Girlfriend advice. A philosophical question - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

-Ever- · 12-21-2003, 12:24 PM

So this is a very broad question. Even if I gave you guys details I don't think I could get a solid, true answer because life is life and just a series of actions and consequences. So here it goes. Prepare for generalizations:

What kind of girl do you think is a man's best, longterm partner (read: wife, girlfriend, mate for life....)? I will give two examples, not by the type of girl, but the type of relationship I have with the two types.

A) An easy going, linear, not up-and-down, always moving foreward, generally unpassionate (good sex but there is minimal friction in the relationship...), unexciting, similar types of friends, explorative, spiritual, not generall excited to spend every minute with, not the girlfriend that I like to party with, *the "me" of girls* type of girl

or

B) An up-and-down, exciting, passionate, caring, gives much attention, amazing adventurous sex, many similar interests (humor, movies, *not music...*), adventurous, type that I love to party with, love spending every minute with?

If you're actually interested in giving advice, just do some digging in what I said and try to make some conclusions. Keep in mind that I'm only 21 but I'm pretty settled down for my age (from many years of early partying!) and am really into what I do and I definitely know what I like in life. I'm just torn inbetween these two girls. I've been with the first one for almost three years. Went to London for three months and spent the entire time with the second type while on a break from the first type. The second type is going to be a long distant relationship if we hold onto it (Seeing eachother about twice a month...) The first type.
I keep on refering to them as "types" because I'm trying to be philisophical about this and am trying to make genearalizations about which will compliment my life better in that they make me strive to be the person that I want to be while I do the same for them...
Thanks guys. Fee
l free to ask questions if you have any
-T

(edit) Also: another important thing is that I'm pretty into fetishes, not just in sexual activities in the bedroom but also within a lifestyle to an extent. The second type is much quicker to enjoy getting dressed up in latex, going to fetish events, and generally is the more *curious little girl* type of the two. The first type is slowly getting wilder in bed, much at my controll which is fine, but I don't think will ever cross into actually enjoying dressing up. I can see this fetish carring out through my entire life as it has been pretty important for as long as I can remember. I'm worried that I will always be looking for the second type if I stick to the first one, something that really doesn't sound safe to have on my mind in the longer run...The only counter arguement to this is that I will some day need to settle down and stick to the less exciting one, because, as they say, life isn't about having fun.... So, do I calm down or keep on the edge and delve into the more exciting, lively of the two?

Also, now that you're this far, I'll give a little background on the two girls. Giving it might take away from the generalizations I was looking for, but you might want to know... A) is higher maintenance, a very hard worker, goes to fashion school in SF, works at designer clothing shop in sf, and is looking to be a pretty independant, self sufficient working gal. B) is less maintenance, looking to be an actress, is more rugged and down to get dirty, and I'd say less independant in the long run in that she doesn't seem to be working just to achieve self-sufficiency. I felt the need to include these because by calling A) spiritual I didn't want you to think she was a hippy because she's quite the obvious judging her dress and maintenance, and I didn't want you to think that B) is high-maintenance and not rugged just because she is looking to be an actress and all...

st33lr4t · 12-21-2003, 12:49 PM

first to understand my situation you must know i am what you would call a type B male.

i myself just over a year ago ended a relationship of 7yrs with a type A girl. we hooked up when i was 18. she was wife material. only problem was we didnt really have fun. we had fun but not that movie type relationship where everything is a blast. i cheated the last 2 yrs of the relationship to see if there was that "dream" relationship out there for me. i never found it. until this girl ive know for like 6 yrs and opened my eyes to this world i thought existed but i would never find. we have been together for a little over a year...are now living with eachother...i cant stand to be away from here for more the 2 seconds.

i think ive been with both types of girls you were describing and cant say enough how happy i am with my current girl. we are both type B's.

i now believe there is one girl for every guy. is this type B girl makes you happier then go with B

-Ever- · 12-21-2003, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by st33lr4t
first to understand my situation you must know i am what you would call a type B male.

i myself just over a year ago ended a relationship of 7yrs with a type A girl. we hooked up when i was 18. she was wife material. only problem was we didnt really have fun. we had fun but not that movie type relationship where everything is a blast. i cheated the last 2 yrs of the relationship to see if there was that "dream" relationship out there for me. i never found it. until this girl ive know for like 6 yrs and opened my eyes to this world i thought existed but i would never find. we have been together for a little over a year...are now living with eachother...i cant stand to be away from here for more the 2 seconds.

i think ive been with both types of girls you were describing and cant say enough how happy i am with my current girl. we are both type B's.

i now believe there is one girl for every guy. is this type B girl makes you happier then go with B

Very interesting to hear. Tell me something. What were/are your arguments and times of "heated discussion" like with the two? With A mine were very simple, understanding, and easy. With B we argue, fight, bicker, and just don't see things equally and just know that we love eachother and usually ride on that....Just curious. I've never really had a girl that I fought with like this before and I kind of like it and where it comes from...

Jaron · 12-21-2003, 02:45 PM

I've found myself a "Girl B" as well, and am very happy with her. According to me, and almost everyone who knows me, she's wife material.

vonstalhein · 12-21-2003, 04:05 PM

I settle these disputes from my gut instinct. Consider being with both ( not at the same time) and you should be able to decide which you couldn't be without.

HockeyGuy · 12-21-2003, 06:42 PM

I must say at the moment I am with more of a B Type girl. Shes great (ex: joined me and the buddies last ngiht drinking) but also gives me the space etc. when it's needed! I personally think that it has to be a little bit of a combination of both, but I need someone who cares and that I can have great (fun) times with, but also someone who has goals in life as well. This gf, and my last one ppl told me were wife material (i'm only 19...so to have the thought even there becomes a little bit of a shock to me...) so I suppose that i've been lucky!

For quite a while I was having almost the same type of decision to make (with the long distance relationship as well!). But in teh end where I decided to stay made the decision for me!
I reccon' If you spend a couple of days away from things (these people etc...) it should help clear the mind, and hopefully you'll be able to realize qhich of the two you miss/need the most.

-Ever- · 12-21-2003, 06:51 PM

Thanks guys, good to hear solid answers, especially those from past experiences.

HockeyGuy: you mentioned spending time away from them and their influences. This is what being in London did for me for the first girl, and when I traveled alone in spain for a week after my semester, I had time to be without B and was empty :/ I know people shouldn't rely on eachother to be happy, but it was just a ton of emotion all at once and my first time being away from her for a bit. I spent the night with A two night's ago for the first time in months and had an interesting time. B just stopped by for the first time since our trip ended. We were a little weird because we were seeing eachother for the first time outside of our group setting. End the end I think she is a great girl. That, and the fact that the main reason I would feel bad about "chosing" her right now is only me seeing my A girl being hurt, not feeling bad because I was going to need her or miss her tons....

taliendo · 12-21-2003, 07:13 PM

If I may, one question: do you love either one? or rather, are you in love with either one?

-Ever- · 12-21-2003, 07:50 PM

I love them both. I'm in love with B.

shoe · 12-21-2003, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by -Ever-
I'm in love with B.

If you know this, how hard can the decision possibly be..

diddagirl · 12-22-2003, 12:47 AM

I dont understand what the problem is. From every detail you have mentioned...sounds like it is not even a question. You love B, you are most compatible with her, she makes you happy, and most importantly - she CLEARLY is the one you want. Re-read your posts buddy and you will have your answer right there.

HockeyGuy · 12-22-2003, 06:40 PM

I know how that can be. when I was over here (england) i thought constantly about the girl back home and it was rough. But I had to make a decision and was not ready to say that it was true love, although love it was. I still do miss her to the day, but i have moved on adn wouldn't look back on it twice now

The only prob is my girl leaves for 5 mo's beg. of jan...same thing ALL over again (jsut the other way round ).. I think it's sounded as if you really do love B, and like it or not a decision does//will have to be made (the GREATEST problem i had, and don't want to repeat)

gabshu · 12-23-2003, 08:27 AM

I would suggest you stop fooling around with A and break it off gracefully. It really sounds like you know you don´t want to be with her anyway. Go with B, if she´s the girl you posted that pic of you with, she looks awesome.

-Ever- · 12-23-2003, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by gabshu
I would suggest you stop fooling around with A and break it off gracefully. It really sounds like you know you don´t want to be with her anyway. Go with B, if she´s the girl you posted that pic of you with, she looks awesome.

Good memory

So I gues that I'm really in love with B, it's just that A and I have built so much over quite a long time. She -is- a beautiful girl. A hard worker, loves life, and loves me. It's hard. The hard thing for me is knowing that A and I would probably work out to an extent. Probably more towards a linear lifestyle though, again, maybe leading me to look for more and have the potential to hurt her. I'm thinking that she's just definitely good-friend material...
Thanks guys. Of how unimportant and easy this might seem to you, it is the story of my life lately!

-T

analog · 12-23-2003, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by -Ever-
So I gues that I'm really in love with B

So quit jaw-flapping at us and do someting! lol
Seriously though, you've said you're in love with B like a thousand times in this one post! Don't kid yourself, B is the one for you, my friend. Go marry her and make her happy.

Have fun while you're at it.

12-21-2003, 12:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
-Ever- Junkie Location: San Francisco	Girlfriend advice. A philosophical question So this is a very broad question. Even if I gave you guys details I don't think I could get a solid, true answer because life is life and just a series of actions and consequences. So here it goes. Prepare for generalizations: What kind of girl do you think is a man's best, longterm partner (read: wife, girlfriend, mate for life....)? I will give two examples, not by the type of girl, but the type of relationship I have with the two types. A) An easy going, linear, not up-and-down, always moving foreward, generally unpassionate (good sex but there is minimal friction in the relationship...), unexciting, similar types of friends, explorative, spiritual, not generall excited to spend every minute with, not the girlfriend that I like to party with, the "me" of girls type of girl or B) An up-and-down, exciting, passionate, caring, gives much attention, amazing adventurous sex, many similar interests (humor, movies, not music...), adventurous, type that I love to party with, love spending every minute with? If you're actually interested in giving advice, just do some digging in what I said and try to make some conclusions. Keep in mind that I'm only 21 but I'm pretty settled down for my age (from many years of early partying!) and am really into what I do and I definitely know what I like in life. I'm just torn inbetween these two girls. I've been with the first one for almost three years. Went to London for three months and spent the entire time with the second type while on a break from the first type. The second type is going to be a long distant relationship if we hold onto it (Seeing eachother about twice a month...) The first type. I keep on refering to them as "types" because I'm trying to be philisophical about this and am trying to make genearalizations about which will compliment my life better in that they make me strive to be the person that I want to be while I do the same for them... Thanks guys. Fee l free to ask questions if you have any -T (edit) Also: another important thing is that I'm pretty into fetishes, not just in sexual activities in the bedroom but also within a lifestyle to an extent. The second type is much quicker to enjoy getting dressed up in latex, going to fetish events, and generally is the more curious little girl type of the two. The first type is slowly getting wilder in bed, much at my controll which is fine, but I don't think will ever cross into actually enjoying dressing up. I can see this fetish carring out through my entire life as it has been pretty important for as long as I can remember. I'm worried that I will always be looking for the second type if I stick to the first one, something that really doesn't sound safe to have on my mind in the longer run...The only counter arguement to this is that I will some day need to settle down and stick to the less exciting one, because, as they say, life isn't about having fun.... So, do I calm down or keep on the edge and delve into the more exciting, lively of the two? Also, now that you're this far, I'll give a little background on the two girls. Giving it might take away from the generalizations I was looking for, but you might want to know... A) is higher maintenance, a very hard worker, goes to fashion school in SF, works at designer clothing shop in sf, and is looking to be a pretty independant, self sufficient working gal. B) is less maintenance, looking to be an actress, is more rugged and down to get dirty, and I'd say less independant in the long run in that she doesn't seem to be working just to achieve self-sufficiency. I felt the need to include these because by calling A) spiritual I didn't want you to think she was a hippy because she's quite the obvious judging her dress and maintenance, and I didn't want you to think that B) is high-maintenance and not rugged just because she is looking to be an actress and all... __________________ Embracing the goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home And experience of this place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself as a gamemaster... --Acknowledge your weaknesses-- Last edited by -Ever-; 12-21-2003 at 01:02 PM..

12-21-2003, 04:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
vonstalhein Insane Location: Where You Live.	I settle these disputes from my gut instinct. Consider being with both ( not at the same time) and you should be able to decide which you couldn't be without. __________________ No Win No Fee

12-21-2003, 06:51 PM	#7 (permalink)
-Ever- Junkie Location: San Francisco	Thanks guys, good to hear solid answers, especially those from past experiences. HockeyGuy: you mentioned spending time away from them and their influences. This is what being in London did for me for the first girl, and when I traveled alone in spain for a week after my semester, I had time to be without B and was empty :/ I know people shouldn't rely on eachother to be happy, but it was just a ton of emotion all at once and my first time being away from her for a bit. I spent the night with A two night's ago for the first time in months and had an interesting time. B just stopped by for the first time since our trip ended. We were a little weird because we were seeing eachother for the first time outside of our group setting. End the end I think she is a great girl. That, and the fact that the main reason I would feel bad about "chosing" her right now is only me seeing my A girl being hurt, not feeling bad because I was going to need her or miss her tons.... __________________ Embracing the goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home And experience of this place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself as a gamemaster... --Acknowledge your weaknesses-- Last edited by -Ever-; 03-10-2004 at 08:16 PM..

12-21-2003, 07:13 PM	#8 (permalink)
taliendo Insane Location: an indelible crawl through the gutters	If I may, one question: do you love either one? or rather, are you in love with either one? __________________ -LIFE IS ABSURD-

12-21-2003, 07:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
-Ever- Junkie Location: San Francisco	I love them both. I'm in love with B. __________________ Embracing the goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home And experience of this place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself as a gamemaster... --Acknowledge your weaknesses--

12-21-2003, 12:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
st33lr4t Psycho Location: Dallas, Tx	first to understand my situation you must know i am what you would call a type B male. i myself just over a year ago ended a relationship of 7yrs with a type A girl. we hooked up when i was 18. she was wife material. only problem was we didnt really have fun. we had fun but not that movie type relationship where everything is a blast. i cheated the last 2 yrs of the relationship to see if there was that "dream" relationship out there for me. i never found it. until this girl ive know for like 6 yrs and opened my eyes to this world i thought existed but i would never find. we have been together for a little over a year...are now living with eachother...i cant stand to be away from here for more the 2 seconds. i think ive been with both types of girls you were describing and cant say enough how happy i am with my current girl. we are both type B's. i now believe there is one girl for every guy. is this type B girl makes you happier then go with B

12-21-2003, 02:45 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jaron Crazy Location: Hong Kong.	I've found myself a "Girl B" as well, and am very happy with her. According to me, and almost everyone who knows me, she's wife material.

12-21-2003, 06:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
HockeyGuy Psycho Location: London, England	I must say at the moment I am with more of a B Type girl. Shes great (ex: joined me and the buddies last ngiht drinking) but also gives me the space etc. when it's needed! I personally think that it has to be a little bit of a combination of both, but I need someone who cares and that I can have great (fun) times with, but also someone who has goals in life as well. This gf, and my last one ppl told me were wife material (i'm only 19...so to have the thought even there becomes a little bit of a shock to me...) so I suppose that i've been lucky! For quite a while I was having almost the same type of decision to make (with the long distance relationship as well!). But in teh end where I decided to stay made the decision for me! I reccon' If you spend a couple of days away from things (these people etc...) it should help clear the mind, and hopefully you'll be able to realize qhich of the two you miss/need the most.

12-22-2003, 12:47 AM	#11 (permalink)
diddagirl Addict Location: Calgary, AB	I dont understand what the problem is. From every detail you have mentioned...sounds like it is not even a question. You love B, you are most compatible with her, she makes you happy, and most importantly - she CLEARLY is the one you want. Re-read your posts buddy and you will have your answer right there. __________________ "Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done." -Matthew Arnold

12-22-2003, 06:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
HockeyGuy Psycho Location: London, England	I know how that can be. when I was over here (england) i thought constantly about the girl back home and it was rough. But I had to make a decision and was not ready to say that it was true love, although love it was. I still do miss her to the day, but i have moved on adn wouldn't look back on it twice now The only prob is my girl leaves for 5 mo's beg. of jan...same thing ALL over again (jsut the other way round ).. I think it's sounded as if you really do love B, and like it or not a decision does//will have to be made (the GREATEST problem i had, and don't want to repeat)

12-23-2003, 08:27 AM	#13 (permalink)
gabshu Psycho Location: The capital of the free world??	I would suggest you stop fooling around with A and break it off gracefully. It really sounds like you know you don´t want to be with her anyway. Go with B, if she´s the girl you posted that pic of you with, she looks awesome. __________________ Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/