Relationship woes (yet another thread) - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Kimminy Jicket · 11-01-2003, 09:53 AM

Hey all, this is my first thread but it seems like you guys give excellent advice and I've found myself in a relationship bind that I can't figure out. It's a real sappy high school type situation, but any advice would be great.
Alright me and this girl have been friends for a couple of years now, in that time she has dated a couple of guys, the last of which had a lasting effect on her (He moved up to Canada after they were together for 6 months, they tried to stay together but it didn't work), and a friend of mine has always had a little crush on her so I've seen her as "out of bounds". Recently though she and myself have been getting very close, both of us thought about dating and I asked her out, she said the timing wasn't great due to the fact she wasn't completely over her first boyfriend, but in a couple of weeks she would be ready. Then a couple of days ago we were at the movies and we were playing around and I pecked her on the lips, nothing big. She freaks out a little, saying she isn't ready and such. We go back to my place and while we are sitting there she pounces on me and we make out a bit. Now after this she freaks out again..saying she isn't ready, that in a week or 2 she might be fine, and eventually she heads home.
Now in the days since, she has avoided all physical contact with me, takes everything I say as an insult or a mean spirited comment (they aren't, and have to be interpreted quite weirdly to be taken as so), and flirts with pretty much anything with testosorone that she can find. All this has pretty much made it almost unbearable to be around her because it is so awkward. I didn't care if I was just friends or more with this girl, but it appears now that everything is ruined. Any ideas on what could be going through her head, how I can possibly save the potential relationship or at the very least the friendship, or anything else would be great.

DokuPuffs · 11-01-2003, 09:58 AM

Well don't let it get to you man. Take it as it comes! Just let if flow or you'll end up going insane...honestly =P

She just seams like she doesn't know what she wants, although you do! Just give her some time to sort out her own confusion. Don't let yourself get to attached and you'll be ok either way!

Oh and also you must remember: All girls are fucking crazy and therefore do crazy things!

raeanna74 · 11-01-2003, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by DokuPuffs
Oh and also you must remember: All girls are fucking crazy and therefore do crazy things!

Although I wouldn't say that this isn't true 24/7 we can be a bit nuts. If you keep this in mind then we won't make you go insane too.

I agree it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. Just avoid anything sexual in nature at all. No flirting even. Let her enjoy men for a little bit and maybe she'll get it all figured out. If not then you probably don't want to get serious with her anyway if she's going to take you on this kind of roller coaster ride all the time.

That does definately sound crazy. Good Luck.

Averett · 11-01-2003, 12:40 PM

It sounds like she's scared that she'll get hurt again... Just give her time and take things how it goes.

bermuDa · 11-01-2003, 02:15 PM

ex bf issues are a touchy subject, only they can know when they're ready to move on. Leave her alone and give her a chance to figure herself out. Sounds like being around her is dangerous for your friendship/potential relationship/mental health; back off and let her calm down.

analog · 11-01-2003, 06:03 PM

I've always been leary of the "healing time" concept... not that healing TAKES time, but to be able to say to someone, "talk to me in a week or two" is kinda weird, and has always struck me as a cover for another, larger issue.

More to the point, she may be trying to get with the other guy, or even some other random guy, and figures if she can't get him in the next 2 weeks, it can't be done, so you'll be WAITING ON BASE for her.

A girl who asks you to wait like that is not asking for space, they're asking for you to sit outside the store like a good little doggy and wait until they're done "shopping".

I'm not bitter, this just happens to be what I've always heard and experienced.

Kimminy Jicket · 11-02-2003, 09:20 AM

Well she seems to be after someone completely different now. Although she is too nice to say "I don't want to see you ever again", she is making it pretty clear that she doesn't enjoy the time we spend together. I guess she is just having trouble making up her mind, and I was just a stepping stone to get across or what have you.

Thanks for the advice guys

DokuPuffs · 11-02-2003, 11:27 AM

Well I bet you were just on the wrong ladder...

According to the <a href="http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html" target="_blank">Ladder Theory</a>.

Maybe it's a stretch but makes some interesting points!

motdakasha · 11-02-2003, 04:51 PM

i would try to have a private talk with her. let her know that no matter what she's going through, you're still interested in being friends with her. that it's okay if you're just friends. that you can wait patiently for when she's ready, if she's ready. it sounds to me like she's overanalyzing/paranoid that any friendly gesture you make toward her is an advance.

Kimminy Jicket · 11-02-2003, 07:09 PM

lol, when i first talked to her i printed off the ladder theory and made her point which I was on

It was the good ladder then, a whole 3 weeks ago! Damn confusing females.

motdakasha I told her that, it's one of the things she admires about me or something. Doesn't seem to affect her decision to cut me out.

11-01-2003, 09:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
Kimminy Jicket Upright	Relationship woes (yet another thread) Hey all, this is my first thread but it seems like you guys give excellent advice and I've found myself in a relationship bind that I can't figure out. It's a real sappy high school type situation, but any advice would be great. Alright me and this girl have been friends for a couple of years now, in that time she has dated a couple of guys, the last of which had a lasting effect on her (He moved up to Canada after they were together for 6 months, they tried to stay together but it didn't work), and a friend of mine has always had a little crush on her so I've seen her as "out of bounds". Recently though she and myself have been getting very close, both of us thought about dating and I asked her out, she said the timing wasn't great due to the fact she wasn't completely over her first boyfriend, but in a couple of weeks she would be ready. Then a couple of days ago we were at the movies and we were playing around and I pecked her on the lips, nothing big. She freaks out a little, saying she isn't ready and such. We go back to my place and while we are sitting there she pounces on me and we make out a bit. Now after this she freaks out again..saying she isn't ready, that in a week or 2 she might be fine, and eventually she heads home. Now in the days since, she has avoided all physical contact with me, takes everything I say as an insult or a mean spirited comment (they aren't, and have to be interpreted quite weirdly to be taken as so), and flirts with pretty much anything with testosorone that she can find. All this has pretty much made it almost unbearable to be around her because it is so awkward. I didn't care if I was just friends or more with this girl, but it appears now that everything is ruined. Any ideas on what could be going through her head, how I can possibly save the potential relationship or at the very least the friendship, or anything else would be great.

11-01-2003, 09:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
DokuPuffs Upright Location: Greenwood, IN	Well don't let it get to you man. Take it as it comes! Just let if flow or you'll end up going insane...honestly =P She just seams like she doesn't know what she wants, although you do! Just give her some time to sort out her own confusion. Don't let yourself get to attached and you'll be ok either way! Oh and also you must remember: All girls are fucking crazy and therefore do crazy things! __________________ Wtf ever.

11-01-2003, 12:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	It sounds like she's scared that she'll get hurt again... Just give her time and take things how it goes. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

11-01-2003, 02:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	ex bf issues are a touchy subject, only they can know when they're ready to move on. Leave her alone and give her a chance to figure herself out. Sounds like being around her is dangerous for your friendship/potential relationship/mental health; back off and let her calm down. __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

11-02-2003, 09:20 AM	#7 (permalink)
Kimminy Jicket Upright	Well she seems to be after someone completely different now. Although she is too nice to say "I don't want to see you ever again", she is making it pretty clear that she doesn't enjoy the time we spend together. I guess she is just having trouble making up her mind, and I was just a stepping stone to get across or what have you. Thanks for the advice guys Last edited by Kimminy Jicket; 11-02-2003 at 10:49 AM..

11-01-2003, 06:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
analog Banned	I've always been leary of the "healing time" concept... not that healing TAKES time, but to be able to say to someone, "talk to me in a week or two" is kinda weird, and has always struck me as a cover for another, larger issue. More to the point, she may be trying to get with the other guy, or even some other random guy, and figures if she can't get him in the next 2 weeks, it can't be done, so you'll be WAITING ON BASE for her. A girl who asks you to wait like that is not asking for space, they're asking for you to sit outside the store like a good little doggy and wait until they're done "shopping". I'm not bitter, this just happens to be what I've always heard and experienced.

11-02-2003, 11:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
DokuPuffs Upright Location: Greenwood, IN	Well I bet you were just on the wrong ladder... According to the <a href="http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html" target="_blank">Ladder Theory</a>. Maybe it's a stretch but makes some interesting points! __________________ Wtf ever.

11-02-2003, 04:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	i would try to have a private talk with her. let her know that no matter what she's going through, you're still interested in being friends with her. that it's okay if you're just friends. that you can wait patiently for when she's ready, if she's ready. it sounds to me like she's overanalyzing/paranoid that any friendly gesture you make toward her is an advance. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

11-02-2003, 07:09 PM	#10 (permalink)
Kimminy Jicket Upright	lol, when i first talked to her i printed off the ladder theory and made her point which I was on It was the good ladder then, a whole 3 weeks ago! Damn confusing females. motdakasha I told her that, it's one of the things she admires about me or something. Doesn't seem to affect her decision to cut me out.