loquitur

Apparently this stuff can be studied. This article describes what sorts of things women can do to get men to approach them (interesting cultural hook there, eh?). Here are some interesting facts:

So being straightforward doesn't work (usually). "Subtle" does. But what does "subtle" mean?

Should women worry about their looks? The stereotype is that they do and that men expect them to look good and care a lot about their looks. Is it correct?

I'm not sure what to make of this. Of course, I'm an old fart by now so it might not matter for me, but I'm curious about what the younger crowd here thinks. Does this study ring true to you?

genuinegirly

The direct approach worked for me. Then again, this description sounds like it was designed for a clubbing environment, doesn't seem like it would work with every situation.

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Plan9

I think the desirability of the coy woman has faded for men in their late 20s and early 30s. To hell with the hard-to-get games.

Don't have time for the aloof. I want a woman with something heavy between her ears and ambitions beyond fabulous accessories.

Even if it is only for an evening.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Wes Mantooth

I think it really depends on what the guy is looking to get out of the situation. If I'm out at a bar looking for a casual one night stand the value I place on looks goes way up and if she wants to "blatantly take the initiative" all the better, it makes my night easier.

However if I'm out looking for somebody I can build a relationship with, the value I place on looks goes down in favor of other attributes. A smile and making eye contact may get me to walk over and say hi but if she turns out to be dumb as a sack of door knobs I'm probably just going up and leave...and honestly if she's incredibly unattractive it wont even get that far. (just for the record taking the initiative doesn't matter to me in this situation either)

Getting somebody to come over and talk is helpful but there is SO much more that needs to go along with it if you want to be successful.

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LoganSnake

Nothing gets me weaker in the knees than a woman simply walking up to me and telling me what she wants.

If you want to talk to a guy, then talk to a guy. Face rejection like a man.

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Wes Mantooth

I've never understood why is it such a social taboo for women to to make the first move once in awhile. Instead they are expected to sit across the room making faces like a stroke victim until the guy gets the hint and goes over, how silly. I remember a girl doing that to me a few months ago, of course I, waist deep in a wild turkey bender hadn't noticed until a friend pointed it out to me. As it turns out the poor girl was trying to get my attention for the better part of two hours. What an incredibly dumb way to spend a night out when she could have just come over and said hi....very bizarre practice in my opinion and quite frankly rather annoying.

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inBOIL

It's easy for someone who's not attuned to social cues (e.g. most men) to miss a signal sent from across the room. Approaching someone is far more likely to work.

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Willravel

The direct approach is uncommon, but I've never seen it fail and I usually fall for it. Hard. Perhaps my experience isn't a good representation of reality?

Wes Mantooth

Actually I could safely say that practically every guy I know would welcome and appreciate the direct approach over having to guess if she's smiling at you or the guy behind you. Lets face it, picking up on cues meant for somebody can be a little embarrassing when you find out you're wrong. I think it would just make everyone's life much easier in the end.

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neurockt

I agree that the direct approach can be a nice change of pace, but I also think that it can be way overdone. I'm all for a woman who comes over and starts a chat, but if she becomes clingy or overly flirty, I'm going to balk. All sorts of questions about her motives pop into my head, chief of which is "if she's willing to be this overt with me, I imagine she's like this with many men." There's a happy medium between taking the initiative and being too upfront.

Also, I wonder if there's a disconnect between what us guys are saying we like and what we actually prefer. This was a scientific study, and I'm more likely to believe results than what we SAY we want. The other thing I'm curious about is whether TFP members are more progressive in general than the population featured in the study.

Lindy

I don't go to clubs much, but some other places and activities indicate areas of commonality, which always makes it easier to make an approach because you have interests in the same things. These places are not necessarily good places to "pick up" a guy, but are good places to meet an interesting person, and you already know that they like something that you like. And that could lead to something more at a later time.
I've met guys at car shows, museums, galleries, no-alcohol music venues, ball games, church activities, libraries, etc.
I don't much care for the clubs/bars. Last week I met a guy at a blues bar in Nebraska. He seemed interesting (and interested at ten o'clock, but by midnight was just blotto. Which reminded me of my ex husband. Oh well.

Lindy

Wes Mantooth

I think the results here might be due to a more progressive mindset but at the same time the world has and is changing and the roles men and women play these days have changed with it. Older customs die out with each new generation and in today's world men and women are considered equal in every walk of life (as they have been for awhile), why should the dating scene be any different? I think its incredibly common these days to see women take that initiative and personally I don't really mind...I'm not sure if that makes me progressive or if I'm just accepting what the world around is really like and taking it for what it is.

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loquitur

where were all these direct girls back when I was younger and needed them??