Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Trying to be nice, or just being confused?

passthru · 12-03-2003, 04:25 AM

I met this girl a few years ago at my old school. I'm gonna call her Jane, cause writing this without names is too hard

We would hang out together at school and go to get lunch, coffee, etc. I was interested in her, but at that point in my life, I was always really uncomfortable with relationship stuff, whether it be me asking a girl out or a girl asking me. That changed suddenly this summer, so I called Jane and got a date.

She has always seemed worried about her body and physical safety, and I had talked to her only once in the past 20 months. So, although I was over my fear of initiating a relationship, I was worried I could easily make her feel uncomfortable.. A guy she knew but had seen once in almost two years wanting to kiss her.. So I made no moves. Everything else went great, and when I dropped her off she skipped up her driveway, I thought I had done well.

The next time I saw her we were with friends, including one of her long time best friends ("Heather") and the guy that Heather was now sleeping with ("Mark"). About a month earlier, Jane and Mark had "a thing" for 3-4 days. Mark and Heather had started sleeping with each other in secret, and Jane was really hurt. After that night, Jane started avoiding me, not returning calls, etc. A few weeks later, we broke up and she said that she didn't want to be in a relationship because her heart had been broken, but we both wanted to hang out.

Time went by and I was thinking of her a lot, so I called her up. I told her how great she is and how I don't think she got to know enough about me on our date because I was being reserved, and I said I wanted to wait until she was ready for a relationship. She said she'd just had her heart broken, and we should hang out more and be really close friends for the time being. We said we would call each other soon to go do something.

Now a quick flashback. When we were in school, there was a girl who was trying to be friends with her, and basically following her around all the time. She was a nice girl, but Jane didn't like being followed around and wanted her do leave her alone a bit. But she wasn't telling her this. She drew attention to something, and quickly stepped away without the girl noticing. Only after being advised by myself and at least two other people that she should tell this girl she needed more space did she do so.

I know Jane thinks I'm a NiceGuy. Is she trying to avoid hurting my feelings? She did go out with me when she didn't want to be in a relationship. She's saying her heart was broken over this guy she knew for less than a week. She's saying, after more than three months, that she JUST had her heart broken. So, I'm waiting for her to call me. If she doesn't call, I guess I'll know. If she does I'm planning to decide the next time I see her if I actually will wait, or if she's jerking me around trying to be nice. I can only think of one good reason for all of the stuff she has done, but I'm not all that sure of it.

12-03-2003, 04:25 AM	#1 (permalink)
passthru Addict Location: Portland, OR	Trying to be nice, or just being confused? I met this girl a few years ago at my old school. I'm gonna call her Jane, cause writing this without names is too hard We would hang out together at school and go to get lunch, coffee, etc. I was interested in her, but at that point in my life, I was always really uncomfortable with relationship stuff, whether it be me asking a girl out or a girl asking me. That changed suddenly this summer, so I called Jane and got a date. She has always seemed worried about her body and physical safety, and I had talked to her only once in the past 20 months. So, although I was over my fear of initiating a relationship, I was worried I could easily make her feel uncomfortable.. A guy she knew but had seen once in almost two years wanting to kiss her.. So I made no moves. Everything else went great, and when I dropped her off she skipped up her driveway, I thought I had done well. The next time I saw her we were with friends, including one of her long time best friends ("Heather") and the guy that Heather was now sleeping with ("Mark"). About a month earlier, Jane and Mark had "a thing" for 3-4 days. Mark and Heather had started sleeping with each other in secret, and Jane was really hurt. After that night, Jane started avoiding me, not returning calls, etc. A few weeks later, we broke up and she said that she didn't want to be in a relationship because her heart had been broken, but we both wanted to hang out. Time went by and I was thinking of her a lot, so I called her up. I told her how great she is and how I don't think she got to know enough about me on our date because I was being reserved, and I said I wanted to wait until she was ready for a relationship. She said she'd just had her heart broken, and we should hang out more and be really close friends for the time being. We said we would call each other soon to go do something. Now a quick flashback. When we were in school, there was a girl who was trying to be friends with her, and basically following her around all the time. She was a nice girl, but Jane didn't like being followed around and wanted her do leave her alone a bit. But she wasn't telling her this. She drew attention to something, and quickly stepped away without the girl noticing. Only after being advised by myself and at least two other people that she should tell this girl she needed more space did she do so. I know Jane thinks I'm a NiceGuy. Is she trying to avoid hurting my feelings? She did go out with me when she didn't want to be in a relationship. She's saying her heart was broken over this guy she knew for less than a week. She's saying, after more than three months, that she JUST had her heart broken. So, I'm waiting for her to call me. If she doesn't call, I guess I'll know. If she does I'm planning to decide the next time I see her if I actually will wait, or if she's jerking me around trying to be nice. I can only think of one good reason for all of the stuff she has done, but I'm not all that sure of it.