docbungle

Or , at the very least, extreme animosity? When things don't turn out quite right between lovers, for whatever reason (other than cheating and the like) why is it so easy for one of them to turn their feelings of love into hate?

Does hate have to be learned through practice or is it a natural emotion?

GoldenOuroboros

I'll agree with Melun Jinn there.. But forgiveness is an art that sometimes only a many few can master

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tikki

Both. It's easy to learn to hate someone. Just look at terrorist training camps.

Natural emotion is more along the lines of what you are talking about though I think. Get hurt, and you hate.

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Mael

something else that can be going on (not really hate but kinda related i think) is that when you're really into someone, and things start to go bad, you start to notice all of the persons bad qualities that you hadn't noticed before. we like to put our dear ones on pedistals and put our blinders on so that we see only the good stuff. there's a girl who(m) i until a couple months ago had a huge crush on, but that's disappeared since the end of april, and i'm starting to see sides of her that i had ignored or just wouldn't allow myself to see before. i don't hate her, but right now i really question whether or not i want to be friends with her anymore. i think alot of people, when that special someone falls down from the pedistal, are shocked by what they see and don't really handle it well, may even think that they've been tricked by the person. or maybe i'm wrong. or maybe not...

*Nikki*

Maybe because Love is one of the strongest emotions that there is, just like Hate.

yakimushi

The better you know someone, the more ammo you have to hurt them with...

MSD

The farther up you go, the farther down you'll fall when you lose your balance.

Sleepyjack

i also think love and hate, although opposites, are still very closely related emotions, generally cause they are so strong. Like Nikki said.

oscar0308

i strongly disagree Sleepyjack.. as my sig states. hate is not the opposite. loving someone implies strong emotions.. as does hate. if you feel nothing for the person as Mael is starting to feel/not feel, that when you are as far from love as you can be.

hate is love/like/lust that has been turned back on you and has hurt you. as a defensive reflexive action we protect ourselves and lash out. the best defense is a good offense. if you hate the person, they cant hurt you which can happen if you allow the good feelings to remain. this is all aimed towards feelings in a relationship,the hate terrorists feel for example has nothing to do w/ this.

Nowlookit

Oscar hit it. Apathy being the opposite of love. Melun Jinn touched on Love evolving into Hate when the Lover/Hater is unable to forgive the trespass, or percieved injury. I have been playing that game for about a week now, and for my own good, apathetic forgiveness is the path I've chosen. Forgive, but learn and never forget.

Sleepyjack

i agree with you oscar, in that apathy and indiffernce are the opposite in terms of emotional strength. But on that emotional level, i think hate is the opposite of love. For love you care about someone, trust them and generally wish for there well being...among lots of other things. Whereas hate is the opposite of these feelings.
I think its the level of emotion they're the same, but the have opposite feelings on that same emotional level.
if you know what i mean...

isandro

Interesting point, Mael, never thought of that.

The deeper I care for someone, the deeper the pain goes- not only of whatever went wrong, but also of having to break the bond with her. So there's a lot of pain, dissapointment and frustration going on and it all NEEDS direction. channeling all this towards the once-loved person is only a matter of self-defence, IMHO.

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butthead

What is the opposite of hate?

docbungle

Ok...well what is going on here:

After an in-depth, loving relationship.
He/she breaks up with you. You are sad, but deal with it the best you can. There was no wrongdoing on your part, no violence, anger, cheating, disrespect, etc, etc...

And yet he/she goes to all of your mutual friends and tries to badmouth you, ruin friendships, put you down, dig up every piece of garbage on you possible, and just be extremely mean spirited.

This is happening to me right now, and I'm pretty much of the impression that it must have something to do with insecurities she has, and not the way she actually feels in reality.

lurkette

I think human motivations are far to complicated to peg to one emotion, even one as strong as "hate".

Doc, I think you hit the nail on the head - this girl's actions have more to do with her own insecurities than with her hating you. It sounds as though she may be concerned that your mutual friends will take your side because she dumped you, so she's badmouthing you so they'll take her side.

I think hate is what happens when a person refuses to be responsible for their own emotions or their own life. I don't know too many people, personally, who hate other people, but I think about how my mom hated my dad after their divorce because it was too painful to look at her own role in the failure of their marriage; I think about people who hate Americans because of our policies and attack us instead of working to better their own societies; I think about racists who scapegoat those who are different because of their own hardships or fear of difference. There are lots of people who have good reason to hate other people - think about the families of murder victims, rape victims, etc. - who manage to forgive and not hate. They are being responsible for their own feelings and choosing love and compassion instead of hate. Just MHO but hate is one of the least productive emotions there is. It's certainly understandable in some cases, but in the end it tends to do more harm to the person feeling it that the person it's directed at.

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rogue49

Resentment of how they are treated,
despite the love & care they show.

cdwonderful

remember, the opposite of hate is not love,
it is for a fact, indifference.

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it wastes your time,
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simplyhere

love turns to hate when everquest takes over and dominates all life... and love has no time to be recognised..and nurtured... and grown the way a relationship should be...
ok game addicts view point... but no matter what your poison is.. it remains the same .. love turns to hate when one of the parties stops putting forth the effort it takes to make love work... love simply is not the fairy tale you expect when you are young.. but rather a deep seeded emotion that requires continuos effort to preserve and nurture so that it last thru the hard times that arise and challenge us all..unfortunately .. real life can be so cruel..
anyhow.. one love sick game addicts opinion here .. not the answer for all.

docbungle

Lurkete, thanks. I think you helped me say what I was trying to say. You've been through this, obviously, and have had time to reflect.

That is exactly what is happening, and I will not be a pessimist just because some girl is too insecure to be honest with herself.

Cynthetiq

i remember reading some philosophical thoughts rounding out as,"You cannot hate someone until you have loved them first," "Love is a choice and cannot be turned on and off like a faucet," and finally, "You cannot hate someone, you still love them but hate their actions"

I tend to strongly agree with the last one. My past loves I still love, I still think fondly of them. It's their actions have caused me to no longer associate with them because it was too painful to be around them because of their hurtful actions.

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intecel

Easy one, it's called "MARRAIGE"!!!