am entirely unflirtable. I do realize that I am somewhat overweight, and pretty ugly too, I guess, at least by the usual standards of what is considered good-looking. I have not entirely excluded the possibility that sometimes someone does flirt with me and I just don't realize it, because I am down on myself or whatever, but I don't really believe that to be the case. I am generally pretty perceptive, and good at noticing and interpreting body language, gestures and words.

I'd settle for just a prolonged eye contact now and then from a cute cashier. Or a smile that didn't say "I am just smiling because my boss is looking and because I am supposed to make you feel like you are glad you chose this dump to be THE place where you purchased that bag of groceries". <:(

WarWagon · 06-01-2004, 06:19 AM

Two things.

One, post on the TFP. If there's anything I've learned from posting myself, you can be uglier than a mule, but someone is bound to find you cute and compliment you for it.

Two, talk to her. Then talk some more, and then some more. Explain to her that you'd like to mix things up a bit, and drop some hints that it might be nice for her to come onto you strongly some days to mix things up a bit.

maleficent · 06-01-2004, 06:23 AM

There's some things that make some men "unflirtable"

1. they just don't notice, face it, some men are thick headed, I love men to death, but... some don't have the sense to come in out of the rain, and wouldn't recognize a flirt if it dropped on their head).

2. You say you like to check out the other ladies, including jailbait, nothing wrong with that, you ain't dead, I've been known to point out eye candy to the guys I'm with, it's harmless fun, however, there's a furtive glance, and there's tongue hanging out gawking -- the former is cute, the latter is sleezey and wouldn't rate a flirt, it's be worrisome.

3. You are clearly attached to someone. I'd flirt with a rock given the chance, however, if a fella is there with a lady on his arm, I am not risking a flirt, some women are a tad territorial

4. The person themself is unapproachable. You want to flirt with someone who will flirt back, it's really no fun playing with yourself -- well you know what I mean. If the person isn't smiling, is scowling, has their arms crossed in front of them-- not gonna waste a perfectly good flirt.

:wink wink:: hey goodlookin' come here often? :wink wink:

Prince · 06-01-2004, 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by maleficent
You want to flirt with someone who will flirt back, it's really no fun playing with yourself -- well you know what I mean. If the person isn't smiling, is scowling, has their arms crossed in front of them-- not gonna waste a perfectly good flirt.

Interesting point... I hadn't thought of that. I remember, once at a store I mentioned to my wife how people must find me weird-looking because a lot of people were "looking at me"... I figured it was because I'm 6'2" with a big build, shaved head and a scar on my face. She said it's not that, but the fact that I walk around with a fast pace and an expression on my face that says "I'm about to knock your teeth down your windpipe if you don't get the fuck outta my way."

I realized that this was true, and that it was a defense mechanism that I used due to not being very comfortable in a large crowd of people.

What you said made me realize that therein might lie a big part of the problem... I might indeed seem unapproachable to others.

Rlyss · 06-01-2004, 08:57 AM

I feel like that sometimes too, Prince. My first real girlfriend, she knew she was my first sexual partner. She would ask me (a lot) if I would ever get bored with her, if I would ever wonder what things were like with other women, with different experiences. Of course, when your first girlfriend, who you are madly in love with in every way, asks you if you'll ever get bored, we all know what the answer is to that. The truth is at the time I wasn't curious as to what it would be like with other people.

After things ended badly between us (basically, her wondering what sex was like with other people, and acting upon that curiosity) I have begun to give more thought to 'life experience'. I have wondered what life would be like if I was to be unattached.

But I can see the differences between your situation and mine. You clearly have no doubts about your feelings for your wife.

WarWagon's advice about talking to your wife is great. I wouldn't recommond holding out and waiting for her to initiate sex to feel satisifed. After all, she might not think about it and you could wait a long time, and that'd make you feel worse. If she's happy "getting laid" once a week then nobody has the right to ask her to 'put out' more often. She won't be enthusiastic, you'll sense it, it won't be fun. I know that's not what anyone's suggesting, but I'm also thinking as I type, so bear with me

Instead of asking for more of the same, I think the trick is to ask for some 'spice'

If she only wants it once a week, then it's that one night per week that has to count. That's the night that has to be drawn out, with no distractions, and without the goal being to climax.

I guess if I was married (and my dreams for marriage are a bit rose-tinted) I would rather have my wife do all those things for me than some checkout chick.

...

I've just read over this and I'm a little unsure if it makes sense, but it's 2.57am. I hope I've managed to say something

maleficent · 06-01-2004, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dorito2
I
I guess if I was married (and my dreams for marriage are a bit rose-tinted) I would rather have my wife do all those things for me than some checkout chick.

Ah but sometimes it just does the ego a bit of good to have someone other than the person who promised to love you thru better or worse give you a little bit of attention. It's not going to be acted on, but it puts a spring in your step that someone else thinks you're cute or something.

(I'd wink at you too, but the guy in the cube next to mine thinks I am either developing a tic, or is going to have me up on charges for sexual harassment.)

powerclown · 06-01-2004, 10:19 AM

Married and bored, or single and lonely...

And the beat goes on and on and on.

Prince · 06-01-2004, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by maleficent
Ah but sometimes it just does the ego a bit of good to have someone other than the person who promised to love you thru better or worse give you a little bit of attention. It's not going to be acted on, but it puts a spring in your step that someone else thinks you're cute or something.

Couldn't have said it better.

Quote:

Originally posted by powerclown
Married and bored, or single and lonely...

And the beat goes on and on and on.

LOL!

pig · 06-01-2004, 11:36 AM

I think maleficient's got this one sewed up, especially if you're admittedly a big guy, shaved bald, who walks around in an intimidating manner. I've seen this before, and I used to be in the similar position. I didn't understand why the ladies seemed skittish around me, until a close female friend of mine told me how intimidating I could be - I don't know if you're a smartass, but that was one of my big defense mechanisms. I've also found that, even if it's superficial, it also helps to get in shape. If you feel that you're pudgy and ugly, and on top of it chicks get the feeling that it's going to be either 1. scary as hell to shoot the breeze with you, or 2. that you take things very seriously, it's going to cut down a lot on how often they mindlessly flirt with you. On the other hand, if you carry the confidence of feeling that you're as physically attractive as you can be, and you seem open and friendly, they'll flock. You might find your face unattractive, but as WarWagon said, you'd be surprised. I've seen stone cold ugly as bat shit guys pull off some poontang capers.

hossified · 06-01-2004, 11:39 AM

...you may feel left out...but I think you are very lucky!!! You find yourself in very tight relationship (ie: marriage!).....yet it doesn't sound like you are getting enough of the sex that you'd like. Now imagine if that cute 17 or 19 or whatever year old...comes up to you in her bikini.....and starts flirting hardcore.....eventually proposing to you to come with her downstairs for a second cause she wants to 'show you something'. I'd rather be in your shoes of no-flirting....versus the temptation of younger attractive girls throwing themselves at me!!!

I'm living that scenario right now (I'm not married but still)....and it wreaks havoc on your mind!

maleficent · 06-01-2004, 11:43 AM

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If there's a personality there, and some life behind the eyes, it's beautiful. I can't think of anyone I've ever seen who's really ugly.

But if you are going to walk around unsmiling, and looking like you are going to

Quote:

to knock your teeth down your windpipe if you don't get the fuck outta my way."

then that's gonna cut down on the flirtworthyness.

Smile a little, your face doesnt have to turn up into a grin, but it laughter and smiling show thru in the eyes, and the eyes are what people notice and where the decision as to whether you are approachable or not comes mainly from -- at least in my experience.

Redgirl · 06-02-2004, 01:17 PM

I like to flirt with the guys who don't look like they get flirted with a lot. I think it's cute when they get all flustered and don't know what to say. And I like to think that it made their day to get flirted with a little. So if I saw you I'd probably flirt with you just to try to make you smile!!

06-01-2004, 06:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	Unflirtable. I was at this party yesterday, organized by my wife's boss. It was a BBQ sort of thing, and some of the girls there were wearing bikinis and generally just not wearing much. I had a lot of trouble keeping my eyes off of them, especially this 17-year-old with quite the cleavage... I've always enjoyed checking girls out, especially ones that strike my fancy. Made another fruitless pass at my wife later that night, and eventually woke up in the middle of the night with a load of cum in my briefs. Delightful. I'm a person with a pretty strong libido. My wife, I love her with every fiber of my being, but she's happy with getting laid once a week. I feel like my life is missing a significant amount of what I can only describe as a 'sexual stir'. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I am unhappy, or that I want someone on the side. I don't think I could ever do that. Not only does it go against my morals, but I love my wife too much to even consider something of the sort. Besides, it's not what I want, anyway. I just wish...I could have that sensual stir in my life that countless others seem to experience. Something that makes you feel like a sensual, desireable, attractive person. I'm 27 now, and excluding my wife, I have never, ever been flirted with or hit on. Ever. And seeing as I've only ever been so much as kissed by only one person - my wife - I have ended up feeling like I am completely unattractive to the rest of the world. Which, I suppose, should not matter since I don't want to engage in anything with anyone but her anyway.... But it does matter. I don't know why I am entirely unflirtable. I do realize that I am somewhat overweight, and pretty ugly too, I guess, at least by the usual standards of what is considered good-looking. I have not entirely excluded the possibility that sometimes someone does flirt with me and I just don't realize it, because I am down on myself or whatever, but I don't really believe that to be the case. I am generally pretty perceptive, and good at noticing and interpreting body language, gestures and words. I'd settle for just a prolonged eye contact now and then from a cute cashier. Or a smile that didn't say "I am just smiling because my boss is looking and because I am supposed to make you feel like you are glad you chose this dump to be THE place where you purchased that bag of groceries". <:( __________________ Who is John Galt?

06-01-2004, 06:23 AM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	There's some things that make some men "unflirtable" 1. they just don't notice, face it, some men are thick headed, I love men to death, but... some don't have the sense to come in out of the rain, and wouldn't recognize a flirt if it dropped on their head). 2. You say you like to check out the other ladies, including jailbait, nothing wrong with that, you ain't dead, I've been known to point out eye candy to the guys I'm with, it's harmless fun, however, there's a furtive glance, and there's tongue hanging out gawking -- the former is cute, the latter is sleezey and wouldn't rate a flirt, it's be worrisome. 3. You are clearly attached to someone. I'd flirt with a rock given the chance, however, if a fella is there with a lady on his arm, I am not risking a flirt, some women are a tad territorial 4. The person themself is unapproachable. You want to flirt with someone who will flirt back, it's really no fun playing with yourself -- well you know what I mean. If the person isn't smiling, is scowling, has their arms crossed in front of them-- not gonna waste a perfectly good flirt. :wink wink:: hey goodlookin' come here often? :wink wink: __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

06-01-2004, 11:36 AM	#9 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	I think maleficient's got this one sewed up, especially if you're admittedly a big guy, shaved bald, who walks around in an intimidating manner. I've seen this before, and I used to be in the similar position. I didn't understand why the ladies seemed skittish around me, until a close female friend of mine told me how intimidating I could be - I don't know if you're a smartass, but that was one of my big defense mechanisms. I've also found that, even if it's superficial, it also helps to get in shape. If you feel that you're pudgy and ugly, and on top of it chicks get the feeling that it's going to be either 1. scary as hell to shoot the breeze with you, or 2. that you take things very seriously, it's going to cut down a lot on how often they mindlessly flirt with you. On the other hand, if you carry the confidence of feeling that you're as physically attractive as you can be, and you seem open and friendly, they'll flock. You might find your face unattractive, but as WarWagon said, you'd be surprised. I've seen stone cold ugly as bat shit guys pull off some poontang capers. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

06-02-2004, 01:17 PM	#12 (permalink)
Redgirl Addict Location: Native America	I like to flirt with the guys who don't look like they get flirted with a lot. I think it's cute when they get all flustered and don't know what to say. And I like to think that it made their day to get flirted with a little. So if I saw you I'd probably flirt with you just to try to make you smile!! __________________ Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

06-01-2004, 06:19 AM	#2 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	Two things. One, post on the TFP. If there's anything I've learned from posting myself, you can be uglier than a mule, but someone is bound to find you cute and compliment you for it. Two, talk to her. Then talk some more, and then some more. Explain to her that you'd like to mix things up a bit, and drop some hints that it might be nice for her to come onto you strongly some days to mix things up a bit.

06-01-2004, 08:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	I feel like that sometimes too, Prince. My first real girlfriend, she knew she was my first sexual partner. She would ask me (a lot) if I would ever get bored with her, if I would ever wonder what things were like with other women, with different experiences. Of course, when your first girlfriend, who you are madly in love with in every way, asks you if you'll ever get bored, we all know what the answer is to that. The truth is at the time I wasn't curious as to what it would be like with other people. After things ended badly between us (basically, her wondering what sex was like with other people, and acting upon that curiosity) I have begun to give more thought to 'life experience'. I have wondered what life would be like if I was to be unattached. But I can see the differences between your situation and mine. You clearly have no doubts about your feelings for your wife. WarWagon's advice about talking to your wife is great. I wouldn't recommond holding out and waiting for her to initiate sex to feel satisifed. After all, she might not think about it and you could wait a long time, and that'd make you feel worse. If she's happy "getting laid" once a week then nobody has the right to ask her to 'put out' more often. She won't be enthusiastic, you'll sense it, it won't be fun. I know that's not what anyone's suggesting, but I'm also thinking as I type, so bear with me Instead of asking for more of the same, I think the trick is to ask for some 'spice' If she only wants it once a week, then it's that one night per week that has to count. That's the night that has to be drawn out, with no distractions, and without the goal being to climax. I guess if I was married (and my dreams for marriage are a bit rose-tinted) I would rather have my wife do all those things for me than some checkout chick. ... I've just read over this and I'm a little unsure if it makes sense, but it's 2.57am. I hope I've managed to say something

06-01-2004, 10:19 AM	#7 (permalink)
powerclown Junkie Location: Detroit, MI	Married and bored, or single and lonely... And the beat goes on and on and on.

06-01-2004, 11:39 AM	#10 (permalink)
hossified face f$cker Location: canada	...you may feel left out...but I think you are very lucky!!! You find yourself in very tight relationship (ie: marriage!).....yet it doesn't sound like you are getting enough of the sex that you'd like. Now imagine if that cute 17 or 19 or whatever year old...comes up to you in her bikini.....and starts flirting hardcore.....eventually proposing to you to come with her downstairs for a second cause she wants to 'show you something'. I'd rather be in your shoes of no-flirting....versus the temptation of younger attractive girls throwing themselves at me!!! I'm living that scenario right now (I'm not married but still)....and it wreaks havoc on your mind!