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I tell everyone that they should find themselves first, also. But I qualify it more. <i>Learn how to be comfortable alone.</i> I cannot emphasize enough how important this is for your own personal sanity in a relationship. Learning to make a relationship an addition to your life that helps round your life out rather than becoming a total environment and an emotional hegemony is so important. I can't proclaim to be an expert from having many experiences, but I know that where I am now (having recently had a very close relationship disintegrate because they girl freaked out at the possibility of commitment) that I have a good perspective on relationships compared to where I was before setting out to "conquer" myself. (Note: you can never truly conquer yourself.) Beyond that, be creative. Don't think you have to do things like everyone else has in the past because that worked for them. There aren't always just two options, there are as many options as you can imagine. Creativity can be shocking and throw things off at times, but if it comes in the right spirit of your true passionate feelings, then it will definitely help keep the spark alive. Fighting has never been a problem for me in relationships because I always phrase things that bother me in "I" terms. "I feel like ____ because when you said ____ I thought that meant ____" etc... Also consider why the other person is doing what they're doing, and try to understand where they are coming from before you take any offense. Don't be afraid to share yourself at all, if it doesn't work out and you were forthright and true to yourself then you didn't lose anything. And listen! Don't just listen, but think about what the other person is trying to tell you... as much as people try to say just what is on their mind, sometimes they need you to connect the dots a little. Show that you care, and don't lose your sense of humor. That's about all I've got off the top of my head right now.
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Innominate.
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