Sex life has gone with the wind... - Page 3 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

high_jinx · 01-23-2009, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nooly

as something to withhold if they don't get what they want. gee, you're sure ignorant for someone who's attempting to come off as intelligent.
-----Added 23/1/2009 at 04 : 35 : 47-----

mmmm..it's real sad that you can't find anyone to play on your level just yet. but i think perhaps in time you're gonna have to find a playmate on the same tier or else you're gonna get real lonely. good luck.

oh, snarky judge of all that's proper and holy and pc in this world....

thank you for putting us in our immature ignorant places. now get in that kitchen and knit me a sweater.

Baraka_Guru · 01-23-2009, 03:22 PM

-+-{Important TFP Staff Message}-+-
If you disagree with someone, address their argument/opinion, rather than resorting to personal attacks.

If someone steps out of line, ignore it and notify a moderator.

Get back to the issue and stop with the personal attacks.

Plan9 · 01-23-2009, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nooly

as something to withhold if they don't get what they want. gee, you're sure ignorant for someone who's attempting to come off as intelligent.
-----Added 23/1/2009 at 04 : 35 : 47-----

mmmm..it's real sad that you can't find anyone to play on your level just yet. but i think perhaps in time you're gonna have to find a playmate on the same tier or else you're gonna get real lonely. good luck.

Thanks. If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that things... gender relations... never change.

Iliftrocks · 01-23-2009, 05:06 PM

Not just picking on American women. I've met some very fine ones. American men are a bit screwed up too, which might have had something to do with the women....

Let's just say WE have some issues that WE need to work on. ( Believe it or not, I'm not perfect )

Hyacinthe · 01-23-2009, 11:03 PM

I agree with you guys in a sense I really do because sure occasionally a girl / woman isn't in the mood but a few touches here or there can change that and all she has to do is sit back and let you work for a few min til she's interested enough to start reciprocating. Or hell go out on a limb and think "well why not it's only a couple of hrs or so of sleep I'll loose"

If it was a few times a week (up to 4 - 5) then I don't have a problem with that - heck I think most of the time in my relationships it has been the other way around - I tend to be the one jumping my partner. I just don't agree with the idea of sex on demand solely from a female partner which is what has been suggested in this thread. If you want to have that then you also need to accept that what is good for the goose is good for the gander and if you're not in the mood and your other half wants some then you have to be willing to perform to.

My major argument with the OP in this was the fact that he wants sex everyday from his GF but is obviously not fulfilling what she wants from the relationship. So if he's not willing to try to give her what she wants out of the relationship (emotional closeness) then why should she give him what he wants? Petty most definitely but people are unfortunately like that some times, I like to tell myself it's probably subconciously because otherwise it's way too depressing. And ofcourse the "I can't sleep without sex comment" sorry but that struck me as ridiculous and hence was the reason I made an undiplomatic comment - the rest of my post was actually meant to be practical advice on how to meet his GF's needs so she'd be more willing to meet his.

Relationships are about give and take from both parties, that means that unless you're in a lifetime D&s relationship it should not be entirely about EITHER participant in the relationship but about both of you.

Not being American and having met very few Americans except online I can't say much about American women specifically but I know that I and my female associates / friends here don't want guys to act as servants. We want a strong man, mentally, emotionally and morally. Someone who will call us on our BS.

I've had relationships where all I got was a yes man someone who will agree with me and do what i want without question - they drive me mental! If I wanted unconditional surrender and love I would get a puppy not a partner.

Basically guys don't tar all women with that single brush - sure there are women out there like that but there are also men who look at women and see nothing but a couple of warm holes for their pleasure - I / We don't judge you to their standard so please don't judge us by theirs.

FlatLand Flyer · 01-24-2009, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hyacinthe

I agree with you guys in a sense I really do because sure occasionally a girl / woman isn't in the mood but a few touches here or there can change that and all she has to do is sit back and let you work for a few min til she's interested enough to start reciprocating. Or hell go out on a limb and think "well why not it's only a couple of hrs or so of sleep I'll loose"

You have obviously never met my ex-wife.

I tried what you say, but never got the chance to warm her up. It was always. I am tired, I am trying to go to sleep, or a slap of my hand or anything else.

I gave up.

loganmule · 02-03-2009, 08:51 AM

I'm way late to this party. Lots of good points have been made, and responses to the OP are enlightening to illustrate the general intensity of feelings about sex. Romance (feeling special, loved, needed, attractive, etc.) is something we ALL need, and so is sexual intimacy. God's joke on us was to make romance drive sexual desire for women, while making sexual intimacy drive romance for men. No matter. We each should be able to satifsy our SO's needs, if we care about them. I've been married forever, and believe it or not, there have been many occasions when I took care of my wife's needs without bothering about my own (surely I'm not the only guy who goes south on a girl). She's done the same for me. Sex isn't gross. If it's being withheld by your SO, that's a serious issue. Sometimes there truly is such a disparity between a couple's respective sex drives that a relationship won't work for them, but this is just a mismatch. More often, something else is going on, which is why changes in sexual frequency need to be viewed as a potential red flag in a relationship. That's the point of the OP.

I would suggest addressing it in a positive way. GOOD communication is key. It's simplistic to conclude that this guy is putting pressure on his SO, and that all would be well, if he just backed off and waited things out forever (treating a girl like a princess when a guy isn't being treated like a prince will just make a guy resentful and create more distance). It won't happen without mutual caring, respect, and trust, but if those elements are there, two people should be able to discuss their wants, needs, goals, and all else, ultimately working a resolution that makes the relationship a better one.

A final thought is to consider where each of you are at. Relationships are tough enough for two stable people to maintain, and things get problematic, where a couple either doesn't share core values, or when one or both have "issues" (low self-esteem, substance abuse, and depression, whatever the cause, to name a few). Better to avoid long term relationships in those instances until they are worked out, in my opinion, but each person's mileage may vary.

Xerxys · 02-03-2009, 10:04 AM

loganmule, where were you before all the bashing began?!

Iliftrocks · 02-03-2009, 10:13 AM

Just thought that I'd chime in here to say that there are a lot of intelligent, sensitive, and mostly respectful people on this board.

I think the consensus here is to communicate, work together, try to come to a mutually beneficial ( emotionally ) relationship, OR if that fails, move on... Pretty good advice.....

OP read these responses thoughtfully. Try not to get wound up in some of the stronger posts, as people all seem to have different experiences, which tend to add a certain intensity to their opinions.

invalidiuser · 03-02-2009, 08:32 AM

jimmy1s269 · 03-02-2009, 09:09 AM

i have to jump in on the side of the OP should count himself lucky for 2-3 a week. I am 28, wife is 26, been married 7 years, I have gotten laid 3 times since the beginning of December. It's march 2nd. That's less than once a month.

I can't give much advice here. I been trying to lay off on pressuring her into it too, and its not improving anything. GOod luck man. I hope you find something that helps.

Iliftrocks · 03-02-2009, 09:50 AM

I blame Twilight

01-23-2009, 05:06 PM	#84 (permalink)
Iliftrocks Junkie Location: Near Raleigh, NC	Not just picking on American women. I've met some very fine ones. American men are a bit screwed up too, which might have had something to do with the women.... Let's just say WE have some issues that WE need to work on. ( Believe it or not, I'm not perfect ) __________________ bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

01-23-2009, 11:03 PM	#85 (permalink)
Hyacinthe Psycho Location: Australia	I agree with you guys in a sense I really do because sure occasionally a girl / woman isn't in the mood but a few touches here or there can change that and all she has to do is sit back and let you work for a few min til she's interested enough to start reciprocating. Or hell go out on a limb and think "well why not it's only a couple of hrs or so of sleep I'll loose" If it was a few times a week (up to 4 - 5) then I don't have a problem with that - heck I think most of the time in my relationships it has been the other way around - I tend to be the one jumping my partner. I just don't agree with the idea of sex on demand solely from a female partner which is what has been suggested in this thread. If you want to have that then you also need to accept that what is good for the goose is good for the gander and if you're not in the mood and your other half wants some then you have to be willing to perform to. My major argument with the OP in this was the fact that he wants sex everyday from his GF but is obviously not fulfilling what she wants from the relationship. So if he's not willing to try to give her what she wants out of the relationship (emotional closeness) then why should she give him what he wants? Petty most definitely but people are unfortunately like that some times, I like to tell myself it's probably subconciously because otherwise it's way too depressing. And ofcourse the "I can't sleep without sex comment" sorry but that struck me as ridiculous and hence was the reason I made an undiplomatic comment - the rest of my post was actually meant to be practical advice on how to meet his GF's needs so she'd be more willing to meet his. Relationships are about give and take from both parties, that means that unless you're in a lifetime D&s relationship it should not be entirely about EITHER participant in the relationship but about both of you. Not being American and having met very few Americans except online I can't say much about American women specifically but I know that I and my female associates / friends here don't want guys to act as servants. We want a strong man, mentally, emotionally and morally. Someone who will call us on our BS. I've had relationships where all I got was a yes man someone who will agree with me and do what i want without question - they drive me mental! If I wanted unconditional surrender and love I would get a puppy not a partner. Basically guys don't tar all women with that single brush - sure there are women out there like that but there are also men who look at women and see nothing but a couple of warm holes for their pleasure - I / We don't judge you to their standard so please don't judge us by theirs. __________________ "I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own" "Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

02-03-2009, 10:13 AM	#89 (permalink)
Iliftrocks Junkie Location: Near Raleigh, NC	Just thought that I'd chime in here to say that there are a lot of intelligent, sensitive, and mostly respectful people on this board. I think the consensus here is to communicate, work together, try to come to a mutually beneficial ( emotionally ) relationship, OR if that fails, move on... Pretty good advice..... OP read these responses thoughtfully. Try not to get wound up in some of the stronger posts, as people all seem to have different experiences, which tend to add a certain intensity to their opinions. __________________ bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

03-02-2009, 08:32 AM	#90 (permalink)
invalidiuser Upright	xxx Last edited by invalidiuser; 03-02-2009 at 08:58 AM..

03-02-2009, 09:50 AM	#92 (permalink)
Iliftrocks Junkie Location: Near Raleigh, NC	I blame Twilight __________________ bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

02-03-2009, 08:51 AM	#87 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	I'm way late to this party. Lots of good points have been made, and responses to the OP are enlightening to illustrate the general intensity of feelings about sex. Romance (feeling special, loved, needed, attractive, etc.) is something we ALL need, and so is sexual intimacy. God's joke on us was to make romance drive sexual desire for women, while making sexual intimacy drive romance for men. No matter. We each should be able to satifsy our SO's needs, if we care about them. I've been married forever, and believe it or not, there have been many occasions when I took care of my wife's needs without bothering about my own (surely I'm not the only guy who goes south on a girl). She's done the same for me. Sex isn't gross. If it's being withheld by your SO, that's a serious issue. Sometimes there truly is such a disparity between a couple's respective sex drives that a relationship won't work for them, but this is just a mismatch. More often, something else is going on, which is why changes in sexual frequency need to be viewed as a potential red flag in a relationship. That's the point of the OP. I would suggest addressing it in a positive way. GOOD communication is key. It's simplistic to conclude that this guy is putting pressure on his SO, and that all would be well, if he just backed off and waited things out forever (treating a girl like a princess when a guy isn't being treated like a prince will just make a guy resentful and create more distance). It won't happen without mutual caring, respect, and trust, but if those elements are there, two people should be able to discuss their wants, needs, goals, and all else, ultimately working a resolution that makes the relationship a better one. A final thought is to consider where each of you are at. Relationships are tough enough for two stable people to maintain, and things get problematic, where a couple either doesn't share core values, or when one or both have "issues" (low self-esteem, substance abuse, and depression, whatever the cause, to name a few). Better to avoid long term relationships in those instances until they are worked out, in my opinion, but each person's mileage may vary.

02-03-2009, 10:04 AM	#88 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	loganmule, where were you before all the bashing began?!

03-02-2009, 09:09 AM	#91 (permalink)
jimmy1s269 Tilted	i have to jump in on the side of the OP should count himself lucky for 2-3 a week. I am 28, wife is 26, been married 7 years, I have gotten laid 3 times since the beginning of December. It's march 2nd. That's less than once a month. I can't give much advice here. I been trying to lay off on pressuring her into it too, and its not improving anything. GOod luck man. I hope you find something that helps.