passthru

I met this girl a few years ago at my old school. I'm gonna call her Jane, cause writing this without names is too hard We would hang out together at school and go to get lunch, coffee, etc. I was interested in her, but at that point in my life, I was always really uncomfortable with relationship stuff, whether it be me asking a girl out or a girl asking me. That changed suddenly this summer, so I called Jane and got a date.

She has always seemed worried about her body and physical safety, and I had talked to her only once in the past 20 months. So, although I was over my fear of initiating a relationship, I was worried I could easily make her feel uncomfortable.. A guy she knew but had seen once in almost two years wanting to kiss her.. So I made no moves. Everything else went great, and when I dropped her off she skipped up her driveway, I thought I had done well.

The next time I saw her we were with friends, including one of her long time best friends ("Heather") and the guy that Heather was now sleeping with ("Mark"). About a month earlier, Jane and Mark had "a thing" for 3-4 days. Mark and Heather had started sleeping with each other in secret, and Jane was really hurt. After that night, Jane started avoiding me, not returning calls, etc. A few weeks later, we broke up and she said that she didn't want to be in a relationship because her heart had been broken, but we both wanted to hang out.

Time went by and I was thinking of her a lot, so I called her up. I told her how great she is and how I don't think she got to know enough about me on our date because I was being reserved, and I said I wanted to wait until she was ready for a relationship. She said she'd just had her heart broken, and we should hang out more and be really close friends for the time being. We said we would call each other soon to go do something.

Now a quick flashback. When we were in school, there was a girl who was trying to be friends with her, and basically following her around all the time. She was a nice girl, but Jane didn't like being followed around and wanted her do leave her alone a bit. But she wasn't telling her this. She drew attention to something, and quickly stepped away without the girl noticing. Only after being advised by myself and at least two other people that she should tell this girl she needed more space did she do so.

I know Jane thinks I'm a NiceGuy. Is she trying to avoid hurting my feelings? She did go out with me when she didn't want to be in a relationship. She's saying her heart was broken over this guy she knew for less than a week. She's saying, after more than three months, that she JUST had her heart broken. So, I'm waiting for her to call me. If she doesn't call, I guess I'll know. If she does I'm planning to decide the next time I see her if I actually will wait, or if she's jerking me around trying to be nice. I can only think of one good reason for all of the stuff she has done, but I'm not all that sure of it.

Zorvox

Well, i've just come out of something, which lasted two months, but love / passion can't be judged by time and I tell you man.. it was hell, and it still is I had to confront two people tonight (my ex who is having an abortion today in like 13 hours - and my mate who is there to support her I got fucked over etc yeah) and all I can say is.. be strong man, I told them that I can't control them and they are entitled to do what they want...

Give her time space, show her that you can be there for her as a friend or more, just let her know how you feel - because she is entitled to that much - but I guess it wouldn't help perhaps meeting some other girls as other possibilites...

It's really up to you, how much do you like this girl etc, but time wasting is just wrong - but being hurt, takes time to get over it etc, just comfort her and she'll come around

Bloodslick

She could just be saying that to be nice, sure. You'll never know, though, until you give it another shot. She sounds a little skittish anyway, so hanging around unobtrusively for a while, off in the background, probably couldn't hurt. Just don't go all puppy dog.

Patience.

feelgood

Ahhh dude, just stick to what you're doing. Adoring her, being her friend and giving her a shoulder so that she could cry on. IMHO, that's the best way to pick up a chick. So, all it takes is patience...


Patience my young padawan...

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emphant

Err....no.

I hope you are kidding, and I just missed it. Seriously, if that's what happend, I'll be first in line to pull my foot out of my mouth.

Anyway, not to be the I told you so type, but this is why it's good to attempt a kiss, it gives you a better gauge of their interest level. Just don't ask.

If you do the stuff feel good says, she'll start to think of you as a friend who she can cry to, not as a boyfriend who she can kiss, love, and have passionate sex with.

I'd suggest you keep in very light contact for about two weeks, then call her and ask her for a date. Make sure you say date, or something so she knows what you intend. If she accepts, try to kiss her. In the meantime, try to get a few other phone numbers from other girls, you never know who you will accidently meet.

Good luck!

empu

She is just being nice. She has no interest in you. In your heart you already know this is true.

analog

Um... actually, that'll just get you the "best male friend I'll NEVER ever sleep with" of the year award. You become the "older brother", the "too good a friend to ruin with a physical relationship" guy. If you're going to comfort her, it needs to be in the vein of long-standing compassion, not just a shoulder to cry on.