Missing Her - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

31Friction · 02-19-2004, 08:57 PM

**This is kinda long but bare with it, advice needed and appreciated**

So I came down to Arizona to help my grandma because she is going to be having surgery. I *was* planning on getting a job here and eventually going to school. I will however have to wait a year to establish residence so I don't have to pay out of state tuition.

My girlfriend (Niki) lives in St. Louis where I lived before this. When I first left we both understood I might not be back for quite some time, however, now that I'm here I want to go back. We dated a few years ago and things didnt work out. She was living in columbia, MO at that time. Then she moved back to st. louis and was pregnant when she came back. It was a little weird at first but we started hanging out more and I realized the first time we dated we were very different people. But she had changed since the last time I saw her in so many ways. She had grown into an entirely new person. She had the baby and we still hung out alot but it was all on a friends basis until about the end of last october. We started spending ALOT of time together and I got to know her better still.

There was only one other girl I had ever loved (highschool g/f) up until the point I started falling for Niki. But it feels completely different this time. It's more *real* for lack of a better word. I still talk to her on the phone quite a bit as well as online. This comming summer I am planning on going back to St. Louis but i've only been away from her for a month and a half now and its SO HARD to do. I'm not really too confused on what I should do but it's hard to cope with.

Once I first started thinking about moving back rather than staying I decided I better think about it some before I make the decision. I thought about it alot and every morning when I wake up I wish I was back in St. Louis. I just want to hold her, kiss her, hug her, and be able to wake up next to her again.

Feeling like that scares me a bit. To care for someone that much again makes me paranoid b/c I've been fucked over on quite a few other occasions. I doubt seriously she would do *anything* like that now but it still makes me a little nervous none the less. I don't even have the desire to be with anyone else. Even being this far away. Although I've been tested with a couple situations already I just DON'T want it.

She is the most beautiful person to ever come into my life really. But this is so hard to cope with. Have any of you had similar situations? Have any tips for me? Advice on ANY of this would be appreciated. My brain has been a mess of emotions and thoughts for about a month now.

WarWagon · 02-19-2004, 09:52 PM

I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months ago as I didnt think I'd be able to survive the long distance thing any more, and I still think about her on a daily basis. The best advice I can give is to keep your options open. What if you meet someone else in Arizona? How would the relationship affect the childs life? Etc etc

ariekitten · 02-19-2004, 10:01 PM

my last ex and i dated almost five months while i was living 300 miles away from him. it is very hard, but if you keep the lines of communication open (phone, chat, webcam) it becomes a lil easier. you've just got to weigh all the possibilities - your heart will know the right thing to do. if you love her, don't hesitate to show her. let her see she's the only girl for you. i hope it all works out for you. good luck.

Pragma · 02-19-2004, 11:19 PM

One of the girls living in my girlfriend's apartment is doing the long-distance thing with her boyfriend - she's been dating him long distance for the past two years, seeing him once every 2-4 months, and will continue like that for the next year and a half.

She says its worth it, even though it's painful being apart. I'd say it depends on the level of commitment. She and her boyfriend fully intend to get married, so they're definitely serious. As to your case, I'd say take a deep look at yourself and your relationship - and I hope things work out for the best.

analog · 02-20-2004, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 31Friction
But it feels completely different this time. It's more *real* for lack of a better word.

~~~

Once I first started thinking about moving back rather than staying I decided I better think about it some before I make the decision. I thought about it alot and every morning when I wake up I wish I was back in St. Louis. I just want to hold her, kiss her, hug her, and be able to wake up next to her again.

As far as it feeling more real, we all grow up at different times- and that's not to say you were immature before, but that everyone needs to grow into the idea of relationships. Some are ready from the start, some take time, and a few never get it. Eventually, most people understand the value to be found in a good relationship.

I say don't move home, and give long distance a try. If it doesn't work out, don't move back to save it. You have your entire future resting on education, don't fuck that up, or you'll hate yourself later on.

31Friction · 02-20-2004, 08:10 AM

Quote:

I say don't move home, and give long distance a try. If it doesn't work out, don't move back to save it. You have your entire future resting on education, don't fuck that up, or you'll hate yourself later on. [/B]

the only thing with that is that I would have to wait for a year. and after this june/july when my grandma goes back to the midwest then I'll have to get my own place again here. I already have residency in MO as well. I could be in classes as early as next fall.

HockeyGuy · 02-20-2004, 08:23 AM

If your wondering about other peoples long distance stories i'll direct you to the thread that i satarted a while back http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=41131

I'm living in England right now (don't know how long i'll be here.. prob a couple more years) over from canada.. met this girl over here.. now she is in india (left in january arrvies back here in june) it's tough as EVER being apart from her.. but as everyone says communication is key. Good luck to you.. your haerd will know wheer to go!
Note though.. basic phone rate (BT) to india is EXPENSIVE 1 hr = 49£.. if only i'd not had to receive the surprise in the post today...oh the cost of 'love'....

Yalaynia · 02-20-2004, 09:59 AM

My fiance and I live 800 miles apart. It does get hard at times because of the distance but we talk constantly on the phone and computer. I m not saying its easy to have a long distance relationship but if you do love her then finding a way to make it work is possible.
The 800 miles between us spans over Ontario Canada and Columbia Tennessee. Its not just a couple states and a few hours drive for us to be together. There is a TON of paper work to file as well.

31Friction · 02-20-2004, 10:48 AM

yeah, im about 1550 miles from STL right now. :-/

sexymama · 02-20-2004, 05:46 PM

Being in love and living far apart, I don't get why anyone would purposely make that choice when they have other options. It seems like you are able to go to school in MO and want to be with Niki, so why not move back?

Maybe make a pro/con list to the idea of moving. Weigh your options and do what is best for you.

gorilla · 02-20-2004, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sexymama
Maybe make a pro/con list to the idea of moving. Weigh your options and do what is best for you.

that's exactly what I was going to say

31Friction · 02-21-2004, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by gorilla
that's exactly what I was going to say

i've actually tried it but it's hard to weigh someone I love against nicer weather.

especially when both locations could really show the same promise as far as everything but having her there...

sexymama · 02-21-2004, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 31Friction
i've actually tried it but it's hard to weigh someone I love against nicer weather.

especially when both locations could really show the same promise as far as everything but having her there...

Then the big question is: do you love her enough and is there enough of a commitment between the two of you to give up the good weather and move back?

sillygirl · 02-21-2004, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 31Friction
i've actually tried it but it's hard to weigh someone I love against nicer weather.

especially when both locations could really show the same promise as far as everything but having her there...

NICER WEATHER?!?!?!?!?!?! You've never been here in the summer, have ya hon?

As far as the long distance thing, if you move back, don't do it just because of her. Do what's best for you. As long as you continue to take care of life like you should, things will happen as they should.

Evil Milkman · 02-22-2004, 07:42 PM

I'm having one of those nights where I miss my ex. It may be because I miss her, or it just may be because I miss having someone I can call "love"... Painful...

31Friction · 02-22-2004, 10:32 PM

yes I've been here in the summer. and what I meant with that comment is that it's just weather...

the point I was trying to make is that everything that is here... is also there.

not even to mention the fact that out of the 3 people that I would call *good* frieds that I had here. (I actually used to only spend summers here, this is my first AZ winter) one is now an alcoholic, one has a heroin problem, and the other only wants to play video games and work crap jobs the rest of his life. none of which I have too much interest in.

Eve · 02-22-2004, 11:20 PM

I think you should move back to st. louis and be with your girlfriend b/c she's retarded without you.
and she makes a mean banana shake.

claustin8605 · 02-29-2004, 07:02 PM

Me and my boyfriend have been dating almost 8 months and the majority of that time he has been away at college, I am still in high school. He comes home as often as possible on the weekends and I go up there occasoinally. I know I see him a bit more than you are seeing this girl Niki. But the distance is still there and it hurts, I know this. The best thing I can tell you do do is decide what you want and what she means to you. And go from there. The best thing you can do is what you are doing now. Talk to her as often as possible on the phone and online. Another good thing that me and my boyfriend do is write letters, I know it sounds old fashioned with the up-to-date e-mail but it still has a special meaning when you get a letter from the one you care about. Also something I do for him since he is away at college is I send him "care packages". You know express mail some cookies or brownies, add somes pictures of yourself and maybe something personal of yours like a sweater or t-shirt she can wear to have a part of you with her. I hope some of this is helpful. I wish you luck in whatever may happen. :-)

31Friction · 03-01-2004, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eve
I think you should move back to st. louis and be with your girlfriend b/c she's retarded without you.
and she makes a mean banana shake.

very true..

02-19-2004, 08:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
31Friction Addict Location: STL, MO	Missing Her This is kinda long but bare with it, advice needed and appreciated So I came down to Arizona to help my grandma because she is going to be having surgery. I was planning on getting a job here and eventually going to school. I will however have to wait a year to establish residence so I don't have to pay out of state tuition. My girlfriend (Niki) lives in St. Louis where I lived before this. When I first left we both understood I might not be back for quite some time, however, now that I'm here I want to go back. We dated a few years ago and things didnt work out. She was living in columbia, MO at that time. Then she moved back to st. louis and was pregnant when she came back. It was a little weird at first but we started hanging out more and I realized the first time we dated we were very different people. But she had changed since the last time I saw her in so many ways. She had grown into an entirely new person. She had the baby and we still hung out alot but it was all on a friends basis until about the end of last october. We started spending ALOT of time together and I got to know her better still. There was only one other girl I had ever loved (highschool g/f) up until the point I started falling for Niki. But it feels completely different this time. It's more real for lack of a better word. I still talk to her on the phone quite a bit as well as online. This comming summer I am planning on going back to St. Louis but i've only been away from her for a month and a half now and its SO HARD to do. I'm not really too confused on what I should do but it's hard to cope with. Once I first started thinking about moving back rather than staying I decided I better think about it some before I make the decision. I thought about it alot and every morning when I wake up I wish I was back in St. Louis. I just want to hold her, kiss her, hug her, and be able to wake up next to her again. Feeling like that scares me a bit. To care for someone that much again makes me paranoid b/c I've been fucked over on quite a few other occasions. I doubt seriously she would do anything like that now but it still makes me a little nervous none the less. I don't even have the desire to be with anyone else. Even being this far away. Although I've been tested with a couple situations already I just DON'T want it. She is the most beautiful person to ever come into my life really. But this is so hard to cope with. Have any of you had similar situations? Have any tips for me? Advice on ANY of this would be appreciated. My brain has been a mess of emotions and thoughts for about a month now. __________________ "Saints need sinners." Alan Watts

02-19-2004, 10:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	my last ex and i dated almost five months while i was living 300 miles away from him. it is very hard, but if you keep the lines of communication open (phone, chat, webcam) it becomes a lil easier. you've just got to weigh all the possibilities - your heart will know the right thing to do. if you love her, don't hesitate to show her. let her see she's the only girl for you. i hope it all works out for you. good luck. __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

02-19-2004, 11:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
Pragma I am Winter Born Location: Alexandria, VA	One of the girls living in my girlfriend's apartment is doing the long-distance thing with her boyfriend - she's been dating him long distance for the past two years, seeing him once every 2-4 months, and will continue like that for the next year and a half. She says its worth it, even though it's painful being apart. I'd say it depends on the level of commitment. She and her boyfriend fully intend to get married, so they're definitely serious. As to your case, I'd say take a deep look at yourself and your relationship - and I hope things work out for the best. __________________ Eat antimatter, Posleen-boy!

02-20-2004, 09:59 AM	#8 (permalink)
Yalaynia Insane Location: here but I wish I lived there	My fiance and I live 800 miles apart. It does get hard at times because of the distance but we talk constantly on the phone and computer. I m not saying its easy to have a long distance relationship but if you do love her then finding a way to make it work is possible. The 800 miles between us spans over Ontario Canada and Columbia Tennessee. Its not just a couple states and a few hours drive for us to be together. There is a TON of paper work to file as well. __________________ I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do

02-20-2004, 10:48 AM	#9 (permalink)
31Friction Addict Location: STL, MO	yeah, im about 1550 miles from STL right now. :-/ __________________ "Saints need sinners." Alan Watts

02-19-2004, 09:52 PM	#2 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months ago as I didnt think I'd be able to survive the long distance thing any more, and I still think about her on a daily basis. The best advice I can give is to keep your options open. What if you meet someone else in Arizona? How would the relationship affect the childs life? Etc etc

02-20-2004, 08:23 AM	#7 (permalink)
HockeyGuy Psycho Location: London, England	If your wondering about other peoples long distance stories i'll direct you to the thread that i satarted a while back http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=41131 I'm living in England right now (don't know how long i'll be here.. prob a couple more years) over from canada.. met this girl over here.. now she is in india (left in january arrvies back here in june) it's tough as EVER being apart from her.. but as everyone says communication is key. Good luck to you.. your haerd will know wheer to go! Note though.. basic phone rate (BT) to india is EXPENSIVE 1 hr = 49£.. if only i'd not had to receive the surprise in the post today...oh the cost of 'love'....

02-20-2004, 05:46 PM	#10 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Being in love and living far apart, I don't get why anyone would purposely make that choice when they have other options. It seems like you are able to go to school in MO and want to be with Niki, so why not move back? Maybe make a pro/con list to the idea of moving. Weigh your options and do what is best for you. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

02-22-2004, 07:42 PM	#15 (permalink)
Evil Milkman Addict Location: Illinois	I'm having one of those nights where I miss my ex. It may be because I miss her, or it just may be because I miss having someone I can call "love"... Painful...

02-22-2004, 10:32 PM	#16 (permalink)
31Friction Addict Location: STL, MO	yes I've been here in the summer. and what I meant with that comment is that it's just weather... the point I was trying to make is that everything that is here... is also there. not even to mention the fact that out of the 3 people that I would call good frieds that I had here. (I actually used to only spend summers here, this is my first AZ winter) one is now an alcoholic, one has a heroin problem, and the other only wants to play video games and work crap jobs the rest of his life. none of which I have too much interest in. __________________ "Saints need sinners." Alan Watts

02-22-2004, 11:20 PM	#17 (permalink)
Eve Upright Location: st. louis	I think you should move back to st. louis and be with your girlfriend b/c she's retarded without you. and she makes a mean banana shake.

02-29-2004, 07:02 PM	#18 (permalink)
claustin8605 Banned	Me and my boyfriend have been dating almost 8 months and the majority of that time he has been away at college, I am still in high school. He comes home as often as possible on the weekends and I go up there occasoinally. I know I see him a bit more than you are seeing this girl Niki. But the distance is still there and it hurts, I know this. The best thing I can tell you do do is decide what you want and what she means to you. And go from there. The best thing you can do is what you are doing now. Talk to her as often as possible on the phone and online. Another good thing that me and my boyfriend do is write letters, I know it sounds old fashioned with the up-to-date e-mail but it still has a special meaning when you get a letter from the one you care about. Also something I do for him since he is away at college is I send him "care packages". You know express mail some cookies or brownies, add somes pictures of yourself and maybe something personal of yours like a sweater or t-shirt she can wear to have a part of you with her. I hope some of this is helpful. I wish you luck in whatever may happen. :-)