Long distance relationship problems... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

LostLife · 05-03-2003, 08:01 PM

First off, thanks for reading all of this if you.

I met a very wonderful and amazing woman online about a year ago. She was married, but she hasn't been with the guy for about 3 months now. Her and I have been together for about 8 months. Around a month after we got together, her computer stopped working and she wasn't ever able to get it fixed. We live about 3000 miles apart and haven't been able to see eachother in person yet, though we both deeply love eachother. Ever since her computer died, it's been few and far between when we could even talk, with maybe a weekly phone call, and a couple of letters. I thought that after she had left the guy, that maybe it would pick up and we could talk more, but it still hasn't. Before she had trouble getting away from him, and now she says that she's enjoying her new found freedom of being able to come and go as she pleases, and so she never knows when she'll be home. She also can't really call me, so I have to call her. The thing is, I can't call her. I've tried and she's never there. I finally heard from her today after not hearing from her for almost 4 weeks. I really don't know what to do, because I know she loves me, and I love her, but I can't get her to tell me a time when I could call her. She's always gone. She's not even gone to work or anything, she's just out with friends and things. I just can't handle it when it's so far inbetween talking to her. I know she loves me, but I don't understand whats going on with her.

I'm just wondering what peoples opinions are on this. I know many people here have had or are in internet relationships and such so I'm hoping somebody can talk to me. I'm really losing my mind and don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her with anything I say, but I need to find a way to be able to talk to her more often. I just really don't know what to do.

christophagust · 05-04-2003, 02:20 AM

It is a hard thing to do, and long distance relationships die fast. It is like business, location location location. It is easy to just let things go when a person is not around, hence why when people break up many like to go for the complete avoidance method.
I would say to not put too much hope into it, keep doing what you do to have fun. Don't stop enjoying life becuase you are down and don't stop doing things, the real girl of your dreams could be right around the corner.

Roark · 05-04-2003, 04:09 AM

I was a DM for an online MUD a few years back and met some of the best friends i've every had accross the US in the 4 years I played/worked it.

I had relationships with two women due to that am still involved with one some 4 years later having moved in together three years ago.

Before that my GF in HS was a year older and went abroad for a year to school while I finished up HS.

In situations like these it takes participation from both parties. You have to make it a priority. The old addage "out of sight out of mind" plays a big factor. It takes alot of work to make one work.

You can't love her enough for the both of you. I hate to say it but it seems to me the tides have changed and she doesn't feel that type of relationship is what she wants. While she may have had feelings for you they weren't as strong as yours for her. I also think that in wanting something too much you usually have a habit of pushing it away (ie the constant calls/messages). Leave an open ended message on her machine to put the ball in her court and move on. Who's to say you can't still communicate everyonce and awhile and something may happen 6months a year down the road?

It sounds to me like this is a first love type of deal in which case your desperation is understandable.

You got to get over it bro and learn from this experience. After all I don't know your age but I know there will be plenty of opportunities out there to find the one for you beit online or IRL.

05-03-2003, 08:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
LostLife Upright	Long distance relationship problems... First off, thanks for reading all of this if you. I met a very wonderful and amazing woman online about a year ago. She was married, but she hasn't been with the guy for about 3 months now. Her and I have been together for about 8 months. Around a month after we got together, her computer stopped working and she wasn't ever able to get it fixed. We live about 3000 miles apart and haven't been able to see eachother in person yet, though we both deeply love eachother. Ever since her computer died, it's been few and far between when we could even talk, with maybe a weekly phone call, and a couple of letters. I thought that after she had left the guy, that maybe it would pick up and we could talk more, but it still hasn't. Before she had trouble getting away from him, and now she says that she's enjoying her new found freedom of being able to come and go as she pleases, and so she never knows when she'll be home. She also can't really call me, so I have to call her. The thing is, I can't call her. I've tried and she's never there. I finally heard from her today after not hearing from her for almost 4 weeks. I really don't know what to do, because I know she loves me, and I love her, but I can't get her to tell me a time when I could call her. She's always gone. She's not even gone to work or anything, she's just out with friends and things. I just can't handle it when it's so far inbetween talking to her. I know she loves me, but I don't understand whats going on with her. I'm just wondering what peoples opinions are on this. I know many people here have had or are in internet relationships and such so I'm hoping somebody can talk to me. I'm really losing my mind and don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her with anything I say, but I need to find a way to be able to talk to her more often. I just really don't know what to do.

05-04-2003, 02:20 AM	#2 (permalink)
christophagust Upright Location: pittsburgh, so to be elsewhere	It is a hard thing to do, and long distance relationships die fast. It is like business, location location location. It is easy to just let things go when a person is not around, hence why when people break up many like to go for the complete avoidance method. I would say to not put too much hope into it, keep doing what you do to have fun. Don't stop enjoying life becuase you are down and don't stop doing things, the real girl of your dreams could be right around the corner. __________________ who dares wins... and sometimes loses

05-04-2003, 04:09 AM	#3 (permalink)
Roark Insane	I was a DM for an online MUD a few years back and met some of the best friends i've every had accross the US in the 4 years I played/worked it. I had relationships with two women due to that am still involved with one some 4 years later having moved in together three years ago. Before that my GF in HS was a year older and went abroad for a year to school while I finished up HS. In situations like these it takes participation from both parties. You have to make it a priority. The old addage "out of sight out of mind" plays a big factor. It takes alot of work to make one work. You can't love her enough for the both of you. I hate to say it but it seems to me the tides have changed and she doesn't feel that type of relationship is what she wants. While she may have had feelings for you they weren't as strong as yours for her. I also think that in wanting something too much you usually have a habit of pushing it away (ie the constant calls/messages). Leave an open ended message on her machine to put the ball in her court and move on. Who's to say you can't still communicate everyonce and awhile and something may happen 6months a year down the road? It sounds to me like this is a first love type of deal in which case your desperation is understandable. You got to get over it bro and learn from this experience. After all I don't know your age but I know there will be plenty of opportunities out there to find the one for you beit online or IRL.