Jesus Pimp

I was talking to my ex-gf online and we started talking about tea and how I got this really great tea from this natural foods store. I mentioned that I would get her some since she loves tea and doesn't have one of these stores where she lives. Is this a bad idea? I was talking to a close friend about this and he said I shouldn't send her anything because it might make her feel weird. What do you guys think?

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

rufgti

As difficult as it may seem, I think you should cut her out already. Its looking like you are still hooked and you will not move on until you've had time away from her to heal.

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Sometimes, you gotta say no to a stripper....

rockzilla

If you've already told her you'd get her some, you should stick to your word. It's the christmas season after all, call it a gift. Just don't make it a habit of offering to get her stuff all the time </me makes whip cracking noise>.

oberon

Dude. Lose the chick already. We've gone over this several times on other threads.

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"There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

isis

It seems ok, to me. It is a friendly gesture of just buying a gift. If an ex-boyfriend sent me something that we talked about, especially something as simple as tea, I don't think there would be a huge problem.. unless she just metioned in in passing and you stalker-ishly sent it to her house.

Averett

Yup...

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

ratbastid

If it was anybody else asking, I'd be concerned about what the girl would make up in her head about the gift. With you, I'm worried about what you're going to make up.

With all love, Jesus Pimp, because I've BEEN there.... You do get that right now you're Dumped Guy, right? Everything you do is going to be some sorry attempt at not being Dumped Guy anymore. Getting her back. Finding a new girl. Getting okay with just being friends. Trying to move on. ANYTHING not to be Dumped Guy.

Thing is, you'll be Dumped Guy until you accept to your BONES that you're Dumped Guy. And then you can move on. But as long as you're resisting it and denying it and fighting it, you'll give off the stench of desperation so bad, NOTHING will be possible for you.

Loup

Double yup.
Move on - she's in the past and it should be left as such.

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"If you cannot lift the load off another's back, do not walk away. Try to lighten it."
~ Frank Tyger

sixate

Make that a triple yup.

Why does anyone even talk to their ex? Am I the only one who never speaks to a girlie after I break up with them?

Averett

I don't get the whole "lets be friends" thing either. You broke up with the person for a reason, why prolong the agony? Move on.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Jesus Pimp

Thanks guys

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

Zorvox

Nononononononono...

Just because you are going to send your ex something, doesn't mean you are still hooked...

Obviously to you, she must of been pretty great to of been with you - a break up shouldn't cancel EVERYTHING..

I mean, I broke up with my ex - we don't talk ... doesn't mean I'm not going to send her family a box of chocolates and give her a CD.. she wanted me to burn her like 300 songs for her (she had a "list") well i never got that list, so i'm just gonna make my own up.

And people who keep saying "just lose the chick" haha, pitty pitty pitty.. Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean that you should lose that person in your life, if you have a strong enough connection with someone they fill a part in your life, when they are gone it feels like a part of you is gone, just because things didn't work out as a 1on1 relationship doesn't mean that you can't carry on to be friends, besides.. difference is good for everyone in friendships..

You break up for several reasons, some of them are stupid.. some of them are good - why waste the whole time you've spent getting to know one another and shared things blah blah - if your only going to throw it all away? If that is how things work then I never want a relationship again.

When you send it to her, just say merry christmas, happy new year safe holiday blah blah - name

no love, no missing you or anything.. pure and simple.

Buddy, send it to her.. pure and simple nothing to say "hey i still want you" or anything, just a hello... merry xmas blah blah, cya - your name

Zorvox

Also, Even though asking for advice is good... but really, your only going to do what you want anyway... unless you are easily convinced.

It's always good knowing all your options..

But just send it man, if she wants it.. send it to her, like I said - pure and simple is the trick.

blockmaan2000

Run away, run away. First tea...then she's going to expect you to do all kinds of crap for her.




block

Marburg

I think Zorvox gave the best advice on this.
I don't know about your personal history, Jesus Pimp, but as long your break up wasn't an explosive one (which is infered by the fact that you still talk to her) go ahead and send it.

And not only could you play the christmas angle, but it would also be a way of saying "now hard feelings."

You were obviously close enough to date the girl, just because you've broken up doesn't mean you should drop her from your life completely. (ok now i'm just starting to repeat things already said)

(ps. if you've said you'd send it - keep your word! . . . or I'll stab you, or something)

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Ask a simple question... get pain.

analog

Dude.........SERIOUSLY..... it's high time to let her be already. Please, do it for your own good. (wow what a short post for me)

tikki

I think in JP's case it means you cancel everything. From what i have read, he was really tied to this gal. When you get like that, you gotta remove every single thing that could remind you of her. Trust me, I would know. I've had to do it.

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Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

brandon11983

In my experience, it depends on the way the breakup happened. My last breakup ended with both parties still fully interested in each other. I bought her a gift a few weeks ago.

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Well behaved women rarely make history.

Ustwo

I don't know the history but running is most likely best.

Worst thing you can do is talk to an ex who you still have feeling for, if you were the dumpee.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

lightning

Forget history, forget everything but this:
Break-ups are virtually never truly mutual...
Almost every time one of the people are hoping for it to work out. 'Just friends' is simply a way to slowly make up your minds that you can live without the relationship.
If one of you is hanging on ask yourself which one is it?
It's usually the one working hardest at it...
making all the calls...
setting up plans...
getting stood up...
being imposed upon...
wish it was like it used to be... etc.

'Just friends' can work out very well... It just needs to be a while after the relationship, when you are both able to live without each other.

Holo

If I do it's perfunctory conversation. I don't understand how you can either reject or be rejected and pretend this person is your friend, but that's me. I've gone so far as to throw or give away shit they bought me to erase them from my life.

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I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

Zorvox

Well, obviously if you are with someone, you think very highly of them and have found something within this person..

Okay, things weren't all peaches and cream in the relationship, when you break up, it doesn't make the other person a bad person, things just weren't how you planned they would be.

Why would you go out with them if you didn't like who they were as a person?

Okay, things are over - good bye no more contact, things didn't work out, go away.

In a relationship, you are meant to be friends with one another , not only boyfriend/girlfriend, but friends/best friends aswell, why lose TWO people over one thing?

Seriously, come on people.. if your with someone - they are special to you, I really don't know how people can just lose that person all together... confuses me, but hey - it's all your choices and we all don't get what we want all the time..

Averett

I did that with my ex. Through out the stinky old lady perfume he got me, a ring, a necklace... Cause fuck him. The only thing I kept was his baseball hoodie, because its nice and comfy And it wasnt ever his to begin with, he gave it to me when he got it...

Well, in my case I didn't see the point in being friends with the guy who
A) lied to me about being a virgin before we had sex (I didn't care one way or another, but he shouldnt have lied about it, especially since we rarely used condoms)
B) Cheated on me twice
C) Got me in a car wreck
D) Called the girl he was cheating on me with while he was in the hospital visiting me.

Why would I want to be friends with somebody like that?

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

-Anders

You wouldn't.

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Zorvox

Well yes, there are always cases ofcourse, but i'm just saying.. if you just break up with someone, because things didn't work, why not be friends?

wry1

I'll readily admit to being on good terms with almost all of my former girlfriends - with one or two exceptions, that is! If I have a reason to be speaking with them, then I do so; but I'm not just chatting with them for shits and giggles.

You need to take the sage advice proposed by ratbastid and get in touch with your inner "Dumped Guy"....then get on with finding someone else. Don't call her. Don't e-mail her. Don't IM or do anything to contact her...including Carrier Pigeon. You dumped her, or she dumped you - either way, it's over, dude!

And it sounds like Zorvox could use a little of this as well....so here goes:

You want to do something nice for her parents? Go right ahead...if you're friends with her parents. By that, I mean: if you have the same type of relationship with her parents that you have with your other social friends, then feel free to treat them as such.

Otherwise, you're just the 'ex-boyfriend who can't seem to figure out when to leave.