Paranoia? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jim Kata · 07-14-2003, 12:32 PM

Okay, I've been with my woman for 2 years now. I feel like we have a very healthy nearly perfect relationship. I love her very much and until recently never doubted her love for me. So here it goes.
A friend of mine was over at her house this weekend. We all went to eat and went back to her place and just hung out. We smoked a lil herb, had a couple of drinks (except for her, she doesn't even drink one drink if she has to drive anywhere). This is where it gets odd (for me).

a)There was a bee flying around outside. She is terrified of all insects...but when it came by her, she ran right pass me and hid behind my friend for protection. I don't know if its just the macho man inside of me, but in my head i was thinking (why is she behind him for protection and not me?).

#2 she kept commenting on how cute my friend looked in some new shorts he had just got when we went out to eat. I usually don't mind stuff like that cause she is just a friendly girl. And if she sees beauty (or something cute) in something or someone, I cannot fault her for saying it. I don't know if it was me being dumb about the whole thing because of the whole "protection" scenario up above. But I did raise my eyebrows with suspicion.

and lastly...my friend cut himself, and my girlfriend hates blood, but she went in the house, got some ointment and bandages and fixed him up herself.

I want to bring it up with her, but don't want to seem like that paranoid boyfriend.
And when we first started dating she said my friend was handsome but totally not her type, but then later on (pretty recently) she compared him to a movie star that she has said she would fuck in the past.
Am I being a retard about this whole thing? She is just a friendly girl to begin with .... and i was smoking some pot so that could have made me more paranoid and the alcohol could have made mountains out of mole hills.... but it still is bothering me a bit two days later.
I should probably also add that my friend is quite the ladies man, handsome, athletic, very talented in everything he does, and very charming.
And I'm just your average ordinary Jim.

I don't think I would normally come and ask a bunch of people I don't know for advice, but our circle of friends is pretty tight so I can't really talk to anyone else about this without it possibly getting out. So forgive me for being a girly man.

Take it sleazy

rogue49 · 07-14-2003, 12:43 PM

I'd come out and ask her if she's attracted to him.

But remember this is only natural, it can happen to you too.
and it doesn't mean she will act on it.

Try to understand normal human feelings,
and keep the communication & trust open.

Lebell · 07-14-2003, 12:44 PM

Hmmm,

It sounds like you've analyzed the situation pretty well, balancing unexpected actions with the realities; you were smoking weed, she's friendly, etc.

If it were me, I wouldn't go all paranoid yet, but my ears would be up, listening for other signals.

I've seen situations that were totally innocent and others where there were small signs just like this that indicated much bigger trouble.

MacGnG · 07-14-2003, 01:00 PM

....communication

Minx · 07-14-2003, 01:06 PM

I don't think I'd approach her on it quite yet but definately keep your eyes open.
From my point of view....I'm patching up guys bumps and bruises only if I care for them a lot or am attracted to them. That's just me though, so don't take that as proof of anything at all.

BigJayz · 07-14-2003, 01:07 PM

Bring it up to her and let her know how YOU felt when she did those things. Be sure not to attack her and make her feel like you don't trust her, but definately do not bury YOUR feelings. As a woman, she should understand your concerns and probably not only not mind you bringing up your feelings, but also appreciate you opening yourself up to her like that.

Donkeypuncher · 07-14-2003, 01:29 PM

You know, the first thing that came to mind is... what's the infamous Mrs. Kata have to say about this?

Beyond that, things are usually what they seem in these matters, even if people don't want to admit it and she may not even have admitted it to herself. But really, what can you do? Make a case out of it and it'll just focus her attention on the situation and that'll never go well. If it's really, really bothering you and you can establish a pattern of this behavior, not just one drug 'n alcohol evening... talk to her about it calmly and rationally and let her know it makes you uncomfortable. If it continues... breaking up is about the only recourse. If things change, it's all good.

Even if it hurts, my viewpoint is always that if she'd rather be someone else, she should go do that and I'll get to work on finding someone who'd rather be with me. Plus, if it's headed south anyway, why prolong the pain? Get into that phase asap and the end will be closer.

But, that's just me...

Jim Kata · 07-14-2003, 04:48 PM

I broke down and talked to her about it. Everything is kosher. Either she is really good at lying and can think of lies real quick like, or I have nothing to worry about. I tend to agree with the second one. (Or maybe I'm a sucker)
Thanks for all the input.

ratbastid · 07-14-2003, 05:47 PM

Good work.

If you chose never to say anything about it, it'd just lie there and fester and be one more line in the Big Book of Grievances that some day you'd pull out and whack her with. Better to get it dealt with now.

It's ALL about communication!

StormBerlin · 07-31-2003, 11:39 PM

My opinion is that she probably just felt comfortable around you (girlfriend to girlfriend kind of comfortable, subconsciosly forgetting you were the bf and not a gf) probably induced by the weed. People say alot of stuff they dont mean when intoxicated and don't even realize the effect. And your paranoia might have been hightened. Just talk to her, she probably doesn't even realize thats what she was saying.

07-14-2003, 12:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	Paranoia? Okay, I've been with my woman for 2 years now. I feel like we have a very healthy nearly perfect relationship. I love her very much and until recently never doubted her love for me. So here it goes. A friend of mine was over at her house this weekend. We all went to eat and went back to her place and just hung out. We smoked a lil herb, had a couple of drinks (except for her, she doesn't even drink one drink if she has to drive anywhere). This is where it gets odd (for me). a)There was a bee flying around outside. She is terrified of all insects...but when it came by her, she ran right pass me and hid behind my friend for protection. I don't know if its just the macho man inside of me, but in my head i was thinking (why is she behind him for protection and not me?). #2 she kept commenting on how cute my friend looked in some new shorts he had just got when we went out to eat. I usually don't mind stuff like that cause she is just a friendly girl. And if she sees beauty (or something cute) in something or someone, I cannot fault her for saying it. I don't know if it was me being dumb about the whole thing because of the whole "protection" scenario up above. But I did raise my eyebrows with suspicion. and lastly...my friend cut himself, and my girlfriend hates blood, but she went in the house, got some ointment and bandages and fixed him up herself. I want to bring it up with her, but don't want to seem like that paranoid boyfriend. And when we first started dating she said my friend was handsome but totally not her type, but then later on (pretty recently) she compared him to a movie star that she has said she would fuck in the past. Am I being a retard about this whole thing? She is just a friendly girl to begin with .... and i was smoking some pot so that could have made me more paranoid and the alcohol could have made mountains out of mole hills.... but it still is bothering me a bit two days later. I should probably also add that my friend is quite the ladies man, handsome, athletic, very talented in everything he does, and very charming. And I'm just your average ordinary Jim. I don't think I would normally come and ask a bunch of people I don't know for advice, but our circle of friends is pretty tight so I can't really talk to anyone else about this without it possibly getting out. So forgive me for being a girly man. Take it sleazy

07-14-2003, 12:44 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	Hmmm, It sounds like you've analyzed the situation pretty well, balancing unexpected actions with the realities; you were smoking weed, she's friendly, etc. If it were me, I wouldn't go all paranoid yet, but my ears would be up, listening for other signals. I've seen situations that were totally innocent and others where there were small signs just like this that indicated much bigger trouble. __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

07-14-2003, 01:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	I don't think I'd approach her on it quite yet but definately keep your eyes open. From my point of view....I'm patching up guys bumps and bruises only if I care for them a lot or am attracted to them. That's just me though, so don't take that as proof of anything at all. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-14-2003, 01:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
Donkeypuncher Psycho Location: Pasadena, CA	You know, the first thing that came to mind is... what's the infamous Mrs. Kata have to say about this? Beyond that, things are usually what they seem in these matters, even if people don't want to admit it and she may not even have admitted it to herself. But really, what can you do? Make a case out of it and it'll just focus her attention on the situation and that'll never go well. If it's really, really bothering you and you can establish a pattern of this behavior, not just one drug 'n alcohol evening... talk to her about it calmly and rationally and let her know it makes you uncomfortable. If it continues... breaking up is about the only recourse. If things change, it's all good. Even if it hurts, my viewpoint is always that if she'd rather be someone else, she should go do that and I'll get to work on finding someone who'd rather be with me. Plus, if it's headed south anyway, why prolong the pain? Get into that phase asap and the end will be closer. But, that's just me... __________________ "take me down, little Susie, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground"

07-31-2003, 11:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	My opinion is that she probably just felt comfortable around you (girlfriend to girlfriend kind of comfortable, subconsciosly forgetting you were the bf and not a gf) probably induced by the weed. People say alot of stuff they dont mean when intoxicated and don't even realize the effect. And your paranoia might have been hightened. Just talk to her, she probably doesn't even realize thats what she was saying. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

07-14-2003, 12:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	I'd come out and ask her if she's attracted to him. But remember this is only natural, it can happen to you too. and it doesn't mean she will act on it. Try to understand normal human feelings, and keep the communication & trust open.

07-14-2003, 01:00 PM	#4 (permalink)
MacGnG Know Where!	....communication

07-14-2003, 01:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
BigJayz Crazy Location: Sunny So. Cal.	Bring it up to her and let her know how YOU felt when she did those things. Be sure not to attack her and make her feel like you don't trust her, but definately do not bury YOUR feelings. As a woman, she should understand your concerns and probably not only not mind you bringing up your feelings, but also appreciate you opening yourself up to her like that.

07-14-2003, 04:48 PM	#8 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	I broke down and talked to her about it. Everything is kosher. Either she is really good at lying and can think of lies real quick like, or I have nothing to worry about. I tend to agree with the second one. (Or maybe I'm a sucker) Thanks for all the input.

07-14-2003, 05:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Good work. If you chose never to say anything about it, it'd just lie there and fester and be one more line in the Big Book of Grievances that some day you'd pull out and whack her with. Better to get it dealt with now. It's ALL about communication!