Total And Utter Loss Of Libido - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

zombieman · 07-06-2003, 08:15 PM

Okay, a bit of history first (Please bear with me!)
I'm 26, I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 10 years and we still love each other very much. I suffer from clinical depression, and am on medication for it.
The Problem:
For the past year or so I've had absolutely no interest in sex. I still find my girlfriend very attractive and can imagine sex with her, but when it comes round to actually doing something- zip, nada. I can get an erection, thats not the problem, the problem is I just don't care. That goes for oral sex as well. I like to help her masturbate and go down on her, but when it comes to pleasure for me, I have no interest. I masturbate sometimes, and that works. Its as though there is a mental block when it comes to my pleasure from her (or, as far as I can tell, anyone!)
I've tried working these feelings out, and have found that partly I'm embarrassed. I don't understand why this should be. Why should I be embarrassed by a woman I've been with for so long, and had enjoyable sex with so many times? And its not just that, theres also that lack of interest.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? I really don't want this to destroy our relationship.
Sorry if this post rambles a bit

Konichiwaneko · 07-06-2003, 08:20 PM

I know this sounds random, but try getting into something risque.

bondage, or fetishes may help.

10 years is a long time, you guys were young when you got together.

tikki · 07-06-2003, 09:04 PM

Dude, I hear you. I go through the same shit every now and then (especially when I am stressed). A change of scenery is what you need. That doesn't necessarily mean different people. Just try some different things with your lady friend. Get creative!

Meaty Urologist · 07-06-2003, 09:50 PM

Wow, ten years is a long time, congratulations dude! Being that you suffer from depression, loss of libido might be another symptom of it right? Do you go to any kind of counseling? If not, I'll bet it wouldn't hurt and I would also bet that this isn't anything terribly uncommon. You also say that you are on medication. Could the meds be doing any of this? Have you changed meds in the last year? Just my thoughts. I think this is something you could overcome, especially if you had a pro to talk to about this. Good luck.

zfleebin · 07-06-2003, 09:59 PM

I will bet the medication you are on for depression is the culprit. I was on prozac for a longtime and it killed my appetite and my sexual urges. I would suggest talking to your psychiatrist about switching meds to see if you can get on something that doesnt effect your sexual urges. If not it might be worth it to take a vacation off your meds. After saying that I have to put in a disclaimer (do not mess with your medication without consulting with your doctor first)

bermuDa · 07-06-2003, 11:27 PM

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=15235 kadath made this thread... it sounds like a similar situation: he stopped the meds for a week and his libido skyrocketed.

rodgerd · 07-07-2003, 01:12 AM

Prozac and Apropax will both knock libido silly in the way you describe. You'll either need to get yourself into a position where you don't need the drugs, or work with your doctor on different antidepressents - unfortunately loss of libido seems to be a common side effect for antidepressents.

Sparhawk · 07-07-2003, 05:38 AM

Zoloft does it as well.

baudot · 07-08-2003, 09:42 AM

Or being with the same person for 10 years will do it.
Most people are wired to be serial monogamists with occassional cheating on the side.
Unfortunate, but true.
Might be time to step back and examine your sexual moral inclinations and see if this really works for you.

Maybe you're like most and your instincts want you to move on, tho you still love her. Instinct, culture, and intellect can easily go in 3 different directions.

Maybe you're naturally polyamorous and your instincts want you to go with that already. Be careful if this is the case - polyamory is getting a bad name because most people abuse the term.

Maybe you're not in love with her anymore and you're just in denial.

Maybe you're actually upset with yourself and it's manifesting in your libido.

Hard to say from here, really.

bfurdy · 07-08-2003, 04:59 PM

Possibility #1, I was taking Effexor and it made me not care about sex and within 1 week of coming off of it my desire returned.

Possibility #2, You are suffering from a component of depression called anhedonia which may indicate that the medicine you are taking is no longer as effective as it once was.

Try talking to your doc. I would guess that a med change would get things going in short order.

tfprojecttemp01 · 07-08-2003, 06:28 PM

Talk to your doctor. But from what I've read:

Prozac stays in your system for a few weeks. Zoloft sticks around for a day or so. Some people have had luck, if they were on zoloft, with taking the weekend off -- don't take it on Friday or Saturday, and by Saturday night you'll be bursting like a beachball held underwater for too long. Naturally this doesn't work with Prozac. And of course, you better be sure that you'll go back on the med on Sunday... it may not be worth the risk, if there's a chance you'll get very depressed and not start your meds again.

For most people, Celexa or Lexapro has many, many fewer side effects in the libido department than do Zoloft and Prozac. However I think they are also geared more towards moderate, rather than severe, depression. May or may not be the thing for you.

Finally, if you're 26, you might be going through other hormonal changes, like a decrease in levels of testoterone. Hormone replacement therapy is usually only prescribed for people (women AND men) in their 40's or so. Your doctor might not approve it, and frankly it might not be appropriate to your situation.

An alternative to hormone replacement therapy might be to do some lower-key, more natural things that increase testosterone levels. Eat red meat. Lift weights. Maybe take a moderate dose of ZMA (a combo mineral supplement). These are cliches but they really do have an effect. But be careful -- you might get the bad effects of testerone, too (aggression...). And I have no idea how this interacts with anti-depressants.

Once again: talk to your doctor about this. The above statements are gleaned from web searches and talking to friends, so they're probably not great medical advice. I hope it's a starting point or source of ideas for you though.

boobear · 04-25-2009, 10:18 AM

I've been searching for info about people with low libidos and stumbled upon this. I'm in the same shoes as you are with no sex drive. I don't feel like I used to which is pretty crappy.

I know it's not stress, or could it be, who knows these days. However people say it could be medication, but I'm not any? So I'm pretty much stuck with a crap libido. I can get an erection but it doesn't stay up that long.

My friend told me to try viagra but I just don't want to cause I've done it before and it leaves me with nothing but side effects. Then he was like try that extenze shit you see on the infomercials. Which left me doing more research on natural herbs to boost a sour libido.

Has anyone tried these or anything similar?

I found this review site called hughs-reviews.com which has top supplements to get the libido going and coupons to save on them. I just want to be able to get it up for 15 mins so I can please my wife for god sakes.

It looks like vigrx plus is the best one, not just on hughs site but many many others. I think I'm going to give it a go and see if this male enhancement is the real deal without side effects but the same as the blue pill.

I will for surely keep you guys posted on this cause it's been on my mind for months now and I just need something to help me.

Thanks!

FuglyStick · 04-25-2009, 11:59 AM

It's the meds. It's funny, the give you meds to treat depression, which causes a loss of libido, which causes more depression.

Anyway, they've got meds out there now without that nasty side effect. You should check with your doctor and see if any of them are right for you.

lostgirl · 04-25-2009, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boobear

I've been searching for info about people with low libidos and stumbled upon this. I'm in the same shoes as you are with no sex drive. I don't feel like I used to which is pretty crappy.

I know it's not stress, or could it be, who knows these days. However people say it could be medication, but I'm not any? So I'm pretty much stuck with a crap libido. I can get an erection but it doesn't stay up that long.

My friend told me to try viagra but I just don't want to cause I've done it before and it leaves me with nothing but side effects. Then he was like try that extenze shit you see on the infomercials. Which left me doing more research on natural herbs to boost a sour libido.

Has anyone tried these or anything similar?

I found this review site called hughs-reviews.com which has top supplements to get the libido going and coupons to save on them. I just want to be able to get it up for 15 mins so I can please my wife for god sakes.

It looks like vigrx plus is the best one, not just on hughs site but many many others. I think I'm going to give it a go and see if this male enhancement is the real deal without side effects but the same as the blue pill.

I will for surely keep you guys posted on this cause it's been on my mind for months now and I just need something to help me.

Thanks!

There are other ED drugs besides Viagra you could try, like Levitra and Cialis.

I heard they have less side effects.

MrLatte · 04-26-2009, 01:45 PM

Not to sound like an unwanted therapist but clinical depression is bad enough, but the meds can destroy your desire. For a short period I was on an anti-depressant called Lexapro, it was supposed to help with depression and nervousness, but it caused just those things, as well as my desire for any kind of sex was non-existant. Try lowering your dose, don't take off it, I know how clinical depression is, and its a real beast to live with. Have you talked with your local physician or personal doctor about the issue concerning your libido? It might be something simple and mundane that is keeping you from seeking self gratification. The others have good ideas to, try something new you haven't done before, or ask her to initiate it, it might help re-spark your intrest in the passion.

07-06-2003, 08:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
zombieman Tilted Location: North Wales, UK	Total And Utter Loss Of Libido Okay, a bit of history first (Please bear with me!) I'm 26, I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 10 years and we still love each other very much. I suffer from clinical depression, and am on medication for it. The Problem: For the past year or so I've had absolutely no interest in sex. I still find my girlfriend very attractive and can imagine sex with her, but when it comes round to actually doing something- zip, nada. I can get an erection, thats not the problem, the problem is I just don't care. That goes for oral sex as well. I like to help her masturbate and go down on her, but when it comes to pleasure for me, I have no interest. I masturbate sometimes, and that works. Its as though there is a mental block when it comes to my pleasure from her (or, as far as I can tell, anyone!) I've tried working these feelings out, and have found that partly I'm embarrassed. I don't understand why this should be. Why should I be embarrassed by a woman I've been with for so long, and had enjoyable sex with so many times? And its not just that, theres also that lack of interest. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? I really don't want this to destroy our relationship. Sorry if this post rambles a bit

07-06-2003, 08:20 PM	#2 (permalink)
Konichiwaneko The Dreaded Pixel Nazi Location: Inside my camera	I know this sounds random, but try getting into something risque. bondage, or fetishes may help. 10 years is a long time, you guys were young when you got together. __________________ Hesitate. Pull me in. Breath on breath. Skin on skin. Loving deep. Falling fast. All right here. Let this last. Here with our lips locked tight. Baby the time is right for us... to forget about us.

07-06-2003, 11:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=15235 kadath made this thread... it sounds like a similar situation: he stopped the meds for a week and his libido skyrocketed. __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

07-07-2003, 05:38 AM	#8 (permalink)
Sparhawk Dubya Location: VA	Zoloft does it as well. __________________ "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

07-08-2003, 06:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
tfprojecttemp01 Upright	Talk to your doctor. But from what I've read: Prozac stays in your system for a few weeks. Zoloft sticks around for a day or so. Some people have had luck, if they were on zoloft, with taking the weekend off -- don't take it on Friday or Saturday, and by Saturday night you'll be bursting like a beachball held underwater for too long. Naturally this doesn't work with Prozac. And of course, you better be sure that you'll go back on the med on Sunday... it may not be worth the risk, if there's a chance you'll get very depressed and not start your meds again. For most people, Celexa or Lexapro has many, many fewer side effects in the libido department than do Zoloft and Prozac. However I think they are also geared more towards moderate, rather than severe, depression. May or may not be the thing for you. Finally, if you're 26, you might be going through other hormonal changes, like a decrease in levels of testoterone. Hormone replacement therapy is usually only prescribed for people (women AND men) in their 40's or so. Your doctor might not approve it, and frankly it might not be appropriate to your situation. An alternative to hormone replacement therapy might be to do some lower-key, more natural things that increase testosterone levels. Eat red meat. Lift weights. Maybe take a moderate dose of ZMA (a combo mineral supplement). These are cliches but they really do have an effect. But be careful -- you might get the bad effects of testerone, too (aggression...). And I have no idea how this interacts with anti-depressants. Once again: talk to your doctor about this. The above statements are gleaned from web searches and talking to friends, so they're probably not great medical advice. I hope it's a starting point or source of ideas for you though. Last edited by tfprojecttemp01; 07-08-2003 at 06:31 PM..

07-06-2003, 09:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
tikki Justified Location: West Lafayette, IN	Dude, I hear you. I go through the same shit every now and then (especially when I am stressed). A change of scenery is what you need. That doesn't necessarily mean different people. Just try some different things with your lady friend. Get creative!

07-06-2003, 09:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
Meaty Urologist Upright Location: Albuquerque, N.M.	Wow, ten years is a long time, congratulations dude! Being that you suffer from depression, loss of libido might be another symptom of it right? Do you go to any kind of counseling? If not, I'll bet it wouldn't hurt and I would also bet that this isn't anything terribly uncommon. You also say that you are on medication. Could the meds be doing any of this? Have you changed meds in the last year? Just my thoughts. I think this is something you could overcome, especially if you had a pro to talk to about this. Good luck.

07-06-2003, 09:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
zfleebin Addict	I will bet the medication you are on for depression is the culprit. I was on prozac for a longtime and it killed my appetite and my sexual urges. I would suggest talking to your psychiatrist about switching meds to see if you can get on something that doesnt effect your sexual urges. If not it might be worth it to take a vacation off your meds. After saying that I have to put in a disclaimer (do not mess with your medication without consulting with your doctor first)

07-07-2003, 01:12 AM	#7 (permalink)
rodgerd Psycho Location: Wellington, New Zealand	Prozac and Apropax will both knock libido silly in the way you describe. You'll either need to get yourself into a position where you don't need the drugs, or work with your doctor on different antidepressents - unfortunately loss of libido seems to be a common side effect for antidepressents.

07-08-2003, 09:42 AM	#9 (permalink)
baudot Tilted Location: Today: St. Louis.	Or being with the same person for 10 years will do it. Most people are wired to be serial monogamists with occassional cheating on the side. Unfortunate, but true. Might be time to step back and examine your sexual moral inclinations and see if this really works for you. Maybe you're like most and your instincts want you to move on, tho you still love her. Instinct, culture, and intellect can easily go in 3 different directions. Maybe you're naturally polyamorous and your instincts want you to go with that already. Be careful if this is the case - polyamory is getting a bad name because most people abuse the term. Maybe you're not in love with her anymore and you're just in denial. Maybe you're actually upset with yourself and it's manifesting in your libido. Hard to say from here, really.

07-08-2003, 04:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
bfurdy Upright	Possibility #1, I was taking Effexor and it made me not care about sex and within 1 week of coming off of it my desire returned. Possibility #2, You are suffering from a component of depression called anhedonia which may indicate that the medicine you are taking is no longer as effective as it once was. Try talking to your doc. I would guess that a med change would get things going in short order.

04-25-2009, 10:18 AM	#12 (permalink)
boobear Upright	I've been searching for info about people with low libidos and stumbled upon this. I'm in the same shoes as you are with no sex drive. I don't feel like I used to which is pretty crappy. I know it's not stress, or could it be, who knows these days. However people say it could be medication, but I'm not any? So I'm pretty much stuck with a crap libido. I can get an erection but it doesn't stay up that long. My friend told me to try viagra but I just don't want to cause I've done it before and it leaves me with nothing but side effects. Then he was like try that extenze shit you see on the infomercials. Which left me doing more research on natural herbs to boost a sour libido. Has anyone tried these or anything similar? I found this review site called hughs-reviews.com which has top supplements to get the libido going and coupons to save on them. I just want to be able to get it up for 15 mins so I can please my wife for god sakes. It looks like vigrx plus is the best one, not just on hughs site but many many others. I think I'm going to give it a go and see if this male enhancement is the real deal without side effects but the same as the blue pill. I will for surely keep you guys posted on this cause it's been on my mind for months now and I just need something to help me. Thanks!

04-25-2009, 11:59 AM	#13 (permalink)
FuglyStick WHEEEE! Whee! Whee! WHEEEE! Location: Southern Illinois	It's the meds. It's funny, the give you meds to treat depression, which causes a loss of libido, which causes more depression. Anyway, they've got meds out there now without that nasty side effect. You should check with your doctor and see if any of them are right for you. __________________ AZIZ! LIGHT!

04-26-2009, 01:45 PM	#15 (permalink)
MrLatte Upright	Not to sound like an unwanted therapist but clinical depression is bad enough, but the meds can destroy your desire. For a short period I was on an anti-depressant called Lexapro, it was supposed to help with depression and nervousness, but it caused just those things, as well as my desire for any kind of sex was non-existant. Try lowering your dose, don't take off it, I know how clinical depression is, and its a real beast to live with. Have you talked with your local physician or personal doctor about the issue concerning your libido? It might be something simple and mundane that is keeping you from seeking self gratification. The others have good ideas to, try something new you haven't done before, or ask her to initiate it, it might help re-spark your intrest in the passion.