wyopen

Does your husband/boyfriend know you masturbate? Is there a reason to keep it a secret? Is there a good way to let him know?

Martian

Is this topic meant to be restricted to women? If so, there's a forum for that.

You also might find responses are better if you give more context. Why do you ask? What has your experience been?

As a man, I don't particularly care if she masturbates. In fact I'm happier knowing she does. I'm not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with the sort of woman who doesn't.

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wyopen

I'd like responses from men or women. I don't understand why some women are afraid to let their partner know that they masturbate. Guys aren't very shy about sharing it. Why shouldn't women be as free to admit it and enjoy it?

Magpie_1

Who says women are not as free to admit and enjoy masturbation? It's a natural thing. Everyone dose it. It isn't a big deal. wyopen, I'm sorry however I think you're over thinking this whole thing.

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EventHorizon

an ex of mine who was super catholic didn't masturbate at all. i tried to turn her on to it but she was either too late to know how or thought it was gross or something, i have no clue but she just didn't do it. puzzled the pants off me though.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by canuckguy Pretty simple really, do your own thing as long as it does not fuck with anyone's enjoyment of life.

kramus

So instead of her masturbating for her sexual pleasure did she puzzle your pants off till your puzzler was sore?

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Martian

So that's both sides of our relationship coin.

Masturbation is part of a healthy sex life. And just like sex, some people want/need it more often than others. Sometimes actual intercourse just isn't convenient -- your partner isn't around, or isn't in the mood. And sometimes it's a bit selfish. Sometimes you just want to get off, without worrying about someone else. And that's okay too.

Do what makes you happy. Are there many/any guys who would be opposed to their girlfriends or wives masturbating? If there are I doubt you'll find them here.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

mixedmedia

To people who haven't bothered with cultivating a sense of sexual enlightenment (and I'm certain those people exist, prob. in pretty high numbers) I would imagine the stigma is rooted in the same old notions that designate a woman's sexual aggression and/or the desire to satisfy her own sexual needs as being bad, dirty, slutty, abnormal, etc. And I would guess that the stigma is perpetuated as much by the personal embarrassment of the woman who is found out to be 'a masturbator' as it is condemnation from her lover. We have come a long way in enabling female sexual freedom, but it is far from the prevailing national attitude, if you ask me. TFP isn't really representative.

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Strange Famous

To be honest, I'd be pretty surprised if any girl I was ever with was doing this like that.

It might sound arrogant, but I dont mean it in that sense... not like I'm anything special in bed.

I just mean if there were things that she wasnt getting enough of, you'd hope she'd just let you have more sex than have to do it herself. If a woman is with a man who cant satisfy her, then perhaps it would happen, but I wouldnt classify myself in that way.

To be honest I think most women dont masturbate at all. If so, probably only rarely, like once every year or so. You see these things in dirty films and the internet, but it isnt the same in real life.

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mixedmedia

heh heh heh.

Here's a little bit of advice for you, it applies to a lot of things, not just masturbation.
It's not about you.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

wyopen

Why wouldn't a woman want to share with her partner that she masturbates? As previously mentioned, it's natural, and it's pleasurable.

Baraka_Guru

To be honest, I think you're wrong. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that a majority of women do indeed masturbate at least once a year, and a good chunk of them at least monthly.

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snowy

Try weekly

Crap, I'm married to a totally sexy guy and can have sex almost any time I want to, but sometimes it isn't sex I'm in the mood for. Sometimes I just want to get off.

And yes, he knows. Sometimes we do it together.

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CinnamonGirl

I used to date a guy that wanted to be totally in charge of my orgasms, and asked me to stop masturbating completely. I did stop....telling him, that is. It was just another way for him to have control over me, and I played along for a little while.

The current fella' knows I do. We don't DISCUSS it every time, but I definitely don't hide it, and he definitely isn't threatened or put off by it.

With one exception, I've had a higher sex drive than any man I've been with. Even NOT taking that into consideration, sometimes it's just about getting off quickly and not worrying about anything (or anyone) else.

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Ourcrazymodern?

I seem to recall a thread called "Spontaneous Masturbation." If I recall it well enough, it's worth the time to read it. & while I hesitate to disagree w/mm, masturbation IS about you, & nobody else's business, not even your intimate's. If you want it to be, don't be shy. If it's a problem, it's theirs.

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mixedmedia

I was referring to SF. As in: Whether his girlfriend masturbates or not is not about him.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

girldetective

A partner once suggested instead of shopping, I masturbate.

Good way save moola in this economy!

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Ourcrazymodern?

Ah. Then I guess I wasn't disagreeing. What a relief!

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

jannista

It's a private matter, but he knows we just never talk about it. I have my stash of vibrators.

Zeraph

I like it if my GF masturbates. It's hot. Plus, if she has a healthy libido, I have to be honest with myself in that she'll be more horny than I (statistically). The way to tell your guy that you masturbate? Just start, right in front of him. Trust me, he won't mind

m0rpheus

I'm fully aware that my fiance masterbates. She has a bag of toys beside the bed for when she's in the mood. As far as I'm concerned it has nothing to do with me, just like my masterbation has nothing to do with her.

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MSD

Not from the US, are you? What happens down there is between you, your husband, and Jesus, and you'd best be begging the latter for forgiveness if the former isn't around.
Tell him and suggest that he use the vibrators on you.

Milnoc

I'd be worried if my GF didn't masturbate at all. It would be as if something was wrong with her, that she's missing part of her humanity.

jewels

You are joking, right?

Good relationships are about openness and the ability to share and explore in the bedroom. This type of belief about masturbation would sets limits and frankly, is kinda scary.

While I can understand not masturbating with a one-night stand, rating your prowess in the bedroom based on whether a woman would masturbate must be messing with your self-esteem. Maybe this is why they don't discuss it with you?

Let go. Most women do and will eventually appreciate a guy who doesn't take it personally or make them feel shy about it. It'll only enhance what goes on between the two of you.

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Plan9

Mmm, I'm going to have to start on a thread on men that masturbate and the women that don't understand it.

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Anormalguy

SF, a lot of women masturbate, perhaps even your GF.

I have no issues with my wife masturbating, especially when she does so in front of me, or tells about it later to get my 'attention.'

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telekinetic

95% of people masturbate, the other 5% lie about.

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keymaker

Hell my wife liked me to do it while she watched and visa-versa. She did get a little upset when I started doing it on the pool deck when the neighbors were out however....

Strange Famous

Look, to be clear I'm not claiming I'm some kind of super stud.

I'm just saying, if I was with a girl I'd like the chance to satisfy all her needs before he has to worry about DIY. If I wasnt up to the job, fair enough I'd have to accept it, but you know... I dont want to be dirty or start with any kind of pervert talk, but I have hands and arms... if she has needs that need to be taken care of, I dont see why you wouldnt want your partner to be involved in that. Unless sometimes she wants to imagine she's having it off with the milkman and having me in the picture spoils the fantasy??

Anyway, no girl I have ever been with has ever told me she has to pleasure herself. Maybe, as suggested above, its because she secretly did it but didnt want to hurt my feelings.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

wraithhibn

SF is not that she *has* to pleasure herself, its if she *wants* to pleasure herself

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Almirschuch

any women who says they do not masturbate and is over the age of 25 is lies.

Daniel_

Sorry to hijack the thread, but I was tickled by the juxtaposition of these two threads...

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IKelly

I don't masturbate. Is there something wrong with me?

summergirl111

my boyfriend and i talk about it a lot - usually when having sex. He likes me to talk dirty to him, by describing in detail how it feels for me to masturbate, to approach orgasm, and to orgasm on my own. For some reason this turns him (and me, i admit) on incredibly. I sometimes let him see the live show, but i usually want it to be a personal thing that i keep for myself. As for how often? I may have an overly large libido but i masturbate as often as once or twice a week.

Shadowex3

Should I assume you're having sex daily or something because "overly large libido" suggests masturbating on par with my frequency, once a day minimum and sometimes more.

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wyopen

I have a friend whose wife is okay with him masturbating, but says she never masturbates. He has tried for years to get her to try, with little success. She says it just doesn't work for her alone. However, he has been awakened several times in the middle of the night by what he thinks is her getting off or at least heavily into trying. Unfortunately, once he stops snoring, she knows he's awake and she stops.

Masturbation is sooo sexy. Why not admit it and enjoy it!?

lunxpress

I have no intention of ever ignoring this gift of nature. I'm working it until I’m dead, without permission or paybacks.

ralphie250

that is the best quote i ahve ever heard.

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dewanand

hello,

I once read from a research that around 70 percent of the married women never get an orgasm while being penetrated by their husband. The researchers also wrote that all these women use masturbation to get an orgasm. Many men do not find it good if their girlfriend uses vibrators or dildo's for masturbation, because it hurts their masculine feelings.

Sometimes I am jealous on females, because they can easily get a multiple orgasm and have more orgasm. For men it is a one time shooting game each day, or sometimes one time a week.

dewanand

Poetry

If I ever hurt a guy's "masculine feelings" by masturbating, I'd hate to think how much I'd make him cry the rest of the time.

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