Shades

I broke up last week with my girlfriend of one and a half years. There was real potential in this relationship, but I guess in the end, that was all it was. So I'm 25, I'm single, I'm about to graduate from college (graduate degree), and I'm not in a real good place. I don't meet people easily, and now that school is over (large pool of similarly aged and positioned women), I'm feeling pretty negative about the future. I feel like I'm going to die alone, or get married so late that I won't live long enough to see any grandkids graduate from high school, or maybe at all. I have always wanted a large, continuous family, and it feels like I've missed the boat on it.

In an effort to get some perspective, I wanted to know when the people around here got married most recently. I'm talking about that marriage that's going to last a life time. If it was late in life, do you worry about stuff as far off as grandkids, do you just intend to live longer, or what?

thingstodo

I got married when I was 19 after several years living it up with a band and all the stuff that goes with that. That was 29 years ago this August. Somehow I am still married - and to the same person. And this morning we had awesome sex and then spent a nice day together watching movies and a South Park tape. Go figure all that out!!

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raeanna74

I got married when I was 25 years old. Hubby was 22. I graduated from college one month after our wedding. The first year was bumpy but ok. The second was rough because of outside circumstances. The third was the worst and we both thought about divorce. The fourth we did a lot of talking and compromising as well as personally growing. The fifth was our best so far and I have hopes of it just getting better and better. I feel like we've finally crossed a few hurdles and we communicate our ups as well as down in a much more productive way.

I didn't actually connect to my husband till I decided that I was going to quit "hunting" for a man. I had determined that I didn't need a man or children to feel fulfilled and I had begin to make plans for my life on my own. I've talked to so many people who didn't find their mate - the RIGHT one - until they quit looking for them. I think that until you are confident enough to face life on your own that you would be too dependent and desperate for the RIGHT one to want to live with you.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Rodney

Jeez, didn't get legally married until I was 41, though both she and I had considered ourselves married for five years before, and had even bought a house together.

Was there time enough for kids? Might have been, just, but we didn't want them. Studies show that the average women can conceive and carry a child fairly easily up until the late '30s. So assuming that you marry a woman your age, or up to five years younger, you've got up to 15 years to start the bloody family of your dreams. And remember, 15 years ago, you were 10. You have a long time to get off the dime. I know a couple who just had their first kid; she, 36, he 48. No problem. I wouldn't worry about the grandchild issue, either. You could have them by your '60s, and that's plenty soon enough.

Anway, everybody proceeds through life at their own pace. Life's not a race, and if you spend too much time worrying about whether you made all the checkpoints at good speed, you'll be too busy to enjoy it.

la petite moi

Yeah, I agree with Rodney. I'm not married yet myself, but my aunt and uncle had their first child when he was 50 and she was 40 (?). So yeah...

ratbastid

lurkette and I got married 1995, I was 21 and she was 22. (I just disclosed my wife's age, didn't I? )

We've absollutely had ups and downs. No question about it. We've had ups and downs today, for crying out loud. That's life!

fnaqzna

I was married at the age of 22. Wife was 19 at the time. We've been married for just over 20 years.

Polyphobic

I was 21 and she was 20. That was in 1996. We lived together for a year while being engaged. Then we were more sure of our compatibility.

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<--The great infidel-->

Mephisto2

I got married at 32.

I'm 34 now and Mrs Mephisto is 31.


I couldn't even consider marrying until my late 20's so I think you're fine.


Mr Mephisto

Amethyst

I got married in 1998. I was 20 my husband to be was 21. We had been together since he was 16 and I was 15. We are still married today and loving every minute of it, although it is really really tough. We had kids at a very young age and we both keep thinking that when our kids move out and graduate then we will be able to go out and have fun and party and we will still be fairly young. Marriage is really hard and I hope to stay married for a long long time! forever

Cynthetiq

married 02.02.02

I was 33 and she was 27.

We aren't planning on having any kids, and we dated for several years including time living together.

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kulrblind

I got married at age 29, in October of 2002. She's a year and a half younger than I am, and we met in Grad School in '97. Just had hybrid #1 two months ago

CinnamonGirl

Congrats!

crackprogram and I got married 3 years ago today We were both 20...dated almost two and a half years before that, with all but about four months of that being long distance (he left for Basic a month after high school graduation.)

No plans for kids yet...I'd originally wanted to start trying after two or three years (as in now), but now that I want to start school again, kids are going to be quite a way off...

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

kulrblind

Congrats to you, too, CinnamonGirl! Three years! Woohooo

Bill O'Rights

Happy Anniversary! What'd he get ya?

Mrs. O'Rights, and I did the wedding thing on July 8, 1995. Prior to that, I was married for 5 years once.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Crack

Whaaa? What did she get me you mean...

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

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rockzilla

I wouldn't worry too much about when you're going to get married Shades. Raeanna said it best, you're not going to find anyone until you stop agonizing over your lonliness and become happy with who you are as an individual.
Myself, I have no desire to marry, and don't want kids. That doesn't change the advice though. You'll know when you're ready and who the right person is. Until then, just focus on growing as an individual. Doing anything else will just make you miserable.

Cynthetiq

that's right. had i gotten married to the other girl that I was betrothed to in my early 20's I'd probably have a kid or two and be divorced.

I had to spend a good amount of time learning and becoming comfortable with being me, before I could be with someone else. great advice!!

:::OshnSoul:::

9.9.99

<3

Charlatan

Married June 4, 1993 and both of us were 24. We'd been seeing each other for five years at that point.

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assilem

Shades,

When I was 20 to 23 I was with this totally crazy b*tch. I thought that we were going to be married and so on and so forth. Needless to say she f*cked some jerk and we broke up. I thought it was the end of the world and that I would never meet anyone ever again. I thought for sure I would die cold, alone, and homeless. But then, I met the best thing that ever happened to me and we got married last August. I guess what I am trying to say is that this may actually be the silver lining. If she left you then she was not the right one to marry. You will find some one and this "break-up" may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. So hang in there and try to enjoy being single.

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The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

StephenSa

You've got time to spare so I wouldn't worry. Better to find the right person then get in a hurry and end up in a bad marriage. I'm not married yet. I'm engaged and am getting married September 9th at a castle outside of Edinbugh Scotland (Yay! Just had to brag!) That being said, I am thirty six and will be thirty seven years old by our wedding day. When I was younger I dated a lot but got tired of it and was alone for a VERY long time. Years and years. Eventually though a girl came along that was just so perfect for me I knew I couldn't live without her. Had I married any of the other girls I dated it would have ended miserably. Had I met my fiance' at another time in my life I might not have been ready for her. I sometimes worry a little about kids and the like. We're not sure we want kids and even if we do I would probably be forty before they were born but I try to see the upside. I'm past the struggle and poverty of my younger life. I'm more stable and mature. I can be a better dad than perhaps I could have been when I was younger. When things are supposed to happen, when its right, it will happen. Such is life. You didn't miss the boat, you're on it! Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

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cherriesue

I've managed to dodge that bullet

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we die only once and for such a long time

Boo

Nov 1985..... I feel like such an old cronie.

I was 23, she was jailbait at 20. She looked very young. My grandmother asked me if I was going to get her back in high school so she could get her diploma. I almost fell out laughing!

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Back button again, I must be getting old.

BenChuy

Nov 2003.

It is great and i don't reccomend it if you EVER have anything other than absurd doubts. Those are called cold feet and it is your balls trying to say "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Yah, as everyone else said, get to be yourself. That and then swear that you will never date again, mean it tho, and then it will happen. Like a bolt of lightning. Actually really annoying for my wife and I, as we both had just vowed to not date anyone until after gradschool.

Got to love the curveballs in life.

Frowning Budah

I was 22 and she was 24. I think it is a little easier to get married when your a little older. You have a better idea of who you are and what you are looking for in life.

WarWagon

Just had to say congrats to all you happy couples. There's a hefty age gap between the lady and I (myself being the younger of the two,) but she's such an incredible woman, I can only hope that we get to add our names to this list one day

vermin

I agreed to marriage at the age of 29. Afraid of being alone the rest of my life. That mistake is now being rectified by lawyers and a judge. I'll be 37 in a month and a half, and I now know there are worse things than being alone.

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Nisses

^^^^^^^^^3 lines of text alot of people should really think through these days

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DDDDave

7.23.83

Me, 25. Her, 23.

It's worked so far.

We were out shopping for chastity belts for our girls this weekend. Off to the convent next year

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I am just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe...

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bernadette

my hubby & i were both 26 yrs old when we exchanged our vows.

we lived together 3 yrs before that. we even bought a house together that last of those 3 yrs.

we knew each other & carpooled to work for 2 yrs before we lived together or started dating.
(yeah, he moved in with me pretty much a couple months after we started officially "dating".)

we've been married 200 yrs. still very happily married.

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skysooner

I was pretty much in the same boat when I was close to graduating. I was working on a Master's in Engineering which meant my time to go out was limited. Most of my friends had graduated and moved out of town. My most recent relationship was with a manic-depressive that had left me shaken emotionally.

I had hit the end of my rope. I had always tried to go out with girls that I thought could potentially be marriage material, but I had constantly selected wrong. I ended up putting an ad in a local newspaper's personal section. It basically said I was looking for a summer romance only (since I was moving in October after graduation). I put it in the newspaper in June. I got 2 responses. One turned out to be my wife. It took a couple of dates before we knew for sure, but we were engaged within a month and married within a year (I was 25, she was 22). We have been together for 13 years now.

I know many people that didn't meet the person they were to marry until they started working. Yes, in college there are many women your age and position, but there is a good chance that many are not ready for marriage (too young, too career focused). Just like you, they are wanting to work in their chosen profession and this might require moving. I would just graduate, move to where you are going to work and then start to network (via clubs, societies, church, online dating). You will be surprised how easy it really is compared to college (at least from what my friends tell me since I was still in college when I met my wife).

Dano069

Holy Crap! We were married on the same date!

I got married at 21, TW (The Wife) was 20. We had dated four years before I popped the question. We've had our ups and downs, mostly due to my battle with depression. It's amazing that we've been together over 25 years now and married for 21.

I've met people who got married young, old and in between. When the right one comes along, you'll know it. I dated someone for almost a year and a half before I met my wife. I thought THAT relationship was forever. Go figure. My wife and I met at a mutual friend's prom. Keep your head up, you never know when you'll bump into the one that's meant for you.

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I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.

Delvid

We married on Derby day 1990. I was 27 she was 25.

Derwood

I got married in 1997. I was 22, she was 20. Everyone said we were too young. She went back to school and ended up living her "college years" while we were married, even though she was 3 or 4 years older than her friends. Definitely have had our ups and downs, mostly due to financial circumstances (which is what causes most fights in most marriages....well that and sex).

We were married 6 years before having our daughter (who is now 15 months old). We plan on having another soon. We've beaten the odds thus far by marrying young and sticking it out. Maybe we're both just stubborn Others in some of our past situations would have gotten divorced i'm sure.

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agball

I was 25 and the wife was 27. I was the first one in my group of friends to get married. The rest of the crew followed when they were 27, 29, 31, and I still have a few who are single and 33.

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frankx

I just got married last weekend, as a matter of fact. I am 38, she is 33. When I was your age I had that "going to die alone and single" thought running through my head, as well.

From what I have observed, it is pretty common nowadays for people to wait until later in life (later 20's, early 30's) to start their families. That way they can enjoy themselves during/after their college years, concentrate fully on building a successful career and they can also take the time to make absolutely sure of what they really want before they actually act on it.

Personally, I've never been concerned with the kids or grandkids thing (I am childfree for life). Even if kids were a part of our life, who is to say that we would live long enough to enjoy our kids, grandkids, etc? It's a crapshoot at best.

You are just getting ready to leave college. There is an intense amount of pressure (mostly self-imposed) on you be successful and obtain all of the things you want in life in a hurry. Regardless of your (still very young) age, please take your sweet time and don't make rash, hasty decisions just because of that dumb assed biological clock. Ultimately, you'll be exceptionally glad you did.

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Rubyee

I am 20 and not yet married. I am glad because I have a lot still to learn- about relationships and life in general. I have been living with my boyfriend, and we are doing fine with that.

HOWEVER- since this is a common law state, ask me again in six years.

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Epistasis

I married at 28 to a man my age; although we had lived together, and bought a house together, before marriage, after several years his decision that he *did* want children (I did not, and neither did he at the onsent of our relationship), and that he also wanted a more conventional role relationship in our marriage drove us gradually apart, and after a significant amount of struggle we divorced after 6 years of marriage.

I am currently about to mark ten years with my current partner, whom I have never married, nor do we have any wish to do so; this doesn't mean that we aren't committed to each other and don't have a firm and loving relationship.

At 25, I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that you haven't met the woman of your dreams yet. For heaven's sake, you're still developing into the person you are going to be! And it may not seem like it right now, but you have *plenty* of time tomake sure that you make the right choice, for the right reasons.

As a couple of other individuals have mentioned, it wasn't until I *stopped* looking that I found my partner, and something that feels more right than my marriage ever did...

Regards,
Epistasis

sherpahigh

Got married yesterday. June 19, 2004. I'm 28, she's 26. Oh happy day.

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