The Nice guy... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mojo_PeiPei · 10-12-2003, 05:04 PM

Sorry if this is a repeat but I am too lazy to look it up.

This is to the ladies or anyone that has some insight. So my situation is I'm 18 and never really been involved with a lady. This is what I believe is due to the fact that I am stigmatized ( I think thats a word...) as the nice guy. I have many friends who are girls, some of my best friends are girls. I have no real trouble dealing with them as friends. At the same time I find myself attrached to many of them, but I am too much of a pussy to do anything about it. I'm perplexed at it, I'm not dense and I know flirting when I see, and it goes on.

So here is what it comes down to... Is it a thing of confidence? I hate those would be "cocky Abercrombie-Jocks" , prolly cause their the ones that get the girls. They treat the girls like dirt for the most part cause they are in it for the ass, yada yada. Is it because I'm a friend??? I always thought that was a big part as far as relationships go. Does being a friend put me out of the equation? I am doomed to wander the earth alone like the Hulk? Also I think the ladies like to piss me off, I always get the good compliments like I am cute or sexy (not trying to toot my horn...) or like how I'm a good guy, but at the same time I see them go out with total dusche's. I know cause I get compliments doesn't mean that their in to me, but I would assume at least they notice me. So what's the deal, I need some help, any insight would be very much appreciated, thanks for listening and I apologize ahead of time for you reading my rant. Thank you and good night.

ARTelevision · 10-12-2003, 05:08 PM

A general comment:

Being too lazy to look something up is not an acceptable excuse here.
We are a community of shared responsibility.
If you disregard the types of responsibilities we share, you are showing disrespect to our community.
Showing disregard and disrespect is not a way to gain respect here or anywhere.

collide · 10-12-2003, 05:13 PM

Being a nice guy does not mean that you cannot be assertive and persistent without being a total asshole. Try it some time. It may just be that some girl is waiting for you to make the first move. Don't get discouraged by rejection.

10-12-2003, 06:36 PM

Its because, nice guys are the norm and submissive and usually compliant. Condifdence it becoming a hard to find quality and some (not all) nice guys will let a women step all over them which is a very unattractive quality. You think, because some men, don't put a women on a pedstal hes being a jerk, when really, he is being the exception to the rule, something diffrent and differcult to get. Alot of men don't understand that attraction is COMPLETELY illogical for the most part. My advice to you..

1. Forget about dating your freinds, focus on meeting new people.
2. A women will decided pretty quickly if your freind or relationship material, make it clear from the begining that your instrested in a relationship
3. Get over thinking that you can't and won't find a partner. You never will unless you start trying.

Booboo · 10-12-2003, 07:26 PM

I'm very similar Mojo... dont know why. Its not even like I dont have confidence.

I think my main problem is that I am too whatever. I'm too easy - going. I know girls have shown interest before.. I just never do anything about it, Even though I would not feel uncomfortable if I did... I never get flustered or anything around girls. I dont really know why.

I do understand where your coming from though. Always seem to be overlooked while they go out with jackasses (not always the case). I'm working on it though=) Like someone else said.. meet someone new, dont go for your friends. If your going to act assertive I think it would be better with someone who doesn't really know you. You can creat a new image of yourself to this person.

Good luck !

rogue49 · 10-12-2003, 07:40 PM

Problem is that at your age, girls are looking for something
different, wild, exciting.

It's only after they've been burned a few that they realize
that there might be something to those who show a bit more respect and consistency.

Not boring, but not a flake either.

My suggestion is this...
You are 18,
go out, have fun, live life, explore, party, enjoy.
Focus on yourself, and your own experimentations.

And as you live, and become more confident out in the world.
women will find you more "interesting"
Something that PERKS their interest, translates into desire.

Mojo_PeiPei · 10-12-2003, 07:59 PM

Thanks for the advice, I suppose most of this is just frustration. I'm not really all that bothered by it, especially when I see all the drama that folks put up with at this age. I hear what you guys are saying about meeting new gals and I am down, but I'm not very assertive, I am flirtatious, but I am not the kind of guy that spits game, so sooner or later the ladies just end up as friends anyways and we are back to square one.

Plan9Senior · 10-12-2003, 08:23 PM

Mojo_PeiPei, go check out my thread on how to get girls. I made it exactly for people like you. Hope it can help

Here is the link: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=31052

Mojo_PeiPei · 10-12-2003, 08:56 PM

I've checked it out, noticed alot of stuff that is useful to my situation, so for that I thank you

Johnny Rotten · 10-12-2003, 09:32 PM

Sounds like you're going after the wrong women, respectfully. The girls that take shit from jocks usually aren't worth your time, at least not at this stage in their lives. I suggest you find a new place to hang out, meet some new people, don't worry about relationships, and I think you'll soon find a nice, cute girl who isn't looking for a man to be their emotional boyfriend half while they get their sexual boyfriend half from someone else.

Harshaw · 10-12-2003, 11:01 PM

I have had a lot of female friends that I would have loved to date. I spent 7 years hanging out with them waiting for them to ask me out, of couse because of the delay we would end up as just friends with very little to do about it. Once a girl is your friend, it is very hard to rewire them.

Just remember these words: Girls. Never. Make. The. First. Move.

Ok, sometimes they do, but pretend they don't.

Darth_Kettch · 10-13-2003, 08:01 AM

Im surprized no-one has posted the Master Ladder thing yet

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/ladderintro.html

I know exactly where you're coming from, I have it the same way, though I no longer aquire new friendships with women unless I want to be merely friends.
The key is to establish yourself as a potential bf from day one.

WhatAboutBob · 10-13-2003, 10:34 AM

I was always construed as the "nice guy" growing up, and here is how the story ended:

Instead of sleeping with 100 girls a couple times, I slept with a handful of girls hundreds of times.

I also ended up with a gorgeous wife who wouldn't change me for the World.

Just have fun for crying out loud, enjoy your youth.

10-12-2003, 05:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mojo_PeiPei Kiss of Death Location: Perpetual wind and sorrow	The Nice guy... Sorry if this is a repeat but I am too lazy to look it up. This is to the ladies or anyone that has some insight. So my situation is I'm 18 and never really been involved with a lady. This is what I believe is due to the fact that I am stigmatized ( I think thats a word...) as the nice guy. I have many friends who are girls, some of my best friends are girls. I have no real trouble dealing with them as friends. At the same time I find myself attrached to many of them, but I am too much of a pussy to do anything about it. I'm perplexed at it, I'm not dense and I know flirting when I see, and it goes on. So here is what it comes down to... Is it a thing of confidence? I hate those would be "cocky Abercrombie-Jocks" , prolly cause their the ones that get the girls. They treat the girls like dirt for the most part cause they are in it for the ass, yada yada. Is it because I'm a friend??? I always thought that was a big part as far as relationships go. Does being a friend put me out of the equation? I am doomed to wander the earth alone like the Hulk? Also I think the ladies like to piss me off, I always get the good compliments like I am cute or sexy (not trying to toot my horn...) or like how I'm a good guy, but at the same time I see them go out with total dusche's. I know cause I get compliments doesn't mean that their in to me, but I would assume at least they notice me. So what's the deal, I need some help, any insight would be very much appreciated, thanks for listening and I apologize ahead of time for you reading my rant. Thank you and good night. __________________ To win a war you must serve no master but your ambition.

10-12-2003, 05:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
ARTelevision I change Location: USA	A general comment: Being too lazy to look something up is not an acceptable excuse here. We are a community of shared responsibility. If you disregard the types of responsibilities we share, you are showing disrespect to our community. Showing disregard and disrespect is not a way to gain respect here or anywhere. __________________ create evolution

10-12-2003, 05:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
collide Turn off your TV. Location: ... .- -. ..-. .-. .- -. -.-. .. ... -.-. --- --..-- -.-. .-	Being a nice guy does not mean that you cannot be assertive and persistent without being a total asshole. Try it some time. It may just be that some girl is waiting for you to make the first move. Don't get discouraged by rejection. __________________ "inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

10-12-2003, 07:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
Booboo Insane	I'm very similar Mojo... dont know why. Its not even like I dont have confidence. I think my main problem is that I am too whatever. I'm too easy - going. I know girls have shown interest before.. I just never do anything about it, Even though I would not feel uncomfortable if I did... I never get flustered or anything around girls. I dont really know why. I do understand where your coming from though. Always seem to be overlooked while they go out with jackasses (not always the case). I'm working on it though=) Like someone else said.. meet someone new, dont go for your friends. If your going to act assertive I think it would be better with someone who doesn't really know you. You can creat a new image of yourself to this person. Good luck ! __________________ "Your life is yours to live, go out and live it" - Richard Rahl

10-12-2003, 07:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mojo_PeiPei Kiss of Death Location: Perpetual wind and sorrow	Thanks for the advice, I suppose most of this is just frustration. I'm not really all that bothered by it, especially when I see all the drama that folks put up with at this age. I hear what you guys are saying about meeting new gals and I am down, but I'm not very assertive, I am flirtatious, but I am not the kind of guy that spits game, so sooner or later the ladies just end up as friends anyways and we are back to square one. __________________ To win a war you must serve no master but your ambition.

10-12-2003, 06:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
NotMinus Guest	Its because, nice guys are the norm and submissive and usually compliant. Condifdence it becoming a hard to find quality and some (not all) nice guys will let a women step all over them which is a very unattractive quality. You think, because some men, don't put a women on a pedstal hes being a jerk, when really, he is being the exception to the rule, something diffrent and differcult to get. Alot of men don't understand that attraction is COMPLETELY illogical for the most part. My advice to you.. 1. Forget about dating your freinds, focus on meeting new people. 2. A women will decided pretty quickly if your freind or relationship material, make it clear from the begining that your instrested in a relationship 3. Get over thinking that you can't and won't find a partner. You never will unless you start trying.

10-12-2003, 07:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	Problem is that at your age, girls are looking for something different, wild, exciting. It's only after they've been burned a few that they realize that there might be something to those who show a bit more respect and consistency. Not boring, but not a flake either. My suggestion is this... You are 18, go out, have fun, live life, explore, party, enjoy. Focus on yourself, and your own experimentations. And as you live, and become more confident out in the world. women will find you more "interesting" Something that PERKS their interest, translates into desire.

10-12-2003, 08:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
Plan9Senior Banned Location: Orange County, California	Mojo_PeiPei, go check out my thread on how to get girls. I made it exactly for people like you. Hope it can help Here is the link: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=31052

10-12-2003, 08:56 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mojo_PeiPei Kiss of Death Location: Perpetual wind and sorrow	I've checked it out, noticed alot of stuff that is useful to my situation, so for that I thank you __________________ To win a war you must serve no master but your ambition.

10-12-2003, 09:32 PM	#10 (permalink)
Johnny Rotten lost and found Location: Berkeley	Sounds like you're going after the wrong women, respectfully. The girls that take shit from jocks usually aren't worth your time, at least not at this stage in their lives. I suggest you find a new place to hang out, meet some new people, don't worry about relationships, and I think you'll soon find a nice, cute girl who isn't looking for a man to be their emotional boyfriend half while they get their sexual boyfriend half from someone else. __________________ "The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

10-12-2003, 11:01 PM	#11 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	I have had a lot of female friends that I would have loved to date. I spent 7 years hanging out with them waiting for them to ask me out, of couse because of the delay we would end up as just friends with very little to do about it. Once a girl is your friend, it is very hard to rewire them. Just remember these words: Girls. Never. Make. The. First. Move. Ok, sometimes they do, but pretend they don't. __________________ This too shall pass.

10-13-2003, 08:01 AM	#12 (permalink)
Darth_Kettch Insane Location: Norway	Im surprized no-one has posted the Master Ladder thing yet http://www.intellectualwhores.com/ladderintro.html I know exactly where you're coming from, I have it the same way, though I no longer aquire new friendships with women unless I want to be merely friends. The key is to establish yourself as a potential bf from day one.

10-13-2003, 10:34 AM	#13 (permalink)
WhatAboutBob Upright Location: Detroit	I was always construed as the "nice guy" growing up, and here is how the story ended: Instead of sleeping with 100 girls a couple times, I slept with a handful of girls hundreds of times. I also ended up with a gorgeous wife who wouldn't change me for the World. Just have fun for crying out loud, enjoy your youth.