Rlyss

Hi everyone, I've been lurking here for a little while and have been amazed at the balance of helpful advice and humor everyone here seems to offer I thought this would be the best place to ask my question:

I've had one partner before and after a brief chlamydia scare, (it turns out I was ok, although she had it and was treated. I took the medication anyway, just in case.) I've made up my mind to always have an STD test before having sex with anyone in the future.

My current partner has only been with one person too, and they had unprotected oral sex and she now realizes that the guy is a bit of a sleaze and she doesn't trust him, and doesn't know why she did before.

So we have been together now for almost five months and everything is going very well, I'm totally in love with her and she is with me. Without having a nicer way of saying it, I'll say that we have taken part in mutual masturbation (that sounds awfully detached) a lot, but that's as far as we've gone. I want an STD test for both of us before we go any further, and for various reasons she wants to wait until November for us to have intercourse, and I've agreed to that. To put it bluntly, I want us to move on to oral sex.

It's the STD part that is really worrying me now. I'm sure I'm clean, I'm sure she's clean, but I suggested that we both get tested as a precaution and she agreed. That was about three months ago and we are yet to get tested. I know she has a busy schedule and it doesn't allow much time to do things like this. This is her second sexual relationship (the last was very short-lived) so she admits she's a bit nervous about things, it's a bit intimidating for her as she's never been tested for STDs and it does seem like a very major thing.

It seems like whenever I bring it up she either giggles and laughs it off and jokes that I'm too horny (even though she has a higher libido than me she seems content with what we do now, even though I want oral) which gives me the impression that she may not quite be as mature as I sometimes think she is. Or she says that she doesn't want us to move too quickly on to a major sexual relationship. She said once that she thought that if we got tested then it would just mean there would be no excuses for us to have sex all the time, and then we might get bored of each other. This doesn't quite match up to how she often is because, like I said above, she has a very high libido and often half-jokes about not waiting until November.

I guess my concerns now are:

- Am I being an ass for pressuring her to get tested? After reading everything I've wrote I think I come across as a horny, pushy guy. I love her, and I guess can wait for oral sex, but she did say that we would get tested together, but so far she hasn't lived up to that. I'm worried she might be prick-teasing me a bit too much and it's driving me insane. I don't see how us getting tested is such a big deal.

- Is she acting a bit immaturely about this? Most often when I try and sit down and talk to her seriously about this sort of thing she laughs it off and clearly doesn't want to talk about it, jokingly says I'm too horny, etc.

- Should we bother getting tested? I think I should but I'd like to hear others' opinions on this, even though imagine most people will say we should.

Thanks too all who offer advice, I hope to become a regular member of the boards

Jim Kata

If you keep pressuring her, I'm sure she will get annoyed and that may cause a riff in your relationship.
When she thinks it is time for you both to take the relationship to the next level (oral) that is when she will probably want to get tested. If she springs on you all of a sudden for some oral and the tests haven't been taken yet. Be strong and wait til you get tested. You've waited this long right? Until then, just sit back and wait.
She may be nervous about the whole situation herself so she uses laughing it off to kind of deal with it. I don't think she is immature about it, but probably more nervous than anything else.
And you should definetly get tested. My girl had only been with one person with a condom but I still asked her to get tested before we had sex. Better safe than sorry.
Good luck, and be patient.....if its truely meant to happen it will.

thomasparker_98

I see nothing wrong with being safe. Maybe both of you could get a general physical and doing the testing in addition to that.

collide

It sounds like she's trying to postpone or avoid getting tested for one reason or another. It's no question that you should both get tested if either of you have concerns about it, and especially if you intend to have sex with each other. Is she afraid that one of you might be tested positive for an STD and ruin the relationship that you have with each other? or maybe she's not ready to take it a step further, or doesn't want to have oral sex (or has had a bad experience with it) and is content with mutually masturbating with you? If she's avoiding the issue, it might be that she just isn't ready or is afraid of change, so I would figure out a way to ask her in such a manner that doesn't lead to her accusing you of being horny.

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iceman2032

I think it sets a bad precident for the relationship. Maybe if she had a worry about a partner in the past, but it seems like your pressuring her a little too hard

butthead

Ask her to take you seriously the next time she shrugs you off.

If you're going to have sex, get tested. And if you're going to be tested, you must address the question of when. It's disrespectful to shrug it off when there is a concern.

Maybe tell her what you posted.

ace81385

Better to be safe then to be sorry. Having an StD for the rest of ur life would truely suck.

Jim Kata

I'd rather set a bad precident than get bumps on my cock.
Asking her and getting her to take the test can be forgotten. Reoccuring braille on your pecker can't be.
Most people don't even know they have genital herpes whether they are worried about a partner in the past or not. You never know who has what. Think of all the people who got something from someone that they weren't worried about..I gaurantee that number would be pretty high.
But i'll tell you what....after getting tested the worst thing is waiting for that result to come back...fuckin sucks.

Rlyss

Thanks everyone for the replies!

Well, tonight was a big surprise Due to horniness and a lack of willpower we ended up having sex, she came but I didn't for a few reasons: she had already got me off three times that morning, the condom was a bit thick so there wasn't as much feeling there, and I don't trust condoms totally, and there was other company in the house.

But it was great

That does change our plans a little bit; now we're not going to wait until November.

But the STD test is still an issue. I'm seeing her this weekend again so I'm going to follow everyones' advice and really sit her down to talk about it, and explain how important it is, especially now that we've had sex and most likely will do it again soon (hopefully not before we get tested). I'm going to sit her down and explain to her what I've written here and reassure her that I'm not just being horny, and that it's not because I distrust either of us.

I think that perhaps if things weren't so serious between us I wouldn't make such a big deal about it, but we've admitted we love each other and things look fantastic in the long term, so I think we both have a responsibility to get tested. Once we do, though, it certainly doesn't mean we have to go all out every single time we're together of course, but it's good to know in the future that if things get hot and heavy we don't have to stop ourselves because we haven't been tested.

Thanks a bunch for all the advice given here

iceman2032

Good to hear that it went well for you