Your Wisdom - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Randerolf · 11-20-2003, 09:37 PM

If you wanted to get rich, what would do? You'd probrablly ask a rich guy, "Hey, How did you get rich?"

I thought the same idea would apply to the relationship world.

I'm a 21-year-old guy with little to no datin experience and ahve read lots of stuff and given some tries in life. I always have an open mind, so I thought I'd make a thread.

What how do you get a good relationship (you can post all steps/ speak generally or focus on a certain section like "keeping the romance alive" or "getting started" for example. What makes your perspective credibilible (aka brag who "rich" you are or how many times you heart has been torn out)?

skysooner · 11-20-2003, 10:14 PM

To really have a good relationship, you need to be comfortable with yourself first. This does not mean that you have to start out that way with your SO, but it does help. My SO completes me, so in some ways being with her makes me feel better about myself. Give up any illusions. The person you are having a relationship with is not a perfect person. You are both going to have moments when you are irritable at life and with each other. If you argue, try to do it calmly. Yelling isn't really helpful to the situation. If you do something wrong, apologize immediately. Sometimes you apologize even when you aren't wrong. It is said that opposites attract. However long-term relationships succeed on our similarities. It is helpful to be with someone who is like you in more ways than one (i.e. like-minded). Before you get married, it is best to talk about such things as careers, job moves, children, etc. The fewer things that can come between you that you haven't discussed the better. Always spend at least 30 minutes to an hour each day talking to your spouse one-on-one without lots of interruptions. This is one of the most critical things. Always discuss things. Don't assume you know what your spouse is thinking. You are probably misinterpreting things. There are others, but this is a good start.

Wise1010 · 11-20-2003, 10:23 PM

I would have to agree about you needing to just be comfortable about yourself first. That's the big thing to any relationship...girls don't like guys whom are insecure about themselves. Be confident! Everyone has they're special qualities about them whether you see them or not. The best way to start a relationship is become good friends. First start talking with them, the best way to do that, if you're not the type that can just walk up to a girl and start a convo (like myself), is find someone you may work with or have classes with or somewhere you may come across a person more than one occasion and just talk about what you may have in common, why you are in that place. Once you get the first talk down it's soo much easier, trust me! Go out a couple of times just as friends, a movie or even just a walk or trip to the mall does great. Show that person who you really are when you can be alone with them. Then from that point you should have lil clues as to whether the person is actually interested in you or not and that's when you decide do I go on with this and go after a relationship? or just keep it at friends? But the best relationships usually come from being friends first cause you can build the trust up first. But I'm gonna leave it at this again, JUST BE YOURSELF!!

wilbjammin · 11-21-2003, 01:32 AM

I tell everyone that they should find themselves first, also. But I qualify it more. <i>Learn how to be comfortable alone.</i> I cannot emphasize enough how important this is for your own personal sanity in a relationship. Learning to make a relationship an addition to your life that helps round your life out rather than becoming a total environment and an emotional hegemony is so important. I can't proclaim to be an expert from having many experiences, but I know that where I am now (having recently had a very close relationship disintegrate because they girl freaked out at the possibility of commitment) that I have a good perspective on relationships compared to where I was before setting out to "conquer" myself. (Note: you can never truly conquer yourself.) Beyond that, be creative. Don't think you have to do things like everyone else has in the past because that worked for them. There aren't always just two options, there are as many options as you can imagine. Creativity can be shocking and throw things off at times, but if it comes in the right spirit of your true passionate feelings, then it will definitely help keep the spark alive. Fighting has never been a problem for me in relationships because I always phrase things that bother me in "I" terms. "I feel like ____ because when you said ____ I thought that meant ____" etc... Also consider why the other person is doing what they're doing, and try to understand where they are coming from before you take any offense. Don't be afraid to share yourself at all, if it doesn't work out and you were forthright and true to yourself then you didn't lose anything. And listen! Don't just listen, but think about what the other person is trying to tell you... as much as people try to say just what is on their mind, sometimes they need you to connect the dots a little. Show that you care, and don't lose your sense of humor. That's about all I've got off the top of my head right now.

11-20-2003, 09:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
Randerolf Fireball Location: ~	Your Wisdom If you wanted to get rich, what would do? You'd probrablly ask a rich guy, "Hey, How did you get rich?" I thought the same idea would apply to the relationship world. I'm a 21-year-old guy with little to no datin experience and ahve read lots of stuff and given some tries in life. I always have an open mind, so I thought I'd make a thread. What how do you get a good relationship (you can post all steps/ speak generally or focus on a certain section like "keeping the romance alive" or "getting started" for example. What makes your perspective credibilible (aka brag who "rich" you are or how many times you heart has been torn out)?

11-20-2003, 10:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
Wise1010 Upright Location: West Virginia	I would have to agree about you needing to just be comfortable about yourself first. That's the big thing to any relationship...girls don't like guys whom are insecure about themselves. Be confident! Everyone has they're special qualities about them whether you see them or not. The best way to start a relationship is become good friends. First start talking with them, the best way to do that, if you're not the type that can just walk up to a girl and start a convo (like myself), is find someone you may work with or have classes with or somewhere you may come across a person more than one occasion and just talk about what you may have in common, why you are in that place. Once you get the first talk down it's soo much easier, trust me! Go out a couple of times just as friends, a movie or even just a walk or trip to the mall does great. Show that person who you really are when you can be alone with them. Then from that point you should have lil clues as to whether the person is actually interested in you or not and that's when you decide do I go on with this and go after a relationship? or just keep it at friends? But the best relationships usually come from being friends first cause you can build the trust up first. But I'm gonna leave it at this again, JUST BE YOURSELF!! __________________ "Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to!"

11-21-2003, 01:32 AM	#4 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	I tell everyone that they should find themselves first, also. But I qualify it more. <i>Learn how to be comfortable alone.</i> I cannot emphasize enough how important this is for your own personal sanity in a relationship. Learning to make a relationship an addition to your life that helps round your life out rather than becoming a total environment and an emotional hegemony is so important. I can't proclaim to be an expert from having many experiences, but I know that where I am now (having recently had a very close relationship disintegrate because they girl freaked out at the possibility of commitment) that I have a good perspective on relationships compared to where I was before setting out to "conquer" myself. (Note: you can never truly conquer yourself.) Beyond that, be creative. Don't think you have to do things like everyone else has in the past because that worked for them. There aren't always just two options, there are as many options as you can imagine. Creativity can be shocking and throw things off at times, but if it comes in the right spirit of your true passionate feelings, then it will definitely help keep the spark alive. Fighting has never been a problem for me in relationships because I always phrase things that bother me in "I" terms. "I feel like ____ because when you said ____ I thought that meant ____" etc... Also consider why the other person is doing what they're doing, and try to understand where they are coming from before you take any offense. Don't be afraid to share yourself at all, if it doesn't work out and you were forthright and true to yourself then you didn't lose anything. And listen! Don't just listen, but think about what the other person is trying to tell you... as much as people try to say just what is on their mind, sometimes they need you to connect the dots a little. Show that you care, and don't lose your sense of humor. That's about all I've got off the top of my head right now. __________________ Innominate.

11-20-2003, 10:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	To really have a good relationship, you need to be comfortable with yourself first. This does not mean that you have to start out that way with your SO, but it does help. My SO completes me, so in some ways being with her makes me feel better about myself. Give up any illusions. The person you are having a relationship with is not a perfect person. You are both going to have moments when you are irritable at life and with each other. If you argue, try to do it calmly. Yelling isn't really helpful to the situation. If you do something wrong, apologize immediately. Sometimes you apologize even when you aren't wrong. It is said that opposites attract. However long-term relationships succeed on our similarities. It is helpful to be with someone who is like you in more ways than one (i.e. like-minded). Before you get married, it is best to talk about such things as careers, job moves, children, etc. The fewer things that can come between you that you haven't discussed the better. Always spend at least 30 minutes to an hour each day talking to your spouse one-on-one without lots of interruptions. This is one of the most critical things. Always discuss things. Don't assume you know what your spouse is thinking. You are probably misinterpreting things. There are others, but this is a good start.