Girlfriend smokes.. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

nfa · 08-31-2003, 03:37 AM

My girlfriend smokes. I don't. I don't ask anything of her really, but I really can't stand the smoking thing, and I've told her. She doesn't do it that much, but it still bugs me. I hate the taste and I hate it in general, it's such a disgusting habit.

Is there a way of helping her quit, or is it something I'm just gonna have to put up with? It is a bit of a touchy issue with her.. If I talk about how bad smoking is, or comment on how I can't stand it, she tells me how she won't let guys control her and guys that try and control her go out the door. I think i could put up with it... just. But if there's another solution I'd gladly take it.

Can anyone help?
Thanks in advance

N'fa

Spidey · 08-31-2003, 04:13 AM

If she really likes you then her will power alone should help her through. But nobody can do it alone so probably get some nicotine patches or something. I have a mate who used them, didn't help striaght away but it did slowly reduce his dependency for the smokes.

JBX · 08-31-2003, 04:25 AM

Don't Push. You voiced your displeasure, now see what she thinks of you and her own well being. Mine quit after two years of working at it.

Alfer · 08-31-2003, 04:38 AM

take up chewing tobacco

Journeyman · 08-31-2003, 05:19 AM

In relation to what spidey said, I started smoking at 13. Got up to a pack a day by 14 or so. I musta tried to quit 10 or 12 times, the longest having been for 3 days without a smoke (which was, oddly, the first time I tried quitting). Then when I was 16 I started pining for this girl who didn't like me smoking. Took me one try to knock it off completely and utterly, smokeless for 3 years now.

So, make of that what you will.

HeAtHeN · 08-31-2003, 06:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Alfer
take up chewing tobacco

Lip cancer IS more attractive than lung cancer!!!

tisonlyi · 08-31-2003, 06:26 AM

Tell her she can smoke as much as she likes, but you ain't tasting that mouth after she's polluted it, and you don't want your air polluted either.

So, she smokes away from you, well away, and has to chew mints or brush her teeth before you'll go near her mouth again.

Always worked for me.

Averett · 08-31-2003, 07:43 AM

Yeah, what tisonlyi said

"Okay, smoke all you like. I juwt wont be kissing you."

How long have you been dating her?

LaughinMon · 08-31-2003, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Alfer
take up chewing tobacco

yes, maybe if you take up chewing tobacco and be real disgusting with it, she'll see the error in her ways!

quantumburnz · 08-31-2003, 09:08 AM

it's tough to change people. She's kinda gotta wana quit for herself. However, I more than agree. Girls that smoke.. well, it's just a disguisting habit.

goof7ball · 08-31-2003, 09:35 AM

Yah, she needs to quit for herself, but you also need to take care of ~yourself~. Ask her if she plans on ever trying to quit, and if so, if she would let you help her. If not, then do you see the relationshop going anywhere?

I just can't understand why people still suck on cancer sticks- it smells bad, makes your teeth brown, makes your lungs black, and best of all will probably kill you.

Prince · 08-31-2003, 09:42 AM

Ewww....

I've always tried to steer clear from people who smoke. I hate to have to do that, but with me just the smell of smoked tobacco triggers a migraine attack. It's not worth putting up with, it just isn't. It's a lame-ass habit, and extremely unhealthy to boot. Drinking in moderation I can handle, and if someone wants to smoke weed now and then, fine. But I cannot imagine living with a smoker.

I don't know your girl, but based on what you said it doesn't sound like she appreciates you trying to change her. Some chicks are like that, and I think it has to do with how many girls these days automatically assume that they are being somehow oppressed because of their gender. I blame it on all that "grrl powr" bullshit that is so popular among bubble gum chewing teenies now.

Voice your opinion clearly, as I am sure you have. If she isn't ready to meet you halfway at all, then maybe you need to reconsider your choices. The question is not whether you can put up with her habit, it is rather whether you should have to, or whether it is worth it to begin with.

tikki · 08-31-2003, 10:24 AM

If it bothers you that bad, she should quit. Fucking nasty if you ask me...

meff · 08-31-2003, 09:15 PM

So why did you hook up with her if you knew she did something you didn't like?

soxsfans · 09-01-2003, 05:25 AM

Tell her if its the oral fixation that she has that needs to satiated, then you have something for her to smoke anytime she feels the urge!

Spidey · 09-01-2003, 06:22 AM

i mean to let her know how bad it is you could always bring breath mints and before you kiss her ask her to take one. HEHE

motdakasha · 09-01-2003, 06:38 AM

1. *echo* Nagging her to quit (" how bad smoking is, or comment on how I can't stand it") is one way of trying to control her. If I were her, and I have been in her position in the past, I would get annoyed or pissed from the pressure to quit. That's not going to be helpful.

2. You can't make her quit. She has to want to do it on her own accord. It's still up to her no matter how much you try to convince or pressure her to quit. She has to decide on her own. It's much more difficult to quit for someone else when you don't want to. And think about how selfish that sounds (disregarding the health factor).

3. *echo* If you can't stand it, why did you start dating her?

BoCo · 09-01-2003, 07:02 AM

If you want her to stop, show her some women on their 30's and 40's who have smoked half their lives and tell her that's what she'll look like someday....because she will. Be sure to point out the ugly vertical wrinkles right above their lips.

Sledge · 09-01-2003, 10:39 AM

Don't pressure or nag at her. That IS control, whether or not you feel justified.

What you can do is set your own limits without pushing her to do what you want. Don't kiss her after she's been smoking. Avoid her smoke buddies. Claim your rights. Smoking would be a dumb issue to break up over, obviously.

rogue49 · 09-01-2003, 11:06 AM

I wouldn't nag
I many can ignore the more long-term health issues.

However, a good one to keep reminding her of is
how much money she can save by not smoking.

With all the taxes and fees added on these days,
and with the tobacco companies trying to recoup their losses,
cigarettes have become a very expensive habit.

And join her in the gym, because once she does try,
there might be some weight gain.

Good luck.

juanvaldes · 09-01-2003, 11:51 AM

Tell her it's you or the smokes.

If she loves the smokes more then you why do you want to be with her?

Blue · 09-01-2003, 12:28 PM

bribe her with sex for not smoking.

if she smokes, no riding the one-eyed wonder mobile.

juanvaldes · 09-01-2003, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue
bribe her with sex for not smoking.

if she smokes, no riding the one-eyed wonder mobile.

I think that will only work when your trying to get the man to quit

dannoxxxx · 09-01-2003, 02:37 PM

yeah, i guess she is probably addicted and uses smoking as a way to relieve stress. Introducing her to exercise and a better diet would help her ease out of her reliance on smokes. ALthough since it is easier to light up a smoke then do the exercise thing it won't be easy.

fastom · 09-02-2003, 12:26 AM

I don't like girls who smoke, and of course it's probably a coincidence that they all seem to ... hence no girls for me

Cigarettes are called "fags" in England... that should stop anyone from smoking.

nfa · 09-02-2003, 12:37 AM

Thanks for the feedback everyone. It is much appreciated.

To answer some questions that people asked... I hooked up with her because I didn't really know she smoked, I only found out after. Like I said she doesn't do it that much, so it isn't surprising that I didn't notice at first. And also, we get on really well.. besides the smoking issue, the relationship is totally perfect. So that's why we hooked up.

Thanks for the advice everyone, it has been reaaaaaally useful!

08-31-2003, 03:37 AM	#1 (permalink)
nfa Upright	Girlfriend smokes.. My girlfriend smokes. I don't. I don't ask anything of her really, but I really can't stand the smoking thing, and I've told her. She doesn't do it that much, but it still bugs me. I hate the taste and I hate it in general, it's such a disgusting habit. Is there a way of helping her quit, or is it something I'm just gonna have to put up with? It is a bit of a touchy issue with her.. If I talk about how bad smoking is, or comment on how I can't stand it, she tells me how she won't let guys control her and guys that try and control her go out the door. I think i could put up with it... just. But if there's another solution I'd gladly take it. Can anyone help? Thanks in advance N'fa

08-31-2003, 04:25 AM	#3 (permalink)
JBX Unfair and Imbalanced Location: Upstate, NY	Don't Push. You voiced your displeasure, now see what she thinks of you and her own well being. Mine quit after two years of working at it. __________________ "Youth and Strength is no match for Age and Treachery"

08-31-2003, 06:26 AM	#7 (permalink)
tisonlyi Nothing	Tell her she can smoke as much as she likes, but you ain't tasting that mouth after she's polluted it, and you don't want your air polluted either. So, she smokes away from you, well away, and has to chew mints or brush her teeth before you'll go near her mouth again. Always worked for me. __________________ "I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--

08-31-2003, 07:43 AM	#8 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Yeah, what tisonlyi said "Okay, smoke all you like. I juwt wont be kissing you." How long have you been dating her? __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

08-31-2003, 09:08 AM	#10 (permalink)
quantumburnz Tilted Location: Tucson, AZ	it's tough to change people. She's kinda gotta wana quit for herself. However, I more than agree. Girls that smoke.. well, it's just a disguisting habit. __________________ University of Arizona Tucson, AZ Computer Engineering

08-31-2003, 04:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
Spidey Crazy Location: Wellington, New Zealand	If she really likes you then her will power alone should help her through. But nobody can do it alone so probably get some nicotine patches or something. I have a mate who used them, didn't help striaght away but it did slowly reduce his dependency for the smokes.

08-31-2003, 04:38 AM	#4 (permalink)
Alfer Upright	take up chewing tobacco

08-31-2003, 05:19 AM	#5 (permalink)
Journeyman Like John Goodman, but not. Location: SFBA, California	In relation to what spidey said, I started smoking at 13. Got up to a pack a day by 14 or so. I musta tried to quit 10 or 12 times, the longest having been for 3 days without a smoke (which was, oddly, the first time I tried quitting). Then when I was 16 I started pining for this girl who didn't like me smoking. Took me one try to knock it off completely and utterly, smokeless for 3 years now. So, make of that what you will.

08-31-2003, 09:35 AM	#11 (permalink)
goof7ball Tilted	Yah, she needs to quit for herself, but you also need to take care of ~yourself~. Ask her if she plans on ever trying to quit, and if so, if she would let you help her. If not, then do you see the relationshop going anywhere? I just can't understand why people still suck on cancer sticks- it smells bad, makes your teeth brown, makes your lungs black, and best of all will probably kill you.

08-31-2003, 09:42 AM	#12 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	Ewww.... I've always tried to steer clear from people who smoke. I hate to have to do that, but with me just the smell of smoked tobacco triggers a migraine attack. It's not worth putting up with, it just isn't. It's a lame-ass habit, and extremely unhealthy to boot. Drinking in moderation I can handle, and if someone wants to smoke weed now and then, fine. But I cannot imagine living with a smoker. I don't know your girl, but based on what you said it doesn't sound like she appreciates you trying to change her. Some chicks are like that, and I think it has to do with how many girls these days automatically assume that they are being somehow oppressed because of their gender. I blame it on all that "grrl powr" bullshit that is so popular among bubble gum chewing teenies now. Voice your opinion clearly, as I am sure you have. If she isn't ready to meet you halfway at all, then maybe you need to reconsider your choices. The question is not whether you can put up with her habit, it is rather whether you should have to, or whether it is worth it to begin with. __________________ Who is John Galt?

08-31-2003, 10:24 AM	#13 (permalink)
tikki Justified Location: West Lafayette, IN	If it bothers you that bad, she should quit. Fucking nasty if you ask me... __________________ Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

08-31-2003, 09:15 PM	#14 (permalink)
meff Vanishing, like I do.. Location: Austin, TX	So why did you hook up with her if you knew she did something you didn't like? __________________ Toy-like people make me boy-like.

09-01-2003, 05:25 AM	#15 (permalink)
soxsfans Junkie	Tell her if its the oral fixation that she has that needs to satiated, then you have something for her to smoke anytime she feels the urge!

09-01-2003, 06:22 AM	#16 (permalink)
Spidey Crazy Location: Wellington, New Zealand	i mean to let her know how bad it is you could always bring breath mints and before you kiss her ask her to take one. HEHE

09-01-2003, 06:38 AM	#17 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	1. echo Nagging her to quit (" how bad smoking is, or comment on how I can't stand it") is one way of trying to control her. If I were her, and I have been in her position in the past, I would get annoyed or pissed from the pressure to quit. That's not going to be helpful. 2. You can't make her quit. She has to want to do it on her own accord. It's still up to her no matter how much you try to convince or pressure her to quit. She has to decide on her own. It's much more difficult to quit for someone else when you don't want to. And think about how selfish that sounds (disregarding the health factor). 3. echo If you can't stand it, why did you start dating her? __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

09-01-2003, 07:02 AM	#18 (permalink)
BoCo Fear the bunny Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing	If you want her to stop, show her some women on their 30's and 40's who have smoked half their lives and tell her that's what she'll look like someday....because she will. Be sure to point out the ugly vertical wrinkles right above their lips. __________________ Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.

09-01-2003, 10:39 AM	#19 (permalink)
Sledge Pasture Bedtime	Don't pressure or nag at her. That IS control, whether or not you feel justified. What you can do is set your own limits without pushing her to do what you want. Don't kiss her after she's been smoking. Avoid her smoke buddies. Claim your rights. Smoking would be a dumb issue to break up over, obviously.

09-01-2003, 11:06 AM	#20 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	I wouldn't nag I many can ignore the more long-term health issues. However, a good one to keep reminding her of is how much money she can save by not smoking. With all the taxes and fees added on these days, and with the tobacco companies trying to recoup their losses, cigarettes have become a very expensive habit. And join her in the gym, because once she does try, there might be some weight gain. Good luck.

09-01-2003, 11:51 AM	#21 (permalink)
juanvaldes Banned Location: shittown, CA	Tell her it's you or the smokes. If she loves the smokes more then you why do you want to be with her?

09-01-2003, 12:28 PM	#22 (permalink)
Blue avi8r	bribe her with sex for not smoking. if she smokes, no riding the one-eyed wonder mobile.

09-01-2003, 02:37 PM	#24 (permalink)
dannoxxxx Insane Location: Toronto	yeah, i guess she is probably addicted and uses smoking as a way to relieve stress. Introducing her to exercise and a better diet would help her ease out of her reliance on smokes. ALthough since it is easier to light up a smoke then do the exercise thing it won't be easy.

09-02-2003, 12:26 AM	#25 (permalink)
fastom Psycho Location: way out west	I don't like girls who smoke, and of course it's probably a coincidence that they all seem to ... hence no girls for me Cigarettes are called "fags" in England... that should stop anyone from smoking.

09-02-2003, 12:37 AM	#26 (permalink)
nfa Upright	Thanks for the feedback everyone. It is much appreciated. To answer some questions that people asked... I hooked up with her because I didn't really know she smoked, I only found out after. Like I said she doesn't do it that much, so it isn't surprising that I didn't notice at first. And also, we get on really well.. besides the smoking issue, the relationship is totally perfect. So that's why we hooked up. Thanks for the advice everyone, it has been reaaaaaally useful!