asking for sex - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

onionmon · 01-15-2004, 08:57 PM

I was in a relationship with a girl for a year and a half and we were very close emotionally and sexually. We had lots of opportunities to learn about each other and understand what we both liked and disliked. Sexually, we both definitly loved the sex, no intercourse, but plenty of oral sex and etc. Basically everything right underneath intercourse. We broke up a few months ago because of some misunderstanding, but it was a clean break up. No hard feelings or hatreds towards each other.

We are now very good friends, we hang out when we are both in town (Since we both in college), grab food, movie, talk about anything, etc. It might seem to people as if we're dating, but we're not as close as we were when we were dating.

However, here's my problem. I like being with her and chilling with her, but I also (still) think she's damn hot. I'd still like to know her intimately and have the sweet sex that we had during the relationship.

Should I tell her what I think and hopes for her agreement? Because I still would like to mess around with her and still be good friends, just not have a relationship that requires the work. I guess the word I'm looking for is fuckbuddy, and I'm just wondering what you all would do.

BTW, women, I would appreciate it if you also comment about how you would feel if your good male buddy asked you.

omega2K4 · 01-15-2004, 09:09 PM

Do you know if she is into you? Even if you're just friends now, that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you. You might want to try giving subtle hints (kisses, holding hands, hugs, more physical contact in general.), but you shouldn't just ask her (Unless you're both really comfortable around each other.).

onionmon · 01-15-2004, 09:22 PM

Do you know if she is into you? Even if you're just friends now, that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you. You might want to try giving subtle hints (kisses, holding hands, hugs, more physical contact in general.), but you shouldn't just ask her (Unless you're both really comfortable around each other.).

What I don't want to do is start another RELATIONSHIP relationship with her. We've been through that once, lots of discussing and it ended after short while. We are both going into college, so over summer, we decided to end it. Near the end however, she invited me over to do stuff, hang out. After a few hours, we were in bed.

We discussed the following day that we would try to continue the relationship longD. No works. We ended it again. Over winterbreak however, we saw each other a few times and enjoyed hanging out with each other. So yea, I think that if I do those things, kiss, hold hands, etc, I'll give impression that I wanna start the relationship again.

Comfortable? Wats ur definition of comfortable? I can talk to her about anything. My problems, her issues, her family, my family, each other personality flaws. We are comfortable just sitting there drinking pop without talking. So just about anything

omega2K4 · 01-15-2004, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by onionmon
Comfortable? Wats ur definition of comfortable? I can talk to her about anything. My problems, her issues, her family, my family, each other personality flaws. We are comfortable just sitting there drinking pop without talking. So just about anything

Try getting a few drinks into yourself, and ask her. That way you won't seem like a dickhead if she rejects you.

legolas · 01-15-2004, 09:45 PM

Omega has the right idea. Might wanna share some of those with her though. The truth has a way of coming out with alcohol along with other things

onionmon · 01-15-2004, 09:54 PM

-- easy for me

-- she doesn't drink

LStanley · 01-15-2004, 10:01 PM

It dosen't get me very far... but my attitude:

No guts, no glory

analog · 01-15-2004, 10:01 PM

Um... but you DIDN'T have sex... you said you did everything BUT... so go out and find ANOTHER girl you CAN have ACTUAL sex with. Why continue to fingerbang her when there are other girls you can actually have a fulfilling relationship with, and actual sexual intercourse?

onionmon · 01-15-2004, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by analog
Um... but you DIDN'T have sex... you said you did everything BUT... so go out and find ANOTHER girl you CAN have ACTUAL sex with. Why continue to fingerbang her when there are other girls you can actually have a fulfilling relationship with, and actual sexual intercourse?

good point. i guess my ex is easier to "fingerbang" and less work involved in the required steps to be able to fingerbang. basically, she's closer and i guess much easier for me, and i don't wanna spend tremendous efforts for others

edit - 1 more thing, its more of thing when i actually come back home and if not taken, then i wanna do her, but if i get a relationship, its off.

herostar · 01-15-2004, 11:52 PM

I wouldn't ask, just find yourself another girl. I know it's not what you wanna here but it's your best option. At least if you aren't getting any from the other girl, you still have your ex w/ the great friendly relationship. I guess if you really wanted to try... you could say something like "have you ever though about if we hadn't broken up, or if we were together?"

89transam · 01-16-2004, 12:05 AM

Yeah dude sex is cheap in college.

lisa · 01-16-2004, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by onionmon
BTW, women, I would appreciate it if you also comment about how you would feel if your good male buddy asked you.

Off course, I'm only speaking about my own opinion, not on behalf of the whole female population... But my advise, is not to ask her.

A relationship based upon sex -where no "love" is involved- can exist, this requires good agreements, but it is off course possible. But when you had a previous relationship with each other, I think this could be a tricky thing. The sex can remind one of the 'parties' (or both) of the better times and can trigger past emotions. I don't think I could have sex with a "previous lover" without again feeling what I once felt for him (this means the good, loving-feelings and/or the hurt or anger felt during the break-up).

Anyway, this off course is just my own opinion.
I think that she might feel offended in a way, or if you do "get lucky" this might cause future problems... In this way, you risk a seemable good friendship.

But if you do want to ask her, one tip: don't be too direct about it! You'd better camouflage it into a sort of 'joking-question' like, if she never misses the sex you both had, or something similar. See how she responds to that one first before actually suggesting it!

skysooner · 01-16-2004, 07:26 AM

Part of what made the stuff you were doing together so good was that you had feelings for each other. It is very difficult to separate sex from emotions for anything that lasts more than a few days. This is especially true for women. While this could work out for a little while, it is highly doubtful that it could work out for the kind of time I think you are talking about. There just comes a time when a clean break is the best thing you can do. Stay friends with her and find someone else to have sex with. Get with someone that you can explore intercourse and other stuff with. Be prepared to lose her as a friend however as you move along. It is very difficult to see someone that you cared about in a relationship with another (even if you have no intention of getting back together).

bonehed1 · 01-16-2004, 10:54 AM

I say ask her if she is still in to you and if she says yes then just tell her right then and there....lets frik

devoutdragon · 01-16-2004, 11:05 AM

I totally agree with the feelings part of this whole deal. I don't believe you can have a seriously "casual" relationship...wether it be sexuall or involve only sex without actual intercouse without having some feelings towards each other. Who knows maybe she is one of those rare women who can disingage her feelings but I would bet money down that 99% of women out there cannot do that. (I am a woman so I can say that..lol) All you can do is ask her what she thinks of your plan and go from there.

moonstrucksoul · 01-16-2004, 11:18 AM

sounds to me that you are just looking for sex. find some. just probably best to not be with her. tell that you were feeling like you wanted some female attention, and ask about her friends. that should tell ya whether or not she wants to be your fuck buddy or not.

onionmon · 01-16-2004, 11:40 AM

Hm. Thanks for the tips guys. I thought about the women's perspective on the situation a little bit, but not in the ways that the females perceive it. Seems i got a lot more to learn eh?

However, if i asked, would it seem a big deal (to her) or a thing that's so shocking that it would ruin our friendship? Should I even start up the conversation, cuz i am curious on what she feels about the fuckbuddy situation.

legolas · 01-16-2004, 01:10 PM

Quote:

A relationship based upon sex -where no "love" is involved- can exist, this requires good agreements, but it is off course possible. But when you had a previous relationship with each other, I think this could be a tricky thing. The sex can remind one of the 'parties' (or both) of the better times and can trigger past emotions.

Friends with benefits hardly ever actually work out, especiall when feelings have been present before and there is a past.

Enzomat · 01-16-2004, 03:00 PM

whip it out on her one night and say do i make you horny baby ? if she reaches for it and says yes then youre good to go but if she says get the hell out then it was never meant to be..........

ubertuber · 01-16-2004, 03:17 PM

You're probably better off finding someone else to have sex with. With a history to deal with, the deck is kind of stacked against you. That isn't to say you can't sleep with this girl, I'd just put it as unlikely that it would remain a good situation for very long.

Prince · 01-17-2004, 10:23 AM

If you bang her now, she'll think you love her and want her back as an actual girlfriend. It doesn't matter what you say, how you say it, and how much you emphasize the fact that you'd be just fuck buddies and nothing deeper to it than that. Chicks, in general, do not listen when it comes to this stuff.

If you want a fuck buddy that doesn't come ringing your doorbell, and requires as little effort as you seem to be interested in putting into it, look up a local prostitute.

Holo · 01-17-2004, 01:35 PM

As a guy, I will say this:

You already had her in bed. You seem to really have a good rapport with her. You shouldn't taint this friendship over sex. I could understand more if you hadn't had sex with her, but it's covered territory, so now you can be friends with the sex thing out of the way, if that makes sense. You got her, you can get someone else. To have a good connection with a person is more imprtant than their ass in your bed, especially if you've been there already. find a new fuckbuddy and keep her a real friend.

01-15-2004, 08:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
onionmon Upright Location: Bunn Ogg West. visit me	asking for sex I was in a relationship with a girl for a year and a half and we were very close emotionally and sexually. We had lots of opportunities to learn about each other and understand what we both liked and disliked. Sexually, we both definitly loved the sex, no intercourse, but plenty of oral sex and etc. Basically everything right underneath intercourse. We broke up a few months ago because of some misunderstanding, but it was a clean break up. No hard feelings or hatreds towards each other. We are now very good friends, we hang out when we are both in town (Since we both in college), grab food, movie, talk about anything, etc. It might seem to people as if we're dating, but we're not as close as we were when we were dating. However, here's my problem. I like being with her and chilling with her, but I also (still) think she's damn hot. I'd still like to know her intimately and have the sweet sex that we had during the relationship. Should I tell her what I think and hopes for her agreement? Because I still would like to mess around with her and still be good friends, just not have a relationship that requires the work. I guess the word I'm looking for is fuckbuddy, and I'm just wondering what you all would do. BTW, women, I would appreciate it if you also comment about how you would feel if your good male buddy asked you. __________________ Simmons! I want you to poison Grif's next meal! Yes sir! I'm Dutch-Irish... ...I'm from Iowa!

01-15-2004, 09:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
omega2K4 Natalie Portman is sexy. Location: The Outer Rim	Do you know if she is into you? Even if you're just friends now, that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you. You might want to try giving subtle hints (kisses, holding hands, hugs, more physical contact in general.), but you shouldn't just ask her (Unless you're both really comfortable around each other.). __________________ "While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin "Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

01-15-2004, 09:22 PM	#3 (permalink)
onionmon Upright Location: Bunn Ogg West. visit me	Do you know if she is into you? Even if you're just friends now, that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you. You might want to try giving subtle hints (kisses, holding hands, hugs, more physical contact in general.), but you shouldn't just ask her (Unless you're both really comfortable around each other.). What I don't want to do is start another RELATIONSHIP relationship with her. We've been through that once, lots of discussing and it ended after short while. We are both going into college, so over summer, we decided to end it. Near the end however, she invited me over to do stuff, hang out. After a few hours, we were in bed. We discussed the following day that we would try to continue the relationship longD. No works. We ended it again. Over winterbreak however, we saw each other a few times and enjoyed hanging out with each other. So yea, I think that if I do those things, kiss, hold hands, etc, I'll give impression that I wanna start the relationship again. Comfortable? Wats ur definition of comfortable? I can talk to her about anything. My problems, her issues, her family, my family, each other personality flaws. We are comfortable just sitting there drinking pop without talking. So just about anything __________________ Simmons! I want you to poison Grif's next meal! Yes sir! I'm Dutch-Irish... ...I'm from Iowa!

01-15-2004, 09:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
legolas shit faced cockmaster Location: CT	Omega has the right idea. Might wanna share some of those with her though. The truth has a way of coming out with alcohol along with other things __________________ "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

01-15-2004, 10:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
LStanley Insane Location: Houston TX	It dosen't get me very far... but my attitude: No guts, no glory __________________ Lathan Stanley

01-15-2004, 09:54 PM	#6 (permalink)
onionmon Upright Location: Bunn Ogg West. visit me	-- easy for me -- she doesn't drink

01-15-2004, 10:01 PM	#8 (permalink)
analog Banned	Um... but you DIDN'T have sex... you said you did everything BUT... so go out and find ANOTHER girl you CAN have ACTUAL sex with. Why continue to fingerbang her when there are other girls you can actually have a fulfilling relationship with, and actual sexual intercourse?

01-15-2004, 11:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
herostar Psycho Location: South Dakota	I wouldn't ask, just find yourself another girl. I know it's not what you wanna here but it's your best option. At least if you aren't getting any from the other girl, you still have your ex w/ the great friendly relationship. I guess if you really wanted to try... you could say something like "have you ever though about if we hadn't broken up, or if we were together?" __________________ Got time to chill?

01-16-2004, 12:05 AM	#11 (permalink)
89transam Psycho Location: Central California	Yeah dude sex is cheap in college. __________________ I'd rather be rich than stupid.

01-16-2004, 07:26 AM	#13 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Part of what made the stuff you were doing together so good was that you had feelings for each other. It is very difficult to separate sex from emotions for anything that lasts more than a few days. This is especially true for women. While this could work out for a little while, it is highly doubtful that it could work out for the kind of time I think you are talking about. There just comes a time when a clean break is the best thing you can do. Stay friends with her and find someone else to have sex with. Get with someone that you can explore intercourse and other stuff with. Be prepared to lose her as a friend however as you move along. It is very difficult to see someone that you cared about in a relationship with another (even if you have no intention of getting back together).

01-16-2004, 10:54 AM	#14 (permalink)
bonehed1 Psycho Location: California	I say ask her if she is still in to you and if she says yes then just tell her right then and there....lets frik __________________ Stuff is Good

01-16-2004, 11:05 AM	#15 (permalink)
devoutdragon Upright Location: In Hell	I totally agree with the feelings part of this whole deal. I don't believe you can have a seriously "casual" relationship...wether it be sexuall or involve only sex without actual intercouse without having some feelings towards each other. Who knows maybe she is one of those rare women who can disingage her feelings but I would bet money down that 99% of women out there cannot do that. (I am a woman so I can say that..lol) All you can do is ask her what she thinks of your plan and go from there.

01-16-2004, 11:18 AM	#16 (permalink)
moonstrucksoul hovering in the distance Location: the land of milk and honey	sounds to me that you are just looking for sex. find some. just probably best to not be with her. tell that you were feeling like you wanted some female attention, and ask about her friends. that should tell ya whether or not she wants to be your fuck buddy or not. __________________ no signature required

01-16-2004, 11:40 AM	#17 (permalink)
onionmon Upright Location: Bunn Ogg West. visit me	Hm. Thanks for the tips guys. I thought about the women's perspective on the situation a little bit, but not in the ways that the females perceive it. Seems i got a lot more to learn eh? However, if i asked, would it seem a big deal (to her) or a thing that's so shocking that it would ruin our friendship? Should I even start up the conversation, cuz i am curious on what she feels about the fuckbuddy situation. __________________ Simmons! I want you to poison Grif's next meal! Yes sir! I'm Dutch-Irish... ...I'm from Iowa!

01-16-2004, 03:00 PM	#19 (permalink)
Enzomat Upright	well you could just whip it out on her one night and say do i make you horny baby ? if she reaches for it and says yes then youre good to go but if she says get the hell out then it was never meant to be..........

01-16-2004, 03:17 PM	#20 (permalink)
ubertuber spudly Location: Ellay	You're probably better off finding someone else to have sex with. With a history to deal with, the deck is kind of stacked against you. That isn't to say you can't sleep with this girl, I'd just put it as unlikely that it would remain a good situation for very long. __________________ Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

01-17-2004, 10:23 AM	#21 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	If you bang her now, she'll think you love her and want her back as an actual girlfriend. It doesn't matter what you say, how you say it, and how much you emphasize the fact that you'd be just fuck buddies and nothing deeper to it than that. Chicks, in general, do not listen when it comes to this stuff. If you want a fuck buddy that doesn't come ringing your doorbell, and requires as little effort as you seem to be interested in putting into it, look up a local prostitute. __________________ Who is John Galt?

01-17-2004, 01:35 PM	#22 (permalink)
Holo A Real American	As a guy, I will say this: You already had her in bed. You seem to really have a good rapport with her. You shouldn't taint this friendship over sex. I could understand more if you hadn't had sex with her, but it's covered territory, so now you can be friends with the sex thing out of the way, if that makes sense. You got her, you can get someone else. To have a good connection with a person is more imprtant than their ass in your bed, especially if you've been there already. find a new fuckbuddy and keep her a real friend. __________________ I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince