Strange Famous

Fact - there's this girl who I like. Ive known her for a little while but lately situation has made us in much closer contact. She's funny, bright, positive, caring, doesnt take things too seriously... pretty (actually very much so), fun, likeable, tolerant, level headed.

Fact - Even with my moody nature and volatile swings in self esteem, I can tell she likes me as a person, and there is a little spark there... I am not tryin to come over as arrogant but you can tell when you make a connection with someone that is mutual.

Fact - we work at the same place. She doesnt work for me, but she is front line in the same area of the company I am a manager in. We work in the same part of the building. Her boss and I have the same boss.

So... a relationship would be a stupid idea, an impossible idea, a tihng bound to end in disaster, mess, complications - one of us having to leave her jobs. And btw, her relationship status is, broadly, "complicated" - she isnt in my view taken, she isnt precisely single.

I seek confirmation that definitely I need to just chill, keep my feelings in check and wait for them to pass. Thats the right thing to do, right?

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

dlish

im not sure what your workplace rules are, but if theres no rule about seeing people within the same company, i dont see why not..especially so if you dont work as ehr line manager.

i certainly wont validate your reasons for inaction...if i was going to put it bluntly, i'd tell you to grow some balls and ask her out for a drink.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

fresnelly

Let's see:

1.) Workplace colleague
2.) Already in a "complicated" relationship.

You're missing drug addiction, gang affiliation and high fertility but there's enough going in just those two to create a disastrous, tail-spinning relationship. No wonder she's so attractive.

Stand down for your own sake.

__________________
Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

shakran

In many places you do not have to be a direct supervisor in order to be found guilty of sexual harassment. You simply have to be "management" while whoever you supposedly harassed is "not management."

It would not be hard to convince someone that as a manager you have more sway with other managers than a bottom-rung employee would. It would then not be hard to conceive of a situation where you told the woman "have sex with me or I'll tell your manager, my coworker, to give you a hard time." Whether you did that or not would be immaterial - you would still be in hot water over it.

Xerxys

Simple Strange_Famous, blog about it and OVERANALYZE the situation to death. It helps for calming voices of anonymous sounds of the internet to call you a pussy and prevent you from making drastically terrible mistakes!!

Short answer : DON'T DO IT!!

Wyodiver33

I've had a few really bad experiences with dating co-workers. For one thing, it's sometimes very hard to leave fights out of the work place. So it can end up looking very unprofessional very quickly. And don't kid yourself that you can keep a relationship secret from your co-workers. They will sense the change, trust me. So you end up looking even more foolish, like you have something to hide. I would say don't do it. Unless you are prepared to lose your job. It's a long story, but that's what happened to me the last time I dated a woman I worked with. I really liked the job, too. Had been there almost eight years. And we worked in different departments, both non-managers. Also, the girl you like sounds like she has some relationship drama already going on. Do you really want that baggage? At least try to find out what's really going on with her. In the end, only you can make the decision, but I just hope you don't have to learn the hard way. I've regretted every workplace relationship I've had. Best of luck!

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I like stuff.

Plan9

Coworkers BAD!

Oh my god... I wouldn't touch this with a bomb suit and a Buffalo MPCV.

...

Whether it works flawlessly or fails like MC Hammer... having that kinda drama bomb at work is a huge no-no.

It's like grabbing the gold idol in the first Indiana Jones movie without replacing it with the proper bag of sand.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ShaniFaye

Why dont you try talking to her about it (gasp) and she how she feels?

With my company as long as there is no direct manager/employee relationship we can do what we want, in fact we have MANY married couples....

I have always wished you happy and you deserve to be....dont you think so?

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Wyodiver33

Not to hijack this or anything, but what I think is interesting about my situation is that, when it comes down to dating co-workers, I always seemed to know better at first. In each of the four or five times I've been through this I didn't ask the woman out, she asked me out, usually a few times. Then I guess I was flattered, or whatever, because I gave in every time. I'm usually a pretty smart guy. Not always.

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I like stuff.

Punk.of.Ages

Fact- She's your co-worker. This means if you end up in a relationship with her you'll be risking things not only in your personal life, but also in your professional life.

Fact- She's has "complicated" relationship issues. I'd recommend waiting for it to become not "complicated" before you pursue anything, else they will probably become complications for you also.

Fact- You obviously like this girl, and, you're right, one can definitely tell when they experience a connection with another.

The question you have to ask yourself is, "Am I willing to put so much on the line right off the bat?"

If you are, do it. If not, move on.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

FelixP

Ummm...isn't that exactly what happened in Raiders of the Lost Ark?

I agree with Xerxys and cromp on this one. Never date anyone you have to see on a daily basis. If it ends badly, it could have an adverse impact on your job perfomance, causing you to lose your job.

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Free will lies not in the ability to craft your own fate, but in not knowing what your fate is. --Me

"I have just returned from visting the Marines at the front, and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world." --Douglas MacArthur

lostgirl

Like most others who have posted, I would advise against dating anyone you work with. It creates a complicated situation that often ends badly. People who work together often feel a sort of connection and mistake it for something more.

__________________
We're about to go through the crucible, but we'll come out the other side.
We always arise from our own ashes. Everything returns later in its changed form. - Children of Dune

Plan9

Even if it goes well, it'll impact his job performance. Keep work and play separate. Unless your boss is cool with quickies in the loo.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

little_tippler

Follow your instinct. Life is for living. The potential mess you worry about later. Plus, life wouldn't be half as fun or challenging without the mess.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Martian

I'm in a workplace relationship. Magpie and I met on the job. At the end of our first date, we mutually discussed the issue and decided that, while we had no intention of hiding our blossoming relationship, it was essential to keep it out of work. On the job we don't have a whole lot of contact, and what we do have differs very little from that of anyone else in the building, except maybe when I ask what she wants for dinner.

Ask yourself:

Do you have the necessary professionalism and mental fortitude to keep your personal life out of work, regardless of what happens at home? Does she?

If the answers to those two questions are yes, I say go for it. Life's too short not to take a chance. Ask her out for a drink and/or a bite to eat or whatever it is you kids do these days. There's no harm in it and you don't have to declare your undying love up front. If things go badly you can always say 'thanks for the lovely evening' and just leave it there.

You're not here because you want us to tell you not to, you're here because you want to but don't think you should. Sack up, mate.

The bigger concern for me would be the 'It's complicated' bit. That doesn't just raise a red flag, it sets off sirens and flashing lights and a great big neon sign that says 'Big Bag of Crazy.' If I were you, I'd probably let her get that drama sorted out first, then reassess the situation; that said, I don't know the details (nor do I want to) so it's up to you whether or not that's something worth getting concerned over.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

highthief

I met both the first and second Mrs. Highthief on the job. Nothing wrong with it unless you're a complete idiot. Mrs. Highthief II and me have been working at the same place for 6 years with this employer and about 5 years with our original employer. There are several other couples in the company as well.

Maybe a couple of kids working their first jobs won't handle it very well, but most adults should be able to manage this fairly simple task.

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Si vis pacem parabellum.

Anormalguy

What I was going to write, but Martian nailed it much better.

__________________
In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

Strange Famous

Well, things have changed a bit - since she handed her notice in (not over this, because she had been unhappy in her job and looking for something new for a while and found something)

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

ratbastid

You now know what it is that you must do, sir.

Xerxys

Yes, Yes, DO IT!

Tully Mars

I agree, tis a sign from the employment gods. Go for it now or regret it forever.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Punk.of.Ages

Are the "complicated" relationship issues handled?

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Daniel_

100% agree with the two above, she's fair game: If she's game, it's fair.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Strange Famous

Things are looking pretty positive. She spoke to me about leaving before she handed her notice in, and I talked in general terms about my personal feeling that there was a feeling between us... and basically we are going to keep things low key until she has worked her notice - but I guess we're technically together now. In my life I do tend to get infatuations for people which dont last long, but how I feel at the moment does feel different to that, but thats all I can say right now.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Plan9

Yay! (cues up heroic swoony love music)

This is good.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

Sounds like you're in for an adventure!
I hope she has another job lined up =/

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Punk.of.Ages

Good job, man!

Enjoy this...

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

ratbastid

Excellent!

Tully Mars

Yeah, what he said^^^

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Daniel_

I agree.

But I can't be the only one who read this in C Montgomery Burns' voice.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

ratbastid

That's because I WROTE it in his voice!

Strange Famous

cheers guys. She's a good a girl, Ive been feeling pretty happy since Friday.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

tisonlyi

Fact - a huge proportion of relationships start in the work place

Fact - life is messy, the goal isn't to make it less messy

Fact - life is short

Fact - none of the above matters now.

__________________
"I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--

Tully Mars

Then I'm happy for you both.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

lktknow

You know what they say about over analyzing a problem, it's like jerking your household plants up to see how the roots are doing.....
just do it.

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Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about. ~

Skitto

It takes some superhuman self control on both parts to keep a relationship in a situation like that, but it's possible. It's even possible to do so comfortably for years on end, even if you stay in the same positions. But it's a pin-balance in some cases, so just take stock of your priorities often and it'll probably work out.

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Yeah, well, you're just that awesome, I guess. It's not like I guessed so anyways.

Anormalguy

A question worth repeating: Are the "complicated" relationship issues handled?

That asked, I hope that things work out for you . Being in a mutually caring realtionship is a great feeling!

__________________
In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow