Anyone got some advice? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Eldaire · 10-31-2003, 01:40 AM

My situation is described in a post called "Just Friends" located here .

Basically I really like this girl, but she's kinda in love with another guy. We were close like kissing and stuff for a while, but now the best I can get is to put my arm around her. The guy she loves cheats on her and stuff, but I think she's still waiting on him anyway. I've decided to just call it quits. I still like her a lot, but I think this is a dead end. Any advice?

Charlatan · 10-31-2003, 04:20 AM

Move on. There are many more women out there. Stop spinning your wheels with someone who is into someone else.

jvwgtr · 10-31-2003, 04:35 AM

I think you're absolutely got it right when you said it's a dead end.
There's nothing worse than chasing after somebody who's emotionally unavailable.
Go for somebody who just wants to be with you, this other girl may just like having you around as a backup --to fill in the gaps left by her cheating boyfriend.
You deserve to be happy!

ratbastid · 10-31-2003, 04:37 AM

No sense waiting for something that may or may not ever show up. Don't shut the door, just don't have your heart set on walking through it.

mistered · 10-31-2003, 04:57 AM

Move on. It might not be a bad idea to tell her to let you know when she's done with this guy.

Averett · 10-31-2003, 05:19 AM

You already said it... its a dead end.

skysooner · 10-31-2003, 08:41 AM

No reason to give her anymore time. It is time to move on and meet other women.

vveronica · 10-31-2003, 09:24 AM

Easiest way to say it. is to let her know how you feel and then say your moving on. you might just hear from her some day... odds are not. But dont like light a candle and sit in the window waiting.... If you want pm me... perhaps i could help more..

analog · 11-02-2003, 11:54 PM

Sorry man, I know how you feel. Lucky for you, though, you have already accepted it's a dead end... that's the hardest part... harder than the wanting, the loving, the perpetual defeat... facing the end and accepting it is top-notch work. You'll find someone else, you'll love again, you'll be fine. Best of luck.

jbrooks544 · 11-03-2003, 12:37 PM

All good advises, above. What you might find is that it might happen at some point in the future. If so, great, if not, so what. Date other girls and maybe some in the same group of friends. Then, she won't be able to help thinking "what's he like if she thinks he's so hot". Girls sometimes think guys with girls are hotter than guys without girls who try too hard.

The.Lunatic · 11-03-2003, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jvwgtr
I think you're absolutely got it right when you said it's a dead end.
There's nothing worse than chasing after somebody who's emotionally unavailable.
Go for somebody who just wants to be with you, this other girl may just like having you around as a backup --to fill in the gaps left by her cheating boyfriend.
You deserve to be happy!

Hit it on the head their bud, i'm in the same boat sorta as you, my girl is just not really available, but instead of another guy its like her idea of what her life should be i just don't think i fit in there so i'm looking into other girls, and if i find one that legitimatly wants to spend time with me i'll give her ago, tell her the doors alwasy open, and that you a big boy, and its not that hard to control yourself (sober an ywho) so she can still hang out/around with you. Then move on who knows maybe she'll get jelous wonder what all the fuss is about and you'll get the girl you want. and maybe a new one you find will be infintily better.

Eldaire · 11-04-2003, 12:03 AM

She came back! Yay! Yay! She came back! Rejoice! Rejoice!

Mantus · 11-04-2003, 06:20 AM

I believe the corect term for you is an "intellectual whore". Better described at:

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Though I obviously take that website with a big grain of salt.

You seem like a cool guys and have novel aspects about you. I think it’s important for you to move on and open your options. I am not saying you should become a skank. I am simply saying that while you are waiting for this girl to make up her mind you could be missing opportunities to meet other people in your life. Remember that just because you want to have sex with her doesn’t mean that she is the “one” for you. The really funny thing is that once you start looking for other women this chick will probably start to want you more. Its lame I know but some (note “some”) women are real masochists, being ignored and abused by a guy makes them like him… If this happens then you got two options: use her as a sex toy, this is actually not as dishonorable option as it sounds since she will probably get off at being taken advantage of. The other option is RUN! Seriously, I know you think you are her friend right now, but ask yourself honestly, do you really care or do you just want to get laid, if it’s the later then she is not worth it.

Yah i am just going on my intuition here since i really dont know all that much about you or her, so feel free to flame me for my ignorance.

EruptiveDreamz · 11-04-2003, 07:36 AM

I think you have already faced the biggest part of of the challenge and thats admitting to yourself that this isn't everything you hoped it would be. I give you alot of courage for opening up your eyes and seeing things for what they really appear to be. I think moving forward won't be a hard as you may think it will be once you start on that road forward. And as far she goes I think if you stayed around and waited for this whole thing to finally fizzle out to an end you would just be placing yourself into rebound type of situation. Go forward and find someone that can and will care for you for who you are!

Eldaire · 11-04-2003, 03:38 PM

Mantus,

Not to flame you for ignorance or sound like a lame soap opeara, but it's not about the sex. I just care about her and I wish she would care about me. I hope she does! We kissed and stuff last night. I'll keep you posted.

Loup · 11-04-2003, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eldaire
She came back! Yay! Yay! She came back! Rejoice! Rejoice!
...
I just care about her and I wish she would care about me. I hope she does! We kissed and stuff last night. I'll keep you posted.

So has she left the other guy or what? Are they on a break and going back to you as a buffer untill things smoothe over with the dude? I don't want to sound negative towards your situation, but it would be good to get some more background information - but from what I'm getting, it sounds as if she is being selfish.

Eldaire · 11-05-2003, 10:18 PM

Well, you were right. Damn. Gone again. Oh well. It's through. Strange though, I'm not so upset now. She was being selfish. I've seen through her and I didn't see anything that made me want to stay anymore. Heh. "Good friends." I'm not even sure if I want to be that now that I've seen how self-centered she can be.

tecoyah · 11-08-2003, 06:20 PM

IN five years......ask again

Glad-I-Ate-Her · 11-08-2003, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eldaire
Well, you were right. Damn. Gone again. Oh well. It's through. Strange though, I'm not so upset now. She was being selfish. I've seen through her and I didn't see anything that made me want to stay anymore. Heh. "Good friends." I'm not even sure if I want to be that now that I've seen how self-centered she can be.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be. She may have done you a favor. At least you found out not instead of later when it got too personal and heavy. This can only make you stronger.

Glad

hy_ · 11-08-2003, 09:40 PM

"Common symptom of stage 1 ONE-ITIS are the following:

-thinking she's so much different from any girl you've met.
-thinking she is the most beautiful girl in the world.
-thinking she is very innocent and moral.
" -from plan9

Sounds familiar? go on with your life. keep yourself in the picture but look for other girls. good luck.

10-31-2003, 01:40 AM	#1 (permalink)
Eldaire Loser Location: Davidson College, NC	Anyone got some advice? My situation is described in a post called "Just Friends" located here . Basically I really like this girl, but she's kinda in love with another guy. We were close like kissing and stuff for a while, but now the best I can get is to put my arm around her. The guy she loves cheats on her and stuff, but I think she's still waiting on him anyway. I've decided to just call it quits. I still like her a lot, but I think this is a dead end. Any advice?

10-31-2003, 04:20 AM	#2 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Move on. There are many more women out there. Stop spinning your wheels with someone who is into someone else. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

10-31-2003, 05:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	You already said it... its a dead end. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-31-2003, 09:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	Easiest way to say it. is to let her know how you feel and then say your moving on. you might just hear from her some day... odds are not. But dont like light a candle and sit in the window waiting.... If you want pm me... perhaps i could help more.. __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

11-04-2003, 07:36 AM	#14 (permalink)
EruptiveDreamz Crazy Location: Good Ol' Iowa.. Home of The Hawkeyes	I think you have already faced the biggest part of of the challenge and thats admitting to yourself that this isn't everything you hoped it would be. I give you alot of courage for opening up your eyes and seeing things for what they really appear to be. I think moving forward won't be a hard as you may think it will be once you start on that road forward. And as far she goes I think if you stayed around and waited for this whole thing to finally fizzle out to an end you would just be placing yourself into rebound type of situation. Go forward and find someone that can and will care for you for who you are! __________________ Can you imagine Moses asking Congress to pass the ten commandments?

10-31-2003, 04:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
jvwgtr Completely bananas Location: Florida	I think you're absolutely got it right when you said it's a dead end. There's nothing worse than chasing after somebody who's emotionally unavailable. Go for somebody who just wants to be with you, this other girl may just like having you around as a backup --to fill in the gaps left by her cheating boyfriend. You deserve to be happy!

10-31-2003, 04:37 AM	#4 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	No sense waiting for something that may or may not ever show up. Don't shut the door, just don't have your heart set on walking through it.

10-31-2003, 04:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
mistered Tilted	Move on. It might not be a bad idea to tell her to let you know when she's done with this guy.

10-31-2003, 08:41 AM	#7 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	No reason to give her anymore time. It is time to move on and meet other women.

11-02-2003, 11:54 PM	#9 (permalink)
analog Banned	Sorry man, I know how you feel. Lucky for you, though, you have already accepted it's a dead end... that's the hardest part... harder than the wanting, the loving, the perpetual defeat... facing the end and accepting it is top-notch work. You'll find someone else, you'll love again, you'll be fine. Best of luck.

11-03-2003, 12:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
jbrooks544 Addict	All good advises, above. What you might find is that it might happen at some point in the future. If so, great, if not, so what. Date other girls and maybe some in the same group of friends. Then, she won't be able to help thinking "what's he like if she thinks he's so hot". Girls sometimes think guys with girls are hotter than guys without girls who try too hard.

11-04-2003, 12:03 AM	#12 (permalink)
Eldaire Loser Location: Davidson College, NC	She came back! Yay! Yay! She came back! Rejoice! Rejoice!

11-04-2003, 06:20 AM	#13 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	I believe the corect term for you is an "intellectual whore". Better described at: http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html Though I obviously take that website with a big grain of salt. You seem like a cool guys and have novel aspects about you. I think it’s important for you to move on and open your options. I am not saying you should become a skank. I am simply saying that while you are waiting for this girl to make up her mind you could be missing opportunities to meet other people in your life. Remember that just because you want to have sex with her doesn’t mean that she is the “one” for you. The really funny thing is that once you start looking for other women this chick will probably start to want you more. Its lame I know but some (note “some”) women are real masochists, being ignored and abused by a guy makes them like him… If this happens then you got two options: use her as a sex toy, this is actually not as dishonorable option as it sounds since she will probably get off at being taken advantage of. The other option is RUN! Seriously, I know you think you are her friend right now, but ask yourself honestly, do you really care or do you just want to get laid, if it’s the later then she is not worth it. Yah i am just going on my intuition here since i really dont know all that much about you or her, so feel free to flame me for my ignorance.

11-04-2003, 03:38 PM	#15 (permalink)
Eldaire Loser Location: Davidson College, NC	Mantus, Not to flame you for ignorance or sound like a lame soap opeara, but it's not about the sex. I just care about her and I wish she would care about me. I hope she does! We kissed and stuff last night. I'll keep you posted.

11-05-2003, 10:18 PM	#17 (permalink)
Eldaire Loser Location: Davidson College, NC	Well, you were right. Damn. Gone again. Oh well. It's through. Strange though, I'm not so upset now. She was being selfish. I've seen through her and I didn't see anything that made me want to stay anymore. Heh. "Good friends." I'm not even sure if I want to be that now that I've seen how self-centered she can be.

11-08-2003, 06:20 PM	#18 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	IN five years......ask again __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

11-08-2003, 09:40 PM	#20 (permalink)
hy_ Crazy	"Common symptom of stage 1 ONE-ITIS are the following: -thinking she's so much different from any girl you've met. -thinking she is the most beautiful girl in the world. -thinking she is very innocent and moral. " -from plan9 Sounds familiar? go on with your life. keep yourself in the picture but look for other girls. good luck.