Nitrox

Okay, long story short:

I am a happily married man with a wife who is overenthusiastic when it comes to sex. We are never at a loss for trying new things or pushing each others boundaries to explore new areas. My problem comes from the sexual tension that exists with a coworker of mine. She and I travel occasionally for business reasons and there is an extremely obvious sexual attraction between the two of us. She is also married (happily from all outward appearances) and neither of us has acted on this attraction.

Even if I were to take the next step (which I could not do to my wife or myself), I know that this would destroy the working relationship between us and probably create an extremely uncomfortable work environment.

Knowing all this, why the hell am I so attracted to her?

Dale Kemp

Forbidden fruit always looks delicious.

Remember that it always disappoints. Not that it doesn't taste good while you eat it, but the it costs more than it's worth. FAR MORE.

So, unless your wife and you agree to swing with others, or have an open marriage, and you and this other lady and BOTH of your spouses get together and agree on things, then somebody is violating a very deep commitment to be faithful. Thus you're violating the trust of the spouse. Don't do it.

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Trueheart

skysooner

Because many of us aren't totally happy unless something is changing. I had this same issue a few years back. My career wasn't working out the way I wanted it to, and I didn't have the cash to go back to skill for my MBA the way I wanted to. I took it out on my wife a bit and blamed her for my failures. It took almost losing her before I realized that my home life was the least of my problems and just a handy scapegoat. We worked it out, and she became #1 to me again (as she should have been all along). This was 7 years ago now, and I have never been happier.

I now choose to focus the changes I want in my life in my career, school, my fitness level. I still like things changing, but I focus my energy on the things that can actually be improved. Feeling attraction to someone else is perfectly natural, but when you really think about what would happen if you did something about it (and it looks like you have started doing this), then you will just enjoy the mutual attraction and not act on it. My wife and I are good friends with another couple, and I'm very attracted to the wife, but it would absolutely never go beyond just a flirtation level. The reason I know this is that a vagina is a vagina no matter who it is attached to and one is not better than another. It is the love and intense trust that I have with my wife that makes my family life as happy as it is. That is the thing that can't be replaced.

Toecutter

Don't have your honey where you make your money!

wally

Dale Kemp gave some good advice. I'd follow what he said in the above post.

amge

Are you sure it's an attraction? Or is it just innocent flirtation?

One time, i noticed several women at my company begain to flirt with me. But I found out that they were doing that to make me feel better. I was going through some rough times with my ex. And the girls knew what was going on and could see I was really down and depressed.

At first I did want to act on the attention I was getting, but when I talked with one of the ladies that I trusted, and knew she would never break her trust with her husband, she spilled the beans. I'm really glad I knew the truth, as this would have made my job uncomfortable, and potentially lead to law suits.

diddagirl

Perhaps you are so attracted because you know she is untouchable and that it will never happen. Humans in general always want what they cant have so much more.

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"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
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Beefimator

Dude, I once read that there are two ways to cheat on your spouse. Sexually, and mentally. Sexually is the obvious one. Mentally though, YIKES. If you find yourself thinking about what it would be like to be with this women, and how you can be all sneaky and stuff like that, you have taken the first step. I think you may have to really watch your step, and make sure you walk into a pile of shit.

ratbastid

Talk to your wife about it. Worst thing that'll happen, she'll become a fun fantasy object for the two of you. Best case, you'll end up with a fun new playmate!

At least, that's the way it worked for me...

Rodney

No, don't talk to your wife about it. Deal. Make a pact with yourself that sex with this woman will never, ever happen under any circumstances. And mean it.

In so many of us, there's a part that just wants to chase greedily after anything that pleases it, no matter how much danger to the good things we have. You can't make that piece of you go away, but you can confront it. If you bring it out into the light and take a good look at it and acknowledge it, it will become much less persuasive.

ratbastid

Absolutely. But it sounds like Nitrox's wife is up for some fun about if, if it's kept in the world of fantasy. She's "overenthusiastic when it comes to sex", after all. I'm just saying it could be a fun fantasy. Don't get your hopes up about anything ever happening. And for sure, don't do anything your wife doesn't know about and approve of. But that doesn't mean it has to be a secret.

Matter of fact, keeping it secret would probably be more of a problem for the missus than letting her know it's going on. Women are flattered when they find out another woman has eyes for their man--it validates her choice, and it re-charges her interest in him.

Nitrox

Rat Bastid, I like your approach. So much so that I did bring it up with my wife last night. However, I did a little different spin on it. I posed the hypothetical question to her of "is there someone at work you find attractive and why". Of course when she answered back about another female she found attractive........

Anyway, by the time we both had answered, the mood was definitely a little hotter around here.

And another thing, coming into work this morning, I totally looked at my coworker in a different light. Having it not be a secret anymore somewhat deflated the dynamics.

Thanks dude, good idea

Averett

Amen to that. Ack.

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Dano069

Damn dude, you're livin' my life! Although we don't travel for work, the situation is the same. I am so hot for this one co-worker, S. We flirt and tease one another, so I think there's an interest. My wife is also enthusiastic about sex, so it's not for lack of it that this attraction has been building.

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I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.